Before Gaia
Page 1
BEFORE GAIA
FRANCINE PASCAL
SIMON PULSE
1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020
Gaia forced herself to stop reading for a moment. Her circulation was moving at light speed. It was too much to digest in one sitting. Too much reality flying off those old pages.
It dawned on Gaia that she was probably sitting in the exact spot where her mother had written these words. Her connection to Katia was suddenly something physical. Something palpable. Her eyes began to well up from the overflow of… something. Joy? Relief? Some kind of raw, unpurified emotion that she couldn’t even name.
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This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real locales are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
First Simon Pulse edition July 2002
Text copyright © 2002 by Francine Pascal
Cover copyright © 2002 by 17th Street Productions, an Alloy, Inc. company.
SIMON PULSE
An imprint of Simon & Schuster Children’s Publishing Division
1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020
www.SimonandSchuster.com
Produced by 17th Street Productions,
an Alloy, Inc. company
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New York, NY 10001
All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form.
For information address 17th Street Productions, 151 West 26th Street, New York, NY 10001.
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ISBN: 0-689-85807-8
e-ISBN: 978-0-689-85807-9
To Merry & Mort Young
2002
She couldn’t believes he’d let it lie dormant in her psyche for this long. The dream at the monument…
Spot the redhead
GAIA MOORE WAS JUST ABOUT READY to burn this day. As in torch it. As in press delete and erase it from memory. The entire day had been such an utter waste of time. She had already endured two inane arguments with two different teachers, three separate comments from the insufferable Friends of Heather—two declaring a “frizz alert” on her hair and one insulting her “boy-band pants,” whatever the hell that meant. And to top it all off, she had a noxious headache the size of Mount Vesuvius that was threatening to erupt at any second. Actually, to truly top it all off, there was the rest of Gaia’s life. The tragic, all too melodramatic life that always bubbled and simmered just beneath the surface, forcing her to put on a “normal” face while tiny bits of her sanity slowly chipped away and fell into the burning pit of her stomach.
Perhaps she was feeling a tad too dramatic today.
But still, she might have managed to make it home from school without completely losing it, were it not for that one rude son of a bitch—who could break the will of even the most hardened New Yorker. He was a member of that despicable club of citizens Gaia generally referred to as the urban tacklers.
Urban tacklers: those disgruntled boobs of the masses who rammed right into you on the street for no apparent reason, knocking you and your knapsack or your bag of groceries down to the ground and then moving on as if nothing at all had happened.
Gaia had always prided herself on seeing potential urban tacklers coming down the street. That idiot with a Swiss watch and a briefcase who couldn’t bother to look where he was going or that eight-foot-tall anorexic model who just had to make it to her shoot on time, even if it meant flattening some poor sucker standing between her and the cover of New York Bitch magazine. Usually Gaia was able to dodge them or else give them a slight elbow to the shoulder, sending them off in the other direction like oversized metropolitan pinballs. But today she just hadn’t been prepared.
“Oompf!” She coughed up every ounce of air in her lungs as this freight train of a man bashed her in the gut and ran her over without a single word of apology, without even breaking his stride for a moment. The apparent master of human hit-and-runs was already halfway down the block when Gaia found herself lying flat on the sidewalk, her book bag two feet ahead of her and her headache magnified by a thousand. She leapt back to her feet and swiped her bag up off the ground, giving his back the look of death. Man, was she aching to release some of today’s pent-up frustration.
“Hey!” she growled, trying to get a better look at her assailant as he neared the other corner. With his back to her, all she could see was a thin layer of graying red hair on his head and one of those old tweed sport jackets with the fake suede patches on the elbows. For an old man, he’d knocked her down with one hell of a wallop. Old or not, he still deserved a piece of Gaia’s mind.
She broke into a full run, nearly catching up with him. But when she turned the corner to follow him… he was gone. Nothing but a mass of Chanel-wearing mothers in oversized sunglasses.
He had literally disappeared.
Gaia slammed her book bag to the ground, picked it up, and then slammed it to the ground again. There was no worse sensation than the feeling of having someone knock you down in the street and then escape, leaving you completely unavenged—leaving you with nothing to do but stew in your own failure and powerlessness. She was just about ready to start pounding her own head against the building on the corner of Seventy-second and Madison when she realized…
There was something poking at her chest. Something had been stuffed in the inside pocket of her jacket. And it had not been there a minute before.
She reached under her coat and pulled out an envelope. One small tattered envelope. For Gaia Moore, it read, almost illegibly. She stared blankly at her name as her mind caught up with her rash emotions.
