We Were Once

by Scott, S. L.

  I wrap myself around him. “Yes?” I whisper, the question only a breath.

  “I never want to be without you. Not ever.”

  It’s not his tone, but the sincerity and the intensity in his eyes that have me believing him.

  19

  Joshua

  The door down the hall opens, and just as Ruby catches us in action, I’m tugged inside.

  Ruby yells, “You’re no fun, Fox.”

  “He’s for my enjoyment only, Darrow. Find your own hot chef.” She kicks the door closed.

  “Cook,” I correct, kissing the soft skin of her neck and moving lower.

  “Everything you cook is amazing.” Pulling back, she cups my face. “If you wanted, you could be the greatest chef the world has ever known.”

  The significance of her belief in me is bigger than she realizes. Like how my mom supports me; it means a lot that she believes in me. As a disappointment to my dad, I can only hope she never sees me as the bastard kid no one cares enough about to want to succeed. I’m about to get mushy, but fuck, she’s distractingly sexy. “Now, where were we?”

  Excitement flickers through her eyes. “Love. We were saying how much we love one another.” She tugs me hard, so close until I’m pressed against her, causing the door to rattle on its hinges. “And this.”

  We kiss, and when I start to lower, our mouths unwillingly part. I unbutton her jeans and tug them over her hips, kissing her hip bone and then across her stomach. Flipping off her shoes, she wiggles out of the denim while balancing on me. I hold the bow of her hips, putting enough pressure to keep her still as I kiss one inner thigh and then the other before moving to the apex.

  When I glance up, her eyes remain on mine. So much beauty in such a small package. Kissing her soft center, I then prop her knee over my shoulder and take it deeper with my tongue, wanting her to fall apart for me like she did in the back of the Blazer.

  She’s utterly distracting in the best of ways—her body pliable and welcoming, her moans of pleasure as she wriggles in reaction. How she tastes. Fuck, I can’t wait for her to take me in that sweet mouth of hers.

  Her body tremors, my name coming in waves off her tongue as she comes on mine. Her hands tap once against the wood before they whiten from the pressure. Standing, I collect her in my arms and carry her to bed.

  She lies back on her elbows with her legs hanging over the edge, steady breath just out of reach. Watching me undress, she says, “Tell me something I don’t know.”

  “It’s not wise to wear your heart on your sleeve.”

  “Even if I only wear it for you?”

  I shift onto the bed and lie back next to her. “Yes.” With her curled against my side, the quiet of the room has me thinking about being at the lake. It’s then that I realize I’ve done the same thing I’ve accused her of—lying by omission. I kiss her head, and my arm tightens around her. “You know, I haven’t exactly told you my life story, have I? I was bothered because you concealed part of your past, but now I see that if I’m asking you for the whole truth, and to trust me, then I need to do the same.” I take a deep breath, exhaling the darkest part of my life, “My father is in my life, but few people know.”

  Her shirt hangs off her shoulder as she pushes up on her hand and looks over at me. “He is?”

  “Barely, but he’s a ghost that hangs around, haunting my life. I’m told by my friends and other people that I should be grateful, but I’m not. I’m bitter even though he’s financing my future.”

  “I had no idea.”

  “He’s nothing more than a stockbroker keeping track of his investment.” I shrug. “There’s no emotional attachment or anything. According to him, I need to be fixed. I’m a problem left unsolved.”

  “I don’t understand, Joshua.” She sits up again, pressing her hand to my leg to still it. I didn’t even fucking know it was bouncing. Even tics that usually stay buried can make appearances without permission when triggered. My father is that trigger. “Fuck. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

  “No, I’m glad you did,” she replies, lying back down next to me. Our bodies aren’t touching, and I don’t like the distance. “It’s weird how pain stays with you, almost tricking you into believing you’re still living life as normal.”

  I take her hand from resting on her stomach and hold it. We don’t have to touch for sex, but in the time that exposes us, it’s nice to feel her heat. “You say that as if you’ve experienced firsthand.”

