Kamikaze Boys

by Jay Bell

  “We have to do something,” David said. “You can’t let him get away with this.”

  “I guess I could call McDonald’s corporate headquarters or something like that, but I don’t see why they’d listen to me over a manager.”

  David stopped and faced him. “I meant more like what we did to Chuck. A little covert revenge.”

  Connor shook his head. “Let’s not make a habit of that.”

  “But don’t you want to? I do, and I’ve never even met the guy.”

  Connor considered it, but not very seriously. “Well, he never locks the door right at night, and I think I know the alarm code. We could break in and steal all the Happy Meal toys. Ruin Christmas for everyone.”

  David glowered at him, and Connor felt oddly touched that he felt so much sympathetic rage when David struggled to get angry at his own injustices. Maybe they were complete in this way, each more willing to stand up for the other.

  “Tell you what,” Connor said. “If you happened to think of a good plan, one that won’t get us in trouble, then we’ll do it. For now I just want to put the whole thing behind me. Want to head out to Lake Olathe?”

  David glanced at the clock. “Gordon’s coming over later, but we still have time.”

  “Then it’s a date.”

  David smiled. “Mind if I take a shower first?”

  “Not if I can join you.”

  “I think my dad might be a little surprised to see you upstairs.”

  Connor threw off the sheets so he was fully exposed. “Why’s that?”

  David laughed before his gaze became longing. Sex this morning had been strictly one-sided, so David still had a lot of pent-up hormones that needed releasing.

  “All right,” he agreed, “but as Gordon would say, you have to move with the stealth of a ninja!”

  Connor leapt out of bed. “A naked ninja!”

  As it turned out, stealth wasn’t needed. Whatever Mr. Henry was doing, he wasn’t on the ground floor. Keeping quiet in the shower was a bit harder, especially for David, but they made it back downstairs clean, undetected, and in very high spirits. Connor borrowed a T-shirt from David before sneaking out the window. Then he brought the car around front and rang the bell, just so it appeared that he hadn’t spent the night.

  Lake Olathe, set in the far west of the city, felt surprisingly tranquil despite the ever-encroaching housing developments. Connor was surprised that this peaceful location wasn’t heavily frequented. Finding a place of solitude was always easy. Soon the car was parked, and they were sitting side by side under a tree, staring out across the water.

  “I’m going to miss you in school next week,” David said. “It’s so stupid that seniors get out early.”

  “Hey, speak for yourself!”

  “You know what I mean. I just have a couple of tests on Monday and Tuesday. After that, maybe I should play sick.”

  “Or tough it out another three days.” Connor plucked at the grass. “Besides, I’m still going to be dropping you off and picking you up.”

  David’s mouth fell open as if Connor had just popped the question. “I can’t expect you to wake up early every morning just because of me.”

  “And yet you want me to.”

  “Well, yeah.”

  Connor smiled. “Then it’s settled. As for waking up early, this morning wasn’t so bad. Maybe I’ll be slipping through your window more often.”

  David laughed and playfully bumped his shoulder against Connor’s. “Seriously though, are you excited about graduating?”

  “I guess I’m happy it’s all over, but I wish something else had already begun. The future is looking pretty damn aimless.”

  “Well, I envy you. I wish I was the one getting my diploma next week.”

  “Feel free to show up for mine because I’m not going.”

  “What? You have to!”

  Connor rolled his eyes. “Like the yearbook and prom tickets, it’s just another excuse to charge students money. The cap and gown alone cost sixty bucks. If anything, schools should hand each graduate a couple hundred bucks and say ‘Best of luck, kiddo, because you’re on your own now.’”

  David shook his head. “You’ll do fine. One day, we’ll both look back and realize that you getting fired was the best thing that could happen.”

  “How far in the future are we talking here?”

  David pursed his lips. “Twenty years.”

  “And how do I look?” Connor asked.

  “Balding and excruciatingly fat. No one will want you but me.”

  “Not so different from now, then.”

  “Except in twenty years, you’re rich.”

  “Well, that explains how I can get away with being so repulsive.”

  David was silent for a moment. “I still want to see you graduate.”

  Connor snorted. “Why?”

  “Because of the gowns. They’re kind of sexy. Like kilts. I always imagine the guy not wearing anything underneath.”

  Connor stared at him. “You’re sort of a pervert, you know that?”

  David shrugged. “I was virginal and pure before we met.”

  Connor’s laughter echoed across the lake’s calm water, a declaration of joy sent out into the empty air. As uncertain as the future was, Connor felt like the very best was possible when he was with David, that he could do anything to tame the wild world into a place they could call their own.

  * * * * *

  When Connor got home, the blinds in the trailer were shut and every air conditioner window unit was running, a sure sign that his mom had been called in to work. The trailer was always bright and friendly when she was there, but his father preferred it dark and cold. Connor didn’t mind on hot summer days, but today was the perfect combination of cool weather and sunny skies.

  His father, as always, was sitting in the living room watching TV. Connor was about to say something when he noticed Tommy at the kitchen table, a cardboard box and a pile of discarded plastic wrappers in front of him.

