Adulting 101

by Lisa Henry

  Nick: I’m scared I’m going to hate college. Or that it’s going to hate me.

  Devon: Me too, bro.

  Nick: It’s like I still don’t even know what I want to do with my life but too fucking bad Nick, because you’ve run out of time and now it’s locked in. Like the only reason I picked criminology was because I was watching old eps of Criminal Intent at the time. THAT’S NOT A WAY TO PICK A MAJOR, DEV!

  Devon: Dude, you can change your major if you want. Your not locked in.

  Devon: *you’re

  Nick: This is FB, Dev. Spelling doesn’t matter.

  Devon: Please, I know you get secretly mad at me when I use the wrong one.

  Nick: It’s true. I do. Because I’m a horrible person.

  Devon: Yes, that’s the reason.

  Nick: I love you though.

  Devon: ILY too.

  Nick: Mostly I love how I can say I love you and it doesn’t have to be weird.

  Devon: You want me to come over and give you hugs?

  Nick: Always.

  Devon: See you soon, bro.

  Nick smiles as Devon ends the chat.

  Then the smile fades when he remembers exactly how much he’s going to miss Devon once college starts.

  One thing leads to another, and Nick wakes up the next morning to find Devon stuck to him like a wet Kleenex. The one thing in this case was pizza. The other thing it led to was a Lord of the Rings marathon. Nick had fallen asleep during The Two Towers, right at the part where Aragorn meets Éomer, and in the middle of that tense standoff, they both completely validate Nick’s thing for older guys with beards.

  Jai would look totally hot with a beard.

  Anyway, Nick wakes up to a gentle knocking on his door and Devon spooning him.

  He blinks wearily as his mom peers around the door.

  There was a time when Nick and Devon had to swear to his parents that they weren’t sleeping together—well, they were sleeping, but that was all—because yeah, they are weirdly codependent and they are snuggle buddies. Nick’s mom doesn’t even blink these days when she finds Devon sleeping in Nick’s bed.

  “Breakfast’s ready,” she says.

  Nick elbows Devon awake, then they both stumble downstairs like something out of a George A. Romero movie.

  Nick slides into the seat across from his dad at the kitchen table. Devon slumps down next to him.

  Nick’s mom sets pancakes on the table in front of everyone.

  “Thanks, Mrs. S!” Devon says.

  Nick’s mom gives him an extra pancake. “I’ve told you a hundred times, Devon, it’s not Mrs. S, it’s Marnie.”

  “Right,” Devon says, color rising in his cheeks. “Marnie.”

  Nick shovels pancake into his face. He’s pretty damn sure his mom wouldn’t be so friendly if she knew about that dream Devon had about her. Which, really, there should be boundaries in this bromance, right? Nobody should have to deal with: “Dude, I dreamed I boned your mom!” Nobody.

  “Um, Dad,” he says, “so I’m really sorry about yesterday. I’ll get all my chores done today.”

  His dad glances up from breakfast. He looks unimpressed. He looks like someone who’s heard that a thousand times before.

  Guilt stabs Nick.

  “Fine,” Chris says at last.

  “And I was thinking that I could go looking for another job?”

  Chris is silent for a moment. Then he stabs a piece of pancake with his fork. “If that’s what you want.”

  Well, no, not really. Jobs kind of suck. But Nick does need the money for college. And he’d sort of like his dad to not hate him. “I do. Can I have the car back?”

  “If you find a job, you can.”

  Ouch. But also fair.

  “Okay,” Nick says. “Thanks, Dad.”

  He’s gratified to see a faint look of surprise cross his dad’s face that for once isn’t accompanied by disappointment. It makes him feel cautiously hopeful, like maybe if he doesn’t screw this up, he and his dad will be okay.

  And he wants them to be okay.

  Maybe this is what growing up feels like.

  By Friday, Jai still hasn’t found any work, and he’s sick of thinking about it. He thinks about Nick instead, and thinks about texting him to hook up. Jai’s twenty-five years old and never had a fuck buddy. His hookups are spontaneous and short-lived. He’s not sure of the etiquette of arranging these things beforehand. If he texts Nick, what does he say?

