Kamikaze Boys

by Jay Bell

  * * * * *

  In the waters of the Atlantic Ocean, not far from Florida’s sandy coast, a solitary form clung to a cheap bodyboard, bobbing with the water and paddling occasionally until a big enough wave came along to lift both board and passenger. Sometimes. More often the wave would crash down over David’s head. Each time this happened, Connor sat up from his towel and strained his vision, willing himself to see beneath the water from his position on the beach. He would hold his breath, as if it were him out there under the waves, until David’s curly locks popped out of the water. Usually he managed to wave in Connor’s direction before coughing up water.

  Connor knew the sensation. He had swallowed enough salt water today to open an aquarium in his stomach. Despite this, getting pummeled by the ocean had been fun, and the rare times he managed to ride a wave had been breathtaking. Now he was done taking the ocean’s abuse, but David was still enjoying himself. As he watched, David caught a small wave that brought him close to shore.

  David grinned as he clumsily got to his feet and started toward Connor. The two weeks in Florida had been good to him. David tanned much nicer than Connor’s lobster-prone skin, and his hair had grown out just enough that he looked like a beach bum in training. More than his appearance, David’s demeanor had changed dramatically. Oh sure, he was still socially awkward and had the nerdiest hobbies, but his smiles came easier and his body language was relaxed, no longer braced for the worst to happen. This small boost in confidence was enough to make him stand up straight. Connor had seen plenty of girls noticing David—and a couple of guys as well.

  “Aaaaand I’m done,” David said as he flopped onto his towel.

  Connor eyed the beads of water on his skin, each dancing with light, before he responded. “I thought I’d have to go in there and drag you out.”

  “It was so fun! Besides, today’s the last chance to do stuff like this.”

  For one second, an expression of dread crossed David’s features. Connor hated to see it resurface. He had hoped, even if they were returning home tomorrow, that David’s newly gained strength would be carried back to Kansas.

  “I talked to Simon,” Connor blurted out.

  David’s forehead crinkled. “Who?”

  “Simon. My sister’s boss. He owns the deck restaurant.”

  “Oh?”

  This tiny sound of hope spurred Connor on. “I told him how I like to cook, but that I don’t have any real experience. I said I could start as a waiter and maybe help out in the kitchen a few hours a day. He said he had enough waiters, but that few people could handle working under his chef. I guess he’s a real bastard, so I told him I was used to that. I mean, how much worse can he be than Mike?”

  A smile slowly spread over David’s face. “What are you saying?”

  Connor took a deep breath. “That maybe we’ll stay an extra day tomorrow and check out the local high school. If we can enroll you, and I have a job, my sister already said—”

  The words were smothered beneath a kiss.

  “You’re not doing this just for me?” David asked.

  The answer used to be ‘Yes, of course I am!’ But after talking to Simon, Connor felt as if he had finally found direction. He might never be more than a vegetable chopper instead of a real chef, but it was better than flipping burgers back home.

  “I figure it’s worth a shot,” Connor said. “Nothing will probably come of it, but—”

  “But nothing! You’ll probably have your own cooking show before Christmas.”

  Connor let himself smile before becoming serious again. “Just don’t think that things will be completely different here, okay? I don’t want to be depressing, but everything seems perfect when you’re on vacation. Your new school will have assholes like Chuck. Money will be tight too, so we might not be able to go out much.”

  Connor listed more concerns. David listened patiently, as if Connor were an anxious parent. He supposed David would learn soon enough that nowhere was perfect. Assholes bred like cockroaches, but maybe the Florida sun meant they wouldn’t come out as often.

  “My sister said we can live with her rent-free until we get on our feet, but I want to start looking for an apartment right away. As much as I love you, I don’t want to stay cramped up in that room together. And before you get your hopes up, all of this hinges on you being able to enroll.”

  “Yes sir!” David said, giving a military salute. “Anything else?”

