Slide (Black Addiction #1)

by T Gephart

  “Of course.” I nodded. “Take a seat.”

  Max took a seat, Phil following close beside him. Their silence deafening as they stared at me, waiting for me to make the first move. Obviously both of them had received a pre-meeting briefing from Rusty. I shouldn’t have been surprised. He’d been telling me the whole time the ball was entirely in my court, it wasn’t just chance that had put the ball there in the first place.

  “So Phil.” How do I even start this conversation? “You probably know a lot more about me than I do about you.”

  “I actually don’t know that much.” He shrugged slowly. “Your mom only drip fed me info. Took me awhile before she sent me your photo. We had a lot of back and forth before she came around.”

  Well, thank God for small mercies. Still the fact she’d given the guy any information was still concerning, especially when she hadn’t bothered to ask my permission first.

  “So why now? I guess I’m just curious as to why you were looking in the first place.” There were other questions I wanted to ask too, starting with how could you walk away from your child, but I shelved those for later. I wasn’t sure I’d like his answer.

  “Honestly Alison, I’m not really sure what to say.” He shook his head not offering very much to the conversation. “Your mom and I were really young. I didn’t think she’d had the baby.”

  “Me, you weren’t sure if she had me.” Anger bubbled inside me that he was still talking about the baby as it were a hypothetical. Like the product of their relationship wasn’t sitting across from him twenty-five years later as an adult.

  Max and Rusty exchanged a weird wordless exchange but didn’t contribute anything. Not an easy task for my boyfriend given his vocal objection to Phil the first time we’d met. His white-knuckled grip on the table was proof of how much of a struggle it was for him. But he remained tight-lipped all the same.

  “Yes, you, of course. Look, your mom was a lot of fun. She was beautiful. We had a lot of good times together,” he added, his reminiscing making him smile.

  Max cleared his throat in what I assumed was to caution him in what he might say next about my mother.

  “But we were crazy kids and we had no business being parents. I didn’t even know about you until three years ago and then I wasn’t sure if I should try and find you.”

  From everything Rusty had said, my father was an idiot. Which meant he must have been my mother’s soul mate. It was the only reason I could come up with as to why of all the men she’d been with, she chose this one to procreate with.

  “So you found me. I’m not sure what you were looking for.”

  “I wasn’t really sure either. I guess I just wanted to know my daughter. I mean there was a kid out there that was mine.”

  “You mean me, you wanted to know me.” It was frustrating more than anything else that I felt we were talking about me in the third person. This mythical person who had somehow disrupted two lives. It had all been inconvenient.

  “Yes, you. I mean I wanted to know you.”

  “Is there something you want to ask me?” Not sure why I paid him the courtesy, I guess secretly I was waiting to see if he’d redeem himself. If he would ask me if I’d had a good life or even better, ask me what I wanted out of all of this.

  “Not really, I was just sort of hoping to get to know each other. I’m your dad, don’t you want to get to know me?”

  It’s funny. There had always been a small part of me that knew that my father wasn’t going to turn out to be some fairytale prince. While other girls may have had the fantasy that a sudden and tragic case of amnesia had been the reason why their daddy had disappeared, I knew better. The reality was staring me straight in the face. This part of my life probably wasn’t going to get a happy ending and I was okay with that. After all, you can’t mourn the loss of something you never had in the first place.

  “To be honest, Phil. I’m not sure I do.”

  “What do you mean?” He looked at me genuinely confused before his attention turned to his brother, like Max would have some secret knowledge as to what was going on in my head. “Did you say something to her?” His accusing tone directly squarely at Rusty.

  “You might want to remember why you’re here, Phil.” Rusty’s hand reached for me and gave it a little squeeze. “And if you took half a second to listen to what you are saying, you would see nothing I could ever tell Alison would be half as bad as what’s coming out of your mouth.”

  “What?” Phil turned his attention to me. “I don’t understand?”

  Phil had wrongly assumed that because we shared genetic material that I would have immediately welcomed him into my life.

