As Sick As Our Secrets

by Diane Ezzard

  “Tut tut, that’ll never do,” the stockier bald-headed black guy said.

  I continued to ignore them and walked towards my front door. They came up to me, standing either side and continued to walk with me. My heart began to pump quickly. Should I turn and run? In a few seconds, I was outside my door.

  “Aren’t you inviting us in?” the tall one said. His loud voice made me jump.

  My hand shook as I tried to put the key in the door. I was afraid to speak, but I had to say something. I cleared my throat.

  “What do you want?” I asked, my voice quivering.

  “Now that’s not very friendly. We’d like a little chat with you.” I watched them extend knowing looks to each other.

  “Please leave me alone.” I certainly didn’t want to let them in but as I opened the door, they each took my arms and manhandled me into the lounge. I tried to kick out at them but their strength overpowered me. The large one threw me onto my sofa.

  “Take a seat, Sophie.” He stood looking at me, menacingly. His eyes were darting around the room. His hands were on his hips. My body shook.

  “Now, we’ve heard some nasty rumours that you’ve been meddling where you shouldn’t.” He crossed his arms and sneered at me.

  Struggling to breathe properly, I asked, “What do you mean?” My eyes were blinking rapidly. I gulped.

  The tall one with glasses picked up a porcelain vase that had been given to me by my aunt and threw it on the floor. It smashed into hundreds of little pieces. I put my hand over my mouth.

  “No,” I screamed.

  “Whoops,” he cackled raucously.

  I gazed at the mess, in shock. “What are you doing?” I shouted.

  “Sorry, that was an accident,” he said then he walked over to my large TV and pushed it to the floor. The screen cracked in a number of places. I cried out again.

  “Stop it.”

  “Oh dear,” he said, “another accident. That was so clumsy of me.” I could tell from his expression he was enjoying this. My hands shook uncontrollably.

  “No, No, No,” I screamed, running over to where the TV now lay. That seemed to be a green light for the other one to start. The pictures hanging on my walls, in a matter of seconds became broken pieces of glass as they were whirled across the room. They smashed the lamps to the floor, knocked over the sideboard and pushed the bookcase over. Books were strewn everywhere and the tall guy kicked them up and down, laughing. He picked one up.

  “Masterchef?” he nodded, “Very impressive. You’ll have to invite us for tea some time.” He started ripping pages out. My skin tingled. My face reddened. I tried to intervene but with his brute strength, I didn’t stand a chance. He brushed me aside and continued vandalising my property.

  “Oh dear, we’ve made a bit of a mess.”

  I tried to protest, but they were too strong for me and I knew intervening again was futile. I sat on the sofa, closing my eyes and prayed for them to leave.

  “I don’t think she’ll be interfering and asking questions that are none of her business anymore, do you, Bobby?” the tall one said. I could hear the other one rummaging in the kitchen. He came walking in with a bottle of bleach. My stomach tightened.

  “No, she’ll have too much cleaning to do,” he said, and he took the top off the bottle and began pouring it over the carpet. I wanted to cry, but I was trying my hardest to hold it together.

  I was grateful Max was nowhere to be seen. I didn’t dare imagine what they might have done to him. I continued to pray for this nightmare to be over. I felt numb with shock. The tall one clapped his hands together, and they nodded to each other and walked towards the door.

  The tall one turned to me and said, “Oh sorry for being so rude, Randy sends his regards.”

  They left.

  I sat there with my head in my hands. What had I got myself into?

  Chapter 6

  SOPHIE

  A tear broke free onto my face which made the way for uncontrollable sobbing. The unbroken stream of salty water poured down my face. The muscles in my chin were working overtime, and I trembled like a small child. My sobs were loud, and I struggled to catch my breath. There was no sign of the torrent stopping. I wanted to scream, wanted this to be a nightmare that I would wake up from like all the other nightmares.

  My crying was ferocious with no sign of subsiding. My hands scrambled into my bag to find a tissue and I blew my nose. I was shaking. I panned around the room and was shocked by the total devastation. The beautiful home I had spent years building up piece by piece to make it what it was today had been wiped out in an instant.

  I moved to pick up the broken mirror. Glancing at myself in a tiny piece, I spotted my bloodshot eyes and in that moment I detested myself. I hated myself for being a mug, for getting involved, for caring. I hated myself for being stupid enough to believe I could stand up to these types of people. My headstrong ways had got me in trouble once again. Helping Charlie had been one huge mistake. I felt broken.

  The tears turned to a whimper. I sat on the carpet and leaned my head back against the wall. I wanted to be caressed, to be hugged better, to close my eyes and for all this to go away. I sat thinking for some time. Why was I constantly being punished by life? What had I ever done to deserve such cruelty?

  I paid a high price for the mistakes I made. I always had. I shook my head in despair. A worrying notion came to me. Was this payback for the wrong I had done in my life? No, I didn’t want to believe that but still, the doubts crept in.

  This was my home. It was supposed to be my sanctuary. My place had been cruelly violated in such a callous way. Those guys were morons with no respect for anyone or anything. To discard someone’s possessions in such a hateful way was beyond comprehension. I knew I had broken things in the past in a moment of mad rage but this was deliberate destruction. It had been carried out in such a calm, sadistic, matter-of-fact way. They had enjoyed what they were doing. I could tell they got a kick from it.

