Perfect Day

by Sally Malcolm

  “If you could come over, that would be great. Then he can go to bed at his normal time and won’t be a bear on Thanksgiving.” She smiled. “I don’t plan on being out that late—too much to do the next day to risk a hangover.”

  He smiled. “Of course.”

  “Thanks, Newt.” She reached up and pecked him on the cheek. “You sure you won’t be too tired after the concert?”

  “I’ll be fine.” And, in truth, he didn’t mind. Matt Howard was a good kid. “Perhaps Matt will have more luck teaching me the art of Minecraft this time?”

  She laughed. “He’ll certainly try.”

  “So, uh”—he tipped his head, tried to get a read on her smile—“you have a date?”

  Liz flushed, eyes bright. “I guess,” she said. And then, in a lower voice, “Finn Callaghan asked me to the Rock House for a drink.”

  “Oh” was pretty much all Joshua could manage.

  “I mean, it’s nothing really,” Liz hurried on. “Just—you know, it’s been a while. I’m kinda out of practice with all this.”

  He cleared his throat, focused on the books he was tidying. “I don’t think it’s something you forget.”

  “I guess.”

  An odd silence fell between them and Joshua reached for something to say to break it. “Um, so F-Finn is here for Thanksgiving?” Damn, but he hated how he stumbled over his name.

  “Flies in Wednesday,” Liz said. “Afternoon, I think.”

  “And you’re his first port of call?” His smile did nothing to soothe the slick coil of envy in the pit of his stomach.

  “I wouldn’t say that.” But the color rose in her cheeks and her eyes shone, dazzled. And why wouldn’t she be? Finn was dazzling. “Um, is six forty-five okay with you? I’m meeting him at the Rock House at seven.”

  Joshua nodded. “I’ll be there.” Even if the situation couldn’t get more ridiculous. Babysitting for Finn’s date? The universe must be having a good laugh.

  The only positive he could draw from the situation was the confirmation that Finn wouldn’t be back until Wednesday—that left him Tuesday, after work, to head up to Hanworth Hall and lose a couple hours to the piano. He wouldn’t go there with Finn around, obviously, but he ached for the oblivion he found in intense practice and the mellow tones of his mother’s piano were just the thing to ease his battered spirits. He planned on making the most of it while he could.

  * * *

  Finn liked nothing better than getting the jump on his brother. So he didn’t call to let Sean know they didn’t need him on set on Tuesday after all, and that he could make his escape a day early.

  He liked the idea of just rolling up at the house unannounced, startling Sean while he was watching porn, or geeking out over the History channel, or whatever he got up to alone in that big fucking house.

  With Josh.

  The image derailed him from his happy thoughts and he shifted in his airplane seat, drawing a shy smile from the woman next to him. She’d recognized him immediately, but hadn’t said anything so he left it at that for now. Not that he minded fans saying hello, it was just that Joshua-fucking-Newton had taken over his brain and it was difficult to be the nice guy he wanted to be with all that damn emotion churning around inside.

  Glaring out the window, he offended the clouds instead.

  He felt shitty about what he’d said to Josh outside Sean’s house, and that pissed him off because he wasn’t the one in the wrong. Josh had had no right to look so—so hurt. He was the one who’d ended everything, not Finn. He’d had no right to stand there outside Sean’s house with his face all flushed and his hair damp and wild like he’d just been—

  Of course, the dreams weren’t helping. Josh started visiting his dreams about a year after it ended, laughing and joyful with his intense gaze and gentle smile. And Finn woke from those dreams either suffused with fading joy or choking on bile. Neither state did much for his concentration at work.

  But now they’d met again, things were getting worse. The dreams came more often—every night now, sometimes more. And they were vivid. He could feel the warmth of Joshua’s pliant body under his hands, taste the salt on his skin. Hear the soft rasp of his name on those lips when he came.

  Jesus.

  In the airplane, Finn swallowed a mouthful of whiskey and tried to change the subject inside his head. But all he came up with was Sean and Josh eating dinner together. Stupid to feel jealous, but he did. Josh was his to resent, not Sean’s to befriend.