Wake up, Gaia. This little collision had nothing to do with street politics or having a lousy day. It hadn’t been some random crash in the street. It wasn’t an urban tackle at all. Gaia knew enough about espionage tactics to realize what had just happened. She had just been “contacted.”
Count Chocula
IT WAS ONE OF THE OLDEST TRICKS in the book. The “bump and run” or the “give and go”—probably one of the first methods of contact her father had ever taught her. When an agent needed to make contact without being spotted, this was often the cleanest method. One quick bump on the street and a message could be delivered without any detection by surveillance. Sometimes without the recipient even knowing she had received it.
Gaia darted her head from corner to corner of Madison Avenue, hoping she might spot the redhead again. But it was no use. He’d blended into the crowd within seconds of message delivery.
She turned her attention back to the envelope, staring one last time at her name in an alien scrawl before ripping it open like a starving child who’d just found the last Hershey bar on earth. She stuffed her fingers in and pulled out a medium-size postcard.
That was all that was inside. One postcard.
And the moment she saw th
e picture on the front cover… she felt dizzying waves of nausea overtake her entire body. She was staring at one of her least-favorite places in all of New York City. The Soldiers’ and Sailors’ Monument.
The Soldiers’ and Sailors’ Monument was a towering white stone memorial and an expansive concourse built on the edge of Manhattan’s Upper West Side, right by the Hudson River. It had been built years ago to honor all the soldiers and sailors who had died fighting the Civil War. Certainly a noble reason to erect a monument. Still, Gaia had always loathed that monument and the entire concourse surrounding it. She detested it almost irrationally, as if she had more reasons to hate it than she even knew or understood.
She had a faint memory of her father taking her there when she was a little kid. He would pick her up from her first-grade class, take her down to Soldiers’ and Sailors’ for a quick combat training session, and then drop her back off at school before lunchtime was over. God, how she’d hated every one of those lessons. Though that made absolutely no sense. She’d always loved training sessions with her father. What was it about those sessions that she hated so much?
That was the most disturbing thing of all. The not remembering. Her photographic memory never failed her. It was one of her many unexplainable gifts.
Think, Gaia. What’s the matter with you? Try to remember. Something. Anything…
She used to believe that the entire monument was still a dangerous war zone—that perhaps in the middle of the night, when all the New Yorkers had gone to sleep, full-fledged battles still took place on that concourse, replete with charging armies and explosive gunfire, blood-soaked bodies, and severed limbs.
Blood-soaked bodies…
Suddenly she was struck with an image of a blood-soaked man in a black cotton suit. He had a tortured expression on his face—some horrid combination of disbelief and anguish. Who was that man? Who the hell was she picturing?
And then it hit her. Though she almost wished it hadn’t. Her father. It was a memory of her father standing by the monument, covered in blood. But a moment more and she realized… this was not an actual event she was remembering. This was a nightmare. A very, very old recurring nightmare.
God. That dream. How could I ever forget that horrible dream?
It had haunted her every other night for close to a year when she was ten years old. The same nightmare again and again. She couldn’t believe she’d let it lie dormant in her psyche for this long. The dream at the monument…
It was always the exact same sequence of surreal events:
Her father is standing in the middle of the concourse, wearing one of his black tailored suits. In his hand he holds a gun, but he’s not aiming it outward. He has turned it toward himself.
Gaia is a few feet away from him. She is no older than five or six, dressed in her bright purple sweatshirt and matching corduroys, screaming desperately for her father to put down the gun. But her screams are ignored. Her mother is there, too, standing only inches from her father, also screaming.
Ear-shattering explosions go off all around them, from every side of the monument. Shots rain down on them from the Hudson River. It’s a war—a modern-day Civil War—and Gaia’s family is stuck in the center of the battle. Gaia struggles to get to her father before he can fire the gun at himself, but she’s immobilized. She can’t move forward no matter how violently she struggles, no matter how loudly she screams.
And then he fires. He fires bullets into his own body. His shots can barely be heard over the din of the battle as holes erupt all over his chest and arms, dark red blood shooting out of his gaping wounds in ugly rhythmic spurts…
And that was always as far as she’d gotten in the dream. She’d wake up before she could stop him from killing himself.
But this line of thinking would get her absolutely nowhere. She forced herself to shake off all those loathsome memories. This mystery agent had to have had more in mind than just pissing Gaia off and sending her down a very ugly memory lane.
She flipped the postcard over. A typewritten note was folded up and taped to the back side of it. She ripped it off the card, darting her eyes right and left for surveillance as she stepped back into the shadows of the corner building. She unfolded the yellowing piece of paper, desperate to devour every word that her mysterious urban tackler had written.
