‘Dearest girl, I could see something was troubling you as your appetite has been so poor lately. Now I suspect it’s because you are resisting the desire to fall in love with him. Once you have gained some happiness in life the world will be your oyster and Bernie would be a most caring husband and willing to assist you find your mother.’
‘The fact is I politely declined his offer,’ she said.
A rueful smile appeared on Annie’s face. ‘That is your choice, of course, dear, but whenever I see you chatting or walking out together you both look quite content. Pay close attention to how you feel about Bernie when out and about enjoying his company. Now, dear, do come and eat a decent meal to firm up your withering body.’ And giving her a smile and a light kiss on her cheek, she took hold of her arm and trotted her firmly off to the kitchen.
Joanne sat at the table doing her best to eat, remembering she had indeed enjoyed spending some time with Bernie, but how astonished she’d been when he’d declared his fondness for her and proposed. Not that she had any wish to mention to these ladies her current problem was the reason he’d made that offer.
‘Your decision may change over time,’ Aunt Annie said, coming to sit beside her. ‘I once had a proposal when a young man I was falling in love with took me dancing. Unfortunately, my parents objected to him as he was a different religion to me and in their opinion a much lower class, as if that mattered. Sadly, I was compelled to care for our parents until they passed away. Dear Sadie stuck firmly by my side, not wishing to accept a date from any man, let alone a proposal. Finding you two girls early in the war has proved to be the joy of our life, having no children of our own.’
‘Oh it has indeed,’ Sadie said. ‘And we may eventually retire, may we not, Annie?’
‘We are considering moving to Lytham St Annes where there is, of course, an excellent high school that Megan could attend. When that will happen we’re not sure. No doubt whenever it seems right to leave Bernie in charge of this boarding house, were he interested in that, perhaps with your assistance. So do take time to think it through carefully, dear, knowing how close you two are. He is a good man and adores you.’
Aunt Annie was perhaps making a valid point that in many ways they might well be perfectly suited, not that she truly believed he adored her. But could this be a turning point in her life, a commitment she must make to accommodate the child she was carrying? She shuddered at the prospect of finding herself incarcerated in a home for unmarried mothers where she’d be classified as a piece of garbage and treated atrociously. Like any young girl, Joanne secretly nursed a desire for a happy marriage and children, and the possibility that her illegitimate child could be taken away to be adopted was also a worry. What a mess she had made of her life. Setting her state of health above her desire for Teddy, her lost love, Bernie might well become the answer to her problem.
The next day, as she took her usual morning walk with Bernie along the beach in the glowing autumn sunshine, the words popped out of her mouth without any further consideration. ‘I believe I’ve changed my mind and am now willing to accept your offer,’ she told him softly.
Bernie came swiftly to a halt, his face lit with a glittering smile, looking utterly thrilled. ‘Oh, that’s wonderful to hear. I was fearing I was about to lose you for ever. Now it seems I never will, thank the Lord.’ Pulling her close in his arms, he stunned Joanne with the tender kiss he gave her. It set off a startling swirl of yearning within her, mixed with a sense of panic.
‘The thing is, Bernie, we’re very young. You’re nineteen but I won’t turn eighteen until the sixth of November and, as I can’t find Mam, how will I manage to acquire the necessary permission?’
‘We can definitely deal with that,’ he said, again giving her a hug and another gentle kiss. He went on to speak of his plans to find them private accommodation and how they could either go on working together or she could find herself a different job, if she wished. ‘I will continue to help you search for your mother,’ he promised. ‘We can visit Manchester whenever you think it appropriate.’
‘That’s most kind of you.’
The moment they returned to the boarding house he was grinning and Joanne was not at all surprised when he put his arm around her and announced to his aunts that she’d accepted his proposal of marriage. ‘We don’t wish to leave it too long so might need your permission, Joanne still being young. And she is sadly unable to find her mother.’
‘Oh, my goodness, we’ll be delighted to do that, won’t we, Sadie?’ Aunt Annie said, looking equally delighted as she gave Joanne a warm hug.
