Borrowed Heart

by Andrew Grey

  “I like him. I think he will keep up with you,” Marta said, turning to Johan.

  That was the one thing Robin wasn’t so sure about. Like Oliver, Robin wasn’t going to be able to keep up with anyone for very long. “I’ll try.”

  Johan checked his watch as his mother got up and returned with plates as Fritz emerged from the kitchen with platters of food that he placed in the center of the table before sitting at the end. Apparently this was an impromptu family dinner, and Robin was invited.

  “How long you know my son?” Johan’s mother asked.

  “We’ve worked together on and off for a few months,” Robin answered. “He’s been very good to me.”

  She nodded. “I hope so. I raise him right.” She fussed a little over Johan, filling his plate with sausage, spätzle, and vegetables. Everything smelled amazing, and before he could say anything, Mrs. Krause had filled him a plate too. “He never brings people home to us.” She seemed pleased as punch about it, which surprised Robin.

  “We’ve known for quite a while that Johan prefers men,” Louisa said. “He has never brought anyone for us to meet.” They all seemed as interested in him as anything. “Where you grow up?” she asked before he could take a bite. His stomach rumbled at the scent of onions, bacon, and spices from the sausage that came off his plate.

  “My family is from Milwaukee. We have a tavern there that also serves food. Much like this one. Mama serves bratwurst and sauerkraut. She’s famous for it in the neighborhood. And good, German beer. Dad serves a few quality small, German-style American beers as well. But none of the big mass-produced stuff. People can get that anywhere.” Robin finally took a bite, rolling his eyes.

  “Does your mother make spätzle?” Mrs. Krause asked.

  “Yes, but not as good as this,” Robin said as he continued eating between the questioning. Mrs. Krause grinned, and Robin knew he’d said the right thing. Robin had to be careful with all the butter and richness in the food, but the vegetables were amazing, with plenty of flavor, and the sausage was spicy and surprisingly lean. Before his plate emptied, Mrs. Krause was already getting ready to fill it.

  Johan said something quietly to his mother—Robin wasn’t sure what—and she set the spoon down. Robin was grateful. He did ask for a little more of the vegetables, though.

  “Marta said she is getting ready for university. Do you work here in the restaurant?” Robin asked Louisa.

  “Sometimes when I’m needed.”

  “Louisa is bank manager,” Mrs. Krause said very proudly.

  Johan turned to him. “Louisa is a rising star with one of the banks here. She was always very good with numbers. Marta is going to be a doctor, I think… for animals.”

  “Ah. A veterinarian. How wonderful. Are you going to care for small animals or larger ones?” Robin asked. “I think it would be cool to be able to care for horses.”

  “I haven’t decided,” she answered. “I’d like to care for all animals and work in a zoological garden.”

  “Marta was always fascinated with lions and tigers,” Johan explained further, and Robin finished his vegetables, belly about ready to burst. He sipped his Schorle and listened as family conversation swirled around him.

  “Dessert?” Mrs. Krause asked.

  Johan glanced at his watch. “Robin and I have to get back to town and meet the tour.” He stood, kissed his mother on the cheek, and hugged both of his sisters and his brother.

  Robin slid out of the booth as well and shook hands with all four of them, paying plenty of compliments. “Thank you for everything. The meal was amazing. It was a pleasure to meet you all.” Robin waited as Johan said goodbye to his family, and they headed out. “You didn’t tell me we were going to meet your entire family.” He hoped he didn’t look like a schlub to them.

  “You were fine. They all liked you.” Johan led the way back toward town, and Robin was thankful for the walk. He needed to move after that heavy but amazing lunch.

  The street was lined with trees, and as they approached the center of town, Johan led them through the beer garden in the park, where they found a number of their group. Robin got them moving, and they continued on to their meeting spot right in front of the McDonald’s, probably one of the only ones in the world with a facade done in Siena marble. The group lined up to use the bathroom while Johan got the bus, and Robin then got everyone loaded and ready to go. He only hoped they didn’t have a stop half a dozen times to use the restroom.