  “Yeah,” Connor said after a moment’s thought. “Your dad is going to kill me.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Driving nonstop to Kansas had seemed like such a good idea. They would save on hotel costs—a plus considering the expenses of their planned move—and make up for the extra days spent in Florida. Not only had they gotten David enrolled in a local high school, but they had taken a day trip to Gainesville so David could get information on the University of Florida. Connor was determined that David’s father would see that the academic plans were still on track.

  Now Connor wanted to get David home as soon as possible. They had already stayed away longer than planned, and driving straight through would make up for one of those days. Connor drove the first ten hours and was close to exhausted, but David was eager to prove himself and took the wheel for the next five. When their butts became too numb for comfort, they stopped for fast food and stood in the parking lot, eating over the hood of the car. They had made other stops before this—some to grab snacks or fuel up the car and once to let the engine cool down. All of this added up, and as Connor took the wheel for the final stretch, he realized a twenty-hour drive in theory had become twenty-four hours with the stops factored in.

  Now the car was limping into Olathe at six in the morning, David’s head on Connor’s lap as he drooled his way through dreamland. Connor let him sleep until they pulled into David’s neighborhood and parked. Then he reached down and wove his fingers into David’s hair, tempted to join him in sleep, but David stirred, sat up, and looked around.

  “Don’t make that miserable face,” Connor said. “It’s just for a few weeks.”

  “Yeah, I know. Do you want to crash here?”

  Of course he did, but Connor’s family was probably worried, so he shook his head, got out of the car, and carried David’s bag to the door.

  “Text me when you’re home safe, okay?”

  “Of course,” Connor said, leaning in for a kiss.

  Once he was out of the neighborhood, Connor cranked up the radio, glad even for annoying “morning madness” radio. How anyone could regularly tolerate hyperactive DJs and suffer their banal humor was beyond him, but today they were more effective than caffeine at keeping him awake.

  The trailer park seemed simple and plain compared to the palm trees and waves they had left behind, but part of him was happy to be home. Even happier when he saw that his father wasn’t zonked out in front of the TV. He tiptoed into his room and got his shoes off before Tommy roused from sleep.

  Like all kids his age, Tommy could never keep his voice down for long. “I thought you weren’t ever coming back!” he complained.

  Fortunately Connor had been prepared for this, tossing Tommy a bag of sand dollars, shells, and other tourist fodder. “You know how Tracy is. She barely let me go.”

  “Why didn’t she come back with you?” Tommy asked, but his eyes were locked on the ocean treasures. Bribe accepted.

  Connor hesitated. Of all the people he was going to leave behind, Tommy would be the one he missed most. But he had to go. Although he hadn’t been as young as Tommy when Tracy had gotten her first Olathe apartment, Connor had still felt torn up inside. Once he was older, he understood. As much as he loved his parents, their life wasn’t his. Truth be told, he still felt clueless as to what his life was about, but staying here wouldn’t help.

  “The place she moved to is really nice,” Connor said. “You know they have alligators down there? Disney World isn’t far away either.”

  “Did you go?” To
mmy asked, taking the bait.

  Connor felt a little bad for manipulating him, but a spoonful of sugar— “No, but I want to move down with Tracy soon. That way you can come visit us, and we can take you there.”

  Tommy’s brow dropped. “You’re leaving.”

  Okay, so he wasn’t stupid. “I have to. I know you don’t get it now, but you’ll want to move out one day. No one stays at home forever.” Well, some people did, but parents weren’t immortal. One way or another, everyone ended up on their own.

  Tommy mulled this over while arranging the souvenirs on his bed. “Are you taking all your stuff with you?”

  “Why, is there something you want?”

  “If you take your stuff, I can have the whole room to myself.”

  Ah, they grew up so quickly! “You can have the whole room, but you have to promise to take care of Mom while I’m gone. Hey, how’s Dad doing?”

  Tommy shrugged, not understanding the question, but giving an informative answer anyway. “We went for ice cream, and Dad drove.”

  “Really? Did he get his license again?”

