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Peace In My Heart

Page 23

by Freda Lightfoot


  ‘Oh, that would be fine for now,’ she said, and watched in relief as the lady wrote down details of the address.

  It was on her way out that she saw Mullins standing in the square close to the memorial statue of Prince Albert, obviously having followed her as she suspected. What a nightmare he was! Stepping back into the town hall in the hope he hadn’t seen her, she asked if there was another exit and was thankfully shown one.

  Evie quickly reached the butcher’s shop on Ivy Street and politely spoke to the owner, asking if the flat above was still available. He agreed that it was and, taking her back out on to the street, unlocked the side door and led her up the stairs.

  It was small and neat with only a gas fire and basic furniture in the living room, had a tiny kitchen, a bathroom, which was surely a good thing, plus two bedrooms. One possessed twin beds and the other a single being much smaller, which would suit Danny perfectly well. When Megan came to stay for her school holiday, she could occupy the twin bed next to her. If both girls came at once she’d have to ask Danny if he’d sleep on the sofa. This flat wasn’t perfect but they were badly in need of a place to live so she mustn’t make too much fuss about it. Learning of the modest rent he required, Evie gladly accepted that and they shook hands. She then readily handed over a week’s rent in advance.

  ‘We do wish to move in right away, having lost where we’re living now. Is that all right?’

  ‘’Course it is, Mrs Talbert. You’re most welcome.’

  It took her no time at all to find Davie who readily agreed to help her move, as he did before. He was utterly shocked to find all their belongings had been tossed into the street. After picking them up, he brought everything in his Ford van and carried them up the stairs to the flat, expressing his sympathy for her situation and wishing her good luck in this accommodation she’d managed to find. Nor did Davie charge her a penny. Instead, he went and bought her and Danny some fish and chips, as well as himself, and they sat happily eating together in the kitchen.

  ‘Sorry you were forced to move just because you’d decided to resign from that job with Mullins and work for yourself, having lost your hubby. I miss Donald too; what a good friend he was. I just can’t understand why he chose to commit suicide when he was gradually getting so much better.’

  ‘He was trying so hard to deal with those mental issues, so I don’t understand that either,’ Evie said, feeling a slur of anguish yet again. ‘Now I have to build a new life for myself.’

  ‘Good for you. Mullins is not someone I’d ever miss either, even if he fell off a perch like a stupid parrot.’

  Evie gave a chuckle, carefully saying nothing about the real reason she’d decided to move. Wisely, neither did Danny mention his, merely exchanging a silent blink with her. She then thanked Davie for his help, insisting on giving him enough to buy himself a pint of beer and a packet of fags.

  ‘Cheerio, dear lady, and if you need any more assistance wi’ summat just let me know.’ And off he went, whistling happily.

  Evie spent the rest of the day tidying, cleaning, unpacking and sorting clothes, crockery, bedlinen and other goods she’d steadfastly insisted upon putting safely in bags when those men had started tossing their belongings out into the street. A part of her felt quite pleased she’d found this flat. It was fairly small and basic but nothing like as bad as that horrible messy house they’d rented from Mullins. And the owner was much more kind and friendly. Evie felt very much in a position to build herself a new life. Surely that was a good thing.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Joanne was surprised and rather thrilled when Bernie called in at the hotel one morning to see her. Agreeing to meet up with him later for a coffee in a small café on St Ann’s Square she was relieved to hear that Megan was doing well at the high school and greatly looking forward to spending the summer with her and their mother.

  ‘Your sister was concerned about how you’re coping on your own here, so I obeyed what she asked of me and came to see how you were getting along.’

  Joanne gave a chuckle. ‘She can be quite bossy, in a nice sort of way as we are very close. Thank goodness she’s well. Seeing you here put me in a panic that Megan might have some problem or other because she’s lost her dad.’

  ‘She doesn’t appear to be greatly grieving for the loss of her father, saying she was no longer very familiar with him. I daresay you are, however.’

