April Shadows

by V. C. Andrews

  "Where are you, exactly?" she asked. I really didn't know and turned to Mrs, Westington and asked her.

  "About ten miles east of Healdsburg," she told me, and I told Brenda.

  She was silent a moment. "Well. I don't know what we're going to do," she said. "I'm actually flying out in four hours for Germany. You can't return to the house in Memphis. I moved out," she added quickly. I'll have to call Cousin Pete. He's the only one I can think of quickly. Mr. Weiss will help you, too. I'm on a two-month tour," she added.

  "I'll be all right," I said, tears coming to my eyes. I didn't want her to give up her opportunity, but it hurt to hear that she wasn't even considering it.

  "Of course, you will," Mrs. Westinaton mumbled behind me. I glanced at her and turned back.

  "Oh. I guess I'll just have to cancel. Maybe I can join up later."

  "No, it's all right. Brenda,"

  "You see what you did by running away," she snapped.

  "I'll be all right," I said. "I'll call Cousin Pete myself."

  "Good,' she quickly replied. "And call Mr. Weiss again. He'll find a lawyer there to help you do what has to be done."

  "Okay."

  "I feel terrible about Uncle Palaver," she said. "I just didn't know he was drinking so much. Mama certainly didn't."

  "I know. "

  "What about his lady friend. Destiny? Where is she?"

  "She died before I joined up with him," I said. I decided not to go into the doll and all that had followed, especially in front of Mrs. Westington.

  "Oh. Well, maybe that was what drove him to drink so much."

  "Maybe."

  "April, are you really going to call Cousin Pete? Just stay with him for two months. and I'll deal with everything when I get back. We'll set you up in a school and..."

  "Okay," I said. "I will."

  "Promise?"

  What did promises mean in the world we lived in? I thought.

  "Sure."

  "I'll call Cousin Pete's house in two days from Germany," she said.

  "Okay, but I have to stay here until everything is taken care off."

  "If I don't reach you there. I'll call this number again," she said. "I'm sorry about all you've gone through, April."

  "Me. too." I said.

  "I'll call you," she replied, and hung up.

  I just stood there holding the phone.

  "She coming to fetch you?" Mrs. Westington asked.

  I took a deep breath. I was going to lie to her, but the moment I turned around and looked at her, I could see she would read right through me.

  "She's about to go to the airport to fly to Germany," I said. "She wants me to call a cousin of ours."

  "Where's this cousin?"

  "In North Carolina."

  She smirked. "And what are you supposed to do, drive that monstrosity back to North Carolina?" "I don't know."

  "Well. I do. Finish the potatoes." she said, "You'll stay here until there's a sensible solution. Don't argue." she said before I could even think of doing so. "You'd be talking to the wall."

  Not five minutes later, the phone rang again, and this time it was Mr. Weiss. Brenda had called him immediately after speaking to me.

  "I'll get on the situation out there immediately." he said, "My secretary is placing a call with the police. After we spoke. I perused your family papers and found information pertaining to your uncle. He had made your mother his beneficiary and then you and your sister. I know what arrangements he wanted made in the event of his passing as well. You just take it easy. April. I'll handle the hard stuff from here. No problem. Now, what about this cousin? Brenda wanted me to be sure you called him. You want to do that, or do you want me to do it and have him call you?"

  "I'll do it," I said.

  Cousin Pete was just a little more than a stranger to me. I couldn't imagine throwing myself onto his doorstep. but I didn't want to think about it at the moment.

  "Fine. All right, I'll be calling you at this number and letting you know what I've arranged."

  "Thank you," I said.

  After I hung up, I told everything to Mrs. Westington.

  "Well, that's good your lawyer's doing all that." she said. But I can just imagine what he's going to charge. My husband used to say they get a clock embedded in their hearts as soon as they pass the bar exam."

  "I don't care about the money." I said sharply.

  She looked up at me a moment and then nodded. "You will, Sooner or later." she said. She looked at the potatoes I had peeled. "Now, cut them into quarters." she said. "I'm cooking them in the gravy. That's the way Trevor likes them. Then go get whatever you need out of that monstrosity and take a hot bath. There's nice bath powder in the bathroom. One thing my daughter made sure of was that she was in the pink all the time."

  I started to cut the potatoes. "Why did you send your granddaughter away like that when she was coming down the stairs with me?" I asked.

  "She's too desperate," she replied.

  "Desperate? Desperate for what?" I asked.

  She hesitated. her eyes softening a bit. "For love," she said, and turned to put the beans in a pot.

