And since she wasn’t sobbing, he was probably just threatened with a beheading.
Typical Chase.
Izzy jerked the tags off the clothes and tossed them to me. “Trust me. He won’t be able to take his eyes off you, plus this is your first family dinner since up and leaving without telling us. You need to look hot. Now, where’s your makeup?”
“Why? Do you need some?”
She snorted. “Uh, look at me? Do I look like I need makeup? I’m a damn masterpiece. No, I mean for you.”
“Oh, I have some on—”
“I’m gonna stop you right there. You have very little on, and while it looks natural and pretty, I want you to look like you just walked off the runway. Tank will love it.”
And maybe even Ash.
No!
See! This was the reason I hated watching TV. The girl almost always fell for the asshole when he had zero redeeming qualities!
Plus, how did you even begin to navigate a relationship with a guy who only saw his dead fiancée when he looked at your face?
You didn’t.
You couldn’t.
It was irreparable.
And it was my fault.
“Hellloooo.” Izzy snapped her fingers in front of my face. “Makeup bag. Now.”
“Over there.” I pointed to my carry-on. “Just don’t make me look crazy.”
“Please.” She rolled her eyes and snatched the bag. “I’m a damn professional at this point.”
“You’re twenty,” I reminded her.
“Exactly. Makeup tutorials are my life.”
“Okay…”
“Yes!” She pointed to the bed. “Sit.”
“Is, um, Maksim coming tonight?”
Her smile fell, and then her face was back to its neutral self. “Maybe, maybe not. But say his name again, and I’m going to make you look like a street whore on a bad acid trip, understood?”
“And to think I always imagined Serena as the scary one,” I mumbled, giving my shirt a nervous tug while she stood proud in front of me.
Izzy grinned. Her smile dazzling like always. “Oh honey, when I grow up, I’m gonna make the world shudder in fear every time my Jordans’ slam against the street.”
“Ummmm.”
“Now hold still.”
I was too afraid to move anyway.
Chapter Five
If only we could know the reason why they went. We’d smile and wipe away the tears that flow… And wait content.” —Author Unknown
Ash
It was going to be the longest family dinner of my life.
What was supposed to be a small surprise party for Annie with just our family turned into my mom calling all the bosses and using the excuse of the whole bomb thing for them to meet at the house.
After all, what better way to celebrate taking apart a bomb then over pasta and bread? I was currently sitting between Junior and Serena because last time they sat together, Nixon nearly took off Junior’s head; something about Junior’s hand down Serena’s pants made Nixon grab his gun even though they were basically married already in their own heads.
It took four men to take the boss down.
And Junior had paled to the point of being unrecognizable after getting caught.
Come to think of it, that was a good night.
And now?
Now everything was awkward.
My sister Violet was gone, married off to Russian royalty, and living in Seattle, though I was excited she was visiting soon.
Maksim and Izzy had been sleeping together only to have my dad and Andrei find out because they were lazy.
Not lazy as in they got caught because they got comfortable but fucking loud.
They’d both been naked.
And Maksim, the jackass, had backed off after my dad politely asked him to—at gunpoint.
Which just pissed Izzy off because she was young, and Maksim was, according to her, sexy as hell. They’d been inseparable for years, so the fact that he just shrugged and moved on made her want to commit murder, which was why he was at the opposite end of the table and currently looking anywhere but Izzy as she sharpened a fucking knife in front of her empty plate.
Any other day and I would have laughed.
But not today.
Today I felt nothing but the usual numbness.
Funny, how I used to pray to feel nothing.
And now that I did?
Now that I tamped it all down, I would do anything to feel again.
Anything to not hate myself as much as I did.
Anything to not hate everyone else as much as I did.
But after my break.
After Claire said goodbye in my dreams.
After I let her go.
All I could see was her face in that hospital bed.
“She’s not coming back, son.” Nikolai Blazik, doctor to the Russians and scary as shit associate, handed me the needle then. I knew it would stop her heart. I knew it would give her an honorable death.
But I couldn’t do it.
I couldn’t shove the needle in.
So I sat there.
Holding her limp bandaged hand as the machines breathed for her and I counted all the bandages.
Twenty-seven.
Then I counted all the bruises.
Sixteen.
Then I counted each of the breaths the machine took for her, one, two, three… The slow hum of the room reminded me that when I walked away, the humming would stop.
There would be nothingness.
I would be left.
With tears streaming down my cheeks, I placed a hand on her still flat stomach. There used to be a heartbeat there.
Today there was silence.
“I bought a onesie,” I confessed. “I was going to surprise her and start on the baby room.” My hands shook—one held the needle that would release her from this broken body, one was pressed against the life that had been taken from us.
The life that had terrified and excited me.
I choked out a sob as Nikolai put his hand over mine. “The baby didn’t suffer, and neither did Claire; you have to believe me when I say—the way she was hit was a kindness compared to what could have happened.”
