Peace In My Heart

by Freda Lightfoot

  This morning was cold and misty, as he made his way along the towpath beside the canal to the tugs he worked on. He’d so far successfully avoided seeing Willie Mullins, the one-time friend he’d come to hate over the years. There were occasions when he’d felt some sympathy for him but what a bastard he’d been in so many ways. Today, Danny was shocked when Willie suddenly jumped out from behind a tree to stand before him, fists on his hips and a sarcastic grin on his face.

  ‘Are you going off to work?’

  ‘I am, so please step out of my way,’ Danny told him calmly.

  ‘I’m aware that my father is employing your mam when it should have been me. I’m having to spend a load o’ time looking for a job instead of helping Dad as a bookie in his business. That’s not right. Was this barney your idea?’ he snarled.

  Danny felt shocked by this accusation and didn’t feel certain how to handle the situation since they hadn’t been on good speaking terms for years. Far too aware of the attacks he’d suffered, he firmly held fast to his courage. ‘It’s nowt to do wi’ me,’ he loudly protested.

  ‘What about your mam then? How did she manage to get this job, her knowing nowt about betting?’

  ‘She’s no doubt learned whatever is necessary. I suspect she knows nowt about what a bleedin’ mess you are either, so I’m not surprised if your dad had no wish to employ you. I’ll ’appen tell her that.’

  ‘You flamin’ well won’t or you’ll seriously regret it. I’d say your mother is a slut and viewing my dad as her fancy man. He certainly finds her most appealing.’

  Danny growled. ‘That’s a lie. She’s devoted to her husband, my father, who has now arrived back home and is not too well.’

  Willie snorted with laughter. ‘I reckon you should keep tabs on her and watch what she gets up to then. She’s a right madam that woman and no doubt eager to do whatever me dad demands of her. She’s even happily living in his house, which I believe she might well have shared with him before her family came home.’

  Stepping closer, Danny gave a glower of fury. ‘You’re talking absolute tosh. I arrived last autumn shortly after she’d moved in and she was definitely living in it alone until I came to join her. It’s not a good house but she’s done her best to improve it. I don’t believe a word you’re saying and if your father lays a finger on my mam, I’ll skin him alive, so I will.’

  Willie stepped forward, giving a snarl. ‘If you ever did that, I’d do the same to you. In fact, I’ll teach you a lesson right now for supporting your scandalous mother who’s stolen my bloody job.’ And giving Danny a punch, he sent him flying backwards into the stinking murky water of the canal. Filled as it was with oil, filth, dead animals, weeds and other rubbish, rage and fear escalated through him. Water filled his throat as he sank lower, tasting like a rusty rat. Danny firmly clammed his mouth shut, reminding himself that he’d been taught to swim by his dad, and had improved his skills when living in that camp by Derwentwater. He pummelled his legs hard, struggling to avoid being caught up in the weeds and rubbish as a cold dark wetness sank within him. Would he manage to safely reach the surface?

  Chapter Twelve

  ‘May we have a little word, dear girl?’

  Busily engrossed in dealing with the laundry, Joanne turned to meet Aunt Annie’s query with a smile. ‘Of course, Aunt.’ After pegging up the last sheet and pillowcase, she went to join her seated at the kitchen table and welcomed the cup of coffee she was presented with. Seeing how upset she looked, Joanne feared that this dear lady was about to comment on the misery evident in Bernie over these winter months. Would she attempt to persuade her to agree to marry him. Knowing she could never allow that to happen, Joanne took a deep breath and spoke of more practical problems. ‘You look deeply concerned about something, Aunty. I worry it might be because you must have lost many of your rations and clothing coupons with the work you did for that proposed wedding. I assure you that I’m happy to replace them with some of mine, or repay you once I can afford to do that. Or maybe you could sell that wedding gown you made to someone else. It really is beautiful.’

