The Trouble with Rock Stars: Jackson's Story (Access All Areas, #3)

by Starr, Candy J

  Chapter 11 Jackson

  I THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT Carlie had said. Drew was more of a man than me? She didn’t understand. Nobody did. But that didn’t mean I had to be happy about it.

  I didn’t go into the bar the next night. The thought of seeing Gina and Drew together was more than I could stomach. It’s what I’d wanted for her. It’s what I told myself I wanted. I couldn’t picture a future for her with me in it, that was certain. The kind of future she had ahead of her was a white picket fence future. A husband who worked as a lawyer or something in a flashy suit. Kids running around. A perfect lawn and flowers growing in the garden.

  I sure as hell hadn’t pictured her with a busboy, hanging out at the bar, laughing at his jokes and being all in love and in my face.

  I sat by the window and took stock of my life.

  What did I have? This apartment and a decent income. With songwriting royalties and other payments from our past hits, I was fairly comfortably off. I’d never have to work again. The last payment that came in had been huge. I think they’d used one of our songs in a television commercial or something. The money just sat in my bank account. I didn’t need it. So long as I had drinking money, I was fine. I had clothes without holes in them and a couple of decent pairs of boots. Everything I owned could be packed up in a small bag at moment’s notice. Even with the years I’d lived in this place, I’d accumulated nothing.

  I had my old guitar sitting in the corner. We’d been closer than lovers once. My hands caressed her until I wore patches on her body. She was once the only thing I could depend upon in this whole rotten life and now she mocked me. You were something once, you had the world and, more importantly, you had me. Dust covered the bitch. Cobwebs had grown over her so that the only thing crawling across those frets were the spiders.

  I should’ve gotten rid of that thing. Thrown it out or given it to some kid who’d appreciate it. But I clung to it like a man clings to his dead wife’s ashes.

  In the years since I left the band, I’d never missed being on stage. The lights, the screaming, even the high from knowing you’d put on an amazing show, none of that mattered.

  I never missed my bandmates. Good riddance to the lot of them. One day, Fred had come into the bar. I’d spotted him before he’d seen me and I’d slipped out the back. What would we say to each other now anyway? I had no desire to mend bridges.

  I missed that damn guitar though. A phantom twitch in my fingers ached to slide my hand down that neck, to make that baby sing. That’d never die in me.

  Drew was more of a man than I’d ever be? I had to admit, that stung. But maybe there was some truth in it. He had a blank page in front of him. Young and eager, not afraid to make mistakes. My page had become so muddied, you couldn’t see a thing. It was a black mess, that’s for sure. Too many demons.

  Outside, the light faded over the city. The lingering traces of the sun in the sky made the night seem melancholic. A baby cried somewhere in the building, the only sound in the heavy stillness. At least there was some life out there, somewhere.

  I’d not eaten all day and the whiskey went down hard.

  Then, a knock at the door.

  “I’m not home, Carlie. Piss off.”

  It was funny the first time but I wasn’t going to let her get away with making a habit of it. Anyway, didn’t she have a job to do? I had no need of her interfering in my life. Next thing you knew, she’d be popping over for cups of tea and cake.

  She knocked again. I opened the door, ready to give her an earful. Get rid of her for once and for all.

  It wasn’t Carlie though. It was Drew.

  “Jackson, you promised me. You said if I did the challenge, you’d teach me guitar. If you are going to renege on that, then you are not the person I thought you were.”

  He folded his arms and stood in the doorway so I couldn’t shut the door. I had no intention of teaching this kid guitar. The whole plan had backfired. I had to get the idea out of his head, one way or another. Bloody Carlie, giving out my address to every random person who wanted it. God knows who I’d have next knocking on the door. The whole bloody bar would end up here.

  “Come in,” I said.

  Then I regretted it. He’d come in and I’d never get rid of him.

  He walked in and sniffed around like a puppy looking for a comfortable spot to sleep. Finally, he settled on the chair opposite me at the table. It was the only place to sit other than the bed.

