He was leaving for rehab the next morning, so I knew he’d want to speak to me before he left and that evening I was proved right. Cate came to me and told me I’d been summoned to a family dinner. As much as I didn’t want to go and my heart pounded and my chest tightened, I knew there would be no getting out of it.
As I hobbled up to go to the dining room my palms were sweating and slipped on the handles of my crutches. I had to stop more than once and wipe my hand on my shorts. I was a mess. I hadn’t been able to go for a shower yet. I went as fast as I was able into the bathroom downstairs and out again, avoiding Coop. My hair was scraped back in a ponytail, and I was in a tank top and denim shorts.
While I had paused, a body came up behind me and I knew it was Coop from the butterflies that erupted in my stomach. I sucked in a breath and turned to face him. His eye looked better but was still bloodshot to hell, but he’d lost some of his sparkle; some of his personality had been lost. He met my eyes for a moment. He sucked in a breath and hissed as he took in my passive face.
His body tensed as he moved past me, and he brushed my arm with his. The spark raced up my arm and right into my stomach. I hobbled after him and as we arrived in the dining room within seconds of each other, Shawn’s eyes darkened, making me groan internally. Nothing, absolutely nothing was going on between us. He hated me, or part of him did, and I was so angry at him for being mad at me that I couldn’t see straight.
Dinner was a solemn affair with everyone sitting eating in complete silence. My mom was at one end of the fancy table, huge and oval, with Cate beside me and Cooper directly across from me beside Zane. My heart rate spiked during the dinner and my left leg burned, but I knew I’d have to suffer through it. At the end of dinner, Shawn stood, and all eyes went straight to him.
“Kids,” he said glancing around us, his eyes lingering on me making me squirm, “I can’t begin to say how sorry I am for my atrocious behavior. I love each of you and hurting you in the way that I did is completely unacceptable. I know I can’t make it up to you until you can be sure that I won’t behave in this way again, but I want you all to know I am truly sorry.”
His eyes filled up at the end of his speech, and his voice cracked before he turned and rushed from the room. I glanced at my mom skeptically, but she was already on her feet and rushing after him. My heart thumped painfully, and I leaned back on my chair as Coop spoke, forgetting Cate was there for a second. “What a crock of shit,” he spat out, and then he glanced at Cate and his cheeks colored.
“Yeah, it was rather, wasn’t it?” Cate said and everyone laughed. The tension eased and I glanced up catching Coop’s eye and I could tell he wanted to speak to me, but I shook my head. Not tonight, not while Shawn was around with his crazy vendetta.
He smiled sadly as I pushed my chair back and hobbled away heading back to my room. Cate came up a few moments later with some cake. “Here, sweetie. Cooper looked like you kicked his puppy when you left. That boy is missing you like crazy.” I smiled at her, taking the cake and staring at the TV. Two hot guys chasing monsters in a ’67 Chevy was what I’d needed to blank everything out. Cate stared at me which made me feel more than a little uncomfortable.
“What, Cate?” I asked her, annoyed as the beginning notes of my favorite show started and I glanced at her as she sat down beside me. I paused the TV and turned towards her.
“Sweetie, you need to talk to him, one way or another and I know this is complicated. I get it, I really do, but he’s hurting and you’re the only one who can help him. I know you’re hurting too, but maybe together you can help each other overcome all this.” I nodded but felt a little nauseous as I answered.
“Fine, tomorrow, okay? I’ll speak to him tomorrow.” She nodded at me and sat back watching the boys chase a demon down a side street.
After the show ended, I decided to go make a snack, but thought better of it when I passed Cooper as he came out of his room. He was on his cell and ignored me, but I wanted to speak to him. I tried to catch his attention, but he just kept on walking and disappeared down the stairs, so I turned around and hobbled back to bed.
The next morning Cate had an appointment with her OB-GYN, so she left early. Zane and my mom were working, and Shawn was going to rehab, so Lesley the cook was to check in on Cooper and me from time to time. We were both set up in the barely used family room. The décor was cream and pale blues. The sofa, a corner one that took up half of the space in the room, was a cobalt blue with cream cushions. The TV was mounted on the wall and there were photos of the boys scattered around on the walls.