‘We will indeed, what a lovely surprise,’ her sister agreed.
Finding him reasonably attractive and desperate to protect herself, Joanne could but hope she’d made the right decision. He was also willing to again visit Manchester with her to help find her mam. Now she must tell Megan, who would no doubt be equally delighted.
Joanne did not reveal to her sister the reason why she’d accepted Bernie’s proposal, feeling that would be entirely inappropriate. Her darling sister was utterly thrilled by the news, convinced it was an exciting decision she’d made, since she very much liked Bernie. ‘I can see why you love him, he’s a really dear young man and has adored you for years.’
Not for a moment could Joanne believe that. He was simply being kind and caring and a good friend. But considering her situation why would she not accept his help? Still fretting for the loss of the man she truly did love, Joanne remained resolutely silent, struggling to fix a smile on her face. She’d strived to be cautious or prudish, the way Teddy had classed her, but then had innocently believed in his love for her. How naive and foolish of her to allow him to seduce her. Now Joanne was coming to the conclusion that she needed to grow up, be far more sensible and protective of herself.
Quickly changing the subject, she said, ‘I will keep looking for Mam. Bernie has volunteered to help again by visiting Manchester with me.’
A small frown wrinkled Megan’s face as she gave a shrug. ‘There’s no rush over that. It’s good to think that marrying Bernie means we can stay here in Blackpool. That’s such a lovely thought.’
Joanne could well appreciate her sister’s desire to stay here, having endured so much anguish in her young life. When they’d first arrived at Blackpool it had not been easy to find someone to take them in. They’d been driven around the town on buses, street after street while landladies trotted over to come on board and choose anyone they fancied. It was almost as if they were looking for suitable maids to work for them. There were, of course, tears or cries of protest when siblings were split up and, keeping a firm hold on her young sister, Joanne had been determined not to lose her. Consequently, they were once again the last to be selected. She’d felt quite moved when Aunt Annie and Aunt Sadie had given them both a gentle pat and a warm smile, clearly more concerned about the distress on their young faces rather than whether or not they would make good workers.
‘I do agree that it was quite touching to see how kind they were. I remember how they gathered up our bags and took us to their boarding house where we were instantly fed, bathed and freshly clothed. As they have each made clear, it was a joy for them to take us in. You were only seven years old and not old enough to work for them. I too was fairly young but glad to do my bit. They’ve been very caring towards us ever since so I do understand what you’re saying, love.’
‘And they’re now happily arranging your wedding, so can I be your bridesmaid?’
Joanne laughed. ‘Who else could do that, darling?’
Evie stood on the platform at Victoria Station, filled with anxiety even as her heart pounded with excitement, a shiver running down her spine at the memory of all she’d suffered. A cool breeze became so brisk that it almost whipped off her neatly brimmed hat. Realizing she’d forgotten to attach a hatpin, Evie jammed it back onto her head and attempted to tidy her ruffled bobbed hair. Then she calmly smoothed down the jacket of the suit she’d bought specially for t
his occasion, albeit only second hand from Flat Iron Market. It was important that she looked her best, all too aware she’d aged considerably over the years, being only thirty-four when her children had been evacuated in 1939 and now turned forty.
They too would no doubt look entirely different. Goodness, would she even recognize them?
At that moment she heard the hoot of an approaching train and Evie’s heart pumped hard, making her feel slightly breathless. Moments later, the platform was packed with youngsters, parents rushing around in a state of utter confusion as they searched for their children. Some were hugging and weeping with joy, while others regarded each other with a slight indifference. Where were her own little ones, or rather her youngsters? Joanne would be seventeen, almost eighteen; Danny fourteen and Megan eleven.