  Also, Jai would put money on the fact that Nick’s a virgin. Jai hasn’t been a virgin in years. Sex is casual to him, a natural extension of attraction and camaraderie. Spend a few hours or days with someone cool, and sex is a thing that happens organically, and everyone parts as friends with no expectation of ever doing it again. Sometimes Jai’s run into people he’s slept with a week or a month down the track, at a new hostel in a new place, and often they’ve picked up exactly where they left off. But usually it’s new faces, new stories, new moments, and new bodies to learn in the small amount of time they have together. It’s fun and friendly. It’s not a thing that Jai has ever actually scheduled.

  But tonight would actually be perfect. Kat and Ronny will be out, and his mom will be watching the kids. And it’s not like Jai has any other pressing plans, like beers with the guys from the site.

  Still, this feels like a big step. Nick said it was no strings, and that’s fine, but even ten weeks is about ten times longer than any of Jai’s previous relationships. Jai’s relationships usually last right up until someone has to get on the next bus or train or plane. Ten weeks feels like a long time.

  Jai stares at his phone screen for a while before he actually texts Nick.

  Jai: Hey.

  Nick: Hey :)

  God. Again with the smiley faces. Why is Jai even surprised?

  Jai: Are you doing anything tonight?

  Nick: Sucking ur dick hopefully.

  Jai lets out a bark of surprised laughter.

  Jai: How about you come over and we watch a movie and see where it goes?

  Nick: Sounds good. What time?

  Jai: 8?

  Nick: See you then!

  Jai sets his phone down. Okay, so that was easier than he expected. He checks his wallet. He’s down to his last twenty-dollar bill and change, but he should probably get some chips and soda.

  In the end he walks to the gas station a few blocks away and picks up Doritos and salsa, a bottle of Coke, and a pack of condoms. Not that he’s going to pressure Nick into anything, but it’s not like he won’t use them eventually anyway.

  Then he spends the rest of the day cleaning the basement, even though he figures the sort of guy who’ll give a blowjob in a porta-potty isn’t going to give a damn.

  It gives him something to do apart from worry about exactly what he’s getting himself into.

  But life is short.

  The doorbell chimes just before eight.

  “Jai!” Janice yells from the living room. “Doorbell!”

  “Yeah, Mom,” Jai says, heading up the stairs. “I heard!”

  Jai’s hoping she can keep Caden from heading down into the basement to visit with Uncle Jai. That’s fine with Jai most nights, but he really doesn’t need Caden bursting in tonight.

  Jai opens the front door.

  Nick is wearing jeans, a Gryffindor Quidditch Team T-shirt, and a nervous smile. “Hey!”

  “Hey,” Jai says, and steps back from the door to let him in. “I’m in the basement.”

  It has to be a testimony to Nick’s age that he doesn’t even give Jai the side-eye for admitting that. Not that Jai’s ashamed of living in his mom’s basement while he saves money to travel, but he’s used to people looking at him like he should be.

  Nick follows him down the stairs.

  “So, um, is it weird, like, me coming over when your folks are home?” Nick asks.

  “My mom,” Jai corrects automatically. “And I’m twenty-five. She quit telling me who I could have over a while b
ack.”

  “That’s cool,” Nick says, looking around the basement curiously.

  It’s not much, really.

  There’s the fold-out couch, the TV, a chest of drawers and a closet, and a bookshelf. The washer and dryer are up against the back wall. There’s shelving up against the back wall too, full of the usual basement detritus: old board games with missing pieces, boxes of Christmas decorations, lawn seed, and, for some reason, four different types of fabric softener. The place looks like the “before” shots on a home decorating show.

  Nick pads over to the bookshelves. He shoves his hands into the pockets of his skinny jeans and rocks back and forth on his heels a little as he checks out the books on Jai’s shelves.

  “Have you, like, read Faulkner?” he asks, as though he can’t even imagine such a thing. Then, before Jai has a chance to answer, he’s off on another tangent. “I thought you’d have more stuff. Like, um, souvenirs and stuff from all those countries you’ve been to? My grandma had a whole hutch full of porcelain thimbles. You wouldn’t think there’d be a huge demand for porcelain thimbles, right, but you can buy them everywhere. I mean, do you think there are entire factories somewhere just cranking out porcelain thimbles?” He shakes his head and turns to meet Jai’s gaze. “That makes me feel complicated things about consumerism.”

