Going Under

by Lauren Dane

  Oh god, not this. They’d briefly discussed it in the past and he’d told her it was best if they kept their involvement quiet. That wasn’t the same as keeping it secret.

  “What? He totally does. He gets very close and he looks at your mouth. And I’m not keeping it a secret. I’m just not announcing it. It puts me in an odd place. I’m your guard. It’s a bad idea to sleep with the person you should be guarding.”

  “Are you really standing there telling me the reason you pretend we’re not sleeping together is professionalism? Really?”

  “You’re having a rough day. You’re tired. You’re grumpy. You’ll feel better after you clean up and eat.”

  “Boys are so dumb. I’m taking a shower.”

  Molly snatched the shirt and stomped into his bathroom, slamming the door.

  How was it they were having a fight anyway? She’d been fine and a little horny. That always suited her. And suddenly she was pissed and he found himself turned on? God, she was right. Boys were weird.

  * * *

  GAGE was lucky he was so nice to look at. That’s all she had to say.

  She washed her hair and all the travel grime from her skin. She smelled like him and it shouldn’t have made her smile to use his soap but it did. She was the dumb one. But damn it, she liked Gage. A lot more than she probably should. But he was someone to her.

  Which didn’t erase his being a jackwagon. Oh, so Tosh looked at her mouth? Really? If that were true, he had the chance to end it by just giving the other person a look that said back off she’s mine. Oh she knew he claimed it was professional and safer to keep things quiet.

  Hell, maybe it was and she was just being unreasonable because she was beyond tired and no small bit of hopeless.

  His bringing her to his apartment was nice. He liked taking care of her. And heaven knew she craved just letting go and leaning on someone for a while. But it had only been a few months since they’d met and only a month since they . . . well, whatever it was they were doing. It was more than whatever they called it, fuckbuddies or what have you. And it wasn’t that he was ashamed of her, she got that too.

  She sighed, turning off the water. It had been extra hot, which was bad for her skin, but it finally chased the chill from her bones and burned off some of her stress. She needed to turn off her work brain, just for a while. She was overwhelmed and she knew it. Worse, Gage knew it, and that was not a good sign. She did need a solid night’s sleep. Maybe a movie or something.

  She had her bag so she changed into the T-shirt he’d given her and some sweats after she braided her hair back from her face and brushed her teeth.

  When she came out, he handed her a glass of wine. “Drink. Food should be here shortly. They’re only a few blocks away.”

  She sipped, sighing. “Thank you.”

  “You’re in bare feet.” He frowned.

  “I didn’t have any socks.” Well, she did but they were her nighttime lotion socks and they were beat up and ugly and they had a while to go before she’d consent to ratty clothing around him.

  He snorted and left the room, tossing her a pair of socks when he returned. “You don’t need to be cold.”

  Like she’d done it on purpose to irk him. “Thank you. Why are you grumpy?” She sat and put the socks on.

  “I was going to ask you the same thing.”

  “We bicker a lot.”

  She closed her eyes, smiling. “Because you’re entirely unreasonable sometimes.”

  He snorted a laugh. “That’s me.”

  “Tell me about Rose.” She immediately wished she could dig a hole and crawl into it. She wasn’t even sure where that had come from. She opened her eyes. “Or not.”

  “I’ll tell you about her if you share some of yourself with me. It’s only fair.”

  She licked her lips. “All right.”

  “People like to make a bigger deal out of it than it was. She worked at Owen in our tech department. She’s smart and I liked how tech savvy she was. We’d only actually gone out on a few dates when the whole thing with the Magister came about.”

  “She left the clan?” That had seemed so drastic to Molly. Now that she’d found Owen and had been part of a clan it was sort of difficult to imagine having this and giving it up voluntarily. This membership meant something to her. It had become her family in such a quick fashion.

  “She felt like the only way to stay alive was to keep her head down and not be out as an Other.” He shrugged.

  And that bothered him. The question was, why? And should she push him and then risk getting an answer she wouldn’t like?

  “And that bugs you.”

  He pushed to stand and began to pace. “I can’t protect everyone. It’s entirely reasonable given what we’ve seen in the last months to want to get away from all this danger and keep your head down. She made the choice she needed to make for herself.”

  It wasn’t that he’d been sweet on the woman who’d left then. It was that he felt he’d failed. And she got that one, big time. Still, he gave everything to the clan to protect them. He was a witch, not a superhero. There was no way anyone could protect everyone. That wasn’t how things worked.

  “Is that what you think? That you have to protect everyone?”

  “It’s my job. Now what about you? How are you holding up?”

  She let him evade. After all, she was doing it too. “I’m used to a high-stress job. I can handle it. I just need some rest.”

  He turned to her, shaking his head. “That’s shady, Molly.”

  “What? Shady how?”

  The buzzer sounded and he turned to deal with it.

  He refused to let her even give him a dime for the food and laid it all out. The weight of his disappointment hung between them the entire time.

  She sighed. Then sniffled because true to his promise, the curry was hot like she liked.

