Broken Glass

by Pavan Kaur

  Jackson lifts his plate up. “White chocolate cheesecake, Leo, my second piece,” and I make my way over to the kitchen to see what Hope is doing.

  Leaning on the counter, I watch her cleaning, her hair falling over the sides of her face, so I can’t see it. I’ve still got to see her face again. I mean fully for longer than a second.

  "Are you not having any, I mean I would get a slice before Jackson eats it all," I let out a small laugh. "Shall I cut us a piece? Or if you don't want too much, we can share some, and that will leave Jackson with more."

  Turning off the tap, she walks over to the cheesecake. She cuts a slice and places it in front of me. I give her a moment as she looks at the forks. Inside I’m begging that she picks them both up; I can only hope that she gives me a little hope to hold on to.

  Hope slides me over a fork, softly tapping her finger on the counter. She takes her fork, and on the inside, I'm smiling; smiling that after two weeks I might finally be getting somewhere with her.

  Today is a win for me, and I'm going to be smiling when I go to bed.

  Chapter 13

  Hope

  The red numbers on the timepiece show 02:13 and I sit on the kitchen floor looking at one tile that has been annoying me since the first day I saw it. I look at the computer screen to see if there is any way I can take off the tile piece without ruining the whole floor.

  Leo was different today; there was something that changed in me when I saw his scars and the way he held my hands at the dining table, making me feel safe with his mom.

  I feel Leo walking over to me. Keeping my head down, I see him sit on the floor pulling the laptop closer to him. “You planning on tiling the floor?”

  “No.” I point to the tile that I’m looking at, “Just that tile. It needs to be turned once around.”

  I hear Leo laughing. "You know, I've had this kitchen for about five years now, and no one has ever mentioned that tile to me." He leans closer and takes a good look. "Looks like I'm getting some new kitchen tiles."

  “White?” I ask.

  "White," he replies. "I'll bring a book home and we can have a look together, or you can come with me?" He moves a little closer to me, and I look over at him; not his face and not so my face is lifted but I see his hands moving over his thigh.

  I bring my hand closer to his, and I point to the scar on his left hand. "D-does that hurt?"

  “It did, not anymore. Now it’s a reminder of what I survived,” he tells me. I suppose that’s a good way to look at your scars; shame I can’t do that. Shame I can remember every word that was told to me, every rule is drilled in my head, every scar I remember how it was given.

  “You want to hear my story?”

  Do I want to hear his story? I mean I can still see all the dark clouds around him; he has the type of darkness surrounding him that I ran away from.

  "My mother was a drug addict whore. Just to get her next hit she would sleep with one man after another, but then one day this man came over and offered her a lot of money for me, and he didn't even have to finish his sentence before my mother said yes." Leo gets up and walks away, and after a small moment away he comes back, placing a coffee mug in front of me.

  "So, I was taken, I was abused, I was punished. I was there for six years. In four years they broke me. Broke me to the point where I didn't think there was hope of getting out. I was there for four years before someone made me want to fight. It took two years after that to finally escape; to finally run away from the house of hell."

  Leo stops, and I start spinning the coffee mug on the floor, as I think about Leo's past. "Who?" I ask.

  “Who, what?”

  “Made you fight?”

  There’s silence for a moment and I think maybe I shouldn’t be asking him questions when I can’t even answer his.

  "Jackson. They threw Jackson in my room and told me to tell him what would happen. I said no. So to protect him, if he did something wrong, I took the blame. If they wanted him, I took his place." He lets out a small cough. "I wasn't going to let them hurt him the way they did me. Yes, there were days that I let him down, and I'll never be able to forgive myself for that. I promised myself that if I found a way out, I'd take him with me. So, I did."

  I gaze up at him. For the first time since I’ve been here my eyes lock with his.

  “Now, those are the beautiful blue eyes that I’ve wanted to see again.” Leo gives me a wink. I move my head to look outside to the yard.

  For the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m safe. But then why do I still feel like something is wrong?

  I feel Leo sitting next to me, looking out to the yard with me. “Hope, can you look at me please?” I put my head down and look at my hands. “Please.” Leo moves in front of me.

  Slowly lifting my head, I look at Leo's eyes, and for the first time I see the color of them; the brown-woody shade pulls me in to look deeper, to see if I can see his soul and to see if it's as black as I see now.

  "I promise you that I won't let anyone come near you again and I'll hunt the man that did this to you, and I'll make sure that he dies in a lot of pain. But you don't need to fear me." His hand moves to my cheek and softly moves my hair away from my face. "I won't hurt you." His palm rests on my cheek, and his face moves closer to mine. "You walk around this house with your head held high. You have a warm shower. You sleep on the bed. And I have a maid to clean, so you don't have to."

  “I like cleaning and cooking,” I whisper. It’s the truth. I enjoy it, it lets me come out of my dark cloud for a moment, it might be for a short while, but I get out of it.

  “Then you keep doing it, for two reasons. One, Jackson loves your food and two, it’s because you want to do it. I’m not making you, okay?”

  Nodding my head, I pick up both mugs and take them to the sink. I know that Leo is standing behind me.

