Christmas in Kentbury

by Claudia Burgoa

“I didn’t know my little girl was here.” He hugs her and twirls her around the kitchen.

  “Can we make maple candies?” she asks.

  I glare at Heath for this one. She’s just as stubborn as her father. They take the word no as a challenge. Their motto is, I’ll make it happen.

  “Sorry, sweetheart, but we can’t today. We have a full house, and we have to be scarce from the premises.” Dad frowns, he’s pretty upset at the possibility of offering new venues.

  Financially, it means that we can book two or three events at once. If Kingston buys the vineyard next door, the possibilities just continue growing. Dad just doesn’t see it that way.

  “Can I come with you?” Cassie grins at him.

  “I’ll be at the ski resort,” Dad says, proud that he said the right name this time. “If your father lets you, we can ski all morning. Then, I’ll take you to the dining room for lunch and maybe some hot chocolate. We can spend the rest of the afternoon watching movies.”

  “And eating popcorn?” she suggests, planning her entire schedule for the weekend. I’m almost sure that later she’s going to ask if she can stay at my house so tomorrow morning, she can go skiing again after brunch.

  “If that’s okay with you, sir,” Heath agrees.

  “She’s always welcome to hang around with us. You guys are like part of the family, Heath,” Dad mentions and looks at me. “What’s for breakfast?”

  They’re not family, I want to clarify. Not because I don’t want them to be, but, because well, they’re just friends. This is the kind of situation that I hate when I feel too comfortable with Cassie and Heath. I want them to be my family. My husband, my child, and my future. Sometimes it seems like I mean a lot more to Heath and other times he reminds me I’m just one of the guys.

  Bishop has encouraged me to talk to Heath and find out where I stand. Kingston insists that I should move on with my life. They’re Heath’s best friends and know him as well as I do. Maybe they’re right. Either way, I know that Heath and I will never be a couple. I have to grow out of my teenage crush and find a way to fall out of love. If only I knew how.

  I glance at Heath who is looking at his phone. His deep dimple shows as he smiles at whatever he’s watching. Maybe he’s scoring a date for tonight. My heart shrinks with disappointment. Yet, my pulse races as his light blue eyes find me. I melt when he winks.

  “That new picture that you added to your Instagram of you and Byron during your morning jog is cute.”

  I bite my lip, staring at his mouth, craving it, and wishing to know how he kisses. My gaze lowers to his sculpted chest and tattooed arms. He’s dreamy. No wonder women flock to him like bees to honey. I know one thing that they don’t; Heath Miller doesn’t do relationships.

  Heath looks around the kitchen. “Where is the mutt?”

  “Byron isn’t a mutt, Daddy. He’s a Newfoundland. It took us a long time to find him, remember?” Cassie corrects him.

  They gifted him to me a couple of years ago for my thirtieth birthday.

  “He’s at the barn, with the Alpacas,” I respond.

  “Lee, what are we having for breakfast?” Dad repeats.

  “Cereal?”

  “Pancakes,” Cassie says, frowning at me. “We’re making pancakes, scrambled eggs, and bacon,” Cassie lists, sounding like she is already planning a big meal.

  “Sounds like a treat,” Dad says, smiling at me.

  “It’s not a holiday, people,” I complain.

  My family doesn’t understand that this place has to be ready for the guests in a couple of hours. I’ll have to bake several batches of chocolate chip cookies to replace the stench of bacon. Why don’t they go to the resort for breakfast? I glare at them but the anger subsides when Heath reaches out for my hand and squeezes it.

  It’s okay, he mouths.

  “Come on, I’ll help you,” Heath offers, heading to the industrial refrigerator.

  Two

  Knightly

  Trying to erase the image of a nice family breakfast is impossible as I watch Heath stride toward his car. I stare at his broad powerful shoulders. I find myself loving him and hating him all at once. Damn this idiot and his friendly gestures.

  “Would you like me to make dinner for you tonight?” he asked after Cassie and Dad left for the barn.