  It had the desired effect though. They would get what they wanted. I wouldn’t be going anywhere near Randy or any of his associates. The carpet had turned a yellow and white colour in patches from the bleach. My beautiful Japanese painting I treated myself to for my twenty-first birthday had been destroyed. Everything in the room had been demolished. I picked up a few broken pieces and began to cry again. I couldn’t do this. I placed them back down on the carpet and walked out of the room, shutting the door firmly behind me.

  I was still in shock but I realised I’d got off lightly. Those guys only operated out of one room. The rest of my place was intact. Max and I were all right physically, so I had to count my blessings. Things could have been a lot worse. Just at that moment, Max appeared and brushed himself against my leg, purring. We both needed some TLC after the events that occurred.

  Then as if I needed another reminder of what happened, my crystal light fitting that had been hit by one of the guys with a brush made a clanking sound. I rushed back in the lounge to see the light fitting that had been hanging by a thread, had come crashing down. Glass particles had landed everywhere. In that moment, I felt as shattered as the glass.

  I didn’t know where to begin, who to phone first. Did I inform the police? Would the insurance payout on something like this? I knew I couldn’t cope with this on my own but telling people would mean I would have to own up to what had been going on. I knew I couldn’t speak to my elder sister, Steph. She would probably give me a piece of her mind. Dad would be too upset. I had to speak to someone who could help me in a practical way but who wouldn’t judge me. I thought the best person to phone would be Aaron.

  Aaron had been something of a misfit growing up and became addicted to drugs. He was now in recovery and he was as kind-hearted a guy as you would wish to meet. His appearance still portrayed a mean streak, with his shaved head and his toned pumped-up biceps. He showed he wasn’t someone to be messed with.

  I called him and gave him a rundown of what had been going on.
He agreed to come straight over and turned up half an hour later. I left the room how it was so when we walked in together, I saw his face change in an instant. His jaw dropped and his eyes widened.

  “OMG, what a mess! You must have seriously upset these guys, Sophie.” We began picking through the shards of glass and putting them in bin liners. Everything now seemed so far removed from how beautiful my lounge had looked only a few short hours ago.

  “Do you think we should have left it until the police came over?” I asked.

  “Are you sure you’re going to inform them?”

  I’d taken it for granted I needed to get a crime number if I had any chance of claiming anything back from the insurance. I hadn’t thought things through.

  “If the police arrive, they may start snooping into your business and find out more than you want them to.”

  “That’s what I’m afraid of,” I said, stroking my chin. I stopped what I was doing. “What shall I do?”

  “I don’t know Sophie. The whole thing is a mess.”

  “I can’t think straight at the moment. I’ll make a brew and I’ll weigh up what’s best.”

  I left the room as it was with all the carnage and moved into the kitchen.

  “Come through and have some tea, Aaron,” I shouted. We sat at the small table drinking tea and eating biscuits.

  “What would you do if it was you?” I dunked my biscuit in my drink. He was shaking his head.

  “I don’t think I’d be contacting the police.” I watched as my biscuit dissolved and fell into my tea. It wasn’t my day today.

  “No?” I said.

  “No. Whatever you think of them, they’re not stupid. They put two and two together and make five as it is. They’d soon be working out that Charlie must be involved, and they’d hound you to find out if you are connected with him. If they find out you met up with him, you’re in serious trouble.”

  “Oh dear,” I said.

  “How do you make contact with him?”

  “Well we’ve got pay-as-you-go phones to speak but we’ve only used them once.”

  “You’re getting yourself in deep water, Sophie.” I bit my nails, something I hadn’t done in a long time.

  “I’m worried Aaron. What should I do?”

  “Are you covered for accidental damage on your insurance?”

  “I’m not sure, I’ll have to check.”

  “Well, the main things are your TV and the carpet. If you can get money back for them I’d put the rest down to experience.” I began to cry thinking of how my belongings had so easily been wiped out. There were things I’d saved up hard to purchase, and I wasn’t going to find it easy to replace them.

  “So what do you think?”

  “Let’s clear up the room as best we can then you check your policy documents and we’ll take it from there. The other thing I’ve thought of is if you did involve the police, it might antagonise these morons even more.”

  “Okay.” I wiped my eyes. I couldn’t make decisions for myself at the moment. Tidying everything away, I kept up the mantra to myself that things could have been worse, but I felt so low. The room appeared bare by the time we’d thrown out the damaged items. I was grateful for Aaron’s involvement and his advice. I thought it best to trust his judgement, and I thanked him for his help and support before he left.

  “Phone me anytime, Soph.”

  “Thanks, mate, I don’t know what I’d have done without you.”

  “That’s what friends are for. Any problems get on the blower.” He put his hand to his ear imitating picking up the phone.

  “We’ll have to get together soon when I get my head straight, you, me and Liam, like old times.”

  “You’re on,” he smiled. We hugged.

  “Goodnight, and thanks again.”