  I turn off the tap. “Goodnight,” I say walking away from him.

  “Goodnight Hope.”

  ***

  I didn't sleep at all last night; I lay by the window and looked out at the street lights thinking about everything Leo told me last night. I know that he said to do all those things, but I don't feel comfortable. I still don't want to break the rules, and I don't want to get punished. Leo said he won't, and deep down I don't think he would, but in the back of my mind and inside my body, I feel like if I don't, I will be punished and that starts to make me feel panic inside.

  I go to make breakfast. I’ve learned now that Jackson is over for breakfast and dinner most days, so I always make extra just in case he comes over.

  “Morning, Hope.” I turn my head to the right a little to see Leo standing next to me. “Breakfast smells nice.” Placing a mug of coffee next to me, he looks over my head toward the door as we hear it closing.

  “What’s for breakfast, Hope?” I hear Jackson behind me.

  "Do you ever eat at home, or do you think my house is a free for all?" Leo walks away from me, and I hear them both talking about some court thing that Jackson is going to.

  “Hope, we can eat at the breakfast bar,” I hear Leo say. I give him a nod and plate up the eggs before I place the plates in front of them both.

  “This is yours, so where is mine?” Leo says. I look at him through my eyelashes. Then I turn around and get another plate and put it in front of him. “Would you like to leave the house today?” he asks.

  "No." If I don't have to go out in the day, I won't. There are too many people out there in the daytime.

  "How about in the evening? There'll be fewer people out." It seems like Leo is finally getting that I don't like being around people.

  “Ma…maybe.” It’s not that I don’t want to go out, but if I walk somewhere new, I like to go at two or three in the morning so that I can plan my route; so I know I won’t have to look up at anyone. I’m still always scared that one day I will see him again; the man from the pimp house. He said if he ever sees me he’ll hurt me and I don’t want to go through all that. />
  “Are you scared of something?”

  Turning my face away from him for a moment, I try to get the night out of my head. I need to get that night out of my head.

  "I didn't hear an answer," Leo says. I start playing with my food on the plate. "Someone here hurt you, and I'd like to know who."

  “No one,” I whisper, taking my plate to the sink.

  Leo doesn’t say anything else to me, but I hear them both leaving the kitchen. “Can you bring us coffee to my office please?”

  I close my eyes for a moment just to get my thoughts back together. He told me about his past, and I can't even tell him about that night. I need to tell him something.

  Making them both a coffee, I walk upstairs to his office. The door is open a little, and I go to walk in but stop as I hear them talking.

  “Leo, the only person that’s going to tell you who hurt her is Hope.”

  "I know, I told her about what happened to me. I thought maybe she would see me for more than the monster I am," I hear Leo say. My heart starts to race; he's trying, and I'm pushing him away. He's trying to help me, maybe it's time I let him?

  “Leo, do you like Hope?” Jackson asks. His tone is sincere. He even sounds like he’s asking with some joy in his voice.

  “Last night, she looked me in the eyes. That look was different; I saw hopefulness there. Not just for her, but for me. From the moment I walked into the restaurant, something about her has pulled me to her and—”

  “For you and because I know you, I’m happy. I didn’t think there was any chance of getting that heart to beat.”

  The coffee mug slips out of my grip and hits the floor, and the broken pieces shatter as the hot coffee splashes around my feet. Leo can't like someone like me, he doesn't even know me. I have too much darkness around me; darkness that he needs to stay away from.

  Kneeling I start picking up the pieces, and I feel Leo's hand on mine. "Sorry," I tell him.

  “It’s only a mug.”

  “I need to believe that everything broken can one day be fixed,” I whisper. Leo’s hand stops in its track to pick up the pieces. “When I came to New York, this man raped me, so I don’t like going out in the day, if I don’t have to,” I whisper.

  I look up at him, as he sighs deeply, his eyes watching me, but all I see in them is a cold darkness. He looks angry. Leo stands up, and I finish picking up the rest of the mug. Then I get up and stare down at the pool of coffee on the floor.

  "I want a name!" There is a pain in his voice. For the first time, someone seems angry for what I went through, and it throws me.

  “I don’t…have one,” I whisper.

  “A location, a face, a house, anything?” He sounds desperate. He takes a step closer to me. “Can you take me there?”

  Nodding, I take a step back from him for a moment. I don’t want to go back there; I don’t want to see him again.

  “We’ll go tonight.” Leo turns to face Jackson. “I need my lawyer to make sure I don’t break any rules.”

  I hear Jackson laughing. “Like I was going to miss that show, but are you sure you want…”

  "Hope won't be there. She'll take us then I'll bring her back home and meet you where you say." Leo turns back around, but before he can say anything to me, I walk away to get something to mop the coffee off the floor.

  Looks like I don't get a say in this, but I want to know what Leo will do when I do show him who it was and the fact that he needs his lawyer there? That worries me a little more.

  Chapter 14

  Leo

  “Hope!” I shout her name as I walk into the house. My head was not in work today. I wanted the day to go faster just so I could get home.

  “Yes,” I hear her soft voice behind me, turning around I watch her scratching her arms over the sleeve of the sweatshirt.