  He was mistaken.

  He was a stranger, someone who knew nothing about me other than a few details he’d learned from someone else who knew little about me—my mother. The fact that they were my parents was unfortunate. For me and for them. But I think I deserved the right to be a little bit selfish. The people who were going to be in my life had earned their place. No one was owed, and I wasn’t allowing them in out of obligation.

  “I’m not saying never but right now, I really like where my life is heading. A big part of that has me evaluating what’s important in my life.”

  It might have been the first time I’d said it out loud but it had been a long time coming. Something that Rusty had been trying to show me since our first night together. That it was okay to choose who deserved to be in my life and who didn’t.

  “So am I supposed to wait around until you make up your mind?” He wasn’t able to hide the agitation, our meeting not going according to his plan.

  “Seriously, bro? Did you really just ask her that?” Max broke his self-imposed vow of silence. His interjection saved Rusty from one of his own. Neither was really needed. I had this.

  “No. You aren’t supposed to wait around. Not unless that’s something that you really want.” Time would tell if he would be part of my life, it certainly wasn’t a decision I’d make in a week, or maybe even a month. “Thanks for coming to meet me though. Maybe we can try it again sometime in the future.” Or maybe not. Either way, it would be for the right reasons.

  “We can go now.” It wasn’t my attempt to be dramatic but I didn’t think it was fair to waste any more of anyone’s time. It might not have been what Phil wanted but it was a start and time would tell if he had what it took to stick around.

  “Yeah, we sure can.” Rusty stood up not needing to be asked twice. “Max, you need anything before we bail?”

  “Nope, all good here.” Max rose from his chair, tipping his chin to his brother that he should do the same. “I’ll see you both soon.”

  “Thanks, Max.” I didn’t need to fake the smile. “See you, Phil.”

  We didn’t wait for them to leave, getting to our feet and saying our final goodbyes.

  “You good?” Rusty asked me when we finally got back to his car.

  “Yep, I am.”

  For me, the meeting hadn’t been about resolution. It was totally fine for things to be left open ended. If it was meant to be, it would be. Life didn’t always have to be tied up neatly in a big fancy bow. Rusty had helped me see that. Happiness was the most important thing. If you had that, then everything else would fall into place.

  Screw the safety net.

  It was more fun without it.

  I was free.

  But more importantly I was happy.

  “C’mon. Why is this thing taking so long?” Alison’s muffled voice floated from the bathroom door. The wood doing its best to keep whatever was going on in there a secret, while her inability to keep quiet was doing the exact opposite.

  “Hey, babe. You okay in there?” I tapped against the barrier between us wondering if she was taking another excursion into experimentation without me. “Something you need?” I was more than happy to volunteer my services. Whatever was required had my undivided and full attention.

  “Yep, everything is good. Just go back to doing wh
atever it is that you were doing,” she called back unconvincingly. Her tone—like the situation—way off.

  “Ali, you want to open the door, babe?” My feet stayed exactly where they were, her request of me to leave not getting any airtime.

  “Not right now.” The words lacking the confidence she’d been rocking the last few weeks. Whatever secret bathroom business was going down, it wasn’t good.

  “So let me rephrase the question. What are you doing in there?”

  “Stuff.”

  “You want to be more specific?”

  The conversation could have gone on longer. My need to know why she was holed-up in the bathroom was of paramount importance. I had nowhere else I needed to be either which meant I had all kinds of time, something she soon realized when I heard her footsteps moving closer to the door.

  A chorus of expletives and rustling of papers stalled her initially, but finally the metallic click at the door signaled the lock had been disengaged.

  “Oh, fuck it.” She huffed as she shuffled back into the bathroom. Her face devoid of color as she sat on the closed lid of the toilet. Her knees pulled close up to her chest as she wrapped her arms around them, her eyes floating between me and the bathroom counter. Her own little science experiment going on around the sink.