There were two large bay windows, one with a view of the drive and front garden, and the other with a view of the trees that ran down the side of the house. The weather outside was wet and miserable as the wind howled loudly, battering on the side of the house. Before everyone left, my mom set us up with snacks, sandwiches, and sodas.
It was awkward as hell when Cooper came in, but he sat beside me, not saying a word. As the door closed and everyone left, I held the remote out to him. “You want?” He shook his head at me, his smile sad and full of pain. I turned away from him and began flicking through the TiVo, eventually settling on a show about a couple of vampires in the Deep South. The show had a lot of nakedness and sexual scenes which made me unable to look at Coop.
My heart hammered and my cheeks burned. The wind howled louder outside, and the lights flickered before everything went off, plunging the room into darkness and complete silence. I let out a noise and his fingers linked with mine.
“Relax, Bails, it’s just the weather.” I nodded and turned to look at him. He lit his cell on his lap and we sat for a moment staring at each other without speaking. My breathing sped as he lifted his hand and ran his fingers on his left hand through his hair.
Shaking my head, I turned away from him and when I tried to remove my fingers from his, he tightened his hold, almost cutting off the blood supply to my fingers.
“Bailey, please,” he breathed out. I glanced back at him expectantly, but the look he was giving me stole my breath, pinning me to the sofa.
“I miss you, and I know I messed up. I majorly screwed up, but goddamn it, please give me something.” I shrugged, fighting to hold all my emotions inside as my hand shook in his. “Bails, that day in the hospital when I saw how screwed up you were and how much my messed-up head had hurt you was one of the worst days of my life.” His words came out in a rush and the lights flickered again.
“Cooper, please? I can’t do this right now.” He nodded at me and leaned over, his breath hissing out as he put pressure on his cracked ribs. He met my eyes with a question in his and when I nodded, he brought his lips to mine. As he kissed me, he moved closer, so he was lying next to me on the leg of the sofa.
“Bailey.” He sighed, kissing my lips gently, then each of my cheeks. “I will never deserve you and after how I’ve acted towards you, I know you don’t want to give me a chance…” He paused, kissing my neck and then my earlobe. He sucked on it and then bit down gently. “But if we don’t try, we’ll spend every day of forever wondering if this was it for us. I wanna know if you’re it for me.” As he spoke, my heart rate increased as my breathing spiked again, and I had to open and close my palms to calm myself down.
He brought his lips back to mine and his tongue on my bottom lip made me open my mouth and let him in. As my tongue danced with his, my body thrummed with want, desire, and pleasure, but I needed more than stolen kisses and messed-up moments. I needed him to be a constant in my life and until he could be that for me, then I wouldn’t let him take us further.
“Cooper, stop. I can’t do this with you right now.” His brown eyes lifted as I pushed him away, and shock was prevalent in his look, along with hurt.
“Bailey, I don’t know what you need from me. What can I do? Tell me and I’ll do it. I’d do anything for you.” His voice shook as he spoke to me, and he stared away from me for a moment speaking to the wall. “I’m so in love with you I can’t
think straight; I know how hard this is and how fucked up this situation is, but I can’t see a way out of it.”
A crashing sound outside made me jump, and he turned back to face me.
“Bailey, I am so sorry I fucked up; I fuck everything up.” His shoulders shook, and he tried to breathe deeply, but his face pinched in pain. I had to speak, seeing him in pain was unbearable to me.
“Coop, it’s not just you. This whole situation is a mess and I don’t know what to do. I think I’m falling for you too, but you hurt me so badly and I don’t know how to get over it, or even if I can get over it.” I moved my hands constantly as I spoke, and he put his hand over mine.
“Bailey,” he whispered, tears rolling freely, “it’s okay, I get it.”
