Judy Moody, Mood Martian

by Megan McDonald

  “Meow,” said Judy.

  That night, Judy tried to finger knit before she went to sleep. But her yarn was one big spaghetti monster with no beginning and no end. It had more arms than an octopus, more legs than a clutter of spiders, more knots than a kindergarten shoelace.

  She turned off the light and wriggled under the covers on her top bunk. Out of habit, she felt for the warm spot where Mouse usually slept. Empty. Then she remembered she’d made Mouse sleep in Stink’s room tonight. At last she fell asleep. She dreamed of spaghetti. She dreamed of spiderwebs. She dreamed of a Spaghetti Yeti caught in a spiderweb.

  When she woke up the next morning, her hair was a Super Snarl just like the yarn on the floor. Judy spit on her hand and tried to tame her wild hair.

  She stared at the Yarn Yeti on the floor. She picked at a scab on her knee. She thought about her knotty problem. How was she going to finger knit with this mess?

  Eureka! She, Judy Moody, had a brainstorm. All it was going to take was every friend she had.

  Judy turned her mood pillow to the smiley side. She hopped out of bed and pulled on a pink-ish hoodie. She slipped on her purple-all-the-time mood ring. Judy was in-the-pink and ready for GMD #2. Good Mood Day Number Two.

  At the bus stop, Rocky took one look at Judy and asked, “What’s with you?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Something’s different,” said Rocky, studying her.

  “Ponytails,” Stink told Rocky.

  “My hair is brushed. I’m wearing pink.” Judy fluttered her fingers. “And I used smiley-face stickers for nail polish.”

  “And . . . you’re not wearing any Band-Aids. And you haven’t said ROAR for like one whole day.”

  One day? It felt more like two years. “So?”

  “So, it’s weird.”

  “Yeah, weird,” said Stink. “Invasion-of-the-Body-Snatchers weird.”

  “I mean, it’s not even Backwards Day anymore,” Rocky pointed out, “but you’re still backward or something.”

  “Or something,” said Judy.

  “And she smells like cupcakes,” Stink added.

  Rocky took a whiff. “Vanilla or chocolate?” asked Rocky.

  “Red velvet,” said Judy.

  All day, Judy’s friends thought she was acting strange. When it was time to line up for a band concert, Judy let Jessica Finch go first. When Mr. Todd did not call on her in Math Lightning Round, she did not even make a face. And when they did not serve mini ice-cream sandwiches for Wednesday lunch, Judy just said, “Fruit, please.”

  At recess, a fourth-grader called her a name.

  “She’s going to roar,” said Rocky.

  “She’s going to roar,” said Frank and Amy.

  Judy drummed her fingers on her leg. She scratched an itch behind her ear. But Judy did not roar. She said, “Sticks and stones may break my bones and all that.” Then she walked away.

  “Watch this,” Rocky told Frank. Amy and Jessica watched, too. “Hey, Judy,” called Rocky. “Let’s play Four Square.”

  “Can’t,” said Judy. “I don’t want to get chalk all over me.”

  “How about Helicopter?” asked Frank.

  “Hello! My hair! It’ll get all messed up.”

  “She’s backward, all right,” said Frank.

  “And it’s not even Backwards Day,” said Amy.

  “Told you,” said Rocky.

  “Weird,” said Frank.

  “Weirder,” said Amy.

  “Weirdest,” said Jessica Finch.

  Jessica Finch pointed out that Judy was wearing pink. And ponytails. “What’s that thing you always say? Same-same?” she asked.

  “Hey, she’s right! You guys are twins!” said Frank.

  “Are you sick or something?” Rocky asked.

  “Yeah, are you sure you’re feeling okay?” asked Amy.

  “Guys,” said Judy, “I’m not sick. Yeti’s honor.” Judy crossed her heart. “Tell you what. I have an idea.”

  “Phew!” said Rocky. “She has an idea. Boy am I glad to hear you say that.”

  “What are we gonna do?” asked Frank. “Break a record? Save the world? Predict the future?”

  “Have our own spelling bee?” asked Jessica Finch.

  “How about that Boston tub party thing you guys did?” said Amy.

  “Nope, nope, nope,” said Judy. “It’s something we’ve never done before.”

  “Ooh,” said Amy. “What is it?”

  “It’s a secret,” said Judy. “Come over after school and I’ll tell you then.”

  “A Judy Moody wacky idea?” said Rocky.

  “This is gonna be good,” said Frank.

  “This is gonna be big,” said Rocky.

  “Be there or be square and don’t forget to brush your hair,” said Judy.

  “I’m in!” said Rocky.

  “Me, too,” said Amy and Frank.

  “Me three,” said Jessica Finch.

  Rocky pulled Judy aside. “You invited Jessica Finch?” he whispered. “For real?”

