by Anna Ruch
The Pavilion
A special moment in New York
1st edition
March 2020
HANNAH
It was one of those days where you only realize in retrospect that it was a special day. It is not about the day itself, but rather about the course that is set on it. Somewhere I once read that moments don't know that they are special moments. Even if you feel it, our mind does not always want to follow this feeling. In the course of the last few years I had learned that life has its own laws and that no matter how hard we try or believe we know where our journey is going, we are far too often only a stowaway in our own lives.
Our story began or ended with me landing a new assignment, which I took as an opportunity to give myself a new styling. Actually, this was already weeks overdue, but I always put forward reasons why I couldn't make it so far. Besides, my life needed, I needed a new direction, or rather a new direction. When I looked in the mirror in the morning, it happened that the sight of me almost bored me. There was no more pep, no whistle to be seen. The hairstyle was rather boring and my makeup could also stand a new direction. Today I finally wanted to do my hair and was looking for a hairdresser.
When I entered the salon, which I had previously only noticed from the corners of my eyes in passing, a young man rushed up to me who seemed to serve every conceivable cliché of a hairdresser. No sooner had I opened the door to the salon than I almost regretted having come here. But before I could escape, he pushed me towards a red plush sofa and asked me to sit down. Immediately - before it was time to wash my hair - he would bring me some magazines and a coffee. I took a good seat and had a good look around the shop. Somehow time seemed to stand still here. The mirrors looked like they were borrowed from old Hollywood movies. The chairs reminded me of the hairdresser's shop in New York where I used to get my hair done.
Yes, I know, in New York every haircut costs a fortune. But after that, every woman feels like a movie star, which may be due to the slightly inflated prices. Anyway, it did the soul more than good, and I loved it.
But back to the here and now. Die chairs covered with black leather were clearly worn out. The chrome handles didn't really want to shine despite heavy polishing. On the walls were posters of movies with Meg Ryan, Julia Roberts, Hugh Grant and what they were all called. The mirrors were surrounded by little lamps, like you see in the theater. In the air hung this typical mixture of perfume, dye and hairspray.
The young man approached me with a smile begging for an apology, the promised coffee in his hand.
"I'm so sorry. I haven"t introduced myself to you. My name"s Peer. If you like, I can help you choose the right hairstyle."
Before I knew it, he was already sitting next to me on the sofa, leaving me no time to refuse his offer. Before I could even make a sound, we flipped through current hairstyle magazines together. After only a short time we agreed that my external change should be limited to a moderate step cut and some blonde block strands at first.
"You can take a seat over there by the washstand."
Indicating which direction I should go, he disappeared behind a theatre curtain that probably hid the staff area. Only now did I find the peace to look around again in the somewhat unusual salon. Although it was the best time of the day, I was the only customer in the shop. I only hoped that this did not have to be a statement about quality.
Peer didn't seem to be alone behind the curtain - again and again some scraps of conversation penetrated the hairdressing salon. Besides, someone had turned on some music. The sounds of Frank Sinatra's "Strangers in the night" came to my ear only very softly, but still easily understandable.
Oh, how I loved this song! Even today - three years after my first meeting with her - he managed to make my neck hair stand up and give me this incredibly intense and cozy feeling. Since then time had run out, although sometimes it seemed to me as if I was sitting in an hourglass and had to lift the individual grains one by one into the other part of the clock.
HANNAH MEETS EMMA
Three years! It seemed like only yesterday. At that time I had already been working for my company in New York for two years.
Inside I was already on the return journey to Germany. A fantastic and very impressive time lay behind me. It was my last weekend in the Big Apple. My suitcases were already packed and my colleagues had organized a small "Leaving Party" for the evening, of which I of course officially knew nothing. So Jane - my American roommate - lured me to an evening walk in Central Park under a hair-raising reason.
No sooner had we entered the park at the height of the American Museum of Natural History than countless torches, which indicated a path, bathed the evening summer twilight in an unreal light. Soft music sounded through the air. But we were still too far away from their place of origin for me to be able to recognize what was going on.
Jane took me by the hand and led me between the torches to the Delacorte Theater in the middle of the park, which I know so well. In this theatre there was always a Shakespeare Festival during the summer months. Only a few weeks ago we had been allowed to admire Denzel Washington there in "As you like it".
Today the theatre was equipped with many torches. In the middle there was a small dance floor and right next to it some high tables. Although my colleagues tried hard to be quiet to surprise me better, I could already hear them talking and laughing at the entrance of the theatre. Of course I still played the surprised when everyone greeted me with "Surprise Hannah". To be honest, I actually didn't have to play that much, because the unique atmosphere of this successful surprise party immediately captivated me.
Everything was so beautifully decorated. And with a view to the approaching departure, the kindness of my colleagues made my heart heavy and heavy. Oh yes, I would miss them, them and the flair of this fantastic city that never slept.
John, a colleague and very good friend, handed me a glass of white wine and smiled at me.
"Well, are you all packed?"
