Alpaca Lies (Bought-the-Farm Mystery Book 5)

by Ellen Riggs

  “What was your plan, if you don’t mind my asking?”

  “Bringing my trouble to your house, of course. I was going to set Alvina up in your recliner while I waited for the police. She deserves the rest after what happened.”

  Edna smoothed her dress and shook her head. “Not in my recliner, Ivy Rose Galloway. Friendship has its limits.”

  “What are we going to do with Simon?” I asked.

  The question was answered by the sound of sirens. The big man started to thrash at the end of his rope.

  Edna aimed the pepper spray at him and said, “Don’t make me come over there, Simon Rezek. Nothing would make me happier than to give you your final vaccination.”

  Keats frisked around her patent Mary Janes and Percy leapt onto my shoulder and then Edna’s. Despite all that had happened, I smiled at the image Kellan would see as he pulled in. For better or worse, there would never be a dull moment in our relationship.

  “I’ve been looking all over for you,” Kellan said, joining me at the fence of the alpaca pasture where I stood in the darkness. “You okay?”

  I nodded. “I couldn’t bear to be around when Anne got here, so Edna and I left to round up Drama and the thugs.” I gestured to the corner, where the llamas and the donkey grazed happily on their late night snack. “They made it all the way down to Huckleberry Marsh and then tried to turn back. The footing down there is treacherous at the best of times. So Edna lassoed them one by one and we towed them back.”

  Kellan grinned. “She can lasso, too?”

  “Oh yes. Very useful when dealing with a zombie uprising. She apparently snagged Simon in one go.”

  He slung his arm around me and pulled me close. “I can’t believe I’m saying this but… I want Edna Evans in my bunker. When the worst happens.”

  I buried my face in his coat and then pulled back. It smelled like he’d been at the wrong end of one of the animals, too. Now I got a whiff of my own medicine.

  “Whew! You caught it bad, buddy.”

  He laughed. “When you rode off with Edna, Asher and I had to get Alvina out of the truck. He got the spit, I got the poop.”

  “Me too,” I said. “The couple that stinks together stays together. I hope.”

  He hugged me tighter and shone his light over the field. Alvina left the feed and trotted toward us. “She seems fine. But will she ever dance again?”

  “Time will tell.” I stared up at him. “You heard the full confession?”

  “Yep. Well done. The team’s already collected the safe and in time all the women who care to step forward will get their money back.”

  “That’s wonderful. What about Anne? Did she know Simon knew?”

  Kellan shook his head. “She had no idea he’d realized the money was gone. She handled their finances and he never confronted her. Instead, he just assumed she was guilty of far more than she was. I don’t think there was an affair. In fact, I don’t think it went that far with anyone, as much as some women may have wished for more.”

  “Heddy Langman,” I said.

  “And others, including his dance troupe. Plenty of women wanted to be the one to pin this guy down forever.”

  “They wanted that fix. The magic of dance. It can hold people together for life, you know. There were lots of seniors at the gala tonight, glowing as if it were their very first waltz.”

  “I’m sorry I can’t give that to you,” he said. “Cops don’t really dance. It sends the wrong message.”

  “Not out here,” I said. “Not with an alpaca.”

  Alvina had joined us and was staring at Kellan in a way that said if he played his cards right, he could take over from Asher.

  “Ivy, really? You want me to dance with Alvina now? After a night like this?”

  I cued up my phone and cranked the volume on “December, 1963” and sang, “Oh, what a night…”

  Kellan glared at me and shook his head. But then he gave a little jump that both Alvina and I took to be the start of his routine. When he looked down, however, I realized Keats had tried to hit my boyfriend’s “on” button with a sharp nip.

  “Fine,” he said. “But only if you join me.”

  I hit pause and replay, set the phone on the fence post and took the hand he offered. We danced rather sedately at first, but as Alvina started matching our moves inside, I hit replay over and over and we hopped, twirled, and flailed until we were warm under the cool moon.