I squeezed my eyes shut as tears slid down my cheeks in rapid succession. “But what about those few seconds before she died? What about those seconds of fear, Nik? Where I wasn’t there? Where she knew in her soul that something was happening, but she couldn’t do anything? How do I live with the fact that she always trusted and expected me to protect her in this life—and I failed? I fucking failed! And those three seconds, she had to feel scared, petrified, Nik. And I wasn’t there to take away that fear, and I can’t take it away now. All I can do is imagine the moment over and over again.”
“Ash.” Nik’s eyes blurred with tears. “I wouldn’t wish those three seconds on my worst enemy.”
I sucked in a painful breath.
He sighed. “You expected me to lie, to make you feel better?”
“Maybe.”
My lips tasted salty as I leaned down and kissed her stomach, laying my ear against it, willing there to be life inside her body when I knew there was nothing but death.
“One. Two. Three,” Nikolai whispered. “And then nothing but your body’s natural response to trauma. I imagine that when we’re in coma’s we dream about our favorite moments, so yes, those three seconds were horrible, I’m sure of it, just like I’m convinced that her dreams for the last hour have been full of love. Full of you.”
I burst into uncontrollable sobs. “I can’t survive this. I won’t.”
Nikolai gripped me by the shoulders, his fingers digging into my skin as his dark eyes held me captive. “For the sake of your family. You. Must. This is your cross to bear, and you will bear it.”
A soft moan escaped Claire’s lips.
Nikolai jerked back and gently pulled the equipment from her mouth as she choked.
“You’re awake! Nik, she’s awake!�
�� I cupped her bruised cheeks. It was a miracle! “Claire, sweetheart, can you hear me? It’s Ash. I’m here, I’m here, you’re going to be fine.”
She shook her head as a solitary tear ran down her cheek. “Take care.”
“I’m fine, you’re fine. Everything is going to be fine!” My heart was pounding so hard. She was going to be okay! She was awake.
“No.” She squeezed her eyes shut as a trickle of blood ran from her lips. “Annie. Take care.”
The fuck! “You’re delirious, I love you, I love you.”
“Love you.” More blood trickled down from her mouth as she turned her head to the side and whispered. “Annie, take care…”
I opened my mouth to ask what she was talking about when she suddenly coded.
“Claire!” I roared. “Nikolai, do something!”
He rushed over to the paddles. “Move her gown, now!”
He rubbed the paddles together and pressed them to her chest.
I started counting again.
The seconds.
And how many went by as he tried and tried and tried again only to finally stop as sweat poured down his face and he shook his head.
Rage pounded into my body.
At Annie for stealing those last moments.
For it being her fault in the first place.
And at Claire—for leaving me. For using the last few seconds of her life to still protect the one reason, she was dead in the first place.
I would take it to my grave. How much I resented Claire. How much I refused to confess my anger at her for leaving me.
For caring more for Annie.
Than her fiancé.
“Helloooooooo, Ash?” Serena elbowed me in the gut. “You’re awfully quiet for someone who said he was so hungry he could eat Tank five minutes ago.”
I shook myself out of the memory and pasted a fake smile on my face. “I think I’d rather just kill him.”
“Right here, sitting across from you.” He glared, sweat still visible on his chiseled face. We’d sparred for the last hour. I got a few good shots in, but unfortunately, he was getting better, which meant he bruised my kidneys.
I was pretty sure I’d be peeing blood later.
“I know.” I grinned. “Why are you here again? You’re not family.”
“Ash, why the sudden hostility?” Serena gave me a knowing grin.
I grabbed a dinner roll and shoved it in her mouth. “You looked hungry.”
She spat out the roll, grabbed her knife, and held it to my throat. “Try that again, see what happens.”
“Junior… call her off, man. I can’t tell if her knife has sauce on it or blood.”
“Both. She’s crazy.” He smiled through his bite and then winked over at her. “And I mean that in the sexiest way.”
“I know.” She pulled the knife away from me and grinned.
Most everyone had already dug in, even though not everyone was at the table yet.
Nixon finally came over and sat, and then my dad strolled into the room with Tex the Capo in tow. “Savages just started eating without praying first?”
“I prayed,” I lied. “Right Tank?”
His eyes narrowed. “Sure, is that why I just heard thunder? Lightning gonna strike here any time soon?”
Dad sighed. “Everyone sit. Where’s our guest of honor?”
The moms were pouring wine in the kitchen and making their way over to the giant buffet table, all of them talking so loudly that if Dad really did want to say a prayer, he’d have to scream it.
It was ridiculously crowded even in our giant dining room—then again, at this point, we had to have two tables.
One for the older kids and adults.
And another for the littles, so they didn’t get blood splatters on them.
Not even kidding. If I even hint at the incident at Christmas in 2016, my dad looks ready to flog me.
“Here!” Annie rushed into the kitchen at around the same time I took a huge sip of wine.
“Damn…” Junior hissed under his breath.
I tried to hold the cough in. My eyes watered, and my throat burned with the need to choke.
I lasted maybe three seconds before I started hacking the wine that went down the wrong tube out of pure shock at what was in front of me.
Serena wasn’t helpful with her sudden hitting of my back. “You okay, cousin? Something wrong?”