  “It’s the new me,” said Judy.

  Before Judy’s friends got to her house, she shoved piles and piles of her lacy finger-knitting chain into her closet and shut the door. This way her room would look neat and clean à la Jessica Clean-Room Finch. Now the only thing out of place was the tangled mangle of yarn made by Mouse. But thanks to her friends, that mess would be solved in no time.

  When everybody got to her house, they tried to guess what wild and crazy idea Judy had come up with this time.

  “I bet we’re going to make the Eiffel Tower out of icing,” said Amy.

  “I bet we’re going to build a pyramid out of Jell-O,” said Frank.

  “I bet we’re going to prank Stink with Judy’s periscope,” said Rocky.

  “Nothing like that,” said Judy.

  “We’re just glad you had one of your crazy ideas,” said Rocky. “It means you’re back.”

  “Back from where?”

  “Never mind,” said Rocky. “Just tell us what the thing is.”

  Judy led them up the stairs. Her mood pillow was propped against the door, smiley face out. She flung open the door to her room. “Ta da!” she called.

  Rocky froze. Frank gaped. Jessica blinked. Amy took off her glasses and put them back on, like she wasn’t seeing right. Judy’s room was neat as a pin. But right-smack-dab in the middle of the floor was a giant puddle of yarn. A muddle of yarn. One big humongous mess of tangled-up yarn!

  “Welcome to Yarn-a-Palooza!” Judy said eagerly.

  “Yarn-a-pa-whatta?” asked Jessica.

  “We’re going to have a yarn party! Our mission, should we choose to accept the dare — which we will — is to untangle this Yarn Yeti.”

  “This is your big idea?” Frank asked.

  “You’re from another planet if you think this is fun,” said Rocky.

  “Zzzzzzz,” said Amy, pretending to snore.

  “I’ll help!” yelped Jessica Finch, picking up a thread of pink yarn.

  “C’mon, you guys. It’ll be fun, I promise,” Judy told them.

  “About as much fun as . . . watching socks dry,” said Frank.

  “Then you guys think of an idea,” said Judy. “In the meantime, Frank, hold out your arms.”

  “Why me?” Frank asked as he held out his arms. Judy pulled at the big mess until she found an end. She started to wind the yarn around Frank’s hands. She wrapped and wrapped the yarn in a circle. Green yarn turned into blue yarn, which turned into red yarn.

  “Can I put my hands down yet?” asked Frank. “My arms are killing me.”

  “Not yet,” said Judy. “Hey, did you guys know a ball of yarn is called a clew?”

  “So you’re clew-less?” asked Rocky.

  “Get a clew,” said Judy. She cracked herself up.

  “Hey, I know. Let’s play CLUE!” said Amy.

  “Or . . . I know a level-three spelling game we could play,” said Jessica.

  Rocky fl
ared his nose. “Count me out,” he said. “Let’s be detectives again.”

  “We could solve a real-life mystery,” said Frank. “You know, like we did when that puppy, Mr. Chips, went missing!”

  “Great!” said Judy. Her friends smiled and nodded, eager to hear what the mystery was going to be. “I have an idea . . . ”

  “Quiet, everybody,” hissed Rocky. “Judy’s getting one of her brainstorms.”

  Judy held a bright-idea finger in the air. “Let’s solve the mystery of how to untangle this big blob of yarn.”

  “Aw,” said Rocky. “I thought it was gonna be something big. Something good.”

  “Something scary,” said Frank.

  “Something interesting,” said Jessica.

  “Something not boring,” said Amy.

  “Or,” said Judy, “we could play Jessica’s level-three spelling game.”

  “I call yellow!” said Rocky, diving for some yellow yarn.

  “Brown!” said Frank, elbowing Rocky out of the way.

  “Purple!” called Judy.

  “Pink!” said Jessica, nudging Rocky.

  Everybody pushed and shoved, trying to get to their favorite color.

  “Guess what? I know how to read colors,” Amy told them when the ruckus died down. “My mom has a whole book about it.”

  “What does brown mean?” asked Frank.

  “It means you’re weird!” said Amy.

  “Huh?”

  “Just kidding. Most people pick blue for their favorite color. Especially boys. But brown means you like nature, you’re strong, and people can count on you.”

  Frank held up one arm and flexed his muscle. “That’s me. Ironman Pearl.”

  “Now me,” said Rocky.

  “Yellow. Yellow means you like the sun, you’re cheerful, and you have a good imagination.”

  “Cool,” said Rocky.

  “And you make babies cry.”

  “Huh?”

  “Gotcha! Actually, yellow rooms do make babies cry more. Blue calms people down. And green helps you read better.”

  “Do pink!” said Jessica.