  Epilogue

  . When I was finished with the potatoes. Mrs. Westin ton again insisted I go up and take a hot bath. I went back into the motor home to get some clothing and other things I would need. The moment I stepped into it. I started to cry. Gazing about at Uncle Palaver's things made me feel so sad for him. Before I left. I did a strange thing. I went back to the bedroom and looked at the Destiny doll. The head was turned toward the door, and the eyes were open. Of course. I was projecting into the doll what was really in me, but it looked truly sad. It brought more tears to my eyes. I sighed and hurried out of the motor home.

  When I went back upstairs. I saw Echo's door open slightly and caught her peering out at me. I smiled at her and then went into my room and ran the bath. I nearly fell asleep soaking in the warm, perfumed water. After I came out of the bathroom to get dressed. I found Echo sitting on the bed looking at my things. She smiled at me and began to sign. I shook my head.

  "I'm sorry. I can't follow you," I said. I shrugged, and she looked disappointed. I was sure she was asking me a dozen questions about everything. Even though it seemed silly. I continued to talk to her, retelling my story, what had happened. why I was there. She looked as if she were listening, and I imagined that from time to time, she was picking up some of it by lip reading. I made a gesture to indicate eating, and she nodded and smiled. This time, maybe her grandmother wouldn't yell at her when we descended together. I thought.

  Mrs. Westington had set the table and begun to bring in bread and butter, salt and pepper, and a jug of water. I saw there were four places. She looked at the two of us and then sidled at Echo, who immediately went to the kitchen to help bring in the food. I joined her.

  When we returned to the dining room. Trevor had arrived, wearing a clean white shirt and a pair of black slacks. His hair was brushed neatly.

  "Everything smells as good as ever." he said. "You'd say that no matter what." Mrs. Westington told him. She gestured at Echo, who sat

  across from Trevor. I sat next to her. Then she surprised me by gesturing again at Echo and lowering her head.

  Echo then said grace through her signing. Mrs. Westington kept an eye on her, and when Echo was finished, both she and Trevor raised their heads and said. "Amen."

  Echo smiled at me with pride at her

  accomplishment, and I smiled back.

  "Thank you for your hospitality," I told Mrs. Westington as she began to pass the dishes of food around.

  She paused, looked at Echo, who was beaming at me, and then shook her head.

  "Everything in this world happens for a reason," she began. "We don't see the reason right away and sometimes not for years and years."

  "Amen to that:" Trevor said.

  She looked at him and pulled her lips back so the corners deepened. He glanced at me and concentrated on his food.

 
"Often, one person's hardship is another person's blessing. The secret is to keep yourself open and willing to enjoy the mysteries of the Lord. You understand me?"

  "Yes, ma'am."

  "Maybe you do; maybe you don't. Right now, it doesn't matter all that much. When you're older, as old as Trevor and me, it will matter."

  She stopped, turned sharply at Echo, who was still staring at me, and then poked her shoulder with a spoon. She signed something angrily, and Echo started to eat.

  "I got a real burden here," Mrs. Westington continued. "I do the best I can. but I'm the first to admit, it's not enough."

  "Oh, Mrs...."

  'No. Trevor." she said sharply. "I don't need to fool myself about anything at my age. You should know that better than anyone."

  "yes, ma'am."

  "Trevor's been with this family for nearly fifty years."

  "Forty-nine years. seven months tomorrow," he said smiling at me.

  "So I put up with his bad habits and tolerate his inadequacies." she added, and he widened his smile. "Anyway. I've given it all a good think. Fate put you on that road out there as clearly as it made that poor child deaf. You didn't ask for it she didn't ask for it. My husband used to say you play the deck you're dealt, and that's that. You're an orphan now, and Echo ain't much more than one herself."

  "Oh, Mrs. Westington," Trevor said. "No one can call that girl an orphan. Not with what you do for her and all."

  "When I need a compliment. Trevor, I'll call on you," Mrs. Westington said.

  Trevor shook his head and went back to eating.

  "What I'm saying here is you're welcome to stay on. I can see where you'd be of real service," she added, nodding at Echo, whose eyes were on me again. "Of course. I'll provide for your schooling needs and all else until you get it in you that you have to go on somewhere."

  I looked at Echo. She seemed to understand what Mrs. Westington was saying.

  "I don't know what to say." I said.

  "You just say thank you and move in." she replied. "I saw how much you wanted to go live with that cousin."

  I glanced at Trevor. He was smiling but keeping his head down.

  "You can be of great help to me as regards Echo," she added. "It won't take you long to learn how to sign. As I told you. I have a good tutor for her. but I realize she is isolated out here and could use some young people companionship now. Maybe this tutor can help you with whatever you called it."

  "High school equivalency."

  "Yes, that. Well, go on and eat. You don't want it to get cold while you think." she said.

  She immediately began to talk to Trevor about some of the things they needed done on the property and the house. Afterward. Echo and I helped clear the table and do the dishes. When that was completed, she took me into the living room to show me her books. She was proud of her library. and I was impressed with how much she had already read. Some of the titles were ones I had been assigned in high school.

