To Be, Or Not (Class of 85)

by Margo Hoornstra

  “Grow up, Goodwin.” Barry sat straight up, shoulders stiff, back rigid, but as he went to stand, Holbrook put a quick hand on his arm.

  “No need to take things further.” He lowered his voice so only Barry could hear. “Aaron has the mentality and testosterone level of a seventeen year old. Treat him as such.”

  “I don’t plan to waste my time on assholes. I don’t like to miss an opportunity to talk to my favorite sister.”

  “Tell Amanda I said hello.”

  Stopping mid rise, Barry’s gaze fell on his friend. “Jesus,” he muttered. “Does it show that much?”

  Jake smiled and set down his glass. “Hopefully just to me and not these other bozos.”

  “That’s damn comforting,” Barry mumbled, then raised his voice to address the rest of the table. “I’ll catch up with you guys later. Turns out I have business to attend to.”

  “I’m outta here,” Jake said standing. “Early morning meeting at the hospital.”

  “Keep in touch, man.” Offering his hand to Jake, Barry gave nods to the others before he made his way over to join his sister and her ‘companion’.

  The surrounding conversations, laughter and loud music filtered to the background as Barry watched Amanda stop to take off a beige jacket before she sat. With her backside turned briefly his way, he contemplated how he’d never seen a pair of jeans look half as good as hers, then figured he’d best bring his attention off the lady’s physical attributes and come up with some sort of brilliant conversation starter.

  “Hey, ladies, you here for dinner?”

  “No, we’re looking to get drunk and pick up a one night stand,” Marcy deadpanned.

  Barry flipped a chair around he made sure to set a bit closer to Amanda before straddling it.

  “Dollar drafts tonight for ladies only,” Maggie said as she handed out menus.

  Marcy gave her brother a run down of the whereabouts of her family, two young daughters staying with another sister and a husband who would be joining them when he got off work. All Barry wanted to know about was if her dinner companion had anyone coming to meet her after they got off work.

  “I talked Amanda into coming with us because I know how hard Roger’s been working her lately and didn’t want her to spend the evening alone.”

  Ask and it shall be given. Barry could have kissed his sister for telling him precisely what he wanted to know.

  “The overtime isn’t bad. But this does beat going home to an empty apartment.” Amanda clamped her mouth shut as if she’d just revealed too much. “It’s a busy, busy time for The Hornets Marketing Department.”

  “Too busy to go to dinner with me some night?” Might as well lay his intentions out there right away.

  About to open her menu, Amanda paused at his question.

  “I can cover your phones if you want to leave early some night,” Marcy was quick to inform her.

  “There you go,” Barry added, sure once again why Marcy was his favorite sister.

  Amanda hid her face behind the plastic menu. “I’ll have to let you know.”

  “I’ll have fish and chips,” Marcy said at Maggie’s return.

  “Me, too.”

  After Amanda set her menu down, he stared at her hands neatly resting on the table. Letting his imagination run wild, he saw himself slide over beside her, fold those hands into his, slowly kiss the tip of each finger and explain how he’d never stopped loving her. Even after twenty-five years.

  “Twenty-five years.” Hearing Amanda, Barry’s gaze shot to her face. “But, I don’t think I’ll go to the reunion.”

  “Why not?” he asked.

  “I don’t really care to.”

  “What’s your professional opinion of The Hornets chances this year?” Marcy wanted to know.

  “The team looks good in practice,” he offered without looking her way.

  And you look good anytime, anywhere, Amanda. And that’s the absolute truth. With minimal wear and tear lines at their corners, light green eyes stared back and he could swear, sparkled when they landed on his. Over the years, he thought about her so many times. And his imagination didn’t come near to doing justice to the real thing. Lines of age at the edges of her eyes, incredibly, made her more beautiful.

  “How good is good?” Marcy prompted, and it took Barry a moment to remember their ongoing conversation.

  “Of course games will be the real test. Unfortunately, our schedule starts with a double header against last year’s league champions.”