  “Admitting the pain sometimes helps to keep me grounded in reality.” She looks at me. The love we spoke about earlier still shines in her eyes. “I never thought I’d meet someone who makes me want to share my secrets either.”

  Either.

  It’s a small slip that encapsulates the sentiment.

  We’ve been in this relationship, inside a perfect bubble and untouchable by the problems of our pasts. Maybe that was a mistake. Seeing each other with flaws, scars invisible to the eye but have shaped our lives, will only deepen what we already share.

  “Fear and pain feel the same these days,” she says, “I used to fear upsetting my dad. Now I fear losing you.”

  I have that same fear. I told her she is my world, but how do I fit into her world back home? It’s not wrong for her dad to want the best for his daughter, and I’m not the best. He’ll see through me the minute we meet.

  That won’t deter me from loving her. I’ll love her until the day I die. “Don’t live in fear. Live in love.” Her right cheek kicks into a grin. Taking her hand, I hold it between us, and say, “If it makes you feel better, I’m in just as deep.”

  “That might be bad for you, but it’s good to hear.” She finds comfort, resting her head on the pillow next to me. “What contact do you have with your dad?”

  “Not much beyond the usual birthday card, Christmas money. I went to visit him once.” I glance over to see her eyes locked on me in full attention. I return my gaze to the ceiling. “He lives in the Hamptons most of the time, but keeps an $8 million dollar apartment in Manhattan for when he has ‘work obligations’ at the office.” I can’t help but shake my head every time I think of that. “The man is loaded. Hence, paying for my school, but even I know it’s only because I bear his last name. He probably loses sleep over the thought of me tarnishing it.”

  “Do you know this or—”

  “I went to visit one summer when I was thirteen. I was told to keep my shoes outside the front door and my clothes packed. I was supposed to be there for a month to get to know him.”

  Her arm drapes over me protectively as if she can keep the pain away. “It didn’t go well?”

  She’s right—I’m carrying these hard feelings around like I owe them money. They may have kept me grounded, but they’re not good to hang onto. “No. I overheard him tell his wife that my mom was a gold-digger. He just wished he had listened to his parents back then. He wouldn’t be in this mess if he had.”

  Her soft sigh is followed by a kiss to my shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. The truth only motivates me.”

  “What did you do?”

  I chuckle. “Hitched my way back to Connecticut. My mom was worried sick, but I had a good three-hour head start before my dad even noticed I was missing.”

  Sitting up abruptly, she covers her mouth, a look of horror working through her expression. “Oh my God! Are you crazy?”

  I roll on top of her. “Crazy for you.”

  “And horny. Always so horny.”

  “Says the horniest girl I know.” I’m pushed away and left laughing. She adds, “And strong.”

  “Dang straight.”

  “I kind of adore your version of swearing.” I continue chuckling. Her own laughter lightens, and I watch as the sympathy enters her pupils and spreads. That’s the last thing I want from her. I roll to my back. “Don’t do that. We were having fun. It’s fine. Don’t feel sorry for me.”

  Her touch is tentative but with no less purpose than when she
hugs me. I won’t move away from her, but I’d like to hide from this conversation, regretting bringing my dad up at all.

  She says, “My heart hurts for you, Joshua, but I don’t feel sorry for you. I’m proud of you.” My gaze returns to her. “You made the best of a bad situation while still doing well in school.”

  Fine. I give in. It’s easy to do when I have the best girlfriend in the world. “C’mere.” She does, laying her chest on me and keeping her eyes locked on mine. I ask, “Do you know how amazing you are?”

  “You’re making this about me, but I’m so amazed how you’ve overcome so much.”

  “Me talking about how incredible you are doesn’t change—” The pad of her finger presses to my lips.

  “No. Don’t. I hate being the center of attention.”

  I kiss her fingertip. “Can I share one thing, and then we can drop it?”

  Rolling her eyes, she sighs. “Fine. One and that’s it.”

  Weaving my hands into her hair, I angle it so I can see those emeralds sparkle for me. Tucking hair behind her ear, I love seeing her full face free of makeup. So goddamn gorgeous. “You make me want to be a better man, Chloe.” Rubbing my fingertips over that smile that makes my heart beat, she bites me lightly. “And you’re feisty.”