  Seriously? He should keep his offers and kindness away from me. It makes it hard for me to understand that he’s just a friend. Then, why do I have the urge to grab my coat and step out into the freezing tundra and kiss him?

  “Close your mouth and stop salivating for Heath Miller,” Kingston, my oldest brother orders.

  “You’re annoying,” I complain. “Why are you even here? Didn’t you hire an internationally recognized chef for the resort? You should have him cook for you.”

  Once breakfast was ready, he just waltzed into the house and sat at the table as if he had been invited.

  “I’m just pointing out the obvious.” He ignores my question. “Everyone knows you are in love with him.”

  “I. Am. Not.”

  “You should tell him,” Bishop, who’s been brooding all morning, says.

  “Why would I do something that stupid?” I glare at my brothers who for some godforsaken reason are still hanging around. “Don’t you have work to do?”

  “Look, you’re not fourteen anymore,” Bishop explains. “Tell him how you feel, and if he doesn’t feel the same, move on.”

  My throat is clogged, my legs are shaking. Is this an intervention? I don’t have time for them or an intervention.

  “Don’t torture yourself like that,” Kingston says. “Just stop lusting after him.”

  I relax. It’s just another day at the Harris’ house.

  “But you have to stop playing house with him and his daughter. Don’t get me wrong, I love Cassie like my niece but you … you love her as if she were yours.” Kingston just goes for the jugular and ends me. “She’s not.”

  The sharp edge of his words stab me right in my chest. I open my mouth to defend myself but it’s useless. Even when his words shred my insides, he’s right. I’ve known it all along. I just can’t stop believing in miracles or loving them the way I do.

  If I want to survive this day with my heart in one piece, I have to change the subject fast. Nothing says tag you’re it better than, what’s wrong with you, Bishop?

  “Are you cheating on Chloe?” I redirect the conversation toward Bishop.

  “Why would you ask that?” Kingston glares at Bishop waiting for an answer.

  “We found him butt naked in the Royal room,” I say grinning with satisfaction.

  “Alone,” he defends himself.

  “You live a couple of miles from here,” I argue. “So what? Did you drink too much, have a party, and after screwing someone else, you came here?”

  Yes, I know I’m being evil, but with my brothers I have to be ahead of the game.

  “Why did you come here?” I cross my arms.

  He sighs; runs a hand through his hair. “She kicked me out of the house.”

  “What did you do?” I ask, drumming my fingers against my opposite arm.

  “Why do you always assume it was me? You don’t even like her,” he protests.

  “That’s not true.”

  “Please, Lee. You hate Chloe,” Bishop insists.

  “Hate is such a strong word. I just don’t understand her. But that’s not the point. What happened between you two?”

  “She insists on leaving Kentbury.”

  “I’ll give her a ride to the bus station,” Kingston, who really hates Chloe, offers.

  “We, she wants us to leave,” Bishop corrects.

  Kingston and I look at each other. What the fuck?

  “Like on vacation or she wants to move out of town?” I try to clarify this because she’s not taking him away from his life.

  Bishop loves tending to the farm. His life is the orchard, the cider mill, and the wholesale market. She can’t just drag him away
from here.

  “Moving out of town.” He tilts his chin toward the window. “But don’t worry, I won’t. My life is here.”

  I’m pretty confused. “Why would she propose to leave?”

  “Well, she said that this isn’t LA.”

  “Did she just fucking realize that?” Kingston, who thinks she’s dumber than a sack of rocks, huffs.

  “For fuck’s sake, she’s from Swanton, Vermont. Not Santa Barbara, California,” I say frustrated, and sad that I’m right.

  She’s a gold digger who was just trying to catch the “rich guy.” We’re not rich. Actually, we have to work hard all year long to keep up with our expenses.

  “It’s over,” he says with a shrug. “She wants me to choose her over my family and my life.”

  “Sorry about that.” I step closer to him and squeeze his arm.

  “It’s okay. She’s getting clingy and talked about marriage.” He scrunches his face.

  “She brought up the M word?” I gasp, faking horror. “How ridiculous of her. She should know better. You don’t commit.”