"Yes, I spent my last few evenings Although it's a strange feeling to go back to the old country, I'm looking forward to Germany."
"What do you think you'll miss most?" "John, you of course!" I said with a wink.
John had been living with his friend Jeff for years. Both had become close friends for me over the last two years. Unlike most of my other colleagues, they knew that I too was part of the family. We had often attended vernissages and performances of well-known gay artists in the Village together, and both had always tried to fight against my - their insinuation of - loneliness. And I had always bravely resisted it with hands and feet. Because I was not lonely. I enjoyed cooking with friends after work or spending my time with good books or at the theatre.
I wanted to soak up New York - there was really no room for a relationship. I also took my role as an event manager very seriously. After all, it was not without reason that I was sent to America to learn about the American way of life, which I was later to teach to employees in Germany.
"Tell me, Hannah, don't you ever regret not opening up to a woman here in New York?"
But before I could give him an answer, the dreamy sounds of "Strangers in the night" resounded. John put our glasses on the table and pulled me onto the dance floor. The other colleagues also followed our example and pushed onto the small area. I snuggled up to John and we moved to the beat of the music.
And at that moment our eyes met as if guided by an invisible power.
There she stood, at the edge of the dance floor, a glass of martini in her hand. I'd never seen her before. I wonder who she was with at the party.
She was wearing elegant black trousers and a tight white blouse. Her neckline created a very arousing effect on me directly. Our eyes merged and I could not concentrate on anything else
. Everything around me was suddenly bathed in cotton wool. Dull and colourless surrounded me. There was only her, me and Frankie Boy.
John seemed to keep talking. But I didn't catch his words.
She put her glass aside and slowly approached me. She smiled encouragingly as she reached John and me. She lightly tapped on John's shoulder and indicated to him that she wanted to relieve him. Wordlessly I let them make the change. She was about half a head taller than me and could easily take over John's role. Tenderly, she put her right hand on my back and with the other one she embraced my hand. Wow, how good that felt!
I clearly felt a tingling in me. My breath was rushing with excitement and my heart was beating so wildly that I could hear the dull beating in my ears.
We moved harmoniously to the beat of the music, and in the meantime I had the feeling of floating.
"May I ask your name?" she asked in a very soft and calm voice. This voice sounded like music to my ears at the time. Like music that I hadn't heard for a long time.
"Hannah," I breathed.
I never knew myself that way. How feeble my answer must have seemed to her. But this magic moment and her closeness deprived me of my other self-confidence. I felt almost powerless in the face of her presence.
Her eyes told me she felt the same way. Her eyes seemed to want to dive into my soul. Under normal circumstances, such an ability would have driven fear up my spine. But in that moment, different laws applied. I felt safe and secure. But also electrified and curious. Warmth rose in me and in my stomach a small firework seemed to explode. Even if I had wanted to, I could not have escaped this magic.
Without any question, she told me her name: Emma. Emma! What a beautiful name: Emma! Again and again it echoed through my head: Emma!
My eyes tried to capture her beauty. A beauty such as I had never seen before. Apparently, she spent a lot of time and money on her body. Her short dark hair was fashionably cut and underlined her perfect styling. Through her blouse I could feel her shapely arms. I liked the fact that she obviously cared about her appearance. She was one of those people who took care of herself.
Her beautiful brown eyes made me dive into a lake full of dreams and longings. Her smile, underlined by a dimple, catapulted me into another dimension. With my whole body I reacted to this woman. Suddenly I felt safe and insecure at the same time, no longer able to perceive anything around us.
Die World seemed to be bathed in a different light. Silently, I only hoped that not everyone was aware of it. As if numbed, I soaked up the scent of her perfume and wanted to look into those eyes forever. Never again I wanted to feel anything else but her body and her strength.
We moved to the beat of the music as if we had never done anything else. Any feeling for time and space lost its meaning. A thousand thoughts flashed through my mind. I wanted to know everything about her, and I never wanted to let her go. The longer I danced in her arms, the stronger the desire grew in me to be alone with her, to touch her body and taste her lips.
She felt the same way? Did she want to feel my closeness too? What if I was alone with that feeling? Why had she only met me now? Now, at my farewell party. In less than 24 hours I should be on a completely different continent, on the other side of the world. The stroking of her hand over my back made me understand that my doubts, my negative thoughts were unfounded. She pulled me even closer to her body and we danced to the sounds of the music. Her looks and her smile reflected my wish not to have to leave each other again that night.
In the crowd I spotted John. He was toasting us, and the look in his eyes made me understand Girl, life has little miracles in store for you too and most of them happen when you don't expect them. John seemed satisfied with what he saw. I returned his gaze and made him understand that I would never forget this moment again.
As a matter of course I took Emma's hand and asked her to go with me to John and my friends. Emma looked at me with her clear stare and said, "Yes, I would." Quietly and appropriately, she added that the evening was still young.
As we pushed our way through the many party guests, I felt Emma's hand intensely in mine. It was like a bond that ran through our bodies and made us feel: she is the part that you unconsciously always missed.