  “Want a drink?” I asked. I indicated the bottle on the table. He shook his head. I’d never seen Drew drink.

  I walked over and picked up the guitar and handed it to him.

  Drew sucked in his breath. “You’re letting me play your guitar?”

  “Well, it’s the only guitar here.”

  He beamed at me as though all his dreams had come true.

  “Play me something,” I said.

  He’d play, he’d be terrible and I’d tell him so. I’d crush his dreams but what are dreams for, if not to be crushed?

  I didn’t know if he could play a single chord. He’d said he knew a bit but I had no reckoning on what “a bit” meant.

  He started playing. It was a simple song, just three main chords, but the kid wasn’t terrible. He had a good sense of the song and the timing was great. It was a catchy song. I couldn’t recognize it, but that meant nothing. For all I knew, it could be the most popular song on earth. I didn’t keep up with that kind of thing.

  He wasn’t an absolute beginner, that’s for sure. He had basic skills. He needed to get faster at changing chords and a few other things. His technique was as sloppy as hell but he had the sense of what he was playing, the things that couldn’t be taught.

  As I watched his hands on my guitar, I had the urge to rip it off him. His hands, my guitar. Even if I couldn’t play it myself, it killed me to see someone else play her. She suited him too. He curled his body around her as though she fit him just right. It was too good a match.

  “How was that?” he said when he finished.

  “Not bad,” I replied. “You need to loosen up a bit for starters but then you’d not really warmed up.”

  He nodded, as though my words were gold he needed to commit to memory. His hand ran up and down the neck of the guitar as he sat there. I stared at his hand. Those hands mocked me even if he didn’t realize what he was doing.

  “What was the song?” I asked.

  “It doesn’t have a name yet.”

  “You wrote it?” I was surprised. The kid had more talent than I’d thought.

  He nodded. He started playing something else. It was Holden’s song, “Rock Princess”. The one he’d written about Carlie. It was a much more complex song to play and he missed a few notes but he had the basics.

  Then he sang along. His guitar playing might be a step above what I’d expected but his singing was rough, very rough. He should never sing, ever.

  “Just stick to the guitar,” I said. “Leave the singing.”

  As I watched him play, I itched to ask him about his date. Where had they gone? What had they done? Had he kissed her? I’d want to punch him if he kissed her. It was better I didn’t know. I didn’t want to know if he planned to see her again or any of that. Those moments they spent alone, I hated him for them.

  He finished the song.

  “I like that song,” he said. “If Holden hadn’t sung it then maybe he and Carlie would’ve never gotten back together. Although, if she goes on tour with him, I’ll miss her like crazy.”

  Me too.

  I gave him a few exercises to do. The boring, shitty stuff that helped you learn.

  “It’s not all fun and games, you know. It’s hard work and bloody boring to start with. You have to practice and practice until your fingers bleed. Then keep going some more. If you don’t ache to be the best, then don’t even bother. Get a book from the music shop and teach yourself at home.”

  Drew nodded. “So, you’ll teach me?”

  Hell, had the kid tri
cked me into giving him lessons? It’d not been as painful as I’d thought it would. Sure, it hurt but it’d reminded me of the pleasure I’d felt myself when I’d first started learning. But it wasn’t a bad pain. It hurt like crazy but there was something else there too. A bit of satisfaction.

  “You understand that I can’t show you what to do? If I tell you how to play a chord, you’re going to have pick up it from my instructions. It’s not like I can pick up the guitar and play it for you. Got that?”

  Drew nodded. I gave him a simple instruction and waited for him to follow.

  He understood.

  “And no missing lessons. Skip one and that’s it. And I expect you to practice between lessons too. If you slacken off, I will know.”

  He nodded again. “There’s just one problem, Jackson. I don’t have a guitar.”

  I nodded to the guitar in his hands. “Take that.”