  Bearing a most stubborn expression on her plump face, Aunt Annie shook her head. ‘Our concern is not the rations, coupons or the money involved in preparing for that wedding, rather the effect of your cancellation on our dear nephew. He is sadly in a morose state of mind. Poor Bernie is finding it most upsetting seeing you around every single day when you evidently no longer care for him.’

  Aunt Sadie, coming to sit beside her sister, gave a vigorous nod. ‘We do perfectly understand that as a young gal you perhaps made a mistake to agree to wed him. Yet having you stay on here is greatly disturbing for our nephew. He’s constantly striving to avoid spending any time with you, not even the walks you used to enjoy together, obviously finding your presence quite heart-rending.’

  Joanne met each of their concerned expressions with a flicker of appreciation. Having carried on working at the boarding house she was all too aware that her relationship with Bernie was no longer an easy one. He’d barely engaged in any conversation with her since she’d informed him that she wished to cancel their wedding, merely making the odd comment about the weather or work he was involved in. And he frequently disappeared and remained absent for hours at a time, off somewhere he never mentioned. Not having believed his proposal had been connected with any emotion he felt for her, she’d assumed he was simply busily living his own life not at all bothered by the decision she’d made. It felt quite upsetting to hear what these dear landladies were saying, with no smiles that were usually evident in their friendly, open faces. ‘I . . . I hadn’t realized it had such a bad effect upon him,’ she remarked woefully.

  Aunt Sadie gently patted her cheek. ‘Darling Joanne, we’ve loved having you stay with us, being a sweet girl and evacuee. But we sadly cannot contemplate the prospect of you continuing to work with Bernie. Not at all appropriate so far as he is concerned, if you catch our drift.’

  ‘I do indeed.’

  Aunt Annie again chimed in. ‘I’m afraid we must request, dear girl, that you seek a new life elsewhere. We do promise to continue to look after Megan and, of course, you can keep in touch with your sister and visit her whenever you wish. Just give us suitable warning when you are about to come. Right now we think you should seek employment in Manchester, perhaps in a hotel. We would, of course, be happy to give you a reference.’

  ‘We’ll sorely miss you, but must give priority to our homeless, orphaned nephew,’ Aunt Sadie said with a smile.

  ‘I can understand that, dear ladies, having given this possibility some thought. I’d put it off because I was concerned for my sister. I greatly appreciate your offer to continue to care for her, so I’ll look into this matter at once. Please don’t mention it to Megan until I’ve found something suitable. And thank you for your offer of a reference. Much appreciated. Once I’ve found appropriate employment I’ll explain to her where and why I’m moving. I’ve no wish to upset her but promise to do exactly as you suggest. Returning home to Manchester could well help me to find our mother.’

  ‘That would be wonderful,’ Aunt Annie agreed.

  ‘Do be aware that if I succeed with that, Mam will want Megan to return home too and could find her a good high school to attend in Manchester.’

  Aunt Sadie gently nodded. ‘We fully understand that is something we may have to accept and do but hope we could visit you both from time to time, should that come about.’

  ‘You’d always be most welcome. I live in hope that I will find my mother one day. Until then I’m deeply grateful for your care of Megan.’

  ‘Then we are agreed,’ Aunt Annie said, then when Bernie walked in at that moment she quickly changed the subject by offering to top up Joanne’s coffee cup and give her a lovely slice of fruit cake.

  Politely declining, Joanne gave her a quick smile, saying she must get back to doing the laundry and discreetly slipped away.

  Later that day, she set about writing to hotels in
Manchester, firmly hoping to find a job, and in the days following carefully avoided any contact with Bernie. Joanne was delighted when a week later she received a letter offering her the opportunity to attend an interview. She tactfully informed Megan that she was popping over to their hometown to again search for their mother, making no mention of how she may ultimately achieve employment and then return to Manchester for good.

  The interview went well and Joanne was successfully granted employment, having worked in a boarding house and gained the necessary experience. She would also be provided with decent accommodation up in the loft of this hotel. As she walked back to the station she kept staring around, her eyes searching for a glimpse of someone she recognized. Apart from Victoria Station, which had suffered during the war, she noticed an office block near Exchange Station had been bombed. There was also evidence of burned-out buildings all around and flattened-out areas that had once been occupied. Even Piccadilly looked something of a mess compared to how it used to be before the war. So many families must have lost their homes, as had they.