Arriving at John's, I introduced Emma directly. His eyes were clear and seemed to say to me: Hey, this is what you have been looking for for so long and now it has found you unexpectedly.
Emma and John fell into small talk. What they were talking about so animatedly, I didn't really hear because I was too busy absorbing the sight of them. She looked so beautiful. I watched her for quite a while and my heart and stomach kept signaling to me: This is the woman I want more than I ever wanted anything else in my life. And not just for one night! This longing could not be compared to anything in the past.
Emma and John were still talking. I could see that, only the meaning of their words was completely lost on me. It was as if they were using a language I didn't understand. My attention was only on Emma, and I tried to memorize every movement on her face - every twitch of her eyes, every movement of her lips, everything.
Suddenly Emma addressed me and pulled me back to reality. I tried in vain to think clearly, to concentrate on the conversation, but my feelings for her were so overwhelming that I couldn't manage it directly.
John turned to his colleagues. Now we were left alone again. Not that I really minded. But I had to admit to myself that their presence made me more and more insecure.
I almost felt reminded of a roller coaster ride, of the moment when you strive to reach the peak and then rush inexorably down, of the moment when you forget everything around you and scream with joy and excitement to the whole world.
I felt comfortably that Emma put her arm around me and pushed me with gentle pressure towards the exit. Under normal circumstances, I would never have put up with this, but I followed her without resistance. Staying at the party made no sense. I wanted to be alone with her, enjoy every moment. Here we were too much under observation.
As we moved towards the beautifully designed entrance area of the theatre, I knew what would inevitably happen - and I let it happen. I'm actually a person who's not so quick to get involved with others, but Emma managed to make me feel that this was just right in a very short time. There were no questions or even a hint of doubt. There was only the overpowering desire to surrender to one's desires and feel the other
We walked for a while until we came to a nearby lake. From a distance, the muffled sounds of my farewell party still penetrated my ear.
It was full moon and the lake shimmered in a soft, very special light. Everything around us was immersed in this romantic atmosphere.
Suddenly, Emma stopped and hinted at me looking up at the sky. Thousands of stars sparkled there and an indescribably bright moon shone around us. I felt her breath and the pleasant warmth of her body. And I knew that she too could not resist. So I gathered all my courage, enclosed her beautiful face with my hands, closed my eyes and gently touched her mouth with my lips. A goose skin covered my whole body and a pleasant desire pulled my stomach together. How good she tasted. Her lips were warm and soft. She returned my kiss and our lips literally danced together. With this kiss we left the here and now. It was as if the world stopped. Eternity held its breath in this moment. Everything that seemed important to me before lost its meaning. All open questions seemed to be answered at once and suddenly got a meaning. Suddenly there was only us and this calming and, as it were, stirring feeling of having finally found us.
My whole body seemed to be on fire and not only our lips spoke of passion. It felt so gentle, so soft, so new and yet familiar.
I felt her breath, her tension. Through the thin fabric of her blouse I felt her breasts and my hands were eager to finally touch her body. A firework exploded in my stomach and my skin blazed like flame with every tender touch.
A melody was born in my soul. A melody that I only knew from novels and movies. A melody that described the kiss of
true love. Until now I had always wondered if such a thing even existed or if it was just a corny idea from Hollywood. Now I was proven wrong. This feeling, which truly captivated me, was more intense, deeper and more magical than anything I had ever known before, and could not be compared to anything I had ever experienced before, not an encounter, not a feeling, not an encounter that I had had in the past. This feeling was like from another world.
Our kisses were abruptly interrupted when a flock of wild geese flew over our heads. They were probably looking for a suitable place to spend the night.
Reluctantly we remembered that we were not alone that night. Finally, there were some people who had organized a party for me. So we made our way back.
A permanent smile covered my face. I had the feeling of being immortal. I pushed aside the thought that this magic would already be caught up with reality at sunrise.
"Shall we go somewhere else later?" Emma asked in her soft voice. "What are you thinking about?" "Well, I know a very special place that I'd like to show you.
Besides, there are too many people here for me."
It was obvious that I was torn back and forth. Of course I wanted to be alone with her, but on the other hand all these people were only here because of me. John also noticed that I was in a quandary and came up to me. His face still reflected this satisfaction.
"Go ahead, my little one. This could be very special. And I'll think of something for the others," he whispered into my ear and put his arm around me, conveying his approval.
And turning to Emma, he said, "Just watch out for that jewel. Hannah is very special, and I have a very good feeling about you."
Without much further thought for the guests, we stole away from the party. We went the same way I had come before with Jane. At the exit of Central Park we found a New York Cab, which we took downtown. Our way led us across Broadway, down Church Street to Battery Park at the tip of Manhattan. Meanwhile it was midnight. Emma and I understood each other, without big words. We knew exactly that we wanted to embark on this adventure now. When we arrived at Battery Park, she paid the taxi and took me by the hand.