  “Pink is the color of love,” said Amy.

  “Ooh. Jessica’s in love,” Rocky teased.

  “In love with spelling,” said Frank.

  “How about purple?” asked Judy.

  “Purple is the color of kings and queens and means you’ll be rich. And you’re creative.”

  “Sweet!” said Judy.

  Stink poked his head into Judy’s room. “Can I borrow five dollars?”

  “I don’t have five dollars.”

  “But you’re gonna be rich, right?”

  “Stink, I told you not to spy on me and my friends.”

  “Mom needs you downstairs. . . . For a minute.”

  “Then hold this.” Judy handed Stink her ball of yarn. “I’ll be right back,” she said to her friends. But when she started downstairs, she could overhear Stink whispering with them.

  Mom didn’t need her. Stink had just made that up! Judy hurried back to her room. Everyone fell silent. Rocky poked Frank, who elbowed Amy. “You tell her,” said Frank.

  “Tell me what?” said Judy.

  “We want you to take a test,” said Amy.

  “A test? What is this, school?”

  “More like a quiz,” said Rocky.

  “An alien test,” Stink said. “Like those magazine quizzes Mom’s always taking.”

  “Think of it as a game,” said Amy. She cleared her throat. “Ahem. First question. Do you like the color green?”

  “It’s only my second favorite color after purple. Why?”

  “Do you eat MARS bars?” asked Rocky.

  “I guess. Sometimes. Why are you asking that?”

  “Do you wear sunglasses?” asked Jessica.

  “When I’m at the beach, yeah. Why do you want to know?”

  “Did you ever ride in a spaceship?” asked Frank.

  “At Outer Space Land I did.”

  “Do you hold your breath when you pass a graveyard?” asked Stink.

  “Doesn’t everybody?”

  “Do you ever answer a question with a question?” asked Frank.

  “Huh?”

  “See? I’m telling you,” said Stink.

  “Do you ever say, ‘I come in peace’?” asked Amy.

  “Nope.”

  “Yah-huh,” said Stink. “When we were searching for Bigfoot you did.”

  “How many times have you seen the movie E.T.?” asked Rocky.

  “Tons of times. But you guys have, too, right?”

  “Do you ever say ‘Nanu Nanu’?”

  “Nanu Nanu?”

  “There! She just said it. That proves it,” said Stink.

  “Proves what? That I passed the test?”

  “You passed all right,” said Stink. “You are an alien. A for-real outer-space alien.”

  “Judy?” called Frank, peering at her through his glasses. “Are you in there?”

  “Ring-a-ploopa yarn-a-palooza yada-yada nanu-nanu,” said Judy.

  The room got dead quiet. Outer-space quiet. Nobody blinked. Amy looked at Frank, who looked at Rocky. Jessica popped up.

  “Um, I just remembered . . . I have to go,” said Jessica. Amy nodded and got up too.

  “Me too,” said Rocky.

  “Me three,” said Frank, tripping over Amy and Rocky to get out of Judy’s room as fast as he could.

  Cheese Louise, thought Judy. Try to be in a good mood, and your friends mistake you for an alien.

  Judy ran over to the open window. “Hey, guys!” she called out. “I was just saying thanks! For helping me untangle the yarn.” But her friends were already halfway down the street, their backs to her.

  Pssst. Pssst. When Judy got to school the next morning, her friends (minus Amy, plus Jessica Finch) were whispering outside Class 3T. As soon as they saw Judy, they stopped. Since when were Rocky and Frank so palsy-walsy with Fink-Face Finch?

  Oops. That wasn’t good-mood thinking. WWJFD? What Would Jessica Finch Do? Judy tried to sound cheery. “Hey, guys. Happy Thursday!”

  Frank waved. Jessica smiled. Rocky gave her a strange look. “We better get inside,” he said. “Mr. Todd already blinked the lights once.”

  It was so-not-working to try to be like Jessica Finch. Her friends just thought she was battier than Batgirl.

  Mr. Todd had tons of alarm clocks on his desk. “Three, two, one . . . ” BZZZZZZZZ! The clocks went off. Half the class jumped. The other half held their fingers in their ears.

  “It’s time!” Mr. Todd smiled brightly. “Time to Measure Up! Today we begin our new math unit. We’re going to go the distance. We’re going to have gallons of fun. All day long we’ll be measuring time and space, our classroom, and one another. Take out your math journals.”

  Judy did not even have to search her desk or her backpack. She pulled out her math journal from the top of the nice neat stack inside her desk.

  “What are some tools we might use to measure things with?” Mr. Todd asked.

  Hannah raised her hand. “Ruler!”

  Dylan raised his hand. “Yardstick!”

  Jessica Finch raised her hand. “Measuring cup!”

  Judy wanted to participate