  “Do The Hornets have a chance this year of coming in above dead last?”

  “I think so.” Barry relaxed as he talked about something else he truly loved—baseball. “I’m especially pleased with a new talent we’ve acquired, a kid named Riley Sparks.”

  Maggie brought the two mugs of draft beer the women had ordered and Marcy slid hers to one side. “We met him last year. He lived with the Dunlaps. Ron and Patty next door?” she said to Amanda who nodded. “He seemed like a really nice kid.”

  “His batting average has been pretty high,” Barry continued, and provided what he thought to be the figure.

  “Impressive,” Amanda said.

  “Pretty much like yours during your rookie year in The Show,” Marcy noted. “Which is a lot harder to achieve than in the minors.”

  Both pleased and embarrassed at Marcy’s comment, he said, “Donaldson wants him to be our starting catcher. I’m working with him pretty much one on one.”

  “That kid has survived being bounced around in a state foster care system the better part of his life,” Amanda offered. “I can say that because it’s been cleared to be made public,” she was quick to add. “Donaldson wanted it included in his bio I put in our press kit. Good attention getter and all that, a philosophy I don’t always agree with.”

  “Nothing wrong with public attention for the team, I guess,” Barry offered. “Most kids with that kind of background end up either in jail or carrying huge chips on their shoulders.”

  “Is he the one the girls will fall all over?” Marcy winked at her brother. “Like someone else we know and love?”

  Shifting uncomfortably, Barry could only hope his blush was hidden by the bar’s darkened interior. Then Maggie Carpenter arriving with the fish and chips provided him time to recover.

  Marcy moved her napkin from the table to her lap. Barry caught a french fry as it fell from Amanda’s basket at the same time as she reached to grab it.

  Little Mike must have the fryer set hotter than usual. He turned on a smile at Amanda’s quick and startled look, and wondered if she had a similar thought.

  Laying down extra napkins, Maggie looked over at Barry. “You want your tab brought over here?”

  He nodded. “If you would, please. And add these ladies’ charges to it too.”

  “I can buy my own.” Amanda was quick to speak up in protest while Marcy didn’t say a word.

  “Let him treat,” she told Amanda. Pride led the smile she sent her brother’s way. “He can afford it.”

  “He doesn’t have to.”

  Marcy dipped a chunk of fried perch into her cup of tarter sauce. “Barry’s always doing nice things like that. One time he took our whole brood to Hawaii for two weeks.”

  Amanda paused with a french fry half way to her mouth and looked over at him. “That was very generous.”

  His shrug was automatic. “We had exhibition games in Oahu during the holidays. It was nice to have my family there with me.” He was struck by a surge of pride he suddenly wanted to share. “The kids enjoying themselves made it all worth it.”

  “They sure did,” Marcy agreed. “My two couldn’t stop talking about Uncle Barry’s Great Adventure. Having Jenna Quinn along, at the time the hottest new talent in the country music field, didn’t hurt Uncle Barry’s image.”

  Jenna Quinn. Now he remembered his Hawaiian companion. Ambitious, self-involved and nice to his family—only after he had an ‘or else’ discussion with her.

 
“Seeing the kids happy worked for me,” he said. No sense dwelling on what hadn’t been so great.

  “I can afford it, yeah,” Barry piped up to fill the void when Amanda grew quiet. “But, besides that, it’s not often I get to treat my favorite sister and my favorite—” Too late, the superlative left his mouth. “—co-worker,” he finished on a slight cough, as he took in Amanda’s startled look and Marcy’s amused one.

  “Hey. I’m a co-worker too,” his sister teased.

  “That doesn’t count,” Barry informed her. “You were my sister first. That takes precedence.”

  “I tell you,” Marcy offered around a mouthful of delicate fish. “Doogan’s has the best fish and chips in the world. Bar none.”

  Amanda set down her fork and sat back. “I don’t think I can eat all of this.”

  “Have Maggie wrap it up for you to take home,” Barry suggested. “You can have the rest tomorrow.”