  His eyes grew as big as saucers. “You’re kidding? I can take this? I’ll protect it with my life. I’ll treat it like precious. And, when you want to play it again, I’ll definitely give it back to you.”

  “That’s not going to happen.”

  He looked like he was going to question me but I held my hand up.

  “Lesson’s over,” I said. “Now, scram.”

  Chapter 12 Gina

  THE BAR WAS ALMOST empty when I walked in. They’d only just opened and only a few people sat at one of the tables. I glanced over but Jackson wasn’t there. My heart sank. I wondered if I’d done the wrong thing, going on the date with Drew, but Jackson had rejected me and he had no claim over what I did.

  Even so, part of me had wanted him to step in, to say that he didn’t want me going out with Drew. I wanted him to play the hero. He’d done that before. Once, when a guy had me up against the wall being a total jerk. I’d wanted to fight the guy off but couldn’t move. That guy said the most disgusting things to me and he had his hands everywhere, but I’d frozen. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t even scream. I just stood stock still, trying to shrink into myself and disappear while he pawed me.

  Then Jackson had appeared out of nowhere. He’d pulled the guy off me. When the jerk had been kicked out of the club, Jackson noticed I was shivering and put his jacket around me. He’d sat beside me, not saying anything, just stroking my hair.

  Of course, I hadn’t wanted him to be like that with Drew. I definitely didn’t want Drew getting punched or roughed up. I just would’ve liked Jackson to have stepped in and staked his claim. That sounded kind of caveman-like, but sometimes that’s what a girl wants. With the right guy.

  “Where’s Drew?” I asked.

  “Upstairs, in the band room practicing. He’s up there every chance he gets. He says Jackson will kill him if he doesn’t practice enough but I said I’d kill him if it interferes with his work.”

  I raised my eyebrows. Jackson had kept up his end of the bargain? I’d thought he’d try to get out of it. Not that I expected him to go back on his word, just that Jackson hated the guitar. He hated any mention of it. But then, maybe, this was a good thing. By teaching Drew, some of that bitterness and pain might be resolved. It would be as good for Jackson as it was for Drew.

  “So,” Carlie said, “how did the date go? I haven’t seen you to ask.”

  I smiled. “It was really sweet. We went to a movie and ate way too much, then played air hockey.”

  “Did he kiss you?” she asked.

  Of course, he hadn’t. We were friends. There was no chemistry at all. It wasn’t like that.

  “You’ll have to ask him that yourself.” I laughed. That would bug the hell out of Carlie.

  Carlie disappeared out the back to check on some stock with Alex. The music played, the place smelt the same. Even the picture of Holden with horns drawn on his head behind the bar looked the same. Yet the bar seemed a different place without Jackson. I had no idea why he wasn’t around and I had no intention of asking.

  After a while, Drew came down from upstairs. “Gina, I’m learning guitar,” he said. “I have a lot of practicing to do but it’s fun.”

  “Keep at it,” I said.

  He showed me the calluses on his fingers with an obvious pride. “And that’s only after a few days.”

  Carlie and Alex came back in. They were arguing over something.

  “If you want it done that way, do it yourself — holy shit!”

  Both Carlie and Alex stared at the doorway with their mouths hanging open. I swung around to look.

  Razer walked up to the bar. “Is Violet here?” he asked.

  Carlie snorted. “You don’t know her very well if you have to ask that. She’s in her office.”

  He walked through the bar to the back room.

  Alex looked at Carlie. ‘Does she know he’s back?”

  “Well, she’s not said anything to me. She was just bitching like crazy about not having sex for so long. She said the tour was for five weeks and it’s only been four so far.”

  Alex grinned. “Do you think he’s been kicked off the tour?”

  “You’d love that, wouldn’t you?”

  “Hell yeah, I would. His ego is way too big.”

  “HIS ego? You mean yours? You have more ego than anyone else I know.”

  Their bickering was cut short by a scream. A really loud scream from the back room. A long scream followed by a few shorter ones, like yips. Everyone grinned.

  “I guess she didn’t know,” I said.