  “What the hell is this?” The neatly lined sticks pretty fucking obvious they were pregnancy tests so my question was more rhetorical. “You’re pregnant?” My eyes following the lines of maybe ten separate tests as pink or blue lines started to appear. The magnitude of what I was seeing stuck between holy-shit and what-the-fuck.

  “We’ll know in another minute. Don’t look at them yet. They aren’t ready.” She breathed out a slow and steady breath. “I might be.”

  “Babe, are you okay? Have you been sick? Why didn’t you tell me?” Despite my own mind feeling like it was about to explode—was I really about to become a dad?—I was more concerned about her. That fact she might have a baby on board and she hadn’t shared the information.

  Had I missed something? Because I was under the assumption that whatever happened in the future, it was going to be a partnership.

  “Because there was no need for both of us to be freaking out. I’m late and I’m never late. Even though I’m on the pill, it’s not a hundred percent guaranteed.” She shrugged, letting her feet fall to the floor. “I figured I’d do the test and see what happened. Of course you need an engineering degree for some of these things.” She laughed nervously, not able to hide the fact she was freaking the fuck out. “How do they expect you to raise a kid when you can’t even pee on the damn stick?”

  “Look at me.” My knees sunk to the floor in front of her as my hands cupped her face. “We’re together now. No matter what that stick says, nothing is going to change that. You don’t have to do any of it alone, and freak outs are much better shared. If you’re going to be pacing nervously wondering if we’ve got a bun in the oven, then I want to be part of it. In fact I insist I be part of it. My skills wearing a hole in the carpet are legendary, I want it all, Alison. The good stuff and the scary stuff too. You get me?”

  “God, you’re going to make me cry. I am so fucking knocked up.” Tears started to form at the corner of her eyes as she raised her hands to cover them. My need to hug her took over as I wrapped my arms around her.

  “So if you’re knocked up, we have a baby. We’ll do it right. Kid will have the coolest parents alive.”

  Kids weren’t something we’d figured would be happening right now, but if life threw that curve ball at us, it wasn’t something I’d dodge. Alison was it for me, and while there was no ring on her finger, I knew she was going to be my forever. Besides, I wasn’t so much of a planner to begin with so the baby carriage coming sooner than later wasn’t a big deal. As far as I was concerned it had been in the cards, who was I to mess with the timing. Universe obviously knew better than I did.

  “You would be okay with it? Really?” Her hands lowered allowing me to mop up some of her tears with my thumb. Her beautiful hazel eyes wide with genuine wonder. Yep. I was a totally goner. No way in hell I’d ever leave this girl. Like it or not, she was stuck with me and I wasn’t apologizing.

  “I’d be more than just okay. I love you, Alison. I’m here for the long haul, marriage, babies—all of it. Whatever the schedule is, I’m down.”

  If I didn’t think she would have assumed asking her to marry me was a knee-jerk reaction I would have asked her right then, no hesitation on my part. Absolutely zero. This girl had me literally down on my knees and I was thankful for all of it, but I was fairly sure I could pull off something a little better than a bathroom proposal. When I did pop the question it would be something she wasn’t going to forget in a hurry. I’d go all out and she would have no choice but to say yes.

  “I love you too.” She leaned forward and rewarded me with a kiss, “I think we can look now. It’s been long enough.”

  “We’ll look together.”

  “Okay.”

  A few more tears were wiped from her eyes before I pulled her into my arms. I took the opportunity to give her some more reassurance, my mouth doing most of the reassuring as my lips found hers. The kiss lasting a second or two longer than it needed to but I wanted to be good and sure she was convinced. I liked to think I was thorough, and I never gave up an opportunity to kiss that sweet mouth of hers.

  The smile that had been lacking when I first walked into the room was now firmly in place as she picked up to look at the first stick. Its fate no longer controlling ours.

  “It’s negative.” Her eyes widened in genuine surprise, her hands reaching down and grabbing one of its neighbors. “This one too.”

  “Looks like it was a false alarm.” The remaining line of baby-indicating wands also showed the no-dice reading on their windows. “We’re not having a baby after all.”