Before the war, Joanne had been a pretty, fair-haired girl, vivacious and fun loving. When the bombs fell she would hide under the kitchen table until she’d dressed herself in a warm sweater, coat and shoes, then would run down the street to the air raid shelter in a fit of panic. Evie could remember how upset Joanne had looked when being evacuated in 1939, clinging tight to her siblings. Megan had carried a Mickey Mouse mask as well as her favourite doll, Danny a gas mask over one shoulder and each of them had a small bag of clothes and food for the journey. A label had been pinned on their lapels to state their name. Danny’s bright hazel eyes and small face had been a picture of excitement, as if he was expecting to relish an adventure, his light brown hair flicking over his head with a tendency to curl. What a handsome little boy he’d been. Glancing anxiously around, she could see no sign of him or the girls anywhere.
Dashing back and forth as she searched with an increasing sense of desperation, Evie bumped into a young lad. He looked quite tall and fit with broad shoulders and long lean legs, rough-looking hands, podgy fingers and broken nails. His brown hair was cut extremely short and he had a slightly crooked nose. Catching a glimpse of his hazel eyes, which bore an expression of cold stubbornness, she then saw a label fastened on the collar of his coat upon which was a clearly written name. It came to her in a burst of shock that this was her son.
‘Danny?’ she murmured.
‘Mam?’
They gazed upon each other in stunned silence for some seconds, then Evie pulled him into her arms to give him a joyful hug. Moments later, when he withdrew himself from her grip looking a little embarrassed, she wiped the tears of happiness from her eyes. It was then that she noticed the platform was empty with no sign of her daughters anywhere.
Chapter Ten
The wedding was in the process of being planned, well organized by Aunt Annie and Aunt Sadie. A task they apparently greatly enjoyed doing. Joanne didn’t find it easy to take part in such an activity. Aunt Annie had also been busily engaged over the last week or so making her a wedding dress of satin and lace. It had a heart-shaped neckline, a tight bodice and quite a short skirt that reached just past her knees. Sadie was happily sewing a pink silk dress for Megan, both ladies having generously provided the necessary clothing coupons in order to buy the required fabric.
Trying the gown on made Joanne feel as if she was a slip of a lass who was seriously cheating these lovely kind ladies and, not least, their nephew in whom she hadn’t the slightest interest. Fortunately, her cleavage did not show and thankfully her stomach was still not too plump, yet she must now be almost four months pregnant. Would she deliver a tiny baby, only being a small girl herself? And how could she explain its early arrival to them?
Aunt Annie was holding pins in her mouth as she checked the hem. Once she was satisfied that she’d tacked it appropriately, she carefully lifted the gown off Joanne and, sitting back down to stitch it, began chattering about her plans. ‘We intend to invite many of our neighbours and friends to the wedding reception and supply them with home-made soup, Spam and cheese sandwiches.’
‘Assuming we can cope with finding the necessary rations we could perhaps make a sponge cake,’ Aunt Sadie suggested.
‘Ah, good idea. Finding sufficient sugar to make an iced wedding cake would not prove to be easy,’ Aunt Annie agreed, even though these dear ladies had already generously used their ration books.
Hurrying to dress herself in her blouse and skirt, Joanne felt a shadow of pain slip through her belly, presumably because of the guilt and anxiety she was experiencing. When and how could she tell Bernie’s aunts the truth about why she’d agreed to marry him? Not that he’d ever questioned her about why she’d allowed Teddy to do what he did, let alone explain his reason for being prepared to acknowledge this child as his own. A part of her felt humbled by his offer and filled with shame, considering Bernie truly didn’t love her.
‘Now what about your bouquet, dear girl? Would chrysanthemums be appropriate?’
‘I really don’t mind. Whatever you think best.’ Why would she care less what bouquet she carried? Joanne simply longed for this event to be over as quickly as possible, although how she would feel about spending the wedding night in bed with Bernie was a prospect she’d rigidly blocked out of her mind. Far too scary to contemplate.
‘Oh, and we could curl your hair very high on your head in a waved roll, topped with a lovely tiara,’ Aunt Sadie charmingly told her. ‘You do have beautifully abundant fair hair and gorgeous light turquoise eyes. I’m sure you’ll look beautiful when this wonderful day arrives.’
‘Are you sure you have no wish to delay this wedding until you’ve found your mother?’ Aunt Annie quietly asked, looking most sympathetic.