  Maybe think of me when you do. He acknowledged the thought, then immediately considered how pathetic that sounded.

  “I probably wouldn’t eat it reheated,” Amanda said. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to wash my hands.”

  As she stood up and turned to walk away, Barry couldn’t take his eyes off her retreating form. Yes sir, best lookin’ pair of jeans he’d ever seen.

  “Boy, little brother. Do you have it bad, or do you have it bad?” Marcy ran a finger along the rim of her glass. “I don’t recall you being flustered with the opposite sex ever. What gives with this one?”

  Barry cast her a serious glance as he leaned forward. “Because this one matters so much.”

  “Be nice to her, Barry,” she cautioned, wise eyes boring into his. “I mean it. She was hurt pretty bad by an ex-husband last year.”

  “Amanda was married?”

  “What? You thought she’d sit around after high school, waiting for you?”

  “No, but—,” he began, ashamed to admit the idea had merit.

  She gestured toward Amanda who chose that moment to walk back toward their table. “I’m just saying.”

  Disappointed he didn’t have time to get the whole story, and promising himself he’d find out more about Amanda’s life, he was all smiles by the time he stood. “We missed you while you were gone,” he said and pulled out a chair for her.

  As if given some off stage cue, Marcy got up when Amanda sat and Barry ignored the smugness in her I-told-you-so expression. “John thought he’d be here by now. You can’t hear anything in this mad house. I’m going outside to call him.”

  Fast as that, Barry was alone with Amanda. With his most recent dream come true, and he wasn’t quite sure what to do with the opportunity.

  Faster still, his mind flashed back to the days leading up to his departure for the free ride at Ohio State, courtesy of baseball. He lost count of the number of times he started to call Amanda then stopped because he didn’t have the slightest idea what to say to her.

  ‘Hey, I’m sorry we couldn’t get it on up there on the Bluff like I planned.’ That would probably be what she expected him to say, when the truth was so very different. ‘I’m sorry for what happened up there, but, you see it’s just that I care for you so much. Lately, all I ever want to do is be with you, hold you, protect you. What happened was my way of trying to explain those feelings to you. Get you to understand how much you mean to me.’

  While he continued to wrack his suddenly challenged brain for another conversation starter, Amanda helped him out. “What were you and the boys discussing?”

  Glancing over at the table for the first time since he’d left it, he saw the rest of his friends were gone. Goodwin, who sat alone, winked and lifted yet another beer Barry was probably paying for. Unsure whether to laugh or cry, he returned his full attention to her. “Guy stuff.”

  “Nothing I’d be interested in?”

  “Nope.”

  Groping for what to do next, he could have kissed Maggie when she reappeared at their table with the check. “Big Mike says any more beer you guys want is on the house.” She indicated Barry’s former table with a tilt of her head. “He’s cut him off.”

  “Thanks,” Barry told her. Catching the bar owner’s eye, he lifted his head to acknowledge the information.

  “John’s been held up,” Marcy said coming back in. “He said he’d meet me at home.”

  Amanda stood at the news. “I’ll get my jacket.”

  “You’re having fun,” Marcy said, and Barry couldn’t help but wonder if she put words in Amanda’s mouth. “I don’t want to ruin that. Barry can take you home.”

  When both women looked at him, Barry sat straighter. “Sure,” he agreed with a broad smile Amanda’s way and tried not to notice she didn’t exactly smile back.

  Then he could almost hear every vertebra in her spine snap into place as she folded her arms on the table and faced him. No matter, he thought. Tonight was a start. He had the rest of his life to come up with a good finish.

  Chapter Four

  Barry opened the exit door at Doogan’s. As he and Amanda stepped through it, the racket of juke box music mixed with boisterous conversations gave way to the quiet of a star filled night.

  “My car’s in back next to the dumpster.” His arm came casually around her shoulders to lead them in that direction and every cell in every fiber in every muscle of her body zinged to high alert.

  “Why would you leave your car there?”