  Joanne gave a nod. ‘I am indeed. Losing Dad was dreadful. Why he committed suicide is beyond belief. I thought he was becoming so much braver and more normal in his attitude to life. At least he will now be with his crew. I also call most days to see how Mam is, as she’s obviously swamped in grief. She has left that job she’s been working in for years and is now bravely attempting to engage herself with knitting and sewing in order to keep her mind calm and build a new future for herself. I can but hope that works for her. So how are you doing?’ she asked, feeling an odd sort of concern for him too.

  A grin appeared in his square, friendly face. ‘Cooking is so far my best accomplishment but as you know my aunts have no longer any urge to retire. I’ve learned a great deal more in recent years, adding a couple of bathrooms as well as that extra bedroom in the loft at Jubilee House. I’ve therefore decided to work for myself and maybe become a plumber and odd job worker. What do you think of that?’

  ‘Eminently amazing,’ she declared. ‘I’m sure you’ll do well with that in Blackpool, supporting lots of other landladies.’

  ‘Actually, I’ve found myself a flat to rent here in Manchester, a city I rather like the look of. It’s not exactly what I had in mind but worth a try in the circumstances. Nor will I instantly make a load of dosh but fortunately my parents did leave me some money to support me, which will help. I trust you’re not against my moving here.’

  ‘Oh, of course not.’ Joanne felt startled to hear this; a mix of pleasure and nervous unease cascading through her at the prospect of him living close by. But why would she not welcome his presence? They’d been friends in a way for years in spite of her amused view of him when he was young, always thinking Bernie Flynn to be rather humdrum and boring. She’d certainly never looked upon him as a possible love of her life. And because of what she’d been through, she’d reached a point of feeling the need to keep well away from him and all other men; aware he was clearly avoiding her too, as his aunts had pointed out. Were their friendship to grow closer, she doubted that would be a good thing. Not a relationship she’d ever wished to experience, or did she?

  As if reading her mind, he said, ‘I believe it’s quite acceptable to continue our friendship but I assure you that’s all it will ever be. Nothing more.’

  Obviously it had been foolish of her to imagine something special might develop between them. He was making it abundantly clear that never would occur. And he did have a new girlfriend, so why had he chosen to come here? As he said, claiming he loved this city. Joanne firmly reminded herself that if she regretted his lack of interest in her it was probably only because she was wrapped up in grief, having lost her father as well as missing her sister. She was also still feeling a little lonely, having reached a stage where she sorely felt in need for more love in her life. Not something she should ever expect to achieve with Bernie Flynn. What a mix-up she was in. Flushed with an odd sense of disappointment but giving him a dazzling smile, she said, ‘That’s good to hear, although you need to appreciate there is no beach for us to walk on or collect shells, or a sea around here for the fishing and swimming we used to do, only canals.’

  He gave a chuckle. ‘That’s fine, we could perhaps take a boat ride on occasions instead.’

  ‘I suppose we could. I do take trips on the Manchester Ship Canal sometimes with Danny, Megan and Mam, which can be great fun.’

  ‘That sounds good. And I certainly won’t ever pester you for a date. I fully intend to concentrate on building my business, although we could meet up like this for the odd coffee or a walk by the canal now and then, couldn’
t we?’

  ‘Why not?’

  Joanne met his blank gaze, feeling an odd flicker of disillusionment that there was no sign of the exquisite admiration he used to show in his grey eyes. Wasn’t she fully aware that Bernie never had truly loved her? He’d merely offered that proposal because he was a most caring lad, bearing in mind the situation she’d believed herself to be in. Now a hardworking twenty-one-year-old he was evidently creating a new life for himself, attracted by this busy city but making it very apparent he had no wish to be too close with her. He was a friend and that was all he ever would be. Trying not to look at his long, fit legs or recall how he’d charmingly danced with her so much better than that dreadful Willie Mullins, Joanne warned herself to accept reality. Oh, but how she regretted seeing him dance cheek to cheek with that pretty girl. She’d almost felt jealous.