  “Well . . . it looks like we dodged a bullet on that one, huh? What a relief.” Her tone didn’t match the awesome her words were trying to spell out.

  “Is maybe a little part of you disappointed?”

  “No . . . Yes . . . I don’t know.” She shrugged. “It’s really not a good time and I was praying that I wasn’t.” She took a long breath before continuing. “But part of me, obviously the crazy part, really wants to have your baby. Insanity right?”

  “Nope, makes perfect sense because there’s no one else I’d want to have a baby with other than you.” I pulled her into my arms, my lips kissing the top of her head. “It will happen for us, babe. It’s obviously just not our time yet.”

  “So what do we do now?” She mumbled against my chest, the tiny vibrations freaking magic.

  “We practice. A lot. And often.” I laughed, loving the feel of her body against mine. “And you let me love you in the only way I know how. In case you didn’t get the memo, that’s pretty intense. It’s not for the faint hearted. I hope you can handle it.”

  “Yeah, I can handle it. I’ve got some of my own crazy, intense love to give.”

  There was shit in this world we’d have no control over. And no doubt with an album scheduled for release and a tour on the horizon, things would get messy. Ups and downs were bound to happen. I welcomed all of it. Not because I was an arrogant asshole who thought it was plain sailing from here on out, but because I knew whatever life tossed our way, it would be worth it to have this amazing woman by my side.

  I wasn’t living the dream.

  The dream was living in me.

  “Hey rock star, you want to go practice?” Alison’s smile hinted that the chaste hug we had going on could use an upgrade.

  “Lead the way, babe. You’ve yet to see my best moves.”

  To keep up to date with all T Gephart’s news, appearances and releases, please subscribe to her mailing list.

  The biggest thanks will always go to my amazing family—Gep, Jenna, Liam and Woodley. They were there every step of the way, and I couldn’t imagine doing this without them.

  Than
ks to my circle of trust. Everyone has earned their place, no one is there out of obligation and I love you all. PS. You’re stuck with me for life.

  Special thanks to my beta team who were reading ninjas on tight turn arounds so I could get this book done. Maz and Danielle, a million thanks still isn’t enough.

  Thank you to the authors who have now become friends. Can I say I love you without freaking you out? Too late, I’ll always freak you out. Lili Saint Germain, JB Hartnett, Skyla Mardi, CJ Duggan, Lilliana Andersen, Rachael Brookes, JD Nixon, Natasha Preston, Kirsty Mosely, Ker Dukey, LA Casey, Jill Patten, Tillie Cole, Andie Long, Abbi Glines, Chantal Fernando, Christina Hobbs and Lauren Billings, Penelope Louleas, Jay Crownover, Kim Karr, SC Stephens, Joanna Wylde and Kylie Scott—you rock my world.

  Hang Le. Lord have mercy. There is no one else I trust with my covers and branding. You are a genius who knows exactly what will work and nail it each and every time. You have my eternal thanks and adoration. You and your vision are brilliant as is the work that you produce. Seriously, don’t ever leave me.

  Thank you to the bloggers and blogs who have supported me. I was late to the game and every book more and more people are discovering me through your shares, likes and reviews. Every single one of you is appreciated, and I love you all.

  Thanks to the T Gephart Entourage. Your enthusiasm and excitement is contagious. I love playing with you. Who needs a street team? Organized activities were never my forte and I like what we have going on a whole lot better.

  Thanks to my Fictionally Yours, Melbourne team with special mention to Penny Rudge. Some things in life are meant to be, clearly we were meant to meet and make magic happen. #ThereAren’tEnoughHashTags.

  Thank you to my editor, Nichole Strauss, from Perfectly Publishable. DUDE! (Shouty caps needed) I struck the lottery when I found you. I know I can (more frequent than not) be manic, and my MS sometimes looks like it has Touretts, but each and every time we work through it and all my worry is for nothing. You are a goddess.