  My finger is released as a kiss lands on my cheek. “For what it’s worth, you are already a better man than any other I know.”

  Her hair is still damp when I slide my fingers above the nape of her neck. Doesn’t matter how we look, though, or what has brought us to this moment in time. It only matters that we got here. “One day, I’m going to marry you.”

  “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

  “Don’t you worry about that, baby.” Pressing my palm to her chest, I feel the rapid beat matching mine. “I always keep my promises.”

  20

  Chloe

  “How did you talk me into this? I look a mess,” I say, whipping my hair into a knot on the top of my head.

  “A beautiful mess.” He takes hold of my hand, and we step closer to the counter as the line moves forward. Although we’ve been together a while, my hand is held without hiding it from anyone, though I’d almost understand if he didn’t. Despite our declarations privately, we’re still new to the rest of the world, our innermost circles the only ones privy.

  As he kisses my hand, the hunger for each other earlier still permeates the connection. He asks, “What would you like?”

  While he stares up at the chalkboard menu, I stare at him. I want him. I want this. I want my world to be making love at night, and coffee and muffins in the morning.

  “Chloe?”

  “Yes?” I don’t care that my voice is wistful as I admire him. I’m sure he’s used to it anyway.

  He chuckles. “We’re up.”

  The girl behind the counter doesn’t look as amused as he does. I search for something that sounds appetizing. “Black coffee and a blueberry muffin.”

  Joshua says, “I’ll have the same.” Before I have time to open my purse, he’s handing her money. “I got it.” He kisses my neck, and my eyes fall closed to enjoy the sweet sensation. He kisses me from pure desire, staking claim to my heart in front of everyone.

  When I open my eyes, I find other people’s attention trained on us, including familiar ones. Ruby waves from a table by the windows. She has her laptop out with the largest coffee mug I’ve ever seen—empty, and a plate with crumbs remaining.

  I run my hand along Joshua’s bicep, feeling extra all around—physically and emotionally—with this man. “Ruby’s in the corner. I’m going to visit with her.”

  Taking the receipt, he turns back to me. “I’ll come over when I get the order.” When he moves to the other end of the counter, I hurry to Ruby’s table.

  “I didn’t know you woke up before noon?” I tease, sitting across from her.

  “First of all, no, we aren’t talking about me when you’re walking around town with the hottest guy ever on your arm like it’s no big deal. Just look at Josh.” She sighs dreamily, letting her gaze stay fixed on my guy.

  I giggle because she’s right. Turning around, I get a good look at him while he waits. “I don’t even know what to say to that, so I’ll let you stew in your feels for him for now.”

  “It’s my feels for you I’m stewing in. It’s called jealousy.” If it weren’t for the huge grin, I’d think she was being serious. When her eyes return to me, she pops upright, her spine stiff as a board. “Oh, my God! I almost forgot. How is the sex going? Sounds like it’s going well from my side of the wall.” Glancing over at Joshua, she eyes him from head to toe. “I’d give up my virginity right here for him, if I still had it.”

  She laughs, and continues, “Would have beat Newman Howard sophomore year in the cabana of his parents’ Hamptons house.” Grabbing hold of my wrist, she’s still talking a mile a minute. I’m not sure she wants to hear from me but prefers the excitement of living vicariously. “So, tell me. How do you manage to get out of bed some days when you have that hunky piece of man-meat lying next to you? Also, other than an ‘it was good,’ I never got the juicy details of your first time. I have a million questions.”

  I look around, feeling eyes on us. Ruby doesn’t understand the use of an inside voice. “Sorry,” I mouth to a woman nearby feeding her toddler. Leaning in closer, I whisper to Ruby, “It was better than I expected and nothing like I read online. If you insist on hearing a detail . . . I feel empty without him. Even sitting here.”

  “Without him inside you? Girl, you’re making me miss that new relationship sex. It’s so different than one-night stand sex.”

