Animalistic

by Nunn, Alexis

  We moved on to my turn. My hand stayed on the top of Feliks’s head so that it felt I was speaking for the both of us. The plan was for both of us to speak but with Lewis and Beverly now here, that wasn’t possible. Our original plan was ruined but not lost. Feliks just couldn’t talk at this point. I knew what he’d say. I wish I didn’t have to sugar coat my performance but Fadiyah, Robert, and Lilya would be able to pick up what I mean.

  My mouth felt dry and my cheeks felt like there was sun beating down on them. A breeze picked up the smoke and whizzed it past my face. It tousled my hair. Robert had his black eyebrows way up high, wondering why I was taking my time staring out into space before talking. They waited. Before Beverly could bark at me for wasting everyone’s time, I opened my mouth.

  Beginning this wasn’t easy, but I went on.

  “I’ll start this off by saying I don’t belong here. I honestly don’t.”

  Robert started to say something but I cut him off.

  “I belong in Connersville, Indiana. Home of the Spartans, yadda yadda. I am not supposed to be here. And because of that, we ended up almost dead in the cold. To begin with, my mom and her dad, my grandfather, packed us up and whisked us off to Canada. They thought it’d be safer. More area. More resources. Easier to get away from people that might get affected. They were wrong. One day, not too far from here, there was just a bit of snow on the ground, they went out to find shelter, food, or anything they could, but never returned. I was left alone with this fella,” I scratched Feliks’s head vigorously like you would do to any puppy, “and had nowhere else to go. Early into being alone, this cougar werebie came by our car and tried to get to us. It bust open our window and killed itself. So, I went running off. Out in the cold, I had a thick wool coat on and Feliks for company. It was hard to eat once all of our supplies was up. There was a point where it was close to starvation in a ravine. Then I found a cabin to live in. It fell down. It was no longer how to survive, but it turned into a curiosity of when or how I should come to terms with my death. I was going to die. Feliks alerted me that there was a light up ahead and we came into town. I’m lucky you didn’t shoot us like you were about to. You saved us. You let us live. I would be dead right now, part of the ground, without you. Thank you. And happy birthday. That got a bit dark, sorry.”

  I sat down Feliks climbed up on the log to be closer to my side. I looped an arm around him with a tight squeeze. He licked the side of my face and wagged his tail. We both looked at Robert. He was just keeping his head towards the ground. When he looked up, he had a distant glimmer in his eyes and a small, appreciative smile.

  He took a deep breath, looking up at all of us. He put an arm around the two kids he was responsible for and nodded, “Thank you. I’ll remember everything you guys said. Now… Let’s lighten to mood? Who wants some hot dogs?”

  I grinned like a Cheshire cat and Feliks shook his head at me. With a smile on my face, I looked over to the front door to Robert’s house while he went inside. I should’ve turned around and looked into the woods so that I would’ve saw the reflection of our fire in a pair of yellow eyes. I missed that, but heard the distinctive rustle of grass on the other side, a mirror effect to the event behind us, and turned to look. I saw the blink of an orange eye and more rustling as it moved away. No one else said anything. Possibly I hadn’t seen anything at all. One thing for sure, I wasn’t feeling safe anymore.

  TWENTY-SIX

  Music rang out around my room while the record spun. I put on some hair-metal band that sounded so familiar. It didn’t feel like dancing music, but more something you could bounce to and feel in your feet. I couldn’t dance anyway if I tried. My bedroom wasn’t empty besides me, it was occupied by two today. Lewis decided to join me in my room for the day. He was leaving the next day and was trying to make the most of his stay.

  He proposed that I inserted the CD he brought over, the one for Xavier. Xavier’s CD was still sitting on top of my desk on top of all my other forms of music. I really needed a storage rack to put up my CDs and LPs. I had a rack for my decent 45s. The rest I put back in the room I gave to Feliks. He rarely used it. Feliks said he didn’t sleep but it seems more that he fell into a light trance where he rested and conserved his energy. He wasn’t overly responsive but would still answer me if I got his attention.