  I did pirouette after pirouette until I was dizzy and sang, “Why’d it take so long to see the light?”

  “Seemed so wrong but now it seems so right…” Kellan answered, offering a spectacular leap that Alvina mirrored.

  Keats and Percy raced around in the frosty grass, and when Kellan and I finally fell into each other’s arms again, laughing, Percy climbed the fence and landed on his shoulder.

  “Watch out for our eyes, pal,” I said. “Gotta keep them wide open around here.”

  Kellan straightened. “Do you think Edna saw all that?”

  “Saw, filmed and planning to use as blackmail if necessary,” I said. “She went home about an hour ago, so she had her equipment.”

  He sighed. “There goes my reputation.”

  “Oh, don’t worry,” I said, leading him to the house. “Give her back the crossbow you confiscated and this will all go away. She was complaining about being inadequately armed tonight.”

  “I can’t do that,” he said. “But if she buys another for the bunker and I don’t hear about that or the dancing, well…”

  I stood on tiptoe to kiss him. “Oh, what a night. I hope it never happens again. Except the dancing part.”

  “That part ended much too soon,” he said, laughing as he balanced Percy and then let Keats herd us up the stairs.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  The inn had never smelled so good. I drew in a breath for the count of seven and let it out again. Turkey, stuffing, cinnamon and so much more. Jilly had pulled out all the stops in preparing a spectacular Thanksgiving feast for our friends. My deep breaths were partly about cleansing all the typical farm smells, but mostly about the number of guests. In addition to our usual crew of family and friends, she’d invited Hazel Bingham and her nephew Michael, Mabel and her grumpy husband, Mandy McCain, Ryan Snopes, Laurene Pedal, Teri, Charlie and more she hadn’t told me about yet.

  Collin from the dance troupe was staying at the inn until he found a place in town. He was going to rebrand and reopen the dance studio—a bold move in a community that had a long memory. He’d planned to win people over by offering tap, ballet and modern dance classes to the kids first. The way in here was always through animals or children, so he might just pull it off.

  “Go up and get dressed, Ivy,” Mom said, coming into the kitchen. She was wearing an apron, as if there was any risk of her getting her red lace dress dirty from pitching in. Mom was allergic to domestic work and rarely pretended otherwise. With Mandy and Daisy on hand, there was no shortage of truly willing hands.

  “I am dressed.” I’d paired a nice sweater with my best jeans—the ones that only had a couple of small holes in the cuffs.

  “There’s a stain on your bum, young lady,” Mom said. “And it’s Thanksgiving. So take an extra shower, too.”

  “Fine. Whatever. It’s so nice to feel accepted for who you are in your own home.”

  “Oh, boo-hoo,” Poppy said. “Seems like you’ve forgotten to be thankful about receiving this home on a silver platter.”

  I stared at her. She’d died her hair brown again and when I looked around the kitchen, I realized we Galloway Girls looked like Russian nesting dolls, one just like the others. I was the tallest and Daisy the shortest—with Mom being shorter still—so we fit together in reverse order.

  “You’ve got a point, Pops,” I said. “I have more to be thankful for than ever this year. Including the fact that your hair is boring again.”

  “Girls, can we all get along for a few hours?” Daisy said. “Jilly’s done a lot of work
for us, and I am extremely thankful for that.”

  “This is getting along,” I said, pushing open the kitchen door. “And I’m thankful for Jilly every day all day, and she knows that.”

  “Ditto, my friend,” she said, stirring gravy and peeking into the stove at the same time. “Go if you’re going because dinner’s not far off.”

  “Keep an eye on Mom, Keats,” I said as I left. “I don’t trust her not to put the moves on Collin in front of Charlie and Michael, and it would be so tacky.”

  “I heard that,” Mom called after me. “I’ll be the very first to sign up for your Rotation 101 class when it launches, darling.”