  “We’re heading to Freiburg in the Black Forest region. This is one of my favorite stops. The center of town is somewhat unique, and there is plenty to explore both in town and in the forested hills above.” Robin checked that everyone was present while he spoke and signaled to Johan that it was time to go, receiving a saucy grin and maybe even a leer in return. Robin felt himself flush as he sat down, and then they were on their way.

  ROBIN WAS exhausted by the time they reached Freiburg, had dinner, and then got everyone into their rooms. Albert had booked a single room for him and Johan to share, which seemed to be the new norm for the trip.

  “What do you expect?” Albert said when Robin called him. “I run on tight margins, and you can save me the room expense.” He sounded snippy.

  “What’s gotten into you?” Robin asked. Albert usually wasn’t so short and pissy.

  “Nothing.” He sighed softly. “I have another tour that I might have to cancel because there isn’t enough interest. I have a few people who want to join and I’m working on it, but things are tight right now. No one wants to go on a gay tour any longer. Everything is getting so… normal now. They don’t think there’s a need, and maybe they’re right.” Albert sounding down was a completely new experience.

  “It’s going to be fine.” Unfortunately there was little that could be done at this late juncture. It was already summer, and most people had already made their bookings. “You always figure something out.” He’d intended to give Albert grief because he’d always had his own hotel room before, but there was no purpose now. Robin liked his job and wanted to keep it. “I’ll call if I need anything, but otherwise, the tour is going fine.” He ended the call to let Albert figure things out before lying back on the surprisingly comfortable bed in the spartan hotel room. Johan had gone out with Oliver, Javier, and Grant, but Robin didn’t have the energy. He groaned as he got off the bed and cleaned up, then climbed beneath the sheets and closed his eyes.

  He must have fallen right to sleep, because when he woke, he was warm and an arm rested over his side, a hand on his belly. Robin turned to find Johan asleep next to him, or mostly asleep. Part of him was most definitely awake, pressing to Robin’s butt. He smiled and yawned, too tired to do anything about it, and what the hell? It was the most intimacy he’d experienced in months, and he liked that Johan held him, even if it was in his sleep.

  Robin had requested a room with two beds for them, but this had been the only one available. He hadn’t made a big deal out of it, not after the night before. But what surprised him was how easily Johan seemed to want to be next to him and how much better Robin slept being held by him. Sleeping with Mason had always been a huge ordeal. He snored loudly enough to reanimate a cemetery, and he tossed and turned all the damned time. Robin had hardly ever gotten a good night’s rest when they’d slept together, but with Johan, things were very different.

  “Go to sleep,” Johan rumbled in German. Robin wasn’t even sure if he was awake at all.

  “I can’t.” Robin rolled over to face Johan, whose eyes cracked open. “Tomorrow is market day, and that means standing in the center of town for hours and making sure everyone finds what they want. Then tomorrow evening I’m supposed to lead a hike up into the forest above the town. I’ve done it before, and it always knocks me out.”

  “Then go to sleep and rest. They deserve the best of what you have to give.” Johan stroked his arm gently, and Robin closed his eyes.

  “What if I’m getting too weak to do this anymore?” Robin aske
d, giving voice to the ever-present fear. The heart they’d given him was the best match they could have hoped for… or so the doctor had told him. But lately fatigue had set in, and he was worried that this was the start of the end for him.

  “You aren’t. I think this whole thing with Mason is getting to you.” His tone made it clear that Johan didn’t care for Mason at all. Somehow, that made Robin feel better. He’d have hated it if the two of them had hit it off and become friends or something. Just the thought sent the weirdness scale through the roof, and Robin shuddered. Johan must have thought he was chilled, because he settled even closer.

  “Do you think it strange that we’re sleeping like this?” Robin asked. “We aren’t lovers, but….” Sometimes he wondered why he had to question everything. There were people he knew—his brother Erik, for one—who never questioned anything. He took things as they came, and Erik was happy because of it. Robin wished sometimes he could be more like that and not worry or question everything.