  “I don’t buy a lot of stuff when I travel,” Jai says.

  “Why not?”

  “Most of it’s just a waste of money, and it takes up space in my pack, and all it's going to do when I get it back here is collect dust.”

  “But how do you know where you've been without cheesy novelty salt and pepper shakers to remind you?”

  “I take a lot of photos,” Jai says. “Sometimes I’ll listen to the same music I did when I was in a particular place, and I’ll close my eyes and I’m there again.”

  “Oh. You’re like totally Zen or something, aren’t you?”

  “Do you even know what Zen means?”

  Nick’s mouth quirks up in a grin. “Something to do with motorcycle maintenance, right?”

  If he’s making a joke, it’s pretty funny.

  If he’s serious . . .

  Well, if he’s serious, at least he’s cute.

  Jai opens his laptop and logs into Ronny’s Netflix account. “Anything in particular you want to watch?”

  “Um, anything, I guess,” Nick says. He bounces on his feet for a moment longer before apparently coming to a decision, and sits down on the couch beside Jai. He’s close enough that Jai can feel the warmth of him where their jean-clad thighs are almost touching, but he’s keeping a tiny gap between them.

  Jai leans over and sets the laptop on the coffee table, shifting a little so that his leg presses against Nick’s. Then, when the laptop’s set up so they can both see the screen, he doesn’t move back again.

  They watch Parks and Recreation, and Jai learns that when Nick laughs, his face goes bright red and his body sags. He leans more into Jai as he relaxes, and manages to get Dorito dust all over his shirt. And Jai’s.

  “Are we Netflix and chilling?” he asks.

  Jai makes a face. “I don’t know what that means.”

  “Are you twenty-five or are you eighty-five?” Nick asks, eyes bright.

  “Whippersnapper,” Jai grumbles, and Nick laughs.

  When they kiss, Nick tastes like nacho cheese and salsa. Nick’s hands settle lightly on Jai’s hips, their legs slotting together as they turn toward one another. Nick’s a messy kisser, hesitant and eager at the same time, so Jai puts a hand under his jaw and holds him gently in place. Then he moves their mouths together again and licks the seam of Nick’s lips until it opens. Chasing down Nick’s tongue is a whole other challenge. It’s like a frightened little woodland creature that’s hiding in its burrow. Jai presses his tongue into Nick’s mouth, then draws it back again. He does it three times before Nick gets the hint and finally follows it with his own.

  Then Nick sucks in a hitching breath and breaks the kiss.

  “Are you—” Before Jai can even get the question out, Nick shifts forward and straddles his lap. He holds Jai’s shoulders, his knees digging into the couch on either side of Jai’s hips.

  They kiss again. Jai chases the now-faint taste of Doritos with his tongue, before pulling back to suck for a moment on Nick’s lower lip.

  Nick makes a small, surprised noise and digs his fingers into Jai’s shoulders. He wriggles on Jai’s lap, like he’s trying to grind their dicks against each other, but also trying not to. “So did you . . . did you want me to blow you tonight?”

  Jai raises his eyebrows. “Maybe I can blow you?”

  Nick’s wet mouth falls open. “What?”

  Jai shrugs. “If you want.”

  “Oh my God. I so want.” Nick swallows with an audible click. “Like, yeah. I’ve never . . . I so, so want.”

  It’s like he doesn’t even speak English.

  Jai manhandles him off his lap and leaves him sprawled on the couch. Nick’s eyes grow impossibly wide as Jai moves onto the floor on his knees, and shifts forward so he’s between Nick’s thighs. Nick’s jeans are so tight that Jai can see them straining against his erection. He reaches up and unbuttons Nick’s fly. Nick tilts his hips so Jai has better access.

  The zipper rasps as Jai tugs it open.

  “Captain America underwear,” he says. “Why am I not surprised? It’s like pop culture exploded all over you.”

  Nick wrinkles his nose. “Can you please not say ‘explode’ when you’re so close to my dick, dude? I’m already on a hair trigger here.”