  “Yep, I’m too young for that,” he says ignoring my sarcastic tone.

  “You’re thirty-three,” I remind him.

  “As I said, too young,” he repeats nodding a couple of times.

  Kingston fake shivers and gives me a look that says, he’s right. I might be thirty-five and still not ready for commitment.

  What’s in the water of Kentbury? Most men—including my brothers can’t say the word commitment without breaking out in hives.

  “We will never agree on the subject.” I sigh. “I’m staring at the calendar while I hear my biological clock ticking and you two swear, you’re not ‘ready’ for a commitment.”

  “What biological clock?” Kingston frowns.

  “The one that says I won’t be able to have children when I hit a certain age,” I respond.

  Which, I’m not even sure when that is. The other day, I was reading an article about a fifty-year-old woman who gave birth—to twins. But what if even at fifty, I can’t find a guy to start a family with?

  “Talk to Heath,” Bishop insists and we’re back to the conversation I’m trying to avoid.

  “And then what, make things awkward between us?” I ask with an annoyed voice. “I know he doesn’t reciprocate my feelings.”

  How do I know that? I’ve been irrevocably in love with Heath Miller since I was fourteen.

  “Maybe I should just go to a sperm bank and get inseminated,” I mumble.

  “Why would you do that?” Kingston says. “You can’t have a kid on your own.”

  “Because I want to have a family,” I refute.

  I can’t even argue the point. It’d be stupid to tell him that Cassie’s already eight and I miss having a baby around. I want a big family with three or four children. I want a toddler I can chase around the house. I miss building snowmen the size of Cassie during winter. I want to have lots of stockings on the chimney and a special tree where I hang my kids’ homemade ornaments.

  Is it so bad to wish for what I can’t have? Cassie used to love spending time with me. Now, she’s searching for the next big adventure. The worst part is that Cassie’s not even mine.

  “What happened to the job offer?” Kingston fires the question with a rough tone. He’s in big brother mode and I hate that they’re focusing on me.

  “It’s just an interview. You need me here.”

  “We can hire someone to take care of the weddings and the B&B,” Kingston suggests.

  I should remind him that we have a capable event planner. I choose not to.

  “I’ll find a manager for the gift shop,” Bishop offers.

  “I’ve never felt so … so … replaceable,” I say.

  The frustration and anger are gripping my throat. My stomach hardens, and I just want to go back to my house and hide under the bed.

  “In less than five minutes you just told me one, that I’m expendable.” I show him my index finger and begin to count. “Two, that no one could be in love with me, and three that I’m unfit to become a mother.”

  “Fuck, Lee, that’s not what we meant,” Kingston growls.

  “So would you like to clarify?”

  “We’re just saying that you seem restless. You deserve more than this town can offer. We’re not a fancy hotel in the middle of one of the biggest cities in the world. Heath Miller doesn’t deserve you. He’s already settled down with his kid. If you want to have a kid, you’d be a great mom. Look at Cassie. You’ve done an amazing job with her, but she’s not yours. You deserve better.

  “A job you love, a man who adores you, and a family with him, that’s what you deserve. Don’t settle for the family business, the crumbs of love you get from the Millers, or a sperm bank. We want the best for you. I’d hire people to cover for you. Not because we don’t need you. God knows this family needs you more than we need maple trees, snow, and apples.”

  I relax my shoulders. Okay, so they’re concerned. They want what’s best for me. Do they know what that is? I don’t. Honestly, I have no idea if New York is better than Kentbury.

  I was born and raised in this picturesque town. I went to college in Boston. It took me some time to get used to the big city. At first, the thick scent of smog and air pollution blaring twenty-four seven set me on edge. I missed the stillness and peace of my hometown during the summer and the white powder covering everything during the winter.

  I prefer to walk in the small town where everyone knows each other. People stroll around the town square to go from the bank to the dry cleaners, the diner, or the movie theater. If we want a fancy dinner, we make a reservation at the ski resort. For a casual Friday, there’s the pizza place down on Main street.