  Lewis stood up and retrieved the CD from atop the pile. He lifted up the needle on the record and put it down in the cradle and slid a stopper over it. He put the LP away into its sleeve before setting it off to the side. I waited for him to start the CD. When he pushed play, I immediately recognized the song.

  “This is one of my favorite songs!”

  He looked over to me, “You like Bullet with Butterfly Wings? Really? That’s so awesome. You are even more perfect.”

  Laughing was the least notable of my reactions. I stood up and turned up the volume on track. I let the music play loud enough that I could feel it in my ankles.

  “Loud enough?” Lewis asked, trying to be heard over the music.

  “Never!”

  On a whim, I grabbed his arm and pulled him over to me. I put my hand on his waist and put his hand on my shoulder while holding his other arm out to the side. He said something about it being backwards but I just shushed him. I pushed him forward and preceded to try to dance like this to the song. It started to work after he figured out how to move with me. The interaction was sweet in my opinion. Lighthearted. It was a fun, careless time between new-friends.

  Until he stopped and took my face into my hands. A few seconds sped by while I jerked back and knocked myself to the ground. The disturbance made my record player wobble on the desk. I was scared that the fall might make it fall as well but it settled, thankfully. It was safe. Meanwhile, I wasn’t sure if my friendship was. Clearly, Lewis picked up on a signal I hadn’t intended to give. He looked shell-shocked, hands still out in the air and eyes wide open. His mouth was a small, formed pout that slowly relaxed only after we locked eyes. He tried to kiss me. He tried to kiss you? What’s there to even to like about me?

  “I… uh,” There wasn’t anything to say. The mood was killed quickly. I never had anyone like me before. At least not that I knew of. It was much too painfully obvious now. He was flirting with me nearly his whole stay. I was such an idiot. Robert picked up on it before I did. That didn’t explain Fadiyah’s angry stares towards him when he flirted with me. I’d have to figure out that next. She must have picked up on it too and found it obnoxious.

  He closed his eyes and threw his head back. The tips of his shoes turned inwards and his stance slacked.

  The music died down and I noticed he turned around to turn down the volume. Soft buzzing from the stereo could still be heard. Listening to the faint guitars was likely the only thing keeping me calm.

  My heart was trying to run away like it always did but I expanded my lungs and held in the air until I had to breathe again.

  Lewis offered me a hand that I didn’t take, “Are you okay?”

  “No, I’m not okay! You tried to kiss me. I never said you could kiss me!”

  “But you were dancing with me!”

  “We were ballroom dancing to a rock song. Do you think I was being very serious? That’s not invitation to kiss me. I’m not in the mood for this anymore. Get out of my room. We’ll talk about this later.”

  “Darylene… Please don’t be like this. I like you. You have to give me a chance!” The guy was fruitlessly begging.

  “I don’t like you. If I had, I would’ve been up front about it. I won’t see you again for probably never. Like I’d even want to start a relationship for one day. I haven’t started one before, I’m not starting now. You can like me all you fuckin' want, but it won’t change my opinion.”

  He didn’t like that very much. He frowned, eyebrows drawn together with a blossoming rage. He didn’t take my rejection very well. I was a blunt person. I wasn’t playing this game. I wanted it over and out of the way. When he tensed his shoulders, I
called for Feliks.

  It took barely any time for the sound of clicking claws to show up outside my door. The door was open and Feliks let himself into the door frame. Feliks saw Lewis’s aggressive stance and drew back his lips, growling. He barked and snapped his jaws. Feliks came closer into the room, stepping over top of me and kept his stance ready to pounce on him. Lewis darted from the room and I had never before believed anyone had ever left my presence so quickly with their metaphorical tail between their legs.