  “I don’t know. Maybe it is.” Johan shrugged and pulled him closer. “Stop asking so many questions. It’s the middle of the night and you need to sleep. I need to sleep.” Johan yawned, and Robin closed his eyes, resting his head on the pillow and trying to figure out what he was going to do. “Maybe we take the bus and park it at the base of the mountain. Let them walk up and back, but not quite so far.”

  “Good idea.” Robin finally relaxed and let his worries go. He had a tour to lead, so instead of concentrating on what was in his head, he listened to the soft sounds of the night on the cobbled street from outside the open hotel room window. “Thanks, Johan.”

  Chapter 3

  “ROBIN.”

  The word tickled the outside of his consciousness.

  “Yeah,” he muttered, cracking his eyes open. “It’s still dark.”

  Johan gently shook his shoulder. “We have a problem.”

  A thump awakened Robin the rest of the way, and he jumped out of bed, tugged on his pants, and raced out into the hallway. Half the group was standing there, glaring at Billy and Kyle’s door. “Go back to bed,” Robin told them, and the others filed into their rooms. Robin knocked quietly on the door, and Kyle opened it, a tissue held to his nose.

  Kyle stepped back so Robin could enter the room. Clothes lay over everything, hanging on the lamp and scattered on the floor. Billy sulked on the edge of his bed, looking down at the floor, hands cradling his head.

  “Does either of you want to explain? It’s supposed to be quiet at this hour. So, what’s going on?” Robin needed to try to diffuse this situation so the hotel didn’t complain. Albert wouldn’t be happy if he had to find another Freiburg hotel.

  “It was nothing,” Kyle said, pulling the tissues away from his nose.

  “You do realize that I have the authority to eject you from the group for bad behavior. That means that when we leave, I have every right to keep you from boarding the bus, and you’ll have to get yourselves back to Frankfurt for your flight. Everything you’ve paid will be forfeited and you’ll be on your own until then.” Robin didn’t want to do any of that, but if they didn’t behave, he wasn’t going to let them ruin everyone else’s trip. “I need some answers.”

  “Billy has been drinking way too much, and….” Kyle glared at his friend. “And it needs to stop. He’s drunk most of the time, and he can’t act like anything other than an ass.” Kyle put his hands on his hips, staring as Billy drew into himself.

  “Whose clothes are these?” Robin asked.

  “They’re mine. Billy was angry when he came back from his latest round of drinking and I wasn’t waiting up for him.” Kyle seethed under his relatively calm words.

  “Get them picked up and put away,” Robin said to Billy. “I must say, this is terribly childish behavior on your part and doesn’t reflect well on your best friend either. Both of you need to get to bed and sleep it off.” Robin went to the door. “Billy, I want to talk to you in the morning before any of us goes anywhere. And you damn well better be sober.” Robin left the room, noting a gallery of eyes peeking out of doors. He went right back to his room, closed the door, and sat on the edge of the bed.

  Johan came out of the bathroom, then turned out the light and got into bed before soothing Robin in next to him.

  “What are you going to do?” Johan asked once they were settled, his arm sliding around Robin. Robin’s skin heated, but he didn’t move and continued to face away from him. This was nice and all, but he was scared. How would Johan react when he found out Robin had such a short life ahead of him? Mason had run… so why should Robin expect anyone else to stick around? He shifted farther away, and Johan rolled over as well, the warmth fading.

  “I never realized that part of this job would turn out to be counselor and even arbitrator. I had a couple who decided they were going to divorce once. They ended up completing the tour without speaking a word to each other for the rest of the trip. It was abysmal and affected everyone in the group.” That had been the second tour of the season, and he’d never been so happy to say goodbye to people in his life. “I’ll talk to them both in the morning.” He closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep, but found himself listening for any noise from the next room, though he finally drifted off.

  Robin woke feeling stiff and nearly as tired as he’d been when he went to bed.