  His flight landed early in New York and the waiting car drove him the hour and a half out to New Milton. He talked to the driver a little, watched the scenery flash past the window, caught up on his email and tried not to think about Josh. When they were a couple minutes from Sean’s, he asked the driver to drop him off. Giving the guy a generous holiday tip, Finn waited for the sound of the car to fade before he took in a deep breath of cold New Milton air.

  He was back. There’d been a time when he’d vowed never to set foot in New Milton again, but here he was and something deep down vibrated with that knowledge. He didn’t know what the fuck to do with that, so decided to ignore it—because that always worked.

  Slinging his bag over one shoulder, he crunched up the road to Sean’s house and let himself in through the side door. It was never locked. He dumped his bag in the hallway and tried to figure out where Sean might be. Working, probably, because it was only six o’clock. Cocking his head, he listened until he heard a noise from farther inside the house. Music.

  He followed the sound, surprised that it wasn’t the usual crap Sean listened to but real music. He snorted a laugh. What was this? Sean Callaghan getting all refined now he was lord of the fucking manner? Finn headed down another hallway, pleased to have caught Sean in this act of pretention, and stopped to peak around the door. If Sean was conducting or something, Finn would—

  His heart jolted so hard it almost broke a rib.

  Sean wasn’t there. Instead, head tipped forward, eyes closed in concentration, Josh played music to break your heart. And his face... Every emotion was written there, every bar, every note of music.

  Finn couldn’t move, transfixed. He’d watched Josh play before, knew he was a freakin’ genius, but he’d forgotten. He’d forgotten. Emotion pricked the back of his throat, a stirring of all that old tender yearning. God, how he’d loved this man.

  Something of his pain escaped: a growl, a caught breath. Josh looked up, startled, and the music stopped. Finn’s heart stopped with it, the whiplash leaving him breathless.

  Josh stared with wide eyes, face draining of color save two flushed points on his cheekbones. “I didn’t know you were—Sean said Wednesday.”

  Finn glared at the polished wooden floor. Christ, but he couldn’t stop feeling. And it was too much. In this room where Josh had broken him, where Finn, humiliated, had begged, it was too much. “Is, uh—?” He ground the words like glass between his teeth. “Where’s Sean?”

  “Kitchen.”

  And that was that. Finn left, walked with a frantic heartbeat toward the kitchen where he startled Sean, but barely even noticed. Nothing could distract him from his single-minded trajectory toward the refrigerator and a beer.

  “Dude?” Sean said.

  “Sean.” He flicked the bottle cap into the sink and drained half the beer in one go, eyes closed and seeing nothing but Josh and that fucking piano.

  “Ah, okay. Mi casa, su casa and all that, but, um... What the hell?”

  Finn swallowed, wiped his mouth on his sleeve. “Got in a day early. Surprise.”

  “And you couldn’t call?” Sean stood up slowly from the kitchen table, a wary look on his face.

  Finn faked a smile (hey, actor). “That would have ruined the surprise.” Then he laughed. “Man, the look on your face...”

  Sean gave an uncertain frown, not quite buying the pe
rformance. “Okay...”

  “You know how I like to prank you, man.”

  “Right,” Sean said. “Because that was hilarious.”

  Finn bit down hard on a sigh and changed the subject. “So. Just you and me tonight, huh? That’s nice. A little bro time. It’s been a while.”

  Sean’s gaze flicked past Finn’s shoulder into the hallway. He looked guilty. Good.

  “I don’t get enough alone time with my kid brother.” Finn stepped in for a hug, thumping Sean on the back to emphasize the point. “This’ll be good. Just like old times, huh?”

  “Right. Yeah, you’re right. Just you and me. It’ll be good.” Sean stepped back, an awkward frown on his face. “Ah, listen, Josh is here.”

  Finn fixed his smile in place, said nothing.

  “Sometimes he comes to play the piano—it was his mom’s and he has to sell it, so... Anyway, sometimes he stays for dinner. But I’ll just tell him—I mean it’s not like he expects to stay...” Sean hesitated, waiting for Finn to back down.