  The next time I saw Lewis was at dinner and we only exchanged a silent glare. He was unnecessarily angry at me. Sure, I handled it poorly. I was a little scared and it was just my nature to react emotionally. My emotion had been hate and fury that time. Robert caught on to what must have happened quickly. He ate thoughtfully while he studied us both. I sat next to Fadiyah, who decided to join my position against Lewis in half a heartbeat.

  In the darkness of the evening sky, Lewis stopped me in the middle of the yard between our houses.

  He didn’t wait to say what he wanted, but there was a break in his voice, a bleeding urgency he was trying to hide, “Come back with us. Please. Don’t be a Rebel. Don’t stay out here and get killed. You can be safe.”

  I scoffed, “What about your family?”

  “They won’t leave their home.”

  “I’m not either,” I turned away to leave.

  “You can have a new home! You’ll be safe. You’ll be welcomed. They’ll figure something out something for you. You’ll just have to… to…”

  “Not a chance.”

  He grabbed my arm and held me back, “You can get a new dog! It’s just a dog!”

  I swung around and elbowed his arm with my free arm, “The Schockes won’t leave their home and neither will I. Feliks is my home. I lasted through knocking on Death’s door with him. He’s been there for me this whole terror episode. I’m not leaving. You don’t leave family. I’d rather die than go without him for a day!”

  With that I left.

  Lewis called out for me to come back and listen to reason. Life without Feliks had no reason. He was my last anchor to a world that made sense. I’d rather not abandon the family I’ve survived with this long. He just didn’t get it. Feliks wasn’t just a dog. He was the sky and I was another star trapped in his embrace, safe and secure in the swirling madness of this relentless galaxy. Even when it got dark around me, he could remind me that I gave out a brilliant light that I simply couldn’t see. He was more than a common dog. He was more than that; he was a brother.

  TWENTY-SEVEN

  The Frymoores left. It’s strange how the original notion made me sad; I was originally going to miss Lewis but not anymore. After his advancement towards me romantically, I was eager to see him off. I hadn’t even done that much. I stayed in bed passed the time they packed up and left. The attitude is a magical thing, almost able to change on the flip of a coin. All it takes is about one word or one action to change your entire opinion on someone.

  I feel like part of me should’ve understood that making a move on someone takes courage but the intelligent part of me tells me that his approach shouldn’t have made me feel obligated to like him back. I didn’t hate the kid for liking me. I hated him for trying to kiss me without finding out whether I held a mutual feeling first and then going on to be aggressive about my rejection. It wasn’t cute like they show in the movies. That scared me. I didn’t know what he was going to do. That had to be a reasonable reaction. When I relayed the information of what happened to Feliks, he blew out air and shook his head, reminding me that he never trusted the guy.

  To quote Feliks, “If he had respected and really wanted you, he would’ve told you his feelings and tested the waters first to see if you liked him, too. He shouldn’t have gone in headfirst for a kiss. That’s rude. He coulda asked. In my opinion, it’s better to not act at all on a crush than to ruin everything between friends.”

  I don’t know where he got all his wisdom.

  The clock ticked away as we sat on the couch. I was close to drifting into sleep while Feliks was nibbling at his toenails.

  Everything was quiet and quite boring. What ever there was to do, neither of us had found it yet. When my eyes almost slipped closed, I heard a soft rumble. The noise travelled over the house and back into the sky. If there was anything I knew well, it was the sign of a rainstorm. Feliks lifted his head, giving me a curious look before hopping down and taking a peek outside our window. He nudged the curtain out of the way and poked his nose into the glass of the window pane.

  “I see dark clouds up in the sky. Thick fluffy ones. But not like thunderstorm ones.”

  “It’s about to rain. Thought so.”

  Feliks smiled in his personal way, wagged his tail, and stared back out. It started with a sprinkle. The dripping raindrops turned into thicker streams until finally the clouds no longer held back and let a shower of refreshing rain soak up into the thirsty ground. Before the rains ever got the chance to let up, I went to the door and stepped outside. I didn’t care about getting wet or about having to change my clothes after this. I wanted to be outside and I let the pulling urge take me away.

  And it wasn’t the worst idea I ever had.