Gaia,
Do you remember this monument? It was the only time you and I ever met. Perhaps you’ve forgotten. You were quite young. If I’d seen what you saw at that age, I probably wouldn’t want to remember it, either. It’s better if you don’t remember me, anyway.
There is very little you need to know about me. I don’t work for your father, and I don’t work for your uncle. Not anymore. I am doing this for my own reasons. I am doing this because I am old. Too old. And if you have lived a life like mine, then all you have left in your old age is regret. Regret for all the heartless, selfish things you have done.
My greatest regret is what I have done to you, Gaia.
Gaia, listen to me now. This is what you must understand. Loki has been confusing you and manipulating you with nothing but lies and half-truths for so long. That is why I have contacted you.
I am here to give you the truth, Gaia. I know that “truth” has become a very relative term for you. So I have brought proof.
Proof of your past in every possible form. My organization (or rather, the one I belonged to until today) deals in information. It is an organization far more powerful and resourceful than the CIA, and let’s just say that I have “permanently borrowed” a number of very valuable files from our headquarters. I am now in possession of not only extensive photos, but also just about every piece of personal documentation pertaining to your family and your past. I have dossiers on you, your father, your uncle, even your mother. So you see, I will not need to convince you of any stories. I will simply provide you with all of this documentation—the clues. All you need to do is put the clues together, and you will learn the entire truth for yourself.
Of course, Loki has surely learned of the missing dossiers by now, and I’m quite sure that I have been slated for termination. But Loki cannot kill me if he cannot find me. So, we must do this my way. The rules are unfortunate, but they are absolute necessities:
I cannot be seen, and we cannot be seen together.
I must stay constantly mobile.
I can only provide you with clues that can be carried and hidden quickly.
Once I am absolutely sure that I have shaken Loki’s surveillance, I will inform you of a meeting place where I’ll be able to provide all the remaining materials and answers you need in full detail. But for now, we must proceed with extreme caution.
If you agree to my terms, then signal me by following up on the first clue. The choice is yours. I will wait for your answer.
Let me give you your past so you can change your future. As George Santayana once said, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”
Sherlock Holmes
THAT WAS IT. NO SIGNATURE, NO further explanation, nothing. The only other thing on the page was an illegible scribble at the bottom.
The note had momentarily overloaded Gaia’s brain. Was any of this for real? What did he mean, “It was the only time you and I ever met”? Who was he? And if Gaia had met him, then why on earth couldn’t she remember?
She slid down against the wall of the building, staring at the note in one hand and the disturbing postcard in the other. This mystery agent somehow seemed to understand her better than her father did. But what struck her even more than his understanding of her botched life was his damn near clairvoyant understanding of the cure. He was absolutely right. The only thing that could heal her now, the only thing she still allowed herself to yearn for, was the truth about her past. Maybe she could understand her mother. She had lost her so young that sometimes, no matter how much she loved her, she wasn’t sure whether she’d really known the woman at all. And she had already heard so many different sto
ries, so many broken shards of history that never fit together. Maybe the mystery agent could finally help her to sift out the lies and put all those broken pieces together. Maybe he could tell her once and for all how everything went so terribly wrong with her parents and her uncle. Maybe he could finally tell her who the real Loki was, her uncle or her father? And God willing, maybe he could tell her, definitively and unequivocally, whether her fearlessness was engineered or just a freakish accident of nature.
The mystery agent held so many potential answers. Could he be just another unreliable manipulator like her uncle and her father? Was this just another one of Loki’s tricks? Was he there only to confuse her and fill her head with more truckloads of horse crap?
But he’d already answered that question, hadn’t he? She didn’t need to trust him. All she needed to do was examine his supposed files full of evidence. And the sooner she saw his “evidence,” the sooner she’d know whether he was a friend or a foe, whether his version of history was fact or fiction.
Good. Fine. Then it was decided. Gaia was in. She was in one hundred percent.
All she had to do was find the first clue. Which apparently was easier said than done.
She scanned every one of the sentences in his note. Maybe there was some kind of code embedded in his words….
Then she scanned the postcard itself, scouring over the picture again and the blank white space on the other side, but she found nothing.
Jesus, was he trying to avoid Loki’s surveillance or was this supposed to be some kind of ridiculous treasure hunt? Gaia was in no mood to play Sherlock Holmes. She ran through the note again until she had the ingenious idea to turn the note over.
When she saw the flip side of the note, she realized that he had not typed it on a regular piece of blank paper. He had typed it on the back of a title page from an old book. No wonder the paper was so thin and yellowed with age. It had been ripped out of a book that was probably more than twenty years old.