  He didn’t. His smile felt so tight it hurt, right down deep in the center of his chest. “I’m sure he’ll understand,” he said and washed down his guilt with another mouthful of beer. “It’s a family thing.”

  Turning back to the fridge for a second beer, he ignored Sean’s uncertain frown. Let him think Finn was a selfish asshole. Better that than letting Josh worm his way back under his skin, because he was done with that. He was. And he refused to go back.

  * * *

  As always, the Thanksgiving pageant was a triumph.

  When the audience was ninety-nine percent proud parents they tended to be pretty forgiving. And Joshua loved it, even with all the minor disasters and near misses. A little improvisation in the accompaniment—even on the perpetually out of tune school piano—could compensate for a lot of nervous mistakes, and everyone left the stage smiling. Even Noah Ellis, who’d spent his whole performance watching Joshua mouthing the words of his song for him.

  Only at the end, when Liz made him stand up to take a bow—“We could never make this happen without the help of Mr. Newton”—did he notice Finn and Sean at the back of the hall. Sean applauded enthusiastically and Finn smiled at Liz. That must be why they’d come; Liz had invited Finn. Even so, he felt a hollow tug in the pit of his stomach at the sight of him and covered it by sitting down fast and playing the kids offstage.

  Afterward, he did his best to avoid them both. Their encounter in the music room had left him shaken, mostly because of the expression he’d glimpsed on Finn’s face—something broken and yearning. He told himself it was just the effect of memory, of Finn seeing Joshua in the very room where he’d hurt him so badly. He knew it couldn’t be more than that. Finn had made his feelings all too clear, after all, and Joshua knew better than to get his hopes up. Hope never ended well.

  So he hung back at school, helped stack chairs and sort out music and props and waited for Finn and Sean to leave. But he couldn’t stay too long because he needed to be at Liz’s in time for her date.

  Ha-ha.

  Just after six he headed out of the school and almost tripped over his own feet in his haste to stop when he saw Finn and Liz standing together in the school foyer. He was hidden from them around a corner of the corridor, close enough that he could hear their conversation. Really, he should have braved it and walked out past them with a cheery wave. But he didn’t—mostly because they were talking about him.

  “...a couple years ago,” Liz was saying. “He started out just teaching the kids after school, but he’s so good with them we’ve kind of roped him in to be a more general ad hoc music teacher.”

  “A couple years?” Finn sounded surprised.

  “Yeah. I keep thinking he’s going to move on. Apparently he’s lived all over. But... I don’t know. I guess he just likes it here. He does a few shifts at Dee’s too. The coffee shop in town?”

  “Yeah. I, uh—It’s a kinda unusual career for someone like him.”

  “Really,” she agreed.

  Finn gave a scratchy laugh. “I guess he really was the black sheep of the family.”

  “I feel so bad for him,” Liz said, warming to the subject. “He always seems—I don’t know. Lonely. A little sad or something. Rootless.”

  Joshua squeezed his eyes shut, partly because being flayed alive was painful but mostly because it was true. He had always been lonely, except for that one perfect summer.

  “He’s uh...” Finn cleared his throat, his voice tight. “He doesn’t have a, um...a partner?”

  “No. Well, there was Emma, I guess. She was a substitute teacher for a couple months last year? She had this enormous crush on Newt, but I don’t think anything happened.” She lowered her voice. “I actually wonder if maybe he’s gay?”

  Silence stretched thin before Finn said, “Right. Well. You never know, I guess.”

  “If he is, he’s way, way in the closet. I mean, with his family, it was probably difficult, but it’s a shame he never pushed back, you know? Stood up for himself.”

  “Absolutely,” Finn said, with feeling. “You can’t take shit from your family. You gotta stand up for what you want.”

  “You said it. That’s why I have Matt, actually.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Let’s just say I was under pressure to give him up, but there was no way I was going to let that happen. It’s my life, right? So I said, ‘Mom, you can either support me or you can get outa my way.’” She laughed. “And you know what? She’s the most doting grandma you can imagine. She adores Matt.”