  On her journey home, Joanne focused her mind on what she needed to say to her beloved sister, fearing that leaving Blackpool could create problems for them both. They would be sure to miss each other badly. But if Megan still wished to stay it would surely be to her advantage, as she would continue to be well cared for by those dear ladies. As for her own future, Joanne knew she must build herself a new life and could but hope she’d sooner or later find their mother and ultimately manage to tempt Megan to return to her true home.

  Knocking on Harold Mullins’s door to deliver the money she’d collected, as she was expected to do most evenings, Evie felt a tremor of anxiety, aware she’d not achieved as much as she should. It had been another difficult day in spite of having trailed around from house to house from early morning till late this evening.

  The door opened and he surprisingly urged her to enter his house. ‘So what have you getten?’ he asked.

  ‘Sadly very little,’ she answered politely, handing him the box that held the money.

  ‘Eeh, heck, are you failin’ in this job.’

  ‘I’m doing my best but, as I’ve explained, it isn’t easy.’

  ‘Sometimes it pays to hold yer fire and hang around until folk turn up. I’d not rush away until whoever’s avoiding you finally arrives home. I reckon it’d be right up your street. And what have you got to lose? If they don’t pay you should threaten to call the rozzers, or police officers as we more rightly call them, reminding these idiots that they could be nicked for the debts they owe.’

  The thought of doing that was not a pleasant prospect but, giving a nod and a smile, Evie promised to continue doing her best. ‘I have waited on occasions, but if they spot me hanging around near their door, they quickly disappear again. Calling the police wouldn’t be appropriate either, some people deep in poverty are possibly hoping to make a bit of money by taking a bet.’

  ‘That’s their bloody problem. A hefty gambling debt should be paid off. At least a sizeable chunk of it. Folk have to accept they must find some way to pay their betting bills even if they are on the dole. I too require funds to pay for what I need in life. I’m not yet convinced you’re any good at this job, but you’re a lovely lady so fellas probably would welcome you in their house, as do I.’

  Giving him a startled blink, Evie noticed how his eyes were glimmering, blatantly staring at her breasts. Alarm ricocheted through her as he flickered a mischievous smile. Not at all what she’d expected, as he would frequently be dismissive of her and put her down with a casually cutting remark. Now he appeared to be attempting to charm her. What a shuddering prospect that was. Taking a deep breath, she quickly backed away to the door. ‘I must be off to see to my husband and hope to achieve more over the next few days, bearing in mind your advice. I’ll do whatever you say is necessary, being very much in need of this job.’

  When she did arrive back home she was shocked to see Danny engaged in a furious row with Donald. Her son did look rather odd, being dressed in clothes that were definitely not his and holding a parcel of his own that was dripping water all over the kitchen floor.

  ‘It’s not my fault I fell in the canal, it were just an accident.’

  ‘You stupid boy. Look at the mess you’re in,’ Donald roared. ‘You’re a liability, not having the sense you were born with. Keep away from the flamin’ canal in future.’

  ‘No, it’s where I work.’

  ‘Don’t talk daft. You’re far too young to be working.’

  ‘I’m not! I told you I’m nearly fifteen and old enough to get a job having left school. What’s wrong with that?’

  Hurrying over, Evie gathered up the parcel of wet clothes and gave Danny a hug before tenderly speaking to her husband. ‘These things happen, folk do sometimes slip off a tug into the canal. It’s generally not a disaster, just irritating and most fortunate that you once taught our son to swim, so don’t tell him off.’

  ‘I’ll do what I bloody please,’ Donald roared, jumping up from his chair to hover over her. Holding fast to the panic stirring within her, Evie managed to smile then gently gave him a kiss. ‘Now, darling, would you like fish and chips for your tea, since I’m a bit late home?’ And when Danny eagerly offered to run out and get them from the local shop, Evie busily set the table, watching with relief as Donald calmly settled back in his chair and lit himself a cigarette. What a muddle his attitude was.