I pressed my lips to his and his tears mixed with my own, he pulled back and leaned his forehead on mine. His eyes burned into me and it felt like my soul shuddered. I spoke softly, breathing the words out. “Can we just be friends? I want to be with you, but I need to know there is no one else for you. David and I are over; I’m texting him later today. I’m not being fair to him by wanting to be with you.” He pressed his lips to my nose.
“I broke up with Abbi yesterday. She was so jealous of you and she hates that we live together; plus, it’s not her I want. The only person I want is you.” My heart stuttered as his words, and he pressed his lips to my cheek, trailing across to my lips and as he sucked my bottom lip into his mouth, I considered my next move. I couldn’t help the moan he elicited from me as he bit down gently and my whole body responded to his touch.
Suddenly the sound of a door banging against a wall had us spring apart as Zane walked in - or squelched in. His face was cut and bloody, but it was his eyes that bothered me. His irises weren’t visible, and the sight of them like that bothered me. They were too much like his dad’s eyes when he was violent.
“Don’t let me interrupt,” he spat at us and stormed away upstairs. Coop called after him as I shrunk back into the sofa.
“Hey, it’s okay, Bails.” I nodded as my face tightened in pain. This wouldn’t be easy. It would never be easy. Was it even worth it? I couldn’t figure out the answer, so I closed my eyes drifting off as I leaned my head back on the sofa.
“Bailey?” Coop’s soft voice crooned in my ear and my stomach somersaulted as I looked over at him and saw his lips lift in a small smile. “You need to take your meds, babe.” He handed me my meds and ran his finger delicately over my palm.
As the pain meds kicked in, I lay back again, and he lay on my shoulder, giving my neck a small kiss. We stayed like that long into the afternoon and when we woke up it was with stiff necks and sore backs.
“Cooper, can we be friends?” I asked him sleepily as I woke up, and he smiled and nodded at me.
“Sure, we can,” he spoke kissing my head and moving away from me.
He left me in the family room and walked to his temporary room closing the door behind him. Friends. Okay, how could I be friends with Coop? I didn’t know how to be his friend, but we had to try the friendship thing, and we did while we both recuperated. We hung out, watched the shows about monsters and the guys in the family business of saving people, hunting things. He liked it as much as me and it soon became our thing.
In the days that followed we began to play twenty questions with each other, laughing and joking around and trying to find a way to be comfortable around each other, and every day it got a little easier.
Every day of the next four months we hung out together after school, through snow days and storms, careful not to touch too much, but we hugged a lot and held hands as we sat together watching TV or playing games of twenty questions. My mom didn’t mind us hanging out, but her eyes narrowed whenever she caught us holding hands.
On the weekend of Thanksgiving, she asked to speak to me privately.
“Bailey, I know how close you and Coop are, but you need to see other people too. Cooper’s been out on a few dates.” She sipped her coffee and her eyes narrowed as my eyes widened at the news that he’d been dating. My pulse thumped jaggedly, and I swallowed, nodding at her, not sure exactly what I was agreeing too. “So, you’ll do it, then?” she asked excitedly, and I nodded again.
“Sure, Mom,” I said thinking she was speaking about me dating.
“Great, Friday night okay? Bails, you’re gonna love Phil. He’s a lovely boy and his mom is my friend.” My stomach dropped. What the hell? I’d somehow just agreed to let my mom plan a date for me. I’d zoned out as soon as she talked about Cooper dating. He walked into the kitchen and moved towards us. I shook my head at him, and his dad walked in after him.
Shawn had been home for three weeks, and he was trying. He didn’t get so worked up about Cooper and me spending time together, but his eyes narrowed whenever he saw us. I lifted my cup and sipped my “coffee” and gagged.
“Mom, what the hell is this?” I narrowed my eyes at her, and she smiled. “Isn’t it divine, it’s lemongrass tea and it’s full of antioxidants.” I shuddered at the taste lingering in my mouth and glared at Cooper as he smirked.
He ran his fingers through his hair as he stared at me and mouthed, “See you upstairs.” I nodded at him and my stomach dropped. I needed to tell him about my “date”, and he was gonna freak, but he didn’t have any right to freak out when he’d been dating the whole time.