  Another shrug, but if Dad was still jacked up on pills, Mom never would have let him get behind the wheel. Comforted that the world hadn’t fallen apart while he was gone, Connor stripped down to his underwear and crawled in bed. Tommy chattered about kids in the neighborhood, cartoon heroes on TV, and other breaking news, but even this couldn’t keep Connor awake as he sank into a much-needed slumber.

  * * * * *

  “Florida?”

  From his tone of voice, David’s father might as well have said “sex change.” In fact, had David said he was becoming a woman, his father might have been less shocked.

  “I found a great high school down there,” David said. Seabreeze High, home of the Fighting Sandcrabs. It all sounded too ridiculous to be true. God, how he couldn’t wait to get back there! “They’re red-ribbon certified, and were awarded a blue ribbon too.” Which made the school sound like a show horse, but David knew what would impress his dad—so he hoped.

  His father crossed his arms over his chest. Just moments ago, he had been on the couch, leisurely thumbing through a National Geographic, but now that was forgotten as he stared up at his son. “I’m less concerned about the quality of the school than you not having any supervision. What if something happened to you?”

  “I’d be living with two nice old ladies.” At first, anyway. David sat on the couch next to his father and pulled out his secret weapon—pamphlets from the University of Florida. He handed the biggest brochure to his father. Like an alcoholic being plied with beer, his father appeared reluctant only for a moment. He flipped through the pages in silence, and David was sure he had won, but only for a moment.

  “The University of Florida isn’t even on the map.”

  “What?” David was innocently puzzled. “Of course it is.”

  “You know what I mean.” He tossed the brochure aside. “It isn’t a top-ranking institution. Did you know that Stanford is interested in you? A letter came while you were gone.”

  David didn’t care, but he had to play this carefully. “The University of Missouri isn’t top-ranking either, but you work there, so it must be good. Besides, we can’t afford Stanford.”

  “Scholarships and student loans, David. You know this.”

  “One year at Stanford would cost as much as four years in Florida. That’s in-state tuition, which is why I need to live there for a year before I go. I checked it out, Dad. It’s a beautiful school. I was really impressed.”

  “Well, you haven’t seen Stanford yet or any of the other colleges you could go to. Your test scores came while you were gone.”

  David held back a sigh. His father began going over his test results, line by line. The scores were good—great really—which put his father in a positive mood. But also made him more determined that David make something of himself. Unfortunately, David still didn’t know what that something should be. Being smart didn’t mean he knew what he wanted in life. His only certainty was that he wanted to be with Connor. Wasn’t that enough?

  At the end of the conversation, David promised to consider all of his options. Not that he would. The idea of him moving to Florida had been planted in his father’s mind. David hoped it would take root. If not, he would give his father an ultimatum: Either he would attend the University of Florida, or he wouldn’t go to college at all.

  * * * * *

  “Prepare to do battle!”

  A sword was shoved into David’s face, leaving him just enough time to dodge backward. When the weapon was withdrawn, Gordon was grinning madly at him.

  “Do come in,” David said cordially, as if his eye hadn’t nearly been poked out. Luckily, the tip didn’t look very sharp or even made of metal.

  “I got them!” Gordon declared, apparently happy to stay on the front porch. “One for each of us.”

  Sure enough, he had two swords. David had nearly forgotten, but before going to Florida, Gordon made him browse a website that sold foam weapons. Aside from the padded blades Gordon was wielding, the site sold axes, maces, flails, and even shields. Naturally this had reinvigorated Gordon’s interest in role-playing, although David had hoped his enthusiasm would be fleeting.

  Gordon crouched and bared his teeth. “Let’s go to the park and cross blades. I demand satisfaction!”

  David fought back a smile. Why not? The last couple of days at home had been miserable —the college discussions with his father often escalating into arguments—and Connor wasn’t due over for another couple of hours.

  “All right, but let’s go to the woods instead. I don’t want people staring at us.”

  Gordon shrugged. “Aren’t you going to get dressed first?”