  His off-handed shrug tightened an already confining grip on her arm. “Less likelihood of people discovering where I am.”

  Surrounded by the bland air of a season on the cusp between melting snow and blooming flowers, she caught an understated aroma of aftershave. The intoxicating scent quickly took charge of her senses. Exactly as it had when she was seventeen.

  To quiet suddenly frazzled nerves, she thought about the way many of the women reacted to Barry’s presence at Doogan’s. All he had to do was stroll across the room and more than half of them followed him with gazes projecting more than a passing interest.

  Unlocking then opening the passenger door for her, he waited while she settled into the seat and fastened her belt before he pushed it closed. As he circled to the driver’s side, she focused on how their being together was unplanned. He was giving her a ride home as a favor to his sister after they happened to run into each other at a local bar.

  A chance encounter which, for Amanda, was akin to calling a tsunami a larger than normal wave.

  Bringing his amazing scent with him, Barry entered the car and turned the key to trigger the Jag’s engine. An initial growl became a hypnotizing purr. Thankful for the wide leather console separating them, she watched his hand, strong and sure, come over top of the gear shift knob.

  “Where did you say your house was again?”

  Her hands doubled into fists. “Out beyond where Lakeshore Boulevard cuts off toward the Old Oak Lighthouse.” One by one, she consciously unclenched her fingers. “It’s not actually a house. I live in an apartment complex. A new development outside of town.”

  For the first time since her return to Summerville, she regretted renting a place twenty minutes away and wished she’d heeded the message on a three foot high sign hanging along one side of a downtown building. The one advertising available loft apartments in rehabbed warehouses located near Summerville’s business district.

  And walking distance from Doogan’s.

  “I’m renting for now,” she told him. Until I figure out what to do with the rest of my life.

  Over the past twenty-five years, she’d had a long and successful international career. Married to one of the leading Madison Avenue movers and shakers, she’d taken business as well as pleasure trips to all the capitals of Europe where she mingled with jet setters and political leaders.

  Each and every moment of that previous life faded to an indistinct haze compared to being with Barry again.

  He accelerated as they crossed the border of Summerville proper and its restrictive th
irty-five mile an hour speed limit. With the city lights receding in the distance, darkness wrapped around the car like a personal cocoon. And Amanda could do nothing but acknowledge she was in big trouble.

  “It’s nice out tonight.”

  Her head rose at Barry’s voice. “Yes. It is.” A distinctive whirring sound filled the car as he electronically lowered the driver’s side window. Immediately a cooling breeze drifted over her. “They had a pretty long and brutal winter this year.”

  “There’s a full moon, too.” His nod indicated the huge white and yellow globe hovering above them. “A lot like that night—” The casual reference flash froze the ball of dread that had been swirling around in her stomach. “A lot like so many nights in this part of the country.”

  Headlights of a car passing from the other way provided a glimpse of Barry’s suddenly stoic expression. And no insight into the emotions behind it.

  Out the window to her right, Amanda watched the graduated stages of headlights and darkness dance among the trees. “I rode in to work with a neighbor this morning because I loaned another neighbor my car,” she explained, thinking she owed him a good reason to need a ride home.

  “Sounds like you’re doing a good job getting settled back into the community.”

  She forced a light tone. “Does it?”

  If only he knew the wretched loneliness of her life. And that the first neighbor she referred to was a sixty-five year old man who worked part time at Wegman’s Grocery to supplement a too small pension. And neighbor number two was a twenty something single mother with an on again off again boyfriend. Amanda didn’t want her to have to depend on Summerville’s spotty public transportation system to take her sick baby to the doctor when the child’s might be the dad didn’t show up to drive them. “Marcy planned to bring me home.”

  Able to divert his attention from the road as they approached a blinking red traffic light at a four way stop, he glanced over to study her. “Until she shifted the responsibility to me.” He jerked his head back as if he’d just issued the insult of the decade. “Which is great.” He shut up, shook his head, and his voice lowered. “I don’t mind at all.”