  Resting my forearms on the table, I’m now here for this discussion. “How?”

  “If you know it’s a hookup, it’s like The Fast and the Furious. Relationship sex varies from making love to fucking to learning what the other likes and gets off on.” She shrugs. “Trust me, it’s all good. A one-night stand never left me feeling like I’m missing a part of myself, though.”

  That’s it. I glance back once more to make sure Joshua doesn’t overhear us talking. “Yes, that’s exactly how I feel.”

  “Aw, Clo. I think it’s more than sex. I think you’re in love.” She reaches out, nudging my hand. “That’s the sweetest thing ever.” Sitting back again, she adds, “Now please tell me he goes downtown.”

  “New York?”

  Snapping her fingers, she then aims them down. “Your vagina, Chloe.”

  “Ruby.” I hide my face between shielding hands. “Topic change. How was the donut?”

  She’s a tough opponent with a steadfast stare and unrelenting spirit. “Don’t toy with me, lady. I need the details.”

  “Fine. Yes.” My giggle extends beyond our table. “He goes downtown.”

  “Downtown New Haven?”

  I cringe when I hear his soothing tone—so innocent to the conversation at hand—that I stare at Ruby between pinched eyelids. She replies to my unspoken question. “Yes, he’s behind you.”

  Well then, since he heard already, overheard that is, I might as well be honest. “We were talking about my vagina, Joshua.” I receive two offended glares from the older couple one table over.

  “Ah,” he replies, taking the chair next to me. Setting the coffee on the table, he grins to himself. “I would offer to let you guys finish this conversation without me, but what’s the fun in that?”

  Ruby’s hand flies out. “Exactly. And by the way, I like you.” Joshua’s eyes bulge until she adds, “Not like that. Well, like that, but I don’t mess around with my friends’ S.O.’s.”

  His arm comes around me as he kicks back, making himself at home. “Am I your significant other, Chloe?”

  “Why do I feel like you two will get along like a house on fire?”

  That leaves them laughing, and although we came in here to pick up our order and go, we stay. The coffee is unloaded from the tray, and the blueberry muffins are pulled from the sack. As I pick off little bird bit
es, Joshua doesn’t hold back and takes large chunks out of his muffin, finishing it in a few bites.

  Pulling my chair closer, he kisses just beneath my ear, causing me to giggle and blush. It’s so different being free in front of others like we are when we’re alone together.

  A heavy sigh from Ruby gets my attention. “This living vicariously isn’t as fun as I thought. I need to find myself a man. The hookup apps for this town suck.”

  “I have friends,” Joshua says, “who’d be happy to help you out. Actually, you’d be doing them a favor.”

  Laughing, she says, “Thanks for the offer. I’m not quite there yet, but I’ll keep you posted.”

  I’m enjoying my closest friend and boyfriend getting along, but I’m beginning to feel guilty for taking time away from my studies. “I have so much research to do. My dad would flip out if he knew I’d blown off the morning.”

  Contentedly slumped against the wall, Joshua slips his hand to my lower back, his thumb rubbing the skin just under the hem of my shirt. “Why is he so tough on you?”

  “Because Foxes don’t fail.”

  “They don’t even make B’s,” Ruby inserts.

  His eyes haven’t left mine. I’m not sure I see empathy buried in them, but I definitely see curiosity. “Do you always make straight A’s, Chloe?”

  “Yes,” I whisper as if I’m ashamed. My dad is hard on me, but I know it’s because he loves me. I can’t imagine not having him in my life. I’ve never felt shame over my achievements, so why do I now?

  His hand slides around to my leg, and he says, “I find your intelligence incredibly sexy.”

  I think I melt into my chair, becoming a puddle of mush in his hands. “I’ve been told I can be intimidating.”

  “Being smart isn’t intimidating. It’s a turn-on.” He always makes me feel special, like the center of his galaxy.

  Waving hands grab our attention. “Helloooo,” Ruby sings. “I’m still here.” Happiness bubbles inside me. I’ve never had this before—this feeling of acceptance and that I’ve found my tribe—until now.