  Johan was already up. He came out of the bathroom dressed and ready for the day. “I was quiet and hoped you could sleep a little longer. I’m heading down to breakfast.” He left the room, and Robin pushed the covers down, checking the time and getting himself moving.

  Everyone was at breakfast, including Kyle and Billy, sitting at separate tables and taking turns glaring at each other. Robin rolled his eyes and sat down with Johan, hating what was sure to come next. Of course, the incident the night before was the source of conversation and gossip, with plenty of supposition and no facts.

  “Did you sleep at all?”

  “Some,” Robin admitted.

  “The market is just a few blocks away. Take them all down, and they can go through the cathedral and peruse the stalls and town on their own if they’d like. Then you can rest for a little while if you want.”

  Robin nodded and got a roll and some juice. There was also a meat and cheese board, and he got a small assortment, then ate while pondering. What was he going to say to Billy? How should he handle that situation? And what should he say to Johan? Things were a little weird. Johan had held him for much of the night for the last two nights, but was that some pity thing or did he really like him? Maybe it was the way Johan slept when he shared a bed. He needed to talk to him as well but was kind of scared in case Johan was just being nice. Robin bit some of his hard roll and chewed slowly, not even realizing that he was holding the rest of the roll in midair.

  “You must be really deep in thought,” Mason commented as he passed, then leaned close. “You only do the ignore-the-entire-world thing when you’re really trying to figure something out.” He moved on before Robin could retort.

  “Sometimes I want to smack that guy,” Johan whispered.

  Robin dropped his roll on his plate, giggling to himself and then laughing out loud. He had no reason to other than the release of tension and confusion. He probably looked demented, but it felt good to laugh. He didn’t care that the others saw him. The stress relief felt too danged good.

  Robin figured he’d talk to Billy now, and maybe he could speak with Johan tonight.

  “I have a few announcements,” Robin said, standing once he finished eating. “You have most of the day free to look around the town. There is some interesting shopping, and the market will take place around the cathedral, which will be open, so be sure to go inside. Also walk around it and look at the water spouts. The medieval carvers certainly had good imaginations. Lunch is on your own, and there are wonderful cafés and pastry and sandwich shops. Food is also available at the market. We’ll meet here at five, when Johan will drive us out of town, and we’ll
hike up into the forest. It’s beautifully stunning how quickly the area goes from city to nature. The name of the game is to enjoy yourselves.” Robin caught Billy’s gaze, and he colored and nodded.

  Slowly the others got up and left the breakfast room. Robin stayed behind and motioned Billy over, waiting for him to sit down.

  “Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”

  Billy shrugged, and Robin crossed his arms over his chest. “Kyle is….”

  Robin shifted his weight, but otherwise stood still and quiet.

  “Sometimes he makes me so angry.”

  “Why? He’s your best friend. At least that’s what you guys said when you got on the bus.”

  Billy sat back like he was going to clam up, and Robin waited him out. He knew this game well and was a master at waiting others out. “Sometimes he’s so damn blind.” Billy clenched his fists.

  “What is he blind to?”

  “Come on. I know you can figure things out even if he can’t. What do I have to do to get Kyle to see me?” He crossed his arms over his chest. “I thought coming on this trip and sharing a room with him for over a week would… spark something. Instead, he acts like he always did, and….”

  Robin leaned closer. “You’re telling me you have feelings for him?”

  “God.” Billy shook his head, burying his face in his hands. “I have for a long time, and I hoped he liked me too, but….”

  “Have you told him or done anything to make him see how you feel? Or are you drinking like a fish to bury your feelings, and all that did was make things worse?” Robin had a pretty good picture now of what he thought was going on. He sighed softly and nodded as he came to a decision. “Okay. As far as the tour goes, I suggest that you stop drinking. Switch to something else, because there will not be a repeat of last night.”

  “That’s it?” Billy asked.

  “Yes. You’re an adult, so act like it. As for Kyle, you have to work things out with him. You two still need to room together. There aren’t extra rooms in any of the hotels,” Robin said, figuring he was done.