  Walking over, he grabbed the nearly empty box of brownies. “What are you doing?”

  “Eating lunch,” Tommy said.

  “This is all chocolate and sugar!”

  Tommy shrugged. “Dad said I could make whatever I wanted.”

  Connor glared at the darkened living room. “Do you know what he’s eating over here?”

  His father didn’t respond. Connor marched into the living room and ripped at the cords that opened the blinds. Sunlight flooded the room, Connor almost expecting his father to burst into flames like some sort of pathetic vampire. Instead he just winced against the light, but at least he looked up from the television.

  “Where’s Mom?”

  “She got called in,” his father said. “Shut the blinds. I can’t see the screen.”

  Instead, Connor went to the TV and switched it off. His father raised the remote, but Connor stood in the way.

  “Tommy is over there eating brownies for lunch. Did you know that?”

  “So? You punish him.”

  For a moment, Connor was thirteen years old again, buckled into his dad’s old Dodge Charger as it careened off the road. The memory was painful and confusing, but he still remembered his father’s strained voice telling him everything was going to be okay. He had been so comforted, knowing they were both still alive and that his dad was there, but now Connor wished the outcome had been different, that his father had died that day. They would have grieved, but Mom would have moved on and found someone new. Connor didn’t blame her for wanting an affair because the man rotting away in the mottled old recliner was worse than dead. Had his father died in that accident, at least Connor could still cherish the memory of a strong man.

  His father angled the remote just right so the television clicked on behind Connor. He turned, tempted to put his foot through the screen, but instead reached around and yanked the power cord from the wall.

  “What the hell is wrong with you?”

  The words shoul
d have been Connor’s, but they were spoken by his father. He stared, shocked that his dad—as screwed up as he was—had the gall to ask such a thing. When Connor didn’t move, his father finally shoved out of his chair. Had he come after Connor, threatened to hit him, or even just yelled, that would have been progress. Instead he just muttered that he needed a nap and shuffled away to the master bedroom. Connor waited until he was gone and went back to the kitchen.

  Tommy sat at the table, his mouth just as wide as his eyes. “That was messed up!”

  “Yeah. It was.” Connor started digging through the counters, pulling out everything he needed to make a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup.

  “I’m not hungry anymore,” Tommy said.

  “You’re eating. You need something more than Little Debbie brownies. Besides, I’m hungry.”

  Connor’s blood boiled along with the soup and refused to simmer back down, even after they had finished eating. It pissed him off that his mother was breaking her back to make ends meet while his father just sat around doing nothing. Even Connor helped pay the bills, but soon he wouldn’t be able to, not if he wanted to live on his own. And yeah, that made him feel guilty, which was also wrong. He should be able to leave home knowing that his parents were going to take care of Tommy and each other.

  He scowled at his father’s chair, the side table full of prescription pill bottles. He only noticed that Tommy had cleared the kitchen table when his little brother spoke to him.

  “Can I go out and play now?”

  “No.” Connor stood. “I want you to see something. You might not understand it, but you will one day.”

  With his little brother in tow, Connor went to his father’s recliner and started grabbing pill bottles. He told Tommy to pick up the few he couldn’t fit into the load he was already carrying. Then they went to the bathroom and dumped the bottles in the sink where they clattered against each other. Connor took one of them and read the label.

  Alprazolam - 0.5 mg - Take one tablet every four to six hours as needed for anxiety.

  Connor snorted. What did his father have to be anxious about? Dozing off and missing Judge Judy? Connor popped the cap off the pill bottle and dumped the contents into the toilet.

  “Ummmm!” Tommy covered his mouth. “You’re in so much trouble!”

  “Yeah, maybe, but it’s worth it.”

  Connor grabbed a couple more bottles, both containing medications for pain. Shouldn’t one prescription be enough for that? He dumped those too, then all the others. He knew his father wasn’t fighting off a fatal disease and didn’t need any of these to live. Tommy wanted to dump some pills in the toilet too, but Connor didn’t want him getting in trouble, so he only let him watch. When he was done, he took the empty prescription bottles and tossed them carelessly onto the recliner’s seat.

  “Now can I go out and play?”

  “Yeah, Tommy. Go play.”

  Connor winced as the front door slammed and waited long enough to be sure the noise wasn’t going to lure his father back to watch TV. Then Connor went to his own room. He plopped onto his bed and stared at the ceiling, feeling a little better but not much. He knew his father would just call the pharmacy for refills and Mom would pay for them. Connor stewed in anger before he let his thoughts turn to other matters—losing his job, not knowing where to go next, and figuring out what to do about David. Eventually, his body remembered how little sleep he’d gotten last night and coaxed him into a dreamless state.

  When he awoke, the light in the room was dim, voices in the other room fighting to be heard over each other.

  “Why do you think he did it, Steven? He’s trying to tell you something!”

  “I wish you would shut up so I can call these in!”

  Connor raised his eyebrows. His father hadn’t sounded this animated in years.

