The Weight of Perfection: Grand Harbor - Book Three

by Randileigh Kennedy

  “I don’t,” I replied softly. “I don’t do that.”

  “So you think,” he scoffed. “But you’re doing it right now, aren’t you? You want me to let Casey off the hook. You want to lie to yourself and tell yourself it’s the right thing to do, knowing full well it’s not. I can’t let this go, Lexi. He does not get to ruin one more thing in my life. This ends tonight. Do you understand? All of this. It ends tonight.”

  Chapter 24

  We pulled into the parking lot at Hayfield Park, where I wasn’t all too surprised to find a warning on my car that the vehicle had to be moved by midnight or it would be towed since it was on city property.

  “What exactly are you going to do?” I stared down at my hands, finding it hard to look him in the eyes. We weren’t exactly fighting per se – but I didn’t know how to communicate with him about this. We had two very different viewpoints on this issue, and I wasn’t sure how we would remedy it.

  “I’m sorry I’m so frustrated,” he said gently, reaching out to touch my arm. “I just can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep letting my brothers interfere with my life. I’ve been working so hard to turn things around, and they keep getting in the way, pulling me back in to their problems. I can’t have that kind of life, Lexi. Not if I’m going to be with you. You don’t deserve any part of that life. I can’t bring you into it any more than you already are. I’m going to fix everything.”

  “But my brother…”

  “I care about you with every fiber in my being, Lexi,” he cut me off. “Despite what your brother has done and how I feel about it, the mere fact that you still care about him in spite of everything – I won’t jeopardize that. Ironically, as much as I disagree with it, that’s one of the things I find most beautiful about you. I have from the moment we met. The way you love and forgive – few people have grasped that. I haven’t even grasped that yet myself, but you make me want to. The way you can let things go and not hold onto them while they eat you up inside – that’s incredible to me. They way you can love someone anyway, knowing they don’t deserve it – I so badly want to be that person too. You’ve made me want to be a better person every step of the way since we met. That’s a powerful feeling, Lex.”

  “Then promise me we can keep all of this,” I said, pulling him into me. “Promise me, whatever you do, that we can be together and that everything will be okay.”

  “I’ve learned one very important thing about you through this entire thing.”

  “Yeah? What’s that?”

  “That you can’t love when you’re broken. And I don’t expect you to. You gave up on me when you felt broken, and that crushed me. I’m going to fix all of this. I promise. I’m going to figure it out. But you have to trust me.”

  “I feel like you’ve been asking that of me all along,” I said with a smirk, wondering how we’d come this far with him still having to ask for my trust.

  “I know, and that’s not fair. I never should’ve broken your trust in the beginning by keeping so much in. I’m sorry for all of it. But mark my words, Lexi, this is it – the last time I am ever going to ask you to trust me, because from here forward, I know I’ll have that from you if I do right by you.”

  “I trust you, Luke. But you have to promise me this will all be okay.”

  “Do you think you could find that deserted beach again?”

  “What?” His change of subject caught me off guard.

  “That beach we kayaked too where you said you wanted to camp. Do you think you could find that same spot again, from the road?”

  “Probably. It’s not too far from Brandt Cove, that beach we circled right before. I’m pretty sure I could find it.”

  “Listen to me,” he said clearly, tilting my head up to look directly at him. “I promise you, I am going to fix all of this. Trust me. That’s it.”

  “I do,” I replied, genuinely confident that he could handle all of this. I had to believe him. He was the only hope I had left. I couldn’t save my brother myself, nor could I mend Luke’s relationships with his own family. He would have to do that on his own, and perhaps he was finally ready to do that. I had to trust he knew what he was doing.

  “Go to your counseling appointment. See your friends. Have a normal day, in spite of all of this. Then tonight, before the sun goes down – around seven – meet me at our spot on that beach. Bring a couple sleeping bags, and I’ll handle the rest. Can you do that?”

  “Yes. But…”

  He cut me off before I could ask more questions. “You said you trusted me.”

  I nodded.

  “There’s just one more thing.”

  “Oh no,” I said apprehensively.

  “I need your phone.”

  “What?” That seemed like a weird request. He obviously had his own phone, so I wasn’t sure what on earth he wanted with mine.

  “I know, you’re trying to wrap your mind around what I have planned. But don’t. Just let me do this. Please. Let me handle this, my way, and then I promise you – it will just be us from here on out, without all of this drama and heartache. Your brother will be okay.”

  I reached into my clutch and pulled out my phone. “Can I at least text Olivia first? To see where she is?”

  “Of course,” he said sympathetically, still keeping his arm wrapped around my waist.

  I typed quickly, simply wanting to know where she was so I could explain all of this to her in person. Where are you? Can I meet you somewhere real quick?

  It was only a few seconds before she typed back. Just made it into Sophia’s shop. We’re redesigning the showroom. Want to head here?

  I was thankful to be able to see both of them this morning. On my way. See you in a few.

  I extended my hand out, offering him my phone. “It’s yours.”

  He took it from me, slipping it into his pocket.