  “I admire that,” Finn said. “You’re no pushover. You fought for what you wanted.”

  “Finn, the way I see it, we’ve got one life. There’s no second chances, right?”

  “Right. No second chances.”

  Joshua pressed his back against the corridor wall as if it could swallow him up. He should have known better, of course. Eavesdroppers never hear any good of themselves. But this? He hated how Finn saw him—unable, or unwilling, to stand up for what he wanted. It wasn’t true and it wasn’t fair.

  “Joshua?”

  He jumped. “Sean, what are you doing here?”

  “Using the restroom.” He eyed Joshua curiously. “You okay?”

  “Yes, I was just—” He pushed himself away from the wall, realizing how odd he must look. “I was just gathering my thoughts.”

  Sean’s gaze slid past him to Finn and Liz. “Okay... You, um, need a ride?”

  “No. No, I have my car.” He grabbed his bag and headed for the foyer, Sean on his heels. “Thanks for coming, by the way. I’m sure Liz appreciated it.”

  “Liz?”

  “There you are!” Finn barreled into their conversation with an exaggerated sigh. “Nose all powdered?”

  Sean’s expression went tight and he ignored his brother. “You’re so good with those kids, man,” he said to Joshua. “I don’t know how you do it.”

  “It’s because they all love Mr. Newton.” Liz squeezed his arm. “He can get them to do anything.”

  “Well, anything except practice their music on a regular basis.” He gave her a smile—better than looking at Finn—and said, “I’ll see you later, okay?”

  “Thanks, Newt. You’re a star.”

  With a nod to Sean and half a glance at Finn, he said, “Goodnight. And, uh, happy Thanksgiving.”

  “Yeah, you too, Joshua.” There was just enough doubt in Sean’s voice to make Joshua hurry for the door. The last thing he wanted was an invitation.

  He made it into his car before the others left the building, but after five tries the engine still coughed and sputtered and refused to cooperate. By then Sean and Finn were heading to their own car and Sean glanced over, exchanging a few words with his brother. Crap. Joshua cast a prayer heavenward—come on, come on—turned the key for a sixth time and jam
med his foot on the gas. Like a miracle, it started. Throwing the car into gear, he pulled around them with a wave and hit the road. In his rearview mirror he saw Finn watching him leave and tried not to hope it meant something.

  He drove home under heavy skies, gloomy even for a late November afternoon. Shattered after the concert, he peered up at the threatening sky and sighed. The last thing he wanted to do was spend the evening babysitting for Finn and Liz’s date, but of course he wouldn’t back out. He wasn’t that kind of guy—he liked to be responsible, thoughtful. Or, in Finn’s black-and-white book, a pushover.

  After a quick shower and a sandwich, he pulled on his boots and headed out. Naturally, this time, the car refused point-blank to start. A red light flashed balefully on the dash. The battery? He cursed loudly and crudely—no one was listening—and slumped back in the seat. Maybe it was a sign. Maybe he should call Liz and tell her he couldn’t make it. But that wasn’t fair on her and, anyway, if she knew his car was acting up, she—or she and Finn—would come pick him up. And that would be infinitely worse. Besides, it was only a twenty-minute walk.

  Liz looked great when she opened the front door, beautiful by any objective measure. He thought she might be a little too apple pie for Finn’s taste, but who was he to judge? In the grand scheme of things he’d only known Finn Callaghan for a couple of months, and people changed.

  Matt didn’t seem too bothered that his music teacher was minding him. They played Mario Kart on his PlayStation (Joshua lost, his lack of affinity with cars extending from the real into the digital world) and then stayed up half an hour beyond Matt’s nine-thirty bedtime playing chopsticks together on Liz’s keyboard.

  But by ten o’clock Matt was in bed and Joshua settled down, feet propped up on the coffee table, for a good read. It had been a long day, though, and his eyes were heavy. He’d barely read three pages before he surrendered to the inevitable and let his eyes close for a moment.

  Liz’s hand on his shoulder startled him awake. “Hey, Newt.”

  Scrubbing a hand through his hair, he sat up, sending his book thumping to the floor. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”