As I tried to make my feet move upstairs, it felt like they were stuck to the floor, as though I was wading through molasses. I knew it was just my apprehension weighing me down, but when Zane asked to speak to me as I passed the first floor, I went willingly. His room was a mess with empty beer bottles and fast-food wrappers. He patted the bed and I gingerly crossed the room to sit beside him.
He ran his fingers over his face and looked at me, he strummed his fingers on his denim-clad thighs.
“Bailey,” he spoke softly and sucked in a breath, “I know how you and Coop feel about each other, but you both need to tone it back a little. A friend of mine asked if you guys were seeing each other because there’s a rumor floating around school that you are. If it reaches your mom or my dad, then there will be hell to pay.” I nodded at his words and stood to leave when he spoke again, “I know you aren’t our sister, but we both care about you and your reputation would be tanked if people thought you were sleeping with your stepbrother.”
My eyes stung as I left the room and I walked upstairs, ignoring Coop as I closed my door and collapsed fully dressed on my bed. He knocked at the door within a moment and walked in like he normally did. As he moved towards me, I caught a glimpse of his feet under my arm. I hated feet normally, but there was something about his bare feet moving towards me that thrilled me.
“Bails, what’s wrong?” he asked, running his finger along the ridge of my back. His touch electrified me and burned all the way through me. I shook my head and screamed into my duvet. He leaned over and kissed the back of my neck, and a moan escaped me. Over the past week he’d been more affectionate than ever and every time he stepped into the same room, my chest tightened, and my body thrummed as though his touch would set me on fire.
I scurried up the bed, pulling away from him, and he groaned softly as he ran his fingers over my calves.
“Bailey,” he whispered hoarsely, my eyes shooting up to see he was staring down at the very visible firmness in his pants. My eyes widened, and he stood up and walked to the bathroom, closing the door behind him.
I sat with a pillow in my lap trying to control my breathing as someone knocked on my door. I moved towards it and opened it slowly, finding my mom standing there with a smile on her face.
“That’s it, all arranged now. Your date will be on Friday at seven.” Her eyes lingered on my flushed cheeks, and she grimaced before glancing around my room, but since Coop was in the bathroom, there was nothing to see. “You’ll need to dress nicely. He’s a little older than you, but he’s such a lovely boy.”
I nodded at her and went to close the door with shaking hands when she
put her foot in it. “I know you and Cooper are close, but, Bailey, he’s your stepbrother. You need other guys in your life and if you don’t date, then you’ll never find love.” My glare turned glacial as I took her meaning in.
“Mom, I’m sixteen, there is plenty of time for me to find it. Coop makes me feel safe, and he’s my best friend. You know how shy I am, so dating is hard for me.” She nodded and smiled sadly at me, fiddling with her wedding ring as my hand shook on the door. I used my shyness as a crux, but Cooper made me more confident and I liked that in my new school I could be who I wanted without people judging me.
“Yeah, but, Bailey, at least with other guys there is a possibility of more. Cooper has been out on three dates this past month, how many have you been on? How many of your other friends have you been out with outside school? Cooper’s going to college next fall and you need to make sure your circle is wider than just him.”
I nodded and kissed her cheek. “Okay, Mom, I get it.” I stepped away from her and she turned heading down the hall, pausing at Cooper’s door.
“You know where Coop is?” I shrugged and she smiled moving towards the stairs. As I closed my door softly, I heard the bathroom door open and I turned to face Coop with apprehension because I knew he’d heard my mom and me talking.
As I turned to face Coop, my heart hammered in my chest and my palms were clammy.
“Is it true, Bailey? You’re gonna let your mom manipulate you into a date.” I stared at his chest while he spoke, his black T-shirt clinging to his sculpted abs, but I slowly dragged my eyes to meet his and his gaze narrowed at me. I opened my mouth to speak, and he moved away from me. “I can’t believe this. I don’t fucking believe this. You are, aren’t you?” I cringed at his words, and he stopped pacing.
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