  “I won’t disappoint you, Lexi. I promise.” He leaned in and kissed me, lingering for a moment with his hands firmly on my waist. Part of me wanted to know exactly what he had planned, but the other part of me longed for a blank slate, with no knowledge of any wrongdoings whatsoever. Whatever he was going to do – no doubt it would be best if I had no information at all.

  “I trust you,” I whispered, kissing him one more time.

  I climbed into my car and he walked back around his truck, climbing into the driver’s seat. I watched as he backed out from the lot, and all I could hope was that he was right about all of this. I hoped telling him about Casey wasn’t the wrong thing to do, and I hoped my brother wouldn’t pay the price for it.

  I drove over to Sparks, Sophia’s lighting shop, and I unloaded everything on them.

  “This is such a hot mess, Lexi,” Olivia stated as we moved some tables around the store.

  “I know. How did I get here?” I sighed.

  “Dimples, remember?” Sophia chimed in. “How do we ever get in over our heads like this? Men. They ruin everything, don’t they? All the good ones do, trust me. But when you come out the other side, it’s all worth it. I promise you. Think about it like this – if you guys can get through all of this – then everything hereafter will seem like a cakewalk. Trust me on that. Sometimes the best tests are the ones you pass first – that way the rest of them won’t scare you away.”

  “Don’t I know it,” Olivia added. “She’s right, Lexi. Every relationship needs some great challenge – that’s the only way to know whether or not you’re perfect for each other. If it breaks you, then it’s not meant to be. But if you can get through it – then you know it’s right.”

  I honestly believed everything they were saying. It made sense to me, and I’d watched them both go through their own challenges over the past year. The fact that they had both come out the other side, still blissfully, happily in love – that mattered. I understood why they were both adamant that the fight was worth it.

  I always thought I wanted a lazy love story – one I didn’t have to work too hard for, like my parents. Their story seeme
d easy – they met, dated through college, got married, had a family, then moved to the coast – it seemed simple enough. If there was more to it, I never knew it. But was that really my end goal? It also seemed pretty complacent. Were they even happy together? I never really knew the answer to that. The truth was, they seemed indifferent – as if they could get through life like that with anyone. I knew one thing – that story wasn’t for me. Loving someone without even trying – there was no passion in that. It didn’t feel sustaining. The way Luke set my heart on fire – the way I fell for him and cried and hurt and tried – that felt more real to me than the complacent love stories I’d experienced before. I felt so much more alive now than I ever had before, caring about anyone else. I had to believe that mattered. I had to believe this was the kind of love worth fighting for, no matter the cost.

  We spent the next two hours moving tables and lamps until Sophia was finally satisfied with the shop’s makeover. She liked to revamp everything once a month or so, just to keep things fresh and innovative. She and her business partner Austin were constantly putting out new designs, and they wanted to continually update the store to keep people coming back to see what was new. Her venture, opening up the store, was a gamble that’d paid off, and I was so envious of that. As of late I’d felt lost, stumbling around, trying to figure out my purpose. I liked working at the bank, I really did – but it also felt safe, like a decision I didn’t really have to think about making. I always wondered if there was something else I should do.

  “What does the rest of your day look like?” Olivia asked as we grabbed out bags out from behind the front counter.

  “I have to head into the corporate office for some counseling,” I grumbled, not looking forward to the appointment at all.

  “Maybe it will help,” Sophia said warmly. “You’ve been through a lot lately. Just listen to what they have to say. Maybe it will help you move on from everything.”

  “That’s what I’m counting on. I’m ready to put all of this behind me.”

  “Call me later?” Olivia asked as we headed out the door.

  “Yeah, I will. Well, maybe. I don’t have a phone.” I briefly explained that Luke had taken it before I’d left him in the parking lot, unsure as to why he even needed it.

  “Can we do dinner at least? Before you head to the beach, or wherever the heck he told you to meet him? I still don’t understand why you’re meeting him at dusk in a remote location. Is that romantic or creepy? What’s the vibe you’re getting from that? Is that a weird spot?”

  I giggled. “With Luke, definitely romantic. That’s just how he is. Big, sweet gestures. He’s thoughtful like that. He said we had to go on a hundred dates before he’d take me camping there. I think it’s kind of sweet.” I realized I was smiling as I said it. He always had that effect on me, making me feel all mushy. “We can grab a quick bite at Buck’s Deli around six? Oh, and can I borrow a sleeping bag? Can you bring one with you?”

  “Of course. See you then.”

  We parted ways and I headed over to my counseling appointment. I walked into the four story building, found my way to the right side of the office, and then sat in some stale lobby on the first floor.

  I waited more than an hour before they called my name.

  “Tell me about how you’re feeling,” Dr. Marks said sympathetically, instructing me to sit down in a gray leather chair inside her bare office.

  “I’m fine. I’ve had some time to process everything, which was nice, but going back to work – the reality of being in front of a drawer again, wondering if it would ever happen to me again like that…” My voice cut out.

  “That’s completely normal,” she explained, handing me some colored pamphlets. She went on and on about posttraumatic stress, and how people cope after traumatic ordeals like the one I’d been through. Although I found her information to be overall well-explained and sincere, I felt somewhat out of sorts having the conversation in the first place, knowing what I knew. It didn’t matter though, I was only here out of formality.