  "My mom got you some stronger lotion, so hopefully it won't be as painful for you." I hand her the bag, and I'm left there for a moment.

  “Thank you.” Her voice comes out in the smallest whisper.

  "I also got you your medication. So, instead of making your week-long supply last a month, how about we take it every day?" Placing the bag on the table, I watch her for a moment. "I want you to get better; I want you to feel like you can walk around here and not be scared." I must sound like a fucking broken record with her, but I just wish she would at least walk around the house with her head held high.

  “Thank you, I’ll get dinner ready.” She scratches again. Before she can walk away from me, I grab her arm to stop her.

  “Is your rash getting worse?”

  "No, just the clothes are a little tight, and the fabric is making them itchy." She looks down at my hand on her arm and waits until I loosen the grip before she pulls it from me.

  I watch her walk to the kitchen, and I lean on the chair for a moment. Jackson should be here soon for dinner then I have my whole night planned. I walk up the stairs to my bedroom to grab a sweater for Hope; mine will be a little looser on her. I walk back down to the kitchen and see she's cutting up some lettuce.

  Placing my hand on hers I tell her, "Wear mine, it will be more comfortable for you." I turn her to face me and I pull her off.

  I have no idea what's going on, but I must be fucking crazy because Hope is doing something to me that I don't know how to control. She doesn't even look at me, but when her eyes meet mine, I'm sunk into the blue heaven that I see in them. They have this magic to them that casts a spell on me, and I never want it to go away.

  I take a step back from her before I do something that I know I won’t be able to recover from. I need her to trust me; I need her to know that I won’t hurt her physically or emotionally.

  She puts on my sweater, and I turn to see Jackson walking over to us. "What's for dinner, Hope?" he asks as he looks over to me and holds his eyes on me for a moment. He knows me well enough to see that there’s something different with me and it happened the moment I walked in that restaurant and saw Hope.

  “She’s making some pasta and salad,” I tell him, our eyes still locked with each other.

  “Sounds nice, what time do you want to leave today?”

  I watch Jackson walk over to the table, and I turn to follow but stop when I feel Hope's hand on top of mine. She's never done that before. "You okay?" is the only thing I ask.

  "What's happening tonight?" Her voice is tinged with worry, and I can feel the fear radiating from her.

  “You’re going to take me to the place, show me who hurt you and I’m going to bring you home where no one will ever hurt you again. I’ll take care of everything else,” I tell her, my thumb stroking the side of her hand softly.

  Hope's hand rests on mine for a little moment longer, and all I can wonder is- what is she thinking? Is she scared of what I'll do? Will she be happy with what I'll do today? I wanted to say something, anything that would reassure her that her pain was almost over, but in that moment her hands leave mine.

  I walk over to Jackson knowing that there is no more of that conversation happening. “Are you ready for tonight?” I ask him, pulling out a chair at the table.

  “Yes, are you?” I give him one look that silently tells him to fuck off. Tonight, for the first time, I’m about to kill someone that isn’t in my plan. Someone that has no link to finding the other man I want. I’m killing him because he hurt Hope and that doesn’t sit right with me. “I have a place don't worry, and I take it you don't want any other toys?" Jackson taps on the table for me to look at him again.

  “No, I don’t want anything else there; this one is going to be a little more—”

  "Personal." Jackson finishes the sentence for me, and I give my answer to him without even looking over at Hope. “We all see it, well fuck I see it, Leo. There's something different about you, and it all started the moment you saw her.” He glances at Hope, then slowly back to me. “But don’t you think she’s broken enough without you fucking with her more?”

  Now, that’s not what I thought he
was going to say. Jackson knows me better than anyone else; he knows that I don’t fuck about with girls. I can’t even remember the last girl I fucked.

  "I know she's broken Jackson, but you know me. I don't want to hurt her; I want to slowly put all the pieces together," I tell him as I look behind me at Hope walking around the kitchen with her head down. She looks a little more tense than usual, and I have a feeling that has to do with showing me the place.

  Jackson hisses in a whisper, “How about you fix your fucking broken pieces before you try and fix hers? Because at the moment, there’s more chance of you breaking her more.” Wow, he really isn’t holding anything back today about my feelings for Hope.

  "Why the fuck do you think I'll break her more? I'm the one that wants to fix her," I tell him, and he knows.

  He softens a little. “Then fix yourself.”

  “Maybe she’s the one that can fix my broken pieces,” I bite back. I never thought of it like that before, but maybe we are good for each other. I just have to get her to feel the same way about me.

  ***

  I wrap Hope tighter in her coat. It seems to have gotten colder out tonight. Jackson told me the location that he would have everything ready for me once we knew who the asshole was.

  "Ready?" I ask her. She has been more distant than, and I know it's to do with this situation. She did ask if we could go a little later when there would be less people out there. I agreed just to make her feel more comfortable about taking me.

  She gives me a nod and the moment we get out of the car she has her head down. She asked to go to Central Park as she knew the way by walking from there. I had to stop myself from smiling. How would she know where the roads are? She would have to look up to know that.

  I glance over at Jackson as Hope starts walking with her head down. It’s interesting watching her walking around people without even seeing where they are coming from.