  “They’ll be screwing soon,” Carlie said. “They’ve never screwed in her office but I bet they do today.”

  “There’ll be none of that. I don’t pay people to screw on the job.”

  Alex moved toward the door but Carlie grabbed him.

  “They haven’t seen each other in four weeks. What are you doing? Let them have some fun. It’s not like Violet doesn’t work thousands of hours of unpaid overtime.”

  They glared at each other for a moment then Alex sat back down. I bet he didn’t want to walk in on them. I didn’t even want to think about what they’d be doing but, thanks to Carlie, that image was planted in everyone’s mind.

  “I don’t think he’s been kicked off the tour, Alex,” Drew said. “I think he’s been offered a recording contract and he’s getting big bucks so he’s come back to propose to Violet.”

  “What makes you think that?” asked Alex.

  “He had the look of a man about to propose. Didn’t you see the light shining in his eyes when he walked in?”

  “So, Drew, in your life experience, how many men have you seen about to propose?” Alex asked.

  Drew screwed up his face. “You’d be surprised, Alex.”

  Maybe Drew was right. Razer sure hadn’t looked upset when he walked in. He definitely had a glow. I wondered if he would propose to Violet. I hoped so. The two of them were so good together.

  I’d always dreamt of getting married but it seemed like it would never happen for me. I wanted the full works, the white dress with a long, flowing train and a huge veil. A church filled with flowers and bridesmaids in pastel dresses. When I thought of it now though, I imagined Jackson waiting for me at the altar. Hell, that would never happen. It was difficult to even sit in the same bar as him.

  “They’ll be at it right now,” Carlie said, mainly for Alex’s benefit, I think.

  Then Jackson walked in.

  “Decided to come back?” Carlie said. She looked at me as she said it. That kind of embarrassed me, but Jackson didn’t even give me a glance.

  “I’ve been busy,” he said.

  I wouldn’t look at him. I refused to acknowledge his existence. I wanted to look so badly though. I made a promise with myself. I’d buy myself that new book I wanted if I went for five minutes without glancing at him.

  He nodded at Drew. “How’s practice going?”

  Shit, I looked.

  Drew jumped up and ran to show Jackson his callouses.

  I wondered if I should leave. The atmosphere was really uncomfortable. If t
here’d been more people in the bar, it’d be okay, but with just this small group, I was the odd one out. I didn’t even know why I felt like that. Carlie and Drew were my friends as much as they were Jackson’s. And, even if it was awkward with the two of us, I really had to find out what was going on with Violet.

  Carlie filled Jackson in on the Razer situation. Then Violet and Razer came out of the office.

  “We’re going out for a while,’ she said.

  “That was quick,” said Carlie.

  “Huh?” But she blushed. She blushed bright red.

  Carlie was totally right. Violet’s hair was a mess and her clothes were in disarray.

  “I’ll be back before the bands start,” she added.

  When they walked out, there was silence for a moment to make sure they were well away. Then it started.

  “She was glowing,” Drew said.

  “That was from the sex, idiot,’ said Carlie, “Not a proposal.”

  “He’s got something planned,” Jackson added. “You could tell.”

  After that, the place got busy. I sat quietly at the bar. A few times Drew came over to talk to me. Once I looked up and Jackson glared at us but most of the time, he acted like he didn’t even know I existed. That was fine by me. This would be the rest of our lives. Him sitting on one side of the bar, me sitting on the other. Not looking at each other, not talking. Just sitting there, pretending the other didn’t exist. It seemed a lonely and pointless way to live but I couldn’t imagine anything else.

  When Razer and Violet returned, Violet wanted to talk to Alex. They walked out and looks ricocheted around the bar. Carlie looked at Drew and Drew looked at Jackson. Carlie looked at me and I looked at Drew. Then I looked at Jackson and quickly looked away.

  Razer stood in the middle of the bar for a moment, as though uncertain where he should be, then followed behind them before he got blasted with a barrage of questions.