  Jai laughs and leans in. He peels down Nick’s Captain America underwear, and Nick squeaks and his entire body stiffens. Then his fingers are on Jai’s scalp, scrabbling uselessly to find purchase in his buzz cut. Jai laughs again and wets his lips, then hunches over and takes the head of Nick’s dick in his mouth.

  He’s got a nice dick. It tastes like apple bodywash over a hint of sweat and musk, and it’s leaking furiously. Nice balls too. Jai rolls them in his palm, hair tickling his skin. Jai has visions of taking his time, drawing this out until Nick’s a quivering mess under his attention, of blowing the kid’s mind as well as his dick, but—

  “Holy shit!” Nick groans, and it’s all over with a shudder and a spurt of salty cum into Jai’s mouth. By the time Jai pulls off, Nick has a hand over his eyes. “Oh my God. Shit. Oh my God.”

  Jai’s grin dies as Nick tugs his underwear back into place, still keeping that hand over his eyes, and twisting away as he moves. “Nick?”

  “Um, yeah.” Nick swallows, hitching his jeans up with his free hand. “So, um, I should probably go, I guess. Walk of shame and whatever. Or, you know, walk of mortifying humiliation.”

  “Hey.” Jai grabs his wrist. Gently forces his hand away from his face. “What’s wrong?”

  Nick’s face is scarlet, and he can’t quite meet Jai’s gaze. “Um, sorry. I’m sorry.”

  “For what?”

  Nick looks at him like he’s crazy. “For, um, bringing dishonor on my family name and humiliating every single one of my proud ancestors by coming instantaneously? It was like fifteen seconds, dude. I counted.”

  “The first time a girl tried to blow me, I came all over her sweater the second she opened her mouth,” Jai tells him, inwardly cringing at the memory.

  “Really?” Nick asks, a note of hope in his voice. “Is it one of those things you laugh about now?”

  “Yeah,” Jai says. “Although she also laughed at the time.”

  “Ouch.” Nick plucks at the hem of his T-shirt and chews on his lower lip for a moment. “So, um, you’re not gonna laugh at me?”

  “Nope.” But Jai can’t stop the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “It’s kind of a compliment, right?”

  Thankfully, Nick smiles too. “I don’t know. I mean, I’m pretty sure a stiff breeze could have brought me off.”

  “Okay,” Jai says, rubbing Nick’s thigh. “I won’t get all big
-headed about it, then.”

  “You’d better not,” Nick mutters, but his smile grows a little. So does his flush.

  Jai climbs back onto the couch and nods at the laptop. “Want to watch another episode?”

  “Okay,” Nick says, shoulders slumping as he relaxes again. “Cool.”

  It’s midnight before Nick leaves.

  Jai takes their glasses and the empty chip bowl up to the kitchen. Janice is pottering around in her dressing gown and slippers, eating ice cream from the carton.

  “You’re not violating a child, are you?” she asks.

  “He’s eighteen.” Jai sets the bowl and glasses in the sink.

  “Jai, I saw him leave on a bike.”

  “He’s still eighteen.”

  “Good,” she says. “Because I am not selling this house to mount a legal defense for you.”

  “Good to know, Mom.”

  She jams the spoon in the ice cream. “So now we’ve established I raised you better than that, when do I get to meet him?”

  “How about never?”

  Janice raises her eyebrows.

  He sighs. “Look, it’s nothing serious, okay? We’re just messing around until he goes to college and I go to Argentina.”

  “So what? I don’t get to meet some boy you’re bringing back to the house? I’d like to say hello, Jai, not plan your damn wedding.”

  “That was never going to happen anyway.”

  “I know.” Janice holds out the ice cream. “You’re like your father. Happier alone.”

  He freezes with his hand outstretched toward the draining rack, fingers twitching over a spoon. “What?”

  She shrugs. “Oh, I don’t mean he was unhappy or we were living a lie or anything. Just that your dad was an introvert, you know? Like you.”

  “I’m not an introvert.”

  “An introvert isn’t the same as a shut-in,” she says. “An introvert is someone who recharges their batteries when they’re on their own, like you, not when they’re around other people, like me and your sister. I go mad when I don’t have anyone to talk to. You’re good on your own. You like it.”

  Jai snags the spoon and then the ice cream. “I have plenty of friends, Mom.”