  I gave everyone in the family room a wave as I passed and noticed a murmur starting once I’d gone up the stairs. What were they talking about? I wasn’t thankful about having secrets being shared under my roof.

  When I came back down twenty minutes later wearing a skirt and a cashmere cardigan that the wardrobe fairy had left on my bed, everyone was facing the door and there was a barely suppressed excitement. Keats stood out in front with his tail lashing, and he gave a loud woof that sounded like an announcement.

  “What’s going on?” I asked, stepping into the room.

  The crowd parted and I saw that the antique oak sideboard Hannah had left behind had been cleared of vases and candles. In their place was the miniature village from Mabel’s shop—not just the farm but the entire snow-capped town.

  “For the inn?” I asked.

  Mabel’s face was wreathed in smiles. “For you, Keats, Jilly and Edna when she wants to come over and enjoy it.”

  “I thought you couldn’t part with it yet,” I said, glancing at her husband.

  “They made us an offer we couldn’t refuse,” he said.

  “Who’s ‘they’?” I asked.

  “The association of women wronged by Joe Barker,” Mom said, with a wry smile. “Nearly everyone pitched in—at least those who admitted to being taken for a ride.”

  “The fund far surpassed the cost of the village, so I’m adding to it as fast as I can,” Mabel said. “Edna, your house is done, but I haven’t found a mold for an ATV yet.”

  Edna, who was wearing another nice dress, looked quite touched. I might have said her edges softened, but a tin of pepper spray poked out of her handbag.

  “Well, I’m just thrilled,” I said. “There really couldn’t be a nicer gift, or a better way to start my own holiday tradition here at Runaway Farm. Thank you to the association of women wronged.”

  Jilly clapped from the kitchen doorway. “Time to sit down, everyone. Hurry, before my Potato Puff falls.”

  People dispersed with the speed only a good meal can cause, leaving me to admire my new town with Kellan.

  “I wanted to buy the farm for you,” he said, “but Alf wouldn’t let me have it. I was thinking about applying a little cop pressure when the women intervened. Now, I’ve got to think of another gift. What do you get a girl who already has the whole town?”

  “Nothing,” I said, squeezing his hand. “I don’t need a thing.”

  He stared at the tiny town. “It’s quite something. There’s the police station.”

  “And a little ceramic cop,” I said, grinning. “Hot enough to melt the snow off his cap.”

  “Very funny.” He picked up the little cop and moved him over to the ceramic farm. “He prefers being over here.”

  I moved the little cop to the camelid pasture. “Where he can dance with his alpaca friend. Poor Asher’s slid from first place, now.”

  Once Kellan and I had broken through our inhibitions, we danced with Alvina often. She enjoyed it most when we danced together. Her kicks were higher, her spins faster and her bucks more enthusiastic. Now that she spent most of her time with the temporary emu, her mood was stable and upbeat. That said, Drama and the thugs had mellowed somewhat after their trip to Huckleberry Marsh. I figured they’d realized the grass wasn’t always greener outside their pen.

  Kellan gave me a hug and said, “I’m looking forward to our first Christmas together.”

  “Me too. Let’s get the tallest tree we can find. And then we’ll make a wish that there’s never another murder in this charming town.”

  “Perfect.”

  “Ivy,” Jilly called. “Time for the host to say grace.”

  Kellan and I drew apart and I gave a little scream. A monster was making his way through the ceramic town.

  “Percy, off! Off!”

  He stared at me with big green eyes and deliberately knocked over one building. Two. Then he pretended to scrape litter over one poor snowy soul in the town square beside the Christmas tree with its colored pinpricks of light.

  Kellan blew out a long breath. “Far from me to get woo-woo, but is that cat trying to tell us something?”

  I glanced down at Keats and his blue eye had an intensity I recognized.

  “Well, he does like to bury the dead,” I said, moving the cat. “But let’s not think about it now.” I led Kellan away and he craned backward trying to see what Percy had supposedly predicted. “We’re trying to live in the present, remember?”