  “Night, Sophie. You take care now.” I waved him off and closed the front door. Immediately, a dark cloud descended on me. My situation hadn’t felt as bad when Aaron was there but now alone, I was consumed with sadness at my predicament. I understood why it wasn’t the best idea to go to the police due to my own stupidity. I made my mind up that I was going to tell Charlie I couldn’t help him. I had been through enough stress and heartache in my life and I didn’t need any more conflict. Another thought struck me. Something was lurking in the back of my mind about Randy’s accident. Was this too much of a coincidence or was this karma at work?

  I knew now I couldn’t claim any money back through my insurance. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I made up a story to compensate for the destruction of my belongings. I was going to have to find the funds from somewhere to replace the more essential items. I made a couple more calls to two of my friends to let them know what happened.

  I decided not to tell my dad and sister. I knew if I told them I would feel worse than I already did. At least I had a small portable TV in the bedroom that would do for now and the carpet could wait until I could afford a new one. It wasn’t as though I entertained many guests, anyway.

  I sent a text to Charlie the next morning telling him I needed to speak to him urgently. He would think there had been developments, but I had to look after myself. We met outside a remote country pub. I asked if he wanted to go in but he refused. He came and sat in my car. My eyes darted around as I spoke. The knot in my stomach tightened.

  “I’m so sorry Charlie, I can’t do this anymore.” I had to be upfront from the start. I told him what had happened at my flat.

  “I’m the one who should be sorry. I should never have involved you in my problems.”

  “I feel like I’ve let you down but I’m not strong enough to deal with people like Randy and his crew.”

  “It’s alright, I understand.” He appeared dejected. “Shall we keep the phones for emergencies?”

  I nodded. I felt sorry for him but I had to put myself first. I had been through enough dramas in my life. I didn’t want to live on a knife edge where I woke up every morning full of stress and anxiety.

  “Maybe you’ll think of someone else who can help you.” I glanced across at him. His shoulders drooped.

  “Maybe.” He went to open the car door. “You take care, Sophie.”

  “You too, Charlie. Good luck with everything.”

  He left me alone, and I sat there for a few minutes. I felt terrible. I thought I had let him down. I wished he had never picked me in the first place. It was too much of a responsibility for me. I wondered whether to let his family know I had seen him and tell them he was safe but I wasn’t sure if that was a great idea. I thought I ought to draw a line under the whole Charlie business.

  The next day at work, my colleagues could tell there was something wrong with me but I didn’t confide in any of them. My mood was down and I knew I would have to work through it. I hadn’t been able to muster a smile all day. Even that evening when Max came to greet me, my face remained solemn. I put out his cat food and made myself a snack. I wasn’t really in the mood for eating.

  I phoned my friend, Angela, to let her know what happened. Angela was a larger-than-life character who always looked on the bright side of life. She lived over in Cheshire but normally if I had any problems she’d drop everything and come over.

  “Sophie, I can’t believe the bad luck you have,” she said when I told her what had happened.

  “Aaron’s been an absolute diamond helping me clear up but I’m not going to inform the police.” When she asked why not, I had to come clean and tell her about Charlie.

  “You don’t make life easy for yourself,” she said.

  “I know. I’ve always lived on the edge.”

  “I don’t think it’s best for your stress levels though.”

  “No, you’re right. I’m not sleeping well and this incident has made me fearful.”

  “That’s the last thing you want, given your past.” Angela had seen me through my past failed relationships. She knew all about Simon, the married man I had an affair with who I now wished I never set eyes on. I always envi
ed the peaceful life she had with her husband, Nick. They had it made in their beautiful home and their stable relationship. I’d have been happy with a quarter of what Angela had. She didn’t offer to come round. We promised each other we’d get together soon.

  I heard a knock at the door and went to open it. Pulling the wooden frame aside, I peered out. Stood in front of me were a man and woman. There was something about the demeanour that made them look official. They both held out an arm to show me their cards. I saw they both displayed photographs, but it was more the words that came next that disturbed me.

  I’d missed their names and rank but what I did here was, “Sophie Brown, we’d like you to come down to the station and answer a few questions.” I’d worried for years about this happening. My anxiety pains quadrupled in that instant. I tried to remain calm. Neither of them smiled. This looked like I was in trouble. I didn’t smile either. I grabbed hold of the door with both hands to steady myself.

  “I’ll get my coat,” I said as I took a large gulp. Within an instant, beads of sweat appeared on my forehead and my hands became clammy. I wiped them down on my jeans. Looking about the room, I spotted the pay phone I spoke to Charlie on and with my hands shaking, put the offending item in the kitchen drawer. I noticed my knuckles had gone white.

  Chapter 7

  SOPHIE

  If I thought things weren’t going well before, they were about to get a lot worse. I nipped into my bedroom to pick up my jacket. Before leaving the room I made a quick call to Steph.

  “Steph, Steph,” I whispered as soon as she answered, “can you organise a solicitor to meet me at Bury police station as soon as possible.”

  “Why what’s happened?”

  “I don’t know yet. A couple of police officers are stood at my front door wanting to take me in for questioning.”

  “But they can’t do that. You need to ask…”