  Next to the books on the shelf was a picture of Echo and a young, good-looking black-haired man with Asian features who had his arm around her shoulders.

  "Who?" I signed to her, and pointed to the picture.

  She replied in her language. It took me a few times to comprehend that she was saying he was her tutor.

  "His name's Tyler Monahan," Mrs. Westington said from the living room doorway. I didn't know how long she had been standing there watching us. "I'm lucky to have him. He worked at a school for the disabled in Los Angeles before he came back here to help with his own family after his father died. He's a loyal son and gave up his work in Los Angeles to help his mother with their sauce business. Echo there provides him with a chance to keep his hand in his real life's work,

  "You'll meet him in a couple of days," she said.

  I glanced at the photo again.

  The phone had rung while Echo and I were in the living room.

  "Just got off the phone with the police. Your uncle's death is ruled caused by acute cirrhosis, as suspected. Your lawyer's already contacted them and set up the arrangements for the funeral, which isn't much. He left orders to be cremated. We can attend a quick ceremony day after tomorrow at eleven."

  I didn't say anything. I lowered my head.

  "I told Trevor to drive that big vehicle around back. The lawyer's seeing about all that. too."

  "Thank you," I said.

  Mrs. Westington went through a series of signing with Echo, and from the way she reacted. I concluded she was telling her all about me, my uncle, and what had happened. She finished by explaining I might be staying here with them. It brought a wide, hopeful smile to her face.

  "I have some book work to attend to," Mrs. Westington said. "She doesn't mind watching television with you, even though she can't hear it. She clings to any companionship," she added sadly. "And I'm not much to cling to these days. I'm up at seven." she concluded, and left us.

  Echo was determined to show me as much about herself as she could. She pulled out family albums, school papers, and other pictures. At one point. I found a book on sign language. and I sat with her and practiced some of the hand gestures. That pleased her the most and made me laugh as well. Finally, the full impact of the day's events settled on me. and I told her I had to get some sleep. She was disappointed, but she understood, and after I helped her put everything back, she ascended the stairs with me. At my door, she showed me how to say good night and then, timidly but eagerly, she kissed me on the cheek and went off to her own room.

  At that moment. I pitied her for living in a world of silence. But I also envied her for not being able to hear the voices, the cries, and the sobs that echoed in my own mind.

  There were two windows in the bedroom that had once been Mrs. Westington's daughter's bedroom. They looked out on the east end of the house, and when I gazed out of them now. I saw the back of the motor home and my car where Trevor had parked them. I could understand selling the vehicle and most of Uncle Palaver's things, but I decided I didn't want to see his magic equipment sold. and I especially didn't want to see the Destiny doll taken away. I had no idea now what I would do with it all, but I made up my mind to make that a requirement of my remaining here in Mrs. Westington's home. I saw no reason why she would be opposed.

  As darkness thickened and the stars began to brighten. I thought about the journey I had taken to arrive at this place. Was everyone's life as

  convoluted? Did everyone travel through a similar kind of maze, where each turn caused us to go in one direction or another? It seemed chaotic to me, until I thought about the way each event determined the next. Maybe there was a pattern. Maybe Uncle Palaver's doll was aptly named. and we were all in the hands of Destiny, one way or another.

  Wasn't that what Mrs. Westington believed? That fate had brought me here?

  Perhaps it had. Perhaps Echo had signed a prayer to God asking for someone like me to be brought to her doorstep. Who was I to question anything anymore, whether it be Peter Smoke's medicine wheel. Uncle Palaver's obsession for a lost love, or Mrs. Westington's confidence in a reason for everything?

  So much about our lives is illusion. I thought. Daddy had tried to create one to replace his tragic reality for us. Brenda had accepted one with Celia that became a bubble and burst. And I had run off pursuing my own shadows and wishful thinking. I quickly understood that Uncle Palaver was simply drawing from that well of fantasy and serving it back to his audiences.

  One way or another, we all arrive here. I thought. We all stop and watch the darkness swallow up the shadows and the illusions. Then we turn to ourselves and hope to find the strength to look into the face of reality and go on. That's what Mrs. Westington was doing or trying to do. She had asked me to join hands with her.

  I was about to begin' another journey, make a turn in the maze. What was at the end of it?

  Happiness?

  More sadness?

  Or just another turn?

  Tomorrow would be the beginning of my pursuit of the answer.
>
  So, good night, Daddy, I thought. Good night, Mama and Brenda and Uncle Palaver.

  I put my lips to the window and gazed at Uncle Palaver's motor home.

  "Good night, Destiny." I whispered.

  Somewhere inside me, I believed she heard.