  “I’m afraid that if I really let go and tell you how I’m doing that I’ll lose my shit.” There. She said it.

  His gaze snapped up from his plate and to her face. “You think I’d judge?” It wasn’t accusatory, just a question.

  She didn’t know the answer. Maybe if she lost control she’d never get it back. Maybe if she unleashed all that bubbling fury and pain she’d be nothing more than a mess. And she couldn’t afford it.

  “Maybe. I don’t know. It’s certainly not the only reason I’m worried.” She ate for a few minutes more until her system started to feel better with the infusion of calories. “I’ve had an easy life. Maybe this is my punishment for that.”

  He snorted. “Really? You think all this death and utter chaos is because you had a happy life until now?”

  “Self-centered of me, I know. It’s stupid.” She looked down at her plate and he put his chopsticks down, reaching out to take her hand.

  “It’s not stupid. And it’s not self-centered. But this is not because you had a good life as a kid. Tell me how is it now? Now that you’re here in Owen.”

  She might be able to do that. Just a little bit of unloading.

  “I like the feel of Owen. It had always seemed like sort of a snooty yacht club or something. From the outside I mean. But it’s nothing like that. It’s like one big family. Sure, some of the family members are jerks who always get drunk at weddings and cause fights. But there’s a sense of unity I’ve never really experienced before.”

  “You never felt that with humans?”

  She sighed, thinking. “No, not really. It’s not like I felt bad. Or like an outsider. But the fact is, I was an outsider.” And that had become painfully clear when she’d lost everything she’d gained in her human life.

  “I never really imagined this is how they’d react. Humans I mean. Oh I figured some would freak out and make a fuss. But a fuss isn’t setting shit on fire and killing defenseless families in their sleep. It’s not a world I feel much affinity with anymore.”

  “They’re not all that way.”

  “Why do you always defend them? They
stole your entire life, Molly! They came in and when it got hard, they dumped you and stole your life. Your job. Your clients. Your friends abandoned you.”

  She flinched because he’d been right. No one spoke to her the way he did. It was frustrating and exciting all at once.

  “That might be true. But my mother is human. She raised me, Gage, not my witch father. And when Rosa discovered me and went to my mother, she shared me with another family to be sure I got what I needed. She’s the one who urged me to come here to Owen. My grandparents are human and they’ve never done anything but love and support me. Tosh Sato is human and he’s risking his career for Others. They’re not all Alison Moore or her puppet master Carlo Powers. So I think my reply to you is why do you always attack them? You say you hate it when they do it to you and then you turn around and judge all humans by the acts of a few crazy people.”

  “Yeah, so where are those non-crazy people when Others like the Boraches are run off the road and murdered? Huh? Silence is just as bad as what PURITY is doing in some cases.”

  “Yes, it is a problem and connecting with those silent majority humans is a big task, but necessary. What is it exactly that you think will solve the problem? Should we go to war? Just kill as many of them as we can while they do the same? And what’s the end game there? What is the point?”

  “We should stop coddling people like Sato who flirt with our rights but then give out lectures about being patient while Others are being discriminated against left and right. When our businesses are being vandalized and our homes aren’t safe? He can’t call himself a friend to Others while he gives you a dressing down about vigilantes. And by the way, you rocked that meeting today.”

  “I don’t even know how to process you, Gage. You’re pissy and grumpy and unreasonable and then you compliment me.”

  He grinned, clearly caught off guard. “If I keep you on your toes, you’re too busy trying to figure me out to pop me one for being a dick sometimes.”

  “Hm.”

  “When you do that it only makes me hot.”

  He was so charming. Good gracious, the man was a handful, but she really did enjoy him on so many levels.

  “Toshio Sato is a good man. He is so get that sour look off your face. You’re ruining all that pretty.”

  “You think I’m pretty?”

  “Are you fishing for compliments?”

  He shrugged. “Of course not.”

  Liar. “Yes, I think you’re pretty. Well, maybe not pretty. You’re too masculine for that. You’re brutally handsome. Your body is, well, I do like to see it naked. Or not naked. I just like your shoulders and your arms.”

  “And my ass. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you looking.”

  She laughed, blushing. “I’m weak. And your butt is spectacular. I can’t not look. It would be un-American not to look at a behind as fine as yours, Gage.”

  He blushed then and she laughed harder.

  “You blush!”

  “I do. But not very often. About Rose.” He licked his lips and she thought about how much she liked his mouth and that tongue too. “She was nice and fun. But this thing.” He waved a hand back and forth between them. “Is more. On a whole different level.”

  She wasn’t asking him to say it, but she was glad he did. “Yeah? So why hide it?”

  “I’m not hiding it. Not exactly.”

  “That is such a guy answer.”

  “As I said earlier, I shouldn’t be guarding someone I’m sleeping with. It’s not a good choice.”

  “So you’re not saying anything about our relationship so you can keep guarding me?” Partly she got that. It made sense and it wasn’t like she wanted him to take out a billboard declaring that they were . . . whatever they were.