  Happily settled in the flat, Evie fully occupied herself with lace knitting. She still often found herself weeping at night in bed, making it difficult for her to sleep. When she awoke each morning the emptiness beside her would bring back the memory of her loss and she’d weep again. Steadfastly working was surely the only way to block out the agony she felt and remain healthy and sane. Concentrating on this task, she found that wool finely spun by hand was ideal for knitting lace garments as she worked on creating an evening stole, which was already looking beautiful. This morning, calling to see Cathie, Evie delivered the necessary fine white wool, design plans and equipment she needed to also work by hand. Her niece was delighted to see her and happily made Evie a cup of coffee while being carefully instructed on how to set about this job she’d gladly agreed to do.

  ‘I’m suggesting you start by making a scarf. It needs to be fine and delicate, beautiful and imaginative. If this pattern doesn’t work for you, do let me know and I’ll come to help.’

  ‘I’m sure it’ll be fine. I’m so looking forward to doing this,’ Cathie said, smiling as her aunt gave Heather a loving cuddle.

  ‘How are you feeling, love?’

  ‘Fine,’ she said with a smile. ‘Four months pregnant now so feeling much better. What about you? Considering the anguish you’ve had to go through losing Uncle Donald and with your darling daughters no longer around much, I don’t know how you’re managing to cope all on your own.’

  ‘By keeping busy and looking forward to a time my girls will be happy to visit me or return home, as Megan will do when her summer holiday comes. Danny, of course, is still around, thank goodness.’ She carefully shut out the fear that her son too might move on, recently having reminded her how he’d enjoyed living in the country rather than here in this badly damaged city. What a nightmare that evacuation had proved to be, not at all what she’d hoped for. But then that dratted war had gone on far longer than they’d expected and her young children were now rapidly growing up.

  Evie next went to busily arrange moving the looms she’d bought into the rented outbuilding granted to her. Davie and his mate helped with that too. These machines were quite old but perfectly clean. Much to her interest Evie had discovered that the post-war knitting industry was recruiting thousands of men and women, hoping to make it as successful as it was before the war. Quite a good prospect, considering the shortage of labour. She too was determined to build herself a good business of a similar nature. People were tired of the mess and rationing created by the war, feeling eager to buy themselves pretty clothes, scarves and for some a lovely wedding veil. She checked these looms were working properly and made some improvements on them if they weren’t. Once they were well set up, she brought in Enid and Lizzie, the friends who were eager to work for her.

  ‘I’ve brought this wool, being appropriately light and silky, yarn, cotton and copies of various patterns I’ve either bought or designed for you to consider. You could do Fair Isle style knitting if you prefer, which is very popular. You’re free to make whatever suits you. Gloves, socks, scarves, collars, vests, jumpers or lace garments, your choice.’

  ‘That’s most generous of you, Evie,’ Lizzie told her. ‘We’ll enjoy making those decisions as well as happily working with you.’

  ‘Aye, we will,’ Enid agreed.

  ‘I’m sure you’re aware that some of these designs are quite complex and the length of thread involved in a machine could be quite long, going on for ever,’ Evie said, as they began to investigate the looms. ‘So take care what you initially decide and remember these machines will require cleaning at the end of each and every week. And any silk lace material you produce has to be thoroughly washed before we can put it up for sale.’

  ‘Don’t worry, Evie, we’ll cope with all that’s involved, once we’ve made up our minds what to produce. I’m very good at making hairnets,’ Lizzie said with a chuckle. ‘I reckon we’ll start by making something small and simple, ’appen gloves and socks or mebbe a toy teddy bear. We’ll then move on to more glamorous garments. Looking forward to that.’

  Evie laughed. ‘Sounds good. A wide variety of products would be an excellent idea. I love anything made of lace but living here in the north many people feel in desperate need of wearing warm jumpers. They also like looking smart and beautiful in whatever items of clothing they buy, so I reckon we should try to create and sell a fair selection. At first I’ll be selling them at Campfield Market but as we increase our number of products I’ll look into other places too.’

  ‘Excellent idea. We’ll look into that too if you like.’

  They carried on chatting and testing out the looms for some time before finally Evie decided it was time to pack up and go home. Handing over keys to each of them, she walked away with a sense of achievement and satisfaction in her heart. The decisions and support of her friends were proving to be exceptionally reliable and good, giving her a new purpose in life. Surely a good thing considering her daughters and son were rapidly growing up and developing their own lives.