  David was wearing a T-shirt and shorts, but Gordon wasn’t referring to normal clothing. A chainmail shirt that Gordon had bought at the Renaissance Festival last year was draped over his chubby chest. The only thing David owned that was remotely similar was a Harry Potter robe, and he wasn’t about to wear that in public.

  “It’s too hot out. Let’s just go.”

  The woods, about eight blocks away, were in reality an overgrown lot marked by a rotting “For Sale” sign. The asking price must have been too high, because the land had been available for purchase for ages. Enough trees covered the property to provide shadow and shelter, and until a pharmacy chain became desperate for yet another location, this lot would always be “the woods” to David and Gordon.

  Once beneath the trees, Gordon launched into character as an evil duke who drove his peasants so hard that most of them dropped dead by age twenty. Gordon loved playing the villain. David, the sole surviving member of the royal family the duke had deposed, became these peasants’ only hope. The peasants had hidden him when he was a child, giving up some of their food rations to nourish him until he was strong and old enough to challenge the evil duke.

  Foam clashed against foam, their initial laughter fading as they lost themselves in the story. Their role-playing wasn’t just sword fighting, but also included dramatic scenes filled with lengthy speeches and grand posturing. David loved it. This was exactly the sort of nerdy fun he could have only with Gordon. As close as he and Connor had become, he couldn’t imagine doing something like this with him. Of all the people David would leave behind, Gordon was the one he would miss most.

  “I’m moving to Florida.”

  Gordon, in the middle of whipping some imaginary peasants, stopped and frowned. “I thought this was a fantasy world, not Earth. Or are we doing some weird alternate reality?”

  “I mean it. I’m moving to Florida with Connor.”

  Gordon’s arm fell to his side. “When?”

  “In about a week. Connor’s hoping my dad will agree, which he won’t. We’re getting a moving truck and heading back there anyway.”

  Open emotions played across Gordon’s face, as they always did, except this time it hurt David to see them.

  “That sucks,” Gord
on said.

  And for the first time, it did. He wished he could take Gordon with him, but the idea of tearing him away from his sheltered life seemed unthinkable. Then again, in another couple of years, Gordon would be an adult too and need a life of his own. Maybe David could tempt him into moving to Florida, starting with a vacation down there. “You’ll come visit, right?”

  “If you win the next battle.”

  They fought, and even though they still did so in fun and friendship, David knew they were working out their frustrations. The playful banter was gone as their weapons smacked each other with renewed force. In the end, Gordon won, but only because David let him. David was on the ground with a sword pointed at his throat, but the evil duke granted him mercy. And while the peasants wouldn’t be emancipated today, Gordon promised he would come visit.

  Sweaty and satisfied, they shed their roles and began the walk home, Gordon twirling both swords as they went. With the confession out of his system, David felt free to talk about Florida, doing his best to sell the idea to Gordon by raving about the space program. He had Gordon hooked, the resentment in his eyes replaced by curiosity, when a car pulled off the road so fast the tires scraped the curb.

  David took one look at the silver Mazda and all thoughts of Florida disappeared. The car was in immaculate condition, even though last month its rear had sideswiped another car in the school parking lot. Chuck’s parents must have spent a small fortune getting it repaired.

  Like the evil duke come to life and worse than any Dragon Lord, Chuck got out of his car, a wretched smile on his face as he shut the door. He walked around the car, his movements deliberate, like a wolf waiting for his prey to try fleeing. Not that David would. His body reacted like he was already a stiffening corpse—frozen in fear. Chuck had only one friend backing him this time, but even if he had been alone, David wouldn’t have valued his chances.

  “Hey, faggot!” Chuck’s breath was stale, but David only got one whiff before Chuck shoved him. David tottered backward, barely managing to keep his feet. Chuck sneered, his friend laughing, before beady eyes turned to Gordon. “Who’s this? Your girlfriend? Looks like we’ll be killing two queers with one stone.”