  “I think maybe just another day or two,” I responded after she’d asked me about returning to work. “I think I just need a little more time to reflect, and then I’ll be fine.”

  “That’s completely normal,” she commiserated, making some notes on a white sheet of paper in front of her. “I’m going to recommend you stay off until next week. I want you to try all of the exercises in that second brochure,” she added, pointing to one of the pamphlets in my hand. “I’m also going to give you this.” She handed me another piece of paper full of motivating affirmations. “There’s also this twenty-four hour hotline. If you’re having flashbacks or you feel like you need to talk to someone further about what happened, there’s always someone available to talk you through it. There is always help available. That’s the most important thing to take away from all of this. You’re not in this alone. Many others, unfortunately, have been through similar events. It’s part of the job, and why we take such measures to make sure our employees are as prepared as possible for this kind of thing, even though it never truly prepares you for the reality of it until it happens.”

  If only you knew my reality, lady, knowing my own brother started all of this in the first place.

  “Thank you for your time. This is all really helpful,” I stated with a genuine smile, thankful to finally be dismissed from her office. A huge weight released off my shoulders once the appointment was over. I was grateful the session was more about coping techniques versus questions about the actual robbery event itself. Oddly, the meeting was somewhat helpful. I was still uncertain about how all of this would end with Cade and Casey, but as ridiculous as it sounded, I did feel more prepared to return to work next week, ready to put the entire event behind me.

  I left her office and parked down by the beach, watching the waves roll in and out along the shoreline. I instinctively checked my purse for my phone to see if anyone had called, forgetting for the umpteenth time so far today that Luke had it. I still found it to be a strange request, the more I thought about it. What would he want with my phone? I couldn’t figure that out.

  I finally headed home to change, grabbing some warm clothes to layer in case it got cold later tonight down by the water. I packed some flashlights, my sleeping bag, a lighter in case he planned to make a fire, along with some bug spray, a waterproof speaker for music, and an extra pair of shoes. Once I felt like I had everything we’d need to camp down by the beach, I hopped in my car and made my way toward Buck’s Deli. When I arrived, I didn’t expect to see Olivia crying in the parking lot.

  I quickly climbed out of my car. “What’s going on? Why are you crying? What happened? Why didn’t you call me?” I’d forgotten, yet again, that I still didn’t have a phone, so she couldn’t have called me if she tried.

  “It happened. It really happened. I can’t believe this.” Olivia was sobbing, and it was hard to understand her.

  “What’s going on? What happened?”

  “She’s gone, Lexi. Grandma Eve is gone.”

  Chapter 25

  It took me a minute to process what she was saying. “She’s at the hospital? Did she have another heart attack? Where’s Sophia? Is she at the hospital already?”

  “She passed away at the assisted living facility,” Olivia said through her tears. “Soph didn’t even know until it was too late. I guess Grandma Eve was resting. She missed her piano class, so a nurse went in to check on her. She was already gone. It was peaceful – in her sleep – but she’s gone.”

  Tears began streaming down my face as well. We’d spent so much time at Sophia’s place growing up that she felt like a grandma to me as well. She had one of the biggest hearts of anyone I’d ever known. More importantly, I knew one of my best friends was absolutely crushed right now, and that was breaking my heart.

  “We have to get there,” I said, motioning for Olivia to climb into my car. “Where is Sophia right now?”

  “They were heading over to Sawyer
’s Funeral Home about an hour ago,” she explained, giving me directions from her phone. “It’s eight minutes from here. Turn left. I couldn’t call you to tell you what’d happened, so I had to meet you here to tell you. What are we gonna do? Sophia is devastated.”

  “I know,” I said, tears still streaming down my face. “We will be there for her. That’s all we can do right now. And then we will plan the best celebration of life anyone has ever seen.”

  She giggled through her tears as I said it. “You know Grandma Eve wants a party,” she agreed, still giving me directions as I moved us toward the funeral parlor. After several more turns, we were finally there.

  We raced out of the car and headed immediately through the main doors. Sophia’s face was puffy and streaked with tears, and her eyes were bloodshot. We wrapped her up in a tight hug, all together.

  “I can’t believe it happened,” she said through her tears. “I know this was a long time coming, but still. Nothing actually prepares you for this moment. I can’t believe I wasn’t there when it happened. I feel so guilty.”

  “You couldn’t have known today was the day, Soph. She was sleeping when it happened, right? You know she was dreaming about Harold in that moment. She’s been telling us for the last year how ready she is for him to come and get her. He finally did. That’s a happy story, Soph.”

  “I know,” she replied, smiling through her tears. “I know she was ready. But I was never going to be ready. Never.”

  “That’s the hardest part,” Olivia chimed in. “It’s never enough time. We never get enough time with someone we love like that.”

  We all stood there, crying with each other, reminiscing about all the funny things and good pieces of advice she used to give us. Sophia and Lance listened to the funeral director as he explained the process from here. It would be a few days before the service. He detailed how everything worked, and although it looked like Sophia was listening, she couldn’t have been processing all of it. Her heart looked so broken.