  Joanne found it surprisingly agreeable to have Bernie living close by. Occasionally they would take a walk together but never went to the pictures, theatres or dancing. Nor did he ever invite her out for a date. He was kind and they enjoyed a little time together. Blocking the past out of her head she almost forgot how much of a friend he’d become to her. Then it oddly occurred to her how she would miss him, were he ever to become seriously involved with that girl, whoever she was. It was a question she suddenly felt the desire to ask as they strolled along the canal towpath. ‘I see you’re now happily settled here in Manchester. Have you found yourself a girlfriend?’

  ‘I might have,’ he said, sounding more provocative than she expected. ‘What would you feel about that? Would it please you?’

  She shrugged her shoulders, feeling a strange sense of dismay growing within her. Joanne remembered how she’d once longed to stroke the fluffy locks of his hair and felt her fingers itching as if they wished to do that now. Gone was the hesitant, foolish young girl she’d been during the war and in her place was one surely far more strong, sensible and confident of her own abilities. It was a good feeling but Joanne was astonished to find herself beginning to feel attracted to Bernie, even though he showed no interest in her at all. ‘I’ve no idea. Not my business. Just asked what came into my head.’

  ‘Are you teasing me?’

  ‘No, of course not. Simply curious to know how you’re settling here.’ She tactfully made no mention of seeing him dancing with that pretty girl.

  ‘Maybe I’m rather cautious of involving myself with anyone right now, having been let down by you in the past. I remember you accusing me of not loving you, and coldly informing me that you didn’t care for me either when you cancelled our wedding. That hurt and I’ve no wish to repeat that anguish. I came here since I quite liked this city. Do you expect me to stick around and wait for ever for you to change your mind? Sorry, can’t do that. It would be a complete waste of time. You made it very clear you would never be interested in me.’

  Joanne flushed, feeling embarrassed and concerned by this dismissive remark while appreciati
ng he was possibly making a valid point. She hadn’t at all believed in his feelings for her, so why would they ever be attracted to each other? Had her emotion changed, or was she simply in a state of depression? Swallowing the hard lump that came into her throat, she said, ‘I admit that back then I wasn’t thinking clearly, far too obsessed with my alleged situation. When I discovered that wasn’t a problem, I remember feeling deeply relieved but also embarrassed by the mess I’d made of my life and yours. Please don’t bring that issue up ever again. Best to forget what happened and look at life afresh. And as you clearly explained, we’ll never be anything but mere friends. A fact I must accept.’

  ‘You’re right, I’ll never mention it again,’ he agreed. ‘Maybe I should return to Blackpool, where I’ve enjoyed a better life.’ It was then that she saw him walk away, not at all what she’d wanted him to do.

  Had she been entirely wrong to ask Bernie about his girlfriend, of whom he’d given no details? Joanne felt wracked with guilt for having offended him, let alone how dismissive she’d behaved towards him in the past, being totally wrapped up in herself. How young and foolish and a stupid dreamer she’d been to become obsessed with that GI who had only been interested in having sex with girls, there being a war on. She’d been devastated when Teddy had left, paying no attention to Bernie and considering him to be of no interest to her.

  Now Joanne felt her life was in a state of confusion, not as engrossed with her occupation at this hotel as she’d originally been, feeling no interest at all in the young men who kept on asking her out for a date. Even Andy the chef had amazingly asked her out again, having broken his relationship with Shirley, a request she’d stoutly refused. It was Bernie she wished to go on a date with. The thought of him going back to live in Blackpool made Joanne feel a longing to return too. Working at Jubilee House had been much more fun and she’d love to be closer to her darling sister, as well as Bernie. Seeing him with that girl had filled her with a realization that she ached for his attention, feeling a longing to take her place in his arms. She could hardly resist this handsome young man who was proving to be most enticing. Her feelings for him had grown so much deeper, the thought of losing Bernie filled her with dread. Now that she realized she’d probably loved him for some time Joanne felt she’d ruined their relationship as he was no longer at all interested in her.

 

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