  “And then what? You can’t drive without a license, and I’m not going to pick them up. Or pay for them. Tommy needs summer clothes, and he’s not going without just so you can get high.”

  “It’s medicine, Pam! I need them!”

  “More than you need us?”

  Nice one, Mom! Connor strained to hear his father’s response, but instead he heard the jangle of keys, the front door slamming, and the electronic beep of the phone as it was turned off. Connor silently counted to ten before he got out of bed and went to the living room.

  His father noticed him, but he looked like a beaten man. “I hope you’re happy,” he mumbled.

  Connor crossed his arms over his chest. “She’s going to leave you. She doesn’t want to, but it gets harder for her every day. And she has offers, because she’s still pretty. Do you even notice that anymore?”

  His father slumped down into his chair. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Yeah, I do. She’s going to leave you and take Tommy with her. I’m already on the way out. Then it’s just going to be you, your pills, and some old reruns on TV. What are you going to do then? Anything? Are you ever going to do anything with your life? Because if not, you might as well fucking quit now!”

  Connor’s voice was getting louder, but he couldn’t help himself. The only thing that kept him grounded was his fear that Tommy was inside and listening to all of this. He glanced around but didn’t see his brother, so he looked back at his father. He was staring at the TV as he always did, but now it was off. In the screen’s reflection was his father’s face, distorted but still revealing how greatly he had changed. Even his strong jaw was turning to flab.

  “I miss you, Dad,” Connor said. “We all do.”

  He waited for a response that didn’t come. When he stepped outside, his mother was standing next to her car looking lost, Tommy at her side.

  “Come on,” Connor said. “Let’s go grab some dinner and ice cream. My treat.”

  His mother looked up, eyes questioning, but Connor only shook his head. He didn’t know what would come of this.

  Chapter Ten

  The last week of school dragged by for David, as it did every year. Just knowing Connor was free the whole day made it worse. Connor would sneak in the window to spend some nights with him, then leave in the morning only to pick him up a few minutes later. He was always there when David got out of school, pulled right up to the doors like a getaway car.

  Today was Friday, the last trial. That left six classes and a lunch period to slog through, but David faced it with confidence. Even math class with Chuck was no longer a big deal. David had told the teacher his new contact lenses—not that he actually wore any—made his vision a little blurry and that he needed to sit closer to the front. Of course Chuck had a few choice insults in the hallway, but none of them bothered David anymore. When anyone called him a faggot or a cock sucker, he just smiled and said: “Yup!”

  Sixth period on the last day of school was the worst. Even the teacher seemed eager for the bell to finally ring. When it did, students nearly stampeded to the door. In the hall the situation was far crazier. No one wanted to stay in the building, even to hang out or wait for friends. Instead everybody fled out the doors as if the building was on fire. When David reached the main hall, he couldn’t see through the glass doors. Usually he saw Connor’s car parked there, but the mass of bodies was too thick today. He soon realized why.

  Only one of the four double doors was in use. The rest were blocked by students staring out at the scene beyond. David slipped through the crowd, first relieved to see the old Chevy parked there, then worried when he saw the cop car behind it, lights flashing. Connor leaned against his car, nodding or shaking his head in response to the officer’s words. Worried by this, David pressed forward. Just as he reached the doors, a hand grabbed his shoulder and swung him around.

  “Looks like your white trash boyfriend got himself in trouble,” Chuck sneered.

  Not now! Not when Connor needed him! David tried to turn away, but Chuck spun him around again.

  “Where do you think you’re going?”

  Th
e crowd shifted around them, the word “fight” already echoing down the hallway.

  “You messed up my car, faggot. And now I’m going to do the same to your face.”

  “I didn’t mess up anything,” David said. “You driving like a dick is what wrecked your car.”

  Okay, that felt good. Terrifying, but good. David glanced around, hoping to see a teacher. He thought he heard an adult voice further down the hall, coming toward them.

  Chuck heard it too. “You keep running,” he said. “It doesn’t matter. One day your psycho boyfriend won’t be there, but I will, and then I’m going to hurt you.”

  “Sounds great,” David said. “I’m really looking forward to that.” He could feel the bar on the door pressing into his lower back, so instead of trying to turn around, he pushed his weight against it and felt the door open. Chuck moved forward just as David looked outside and met Connor’s eye. He immediately knew he had made a mistake. Connor became alert, pushing himself away from the car and the cop as well. He actually moved the officer aside with his arm to get to David, the officer’s expression changing from bored to furious.

  “I’m fine!” David said at the same time the officer shouted.

  The cop grabbed Connor’s forearm to stop him, and for one terrifying moment David was sure Connor was going to swing around and deck him, but David hurried forward to intervene.

  “I’m good,” he said. “Nothing happened.”

  Connor relaxed, but the officer did not.

  “Tell me again what you’re doing here!” he demanded.

  “Picking him up,” Connor said, nodding toward David. “I told you that.”

  “Well we’ve had reports of vandalism in the parking lot. Your name has been mentioned.”