  I enjoy the aroma of winter when the air is cold and filled with moisture. In college, I got used to the fumes from belching vehicles. I could do it again. Moving to New York won’t be bad, but I know in my heart that it’ll never feel like home.

  Yet, my brothers are right. The headhunter who contacted me is handing me an opportunity of a lifetime. Financially, professionally, and most of all, personally. I have to put some distance between Heath and me. If I’m lucky, I’ll unfall in love—is that even a word? If it isn’t, I just made it up. We’ll call this next stage of my life, operation unfall in love.

  “So, I just pack my things and go?” I ask.

  “Why not, you can at least do it for a few years,” Kingston agrees. “Your experience might help the resort, even the gift shop.”

  “There’re plenty of sperm banks in the city,” I mention as an afterthought.

  “Find a man, fall in love,” Kingston says.

  “Because it’s that easy.” I roll my eyes.

  “Not in this town,” Bishop says. “Everyone knows you. They know you’re in love with Heath.”

  “He knows?” I ask while my pulse spikes.

  “I don’t think so, but that’s not the point,” Bishop says, giving Kingston an exasperated gaze.

  Seriously? They’re infuriating. Not only that, they’re ganging up on me. I have work to do. They’re stalling by giving me relationship advice. How ridiculous is that? King sleeps around with his guests—single or married, he doesn’t discriminate. Bishop is a serial monogamist. He chooses women he knows won’t stay long enough and once they leave, he’s tossing someone new into his bed.

  “I won’t talk to him. If he ever finds out about my feelings, things will change between us and I just can’t lose Cassie.”

  I listen to myself, and God, I sound pathetic, desperate, and stupid. They’re right, I have to make a plan, pack, and go. Kentbury might be my home. But if I don’t leave, I’m going to die alone and unhappy. I feel a pang of sadness as I remember how happy I felt just a few minutes ago, back in the kitchen cooking for everyone, pretending that we were one big happy family. My emotions storm inside my body. Somehow, between what my brothers just said and the moment I shared earlier, I become more aware of what’s
missing in my life.

  The one thing I desire the most, but would be missing from my life if I don’t do something now. I text Heath, canceling tonight’s dinner. I’ll make a frozen pizza and watch Netflix with Byron.

  It’s time to move on.

  Three

  Heath

  As I drive to my shop, I try to delete the mental image of Lee while I was leaving the B&B. Her perfect curves molded by that tight sweater dress she was wearing. Her hazelnut hair tied into a messy bun and her knee-high boots inviting me to do very naughty things to the only female friend I have. My wish for this Christmas is being able to bend her over the kitchen counter, spread her legs—while she wears those boots—and eat her.

  Stop, Miller.

  This just-friends between Lee and I is more complicated as we grow older. Since Cassie arrived into my life, I haven’t dated. Nor do I have any interest in being with a woman. Cassie became my life and Lee, my anchor. I only have time for my girls.

  Who the fuck am I kidding? I don’t want to look at anyone else, only at Lee. She’s perfect. I just can’t figure out how to make things work between us.

  She deserves a lot more than a washed-out mechanic with a kid. Actually, the only good thing I have going for me is my kid. She’s the best part of me. I’m happy the way my life is though. Do I miss having someone next to me? No, I’ve never had a relationship before. I can’t miss what I don’t have. Screwing up my relationship with Lee because I’m attracted to her isn’t worth it. Not only would I lose a friend, but my daughter would also lose her Lee.

  Knightly isn’t her mom, but since Cassie came into my life, she’s been very much like her mom. They have a special bond. My child might look like me, but she acts so much like Lee.

  I just don’t know how to get rid of all the emotions Lee provokes. Earlier, when I saw the naked intruder in the B&B, I wanted to kill him because I had visions of him being a one-night stand of hers who wouldn’t leave; I can’t stand the thought of anyone being with her.

  I toyed with the idea of being the one guy who deserves her heart. I don’t miss what I’ve never had, but I yearn for what I could have with her. I want her in my arms, my bed, and my house. Every day I try to find time to be with her. At nights I wish I had the courage to kiss Lee, devour her mouth as I touch every inch of her body.