  “I’m also a private guy and I work with women who would never let me hear the end of it. And Toshio Sato better man the fuck up and back us like he should. Otherwise he’s not a good man. He’s just a guy giving lip service and we’re still getting screwed over.”

  He confused her so much! He didn’t have to say that about Rose and the difference between that and what he had with Molly. That had been sweet and it had made her sort of gooey inside. But then he’d circled back to Tosh?

  “I agree. And he’s not the only one.”

  “You’re getting lines on your forehead again. Stop thinking about work. I’m sorry I brought it up. When is your mom coming out?”

  “She and Rosa are coming out next week to look at some houses. They’ve got a real-estate agent and everything and I’ve sent them information about the different neighborhoods. My mom has a job interview too. I hooked Rosa up with Owen. They’ve done a great job reaching out to her.” It was a relief to know they were coming. A relief to know they’d be close.

  “Good to know. We’re glad to have you. You know that right? I know things were rough at first. But now that people know you it’s smoother.”

  She sipped her wine and considered whether she should share everything. “For the most part, yes.”

  “The most part?” His magick rose and hers stirred. At first it had startled her. She’d never dated a witch before so her magick hadn’t done anything when she was around a guy she got naked with. But with Gage . . . things were different. Her magick always rose to meet his. He touched her and she was often flooded with the warm rush of her power.

  He seemed to evoke a response in her. Provocative even in that.

  “Not everyone is excited about me. But I don’t need everyone to be. The ones who count are.”

  “Like who?”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Um, yes, it does. Tell me.”

  He was so fiercely protective of her. It overwhelmed her at times. But right then it made her feel safe and cared about.

  “It’s just a thing that happens sometimes. It’s not like anyone has harmed me. Some witches at Owen would be happier to not have anyone with pro-human sensibilities in any position of power.” She shrugged.

  He frowned. “Who?”

  “We’ve already established that I’m not going into it. I’m just saying, not everyone is happy. But that’s life, Gage. Not everyone likes you.”

  “I don’t know why you have to be so stubborn about things.”

  “Because it’s none of your business. You can’t change it. Or help it. It is what it is. No amount of frowning or browbeating is going to make everyone like me. So let it go.”

  “Or, you know, you could try sharing with me and letting me take some of your burdens. That’s what friends do.”

  “This isn’t about you. It’s not even really about me. It’s about worlds colliding and all this grief and fury, angst and longing for a world they will never ever have again. It’s the only way some of us can mourn without falling to pieces. I understand it.”

  He took her in and it was like he saw right to her very core. Uncomfortable and yet, part of her needed it and responded with relief.

  “And what do you do, then? To mourn?”

  “I fight.”

  “Fair enough. Ready for the hot tub?”

  As a matter of fact, she was.

  “The bathing suit is on my bed. I’m going to put the food away and get us a glass of wine to take up.”

  She hustled off and got changed quickly. It would be good to have time to unwind with him. To look at the stars and let go of the day.

  He led her up a spiral staircase to a small patio. “This is another reason I keep the apartment. It comes with this.” He took the cover off and it steamed up into the cold darkness.

  “This is all yours? I figured it was a community tub.”

  “All mine. I haven’t used it much lately.”

  She put her towel down and got rid of her shoes before she let him help her ease into the hot water. The air around them was so cold it stung against her skin as not-quite-snow fell lightly around them.

  She leaned back into his body and let the stress go.

  “I like having you all to mys
elf. Just Molly and Gage. No clan, no PURITY, just you and me in this hot tub with the promise of hot sex when we get out.”

  She laughed, reaching over to grab him through his trunks. He arched in her hand. “Don’t know that we even have to wait until we get back inside.”

  “I sure do like the sex on a rooftop Molly.” He nuzzled her neck and she sighed, relaxing against him.

  He slowly spun her, lifting her to place her butt on the ledge. Steam rose from her skin, but she was anything but cold as he eased her suit bottoms off and to the side.

  Anything but cold as he kissed his way up her inner thigh until he spread her open and began to devour her hard and fast until she broke, coming so hard she would have cried out if they weren’t outside.

  But the restraint only made her hotter as he stood and pulled a condom from the towel he’d set on the nearby ledge, getting it on quickly, moving back to her, guiding himself to the heart of her and working his way into her body.

  “Pretty sure of yourself.”

  “I like to be prepared for any sex you decide to let me have with you.”

  And he was in, so deep it felt like the beating of his pulse echoed through her inner walls.

  But always inside her. Always lodged inside and she wasn’t sure he was a man she could ever be totally over. So she just had to enjoy what they had and hope she never had to experience that pain.

  Chapter 19

  “YOU’RE stronger now.” Rosa looked her over after giving Molly a big hug.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Your magick. Interesting.”

  “They’ve been giving me lessons. On how to use my power I mean. Maybe it’s just that.”

  “Maybe. But I don’t think so. In any case, I’m so happy to see you.” Rosa held Molly’s face between her hands, smiling.

  Molly and Rosa had had a series of long phone calls about the move out to Seattle. She didn’t want her family moving half a country away because they were worried about her. She didn’t want anyone giving up anything else, damn it.