  Feliks saw me leave the house and went trailing behind me out into the rain. At first, the rain stung when it fell onto my face. My cheeks were hot and stiff, unused to the chilled water. The water felt so cold and dreary at first but slowly I felt the water touch the skin of my arms and the rain was no longer cold. The water was warm with the heat of my body and all the rest quickly matched. Or on the other hand, maybe it was cooling me off. I needed something like that to happen.

  Then, I couldn’t tell if the mist I saw was the heat of the ground mixing with the chill of the rain or if it was instead my unfocused eyes staring out into vertical lines. Maybe if I stared long enough, the house on the other side would become our old house and I could be a little girl standing in the street to watch it rain. I hadn’t ever thought seeing a common occurrence like rain could make me feel like this.

  I didn’t feel lost or sorrowful. I felt at peace all of a sudden. This moment felt so natural and calm, even though I was increasingly ever-so-slightly noticing how cold I was getting.

  Something broke into my focus. The door to Robert’s house opened. Robert peeped his head out to look at me, looking very tired himself. His eyes were close to closed and he shook his head at me. I laughed and slapped my hands onto the thighs of my soaking wet jeans. He frowned then smiled at me, opening his door farther.

  “You are getting wet, girl,” Robert called out.

  I kept laughing, “That’s the point! It’s rain!”

  “You’ll get sick,” He replied.

  “I don’t care!” I announced, hands towards heaven and jumping down off the front step. A thin layer of mud squished into the underside grooves of my boots.

  He stepped out onto his small porch, “What are you up to now.”

  “Maybe if I forget long enough, I’ll be home again!”

  He gave me the weirdest look to date. Then he just looked sad, “Does rain mean something special to you?”

  It did, because the longer I stood there, more desperate I was for my mind to replay itself with a stored memory, like a movie jukebox.

  I got a drop in my eye that made me flinch. Feliks wiggled himself between my legs and hopped off into the thickening mud. He slid, ducked into the grass, and rolled by accident. He laid there in the grass wiggling around until he leapt suddenly and ecstatically. He began running around and jumping into puddles. Some of the splashing water dared to go onto me, and that was okay. All errors done in acts of harmless fun are not errors at all, but instead an extension of the fun.

  “You are such a dog.”

  He nodded and proceeded to run off down the isle of houses, only to turn on heel and take off the opposite way, then, repeat. Robert didn’t stay much longer outside. He turned and returned inside his home.

  I looked in
to the sky, closing my eyes slightly as a precaution. The clouds were beautiful. Blue and grey mixed perfectly into the smoky haze that created the clouds. I saw patches of white bleeding through from where the rain was draining from them.

  What happened next was stranger than what I’ve ever had to explain. It felt like a buzz, a zap, against the back of my head and a shiver in my spine because suddenly I remembered someone I didn’t know, but had all along.

  The rain was moving sideways. I watched it bounce up on the black, fresh paved road, making arcs like an army of frogs leaping down the road. I was not on the ground, I was held aloft into the air, close to the roof of our minimalist carport, just so I could see. I could almost feel arms tight, protective, around me. I could almost feel his breathing chest rising out against me.

  He spoke very softly, a light voice almost muted in the downpour. It wasn’t the harshness of my mother’s. It was close to the mellow of Feliks’s but so much farther away, fading into the pitter-patter of the rain. Was it my failed memory or was it how he actually spoke? It was the kind of voice that made you genuinely interested enough to lean in with eager eyes and a forming smile. He swayed just slightly, smiling towards the road.

  Feliks was there too, standing on the edge of our concrete driveway instead of beside me because he only had space in his arms for one kid. Feliks was out in the rain, holding onto the pole support on the carport. The rain was drenching the front of his clothes and his hair, pulling it down flat, but he didn’t care. He looked back to us with this bright, crooked toothed smile. He was six years old. Barely. I was four, hair long and pulled into pigtails. I was in a bright summer dress, little rain boots to match.