  Joanne quietly informed Megan that she’d been offered a new job at a hotel back in Manchester, and saw panic fill her young sister’s eyes as she gave a gasp of dismay. Tenderly putting her arms around her, Joanne gave her a comforting hug. ‘Hush, darling, don’t fret. Listen carefully to what I have to say. I’m quite thrilled about this and will accept, as it could help me to find our mother.’

  Joanne went on to explain how she found it difficult to stay here working with Bernie now that she’d cancelled their wedding, and how he was wanting her to leave. ‘Our dear aunts gave me a good reference to help me find new employment and happily agreed to continue caring for you. I will, of course, come and see you as often as I can. If I’m fortunate enough to ever find our darling mother then I’ll bring her to see you too and hopefully she’ll agree that you can decide where you wish to live. Is that all right, lovey?’

  Megan gave a little nod, looking very much as if she had no real wish for this to happen. So often in the past whenever life changed for them or something unpleasant had upset her she would react by badly weeping. Now she seemed a much more resolute and determined young girl, far more relaxed and content than she’d been as a young evacuee.

  ‘I shall miss you so much, sis.’

  ‘I’ll miss you too, but, as I say, I’ll come to see you quite regularly and write to you every single week. And if you ever want to come and visit me, just let me know and you could most definitely do that.’

  ‘I will visit you whenever I get a bit of time off school, but I am fond of our aunts and this high school I’m attending, so I’m happy to stay here even though I’ll feel lost without you,’ she bravely stated, a small sparkle of tears suddenly flooding her eyes.

  ‘I shall feel lost without you too, lovey, but we will always remain close,’ Joanne assured her. She gave her a kiss on her soft cheek and gently wiped her tears away. How sweet and delightful her sister looked these days, generally dressed in her school uniform of green pleated skirt, blazer, tie and a smart white shirt. All provided by dear Aunt Annie.

  Joanne felt quite sad about leaving these landladies, even more so at losing the company of her darling sister. But it was very much the right thing to do, considering the foolish mistakes she’d made. It was time to put more common sense into her head and build strength and independence.

  Megan helped to pack what Joanne deemed to be suitable clothes: hats, shoes and underwear, the rest of her sister’s few belongings remaining in her care. ‘You’ll perhaps earn the money to buy yourself some new clothes, once you g
et settled into working at that hotel,’ she said, looking slightly envious at such a prospect.

  ‘When you come and visit me we’ll enjoy a lovely day of shopping together,’ Joanne promised, and with a giggle they shared a loving hug. ‘At least you’ll be safe here, well cared for and much loved by these aunts.’

  On the day of departure Joanne recommended that Megan didn’t accompany her to the station as that would be too upsetting for them both, to which she soulfully agreed. It was as she made her way to the door that Bernie at last came to speak to her. His grey eyes looked oddly soulful as he steadily gazed at her. ‘I’m sorry you’ve decided to leave, Joanne. I’d much prefer you to stay but do accept it is painful to see you every day, so that wouldn’t be the right thing to do. Having made the decision to build yourself a new life I hope it goes well for you.’

  ‘Thank you, Bernie, I hope you have a good life too.’ She stood awkwardly before him, wondering if she should give him a comforting hug or shake his hand. Recognizing no possibility of being allowed to do either she gave him a little smile and picked up her small suitcase.

  ‘I’ll carry this for you if you need my help,’ he said, ‘and don’t you wish to take your bike with you?’

  ‘No thanks, I’d rather leave it here to enjoy when I come on a visit, and I can carry my own bag. It’s not much of a walk to the nearby railway station.’ Giving a little nod and smile, she walked away. When reaching the corner of the street, Joanne turned to look back at Jubilee House and seeing Megan standing with the two landladies outside the door, gave them all a loving wave.