I grabbed my napkin and wiped my mouth. “Wrong tube.”
“Suuure,” Junior said under his breath while Maksim looked between the two of us like a show was about to start.
He mimed eating popcorn, then elbowed King as if to say, pay attention to the show!
I glared at the two of them.
It did nothing to deter the little shits.
I swear everything just encouraged Maksim’s bad behavior these days.
“Sorry.” Annie didn’t meet my eyes, instead looking everywhere but my face. Hell, the plant in the corner got more action than I did. She pulled out her chair next to Tank and gave him a cheerful grin. “Izzy wanted me to change.”
Tank smirked. “Remind me to give Izzy a hug later.”
“You’re welcome.” Izzy beamed, lifting her glass of wine in the air only to have my dad pull it from her hand and shake his head no, mainly because she’d already had two glasses.
She pouted.
Typical.
And of course, he immediately cracked, handed the wine back, and said, “But only a few more sips.”
I willed Annie to look at me.
And I had no idea why.
I hated her, right?
She was the reason for my suffering.
For my numbness.
And hers was the last name on my soul mate’s lips.
She was wearing a white crop top that fell over her shoulders and low slung jeans that showed more skin than I think I’d ever seen her show in my entire life.
She didn’t look like herself.
What the hell happened to her over in Italy? And why did it piss me off so much?
I could admit she looked hot as fuck—but she didn’t look like the Annie that cried at the drop of a hat.
The Annie I knew.
The one I hated.
Did that mean I was allowed to stare this stranger down? Drink her in and let her beauty consume me? Was she wearing pink lipstick?
Tank put his arm around her and squeezed. “Still shook up?”
She gave him a small nod then leaned into his chest. Fucking idiot looked ready to preen like a peacock all over the dinner table.
“Of course, she’s shook up.” I just had to start talking. “She could have died. I’m curious, do you report everything to the FBI, Tank, or only the things we let you report? Because bomb threats, that’s pretty huge, right?”
He shifted uncomfortably. “If you’re asking if I’ve been feeding them information, that’s a no. I only tell them what you allow me to tell them, and even then, you know I’m going to have to pick a side soon; they only believe the whole deep cover story for so long.”
“Complete shit that they even believe it now,” I admitted. “What with you coming over to family dinner—why are you here again?”
He grinned knowingly. “You asked that already.”
“Did I?” I reached for a roll. “Sorry was distracted by almost dying earlier and saving Annie’s life. You know how it is—” I snapped my fingers. “Oh wait, you don’t. Because you weren’t here then, but you’re here now.” I frowned. “I’m confused. Is it a convenience thing or—”
“Ash!” Dad barked. “Leave Tank alone. If you need someone to pester, take Junior downstairs and get a few hits in.”
“Great,” Junior grumbled. “Can’t I tap Maksim in? Ash nearly broke my jaw last week.”
I made a face. “Bullshit. You should have ducked and weaved.”
“I DID!” Junior roared. “You cheated!”
“Boys.” Tex pounded his fist onto the table, causing all the sil
verware to jump then resettle haphazardly. He poured himself a glass of wine. “Junior, I’m disappointed you’d back down from a fight. You growing soft now that you’re getting laid on the regular?”
“Oh God.” Nixon reached for his wine while his wife Trace snorted into hers. “Tex, could you not give me that visual of my daughter having sex? It makes me want to grab a steak knife.”
“Oh, we hid those.” Tex’s wife grinned. “You know, after Chase stabbed our son repeatedly in the back with one.” She lifted her wine glass. “Cheers.”
My dad, at least, had the decency to say sorry. Last year he’d been so pissed to learn that Breaker, aka Valerian, wasn’t dead and was cheerfully married to Violet, well let’s just say it was a shit show, and we all learned something very important that day.
When all else fails, a steak knife works just fine.
The rest of the dinner went by with awkward small talk about bombs. My entire appetite was gone; every single time I heard Annie laugh, I wanted to stab something.
I just couldn’t figure out if it was hate or something else.
All I knew is that I was minutes away from using Tank as target practice and gathering all the forks.
Tank looked down at his phone as it went off. “Speaking of bombs and work, am I telling them or not? It’s my superior?”
Tex leaned back in his chair. “Tell them. You can even bring the evidence in, and if they ask what the white horse represents, make sure you let them know it’s what we send someone when they’re a rat—which should also be a reminder to you about what happens to those who betray us.” He smiled and raised his glass toward Tank. “Cheers.”
“Right.” Tank grabbed his phone and then leaned down and kissed Annie on the head. “I’ll be back later to check on you, all right?” He shot me a dark look then left the table.
The sound of the front door slamming was like Christmas fucking morning.
I finally relaxed.
Assuming Annie would at least scowl at me, instead, she quietly ate the rest of her food and kept easy conversation with Izzy, never once looking in my direction.
Then again, she did hear me say something about hating her with my entire soul, but still, I always said shit like that, and she always came back for more.
What made this time so different?
And why the hell did I care?
I jerked to my feet and started gathering dishes. “Anyone else finished?”
Destructive King Page 5