  We took our places at either end of the table and everyone held hands as I said a quick, but heartfelt grace. The table was long—three tables together—so I couldn’t easily keep track of everyone. But I noticed Hazel and Edna catching up on old times, and Teri Mason, who’d come alone, chatting quite happily to Collin.

  “Oh, no,” I muttered to Mom, who was seated beside me. “Is Poppy hitting on Ryan Snopes? Is that why she dyed her hair? He’s rebounding from Tish.”

  “Let them have fun,” Mom said. “I’ll advise Poppy to get a strong rotation going so she doesn’t overinvest. It’ll be easier now that she looks… well, normal.” She had a sip of wine. “All my girls are attractive, but Jilly is the fairest of them all.”

  “Why thank you,” Jilly said, raising her glass. “I’m thankful to be an honorary Galloway.”

  “Let’s do that thing,” Asher said. “You know, where we all say what we’re thankful for? Other families do that all the time.”

  “We’re not other families,” I said. “We keep things locked down.”

  “Not anymore,” Jilly said, tapping a glass gently with a spoon to call for silence. “So I’ll start: I’m thankful you all came today to be part of our family. Families you make are the very best.”

  Asher went next. “I’m thankful Ivy came home. And I’m really thankful she brought Jilly with her.”

  Everyone laughed and looked to me. But Mom’s hand shot up.

  “I’m thankful for red dye and my sewing machine,” she said. And when everyone laughed harder, she looked surprised. “And for my children, of course.”

  “And…?” Daisy prompted.

  “And my grandchildren,” Mom added. She pointed at Asher and then at me. “And future grandchildren, if the universe is kind.”

  Blushing, Jilly gestured to me to break the tension.

  I thought about it for a moment. How did I keep this short, yet meaningful? “I’m grateful that Jilly and Keats led me out of a life I didn’t know I hated into one filled with adventure, family and more love than I could have ever imagined.”

  Kellan raised his glass and said, “I’m thankful for Ivy. That part’s simple. But also community. I came home for that and got so much more.”

  The food disappeared rather quickly as everyone took a turn sharing. There was laughter and tears in about equal measure.

  Finally, as the parade of pies came out, I said, “Me again. Host gets to go twice. I’m thankful for my animals, particularly Alvina. She taught me to dance. To find the spark of joy even when things are hard. It’s something we all need to do.”

  Everyone put down their cutlery and applauded. The moment was at risk of becoming saccharine, but Percy took it upon himself to burst the bubble by leaping onto the table and parading down the middle until he seized an abandoned turkey wing and departed as suddenly as he came.

  “Be
tter watch your emu,” Asher said, getting up to follow the cat. “We have a predator in our midst.”

  “It’s not my emu,” I called after him. “It’s temporary.”

  Kellan shook his head and sighed loudly. But when Percy landed on his shoulder a few minutes later, he didn’t shoo him away, even as the cat left greasy paw prints on his nice shirt.

  “Best holiday ever,” I told Jilly, as she served me three types of pie without my asking. “Can’t wait for Christmas.”

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  Jilly’s Fall-in-Love Beef Stroganoff

  Ingredients

  5 tbsp unsalted butter

  3 shallots, thinly sliced (or about a cup of thinly sliced sweet onions)

  Roasted garlic, optional (1-2 cloves)

  1 lb mushrooms, thinly sliced

  1 tbsp Dijon mustard

  ¼ cup white wine

  2 tbsp all purpose flour

  1 cup beef stock

  ½ cup sour cream

  1½ lb beef tenderloin, cut into pieces, 3 X 1 X 1/8 inch (Strip loin steak is fine, too)

  Salt and pepper

  In a large saucepan over medium-high heat, melt 3 tbsp of butter. Add shallots or onions, and cook for about 10 minutes, stirring often, until caramelized. Add roasted garlic, if using.

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