‘That could take months or years, so what is the point? And at least I have your support.’ Joanne thanked them both then hastily scurried away, not wishing to be interrogated any further. Oh, and how she still badly missed her mother who wouldn’t even know how and why she was to be married at this young age.
Evie was happily making a great fuss of her darling son, so thrilled to have him home again. Seating him at the kitchen table, she provided him with a large dish of piping hot chicken soup. He looked so grown up, entirely different to the young lad she remembered but fit and well, if with a shaft of anxiety in his face. No doubt he had felt lonely and missed his family as much as she did. Sitting on the chair beside him and itching to give him another hug, Evie carefully controlled herself. She really shouldn’t cuddle him as if he were still a kid when he’d turned fourteen on 4 June. ‘Are you glad to be home, love?’
Giving her a grin, he nodded, rapidly scooping more soup into his mouth as if he were starving hungry, poor lad. After she gave him a large slice of home-made Eccles cake, which he also ate with great appreciation, he said, ‘Aye, I am.’ Then, wiping his mouth, he finally sat back to relax, having filled his belly with sufficient food.
‘That’s good to hear,’ she said, as she poured him a mug of tea. ‘What is most worrying for me is where my daughters are. Do you by any chance know?’
‘Sorry, Mam, I don’t. They were moved away from Keswick before I left that farm. Joanne said they must leave because Megan wasn’t at all happy staying there and she’d write to let me know where they were moved to. Lord knows where that was. If she ever wrote to me, nobody bothered to send me her letter since I too was moved. Pretty dreadful, yeah?’
‘I didn’t hear from them either. Having lost our home and they too were moved, all contact has been lost between us. What a mess our lives have been. I expect the years of war haven’t been easy for you either. You’re a brave lad but why on earth were you moved to that bloomin’ camp? Were you involved in a problem of some sort?’
Danny firmly shook his head. ‘I did nowt wrong. Just got lumbered with blame for nicking fruit and veg when it were Willie Mullins who was guilty, that stupid lad who used to be my friend became a real pain in the ass.’
‘I’m sorry to hear that.’
‘He never was easy to know. A right bossy mess totally obsessed with himself. If I didn’t agree with whatever he said or did, he’d turn furious and attack me, being so self-centred. Willie was con
vinced that no one cared a jot about him, let alone his dad who rarely visited him. If he did come they didn’t seem to get on well. Then if Willie didn’t get what he felt he deserved or was punished for summat he’d done for a laugh, he’d put the blame on others, including me.’
‘Oh dear! His problem could be because he was grieving for the loss of his mother, poor boy. Jane was my friend when we were young girls together. I found it tragic to hear of her death but then many lives have been lost in this dratted war.’ Evie went on to explain how she was now working for Willie’s father but tactfully made no mention of Harold having admitted his marriage was a complete failure and felt no grief for the loss of his wife. That surely wouldn’t be at all appropriate when his son clearly did.
Danny blinked at her in dismay. ‘Why the hell would you work for that man? Even his own bloomin’ son doesn’t care for him though is becoming equally difficult.’
Evie attempted to smile away the tight glower of disapproval on his face. ‘I agree Harold Mullins isn’t easy to work for, love, but he has rented us this house and I’m earning a reasonable income from him. It’ll do for now till I find summat better, eh?’ Seeing how he’d fallen silent she reached over to pat his cheek. ‘Don’t worry. Life should improve for you, and Willie, now this war is over and you’re safely home. It will for me too when my family all return. Your dad will be home soon, thankfully alive if not too well. As for your sisters, I shall keep searching for them and speak again to the billeting officer. Now, do you want anything more to eat?’
Two days before the wedding Joanne woke in the middle of the night to find herself bleeding. Horrified, she dashed to the toilet fearful she must be about to lose this baby. She felt a pain in her stomach and spent hours sitting on the lavatory in the bathroom awaiting disaster but could see no sign of any embryo, just a trickle of blood leaking out of her. In the end she provided herself with a cotton pad and staggered back to bed, falling instantly asleep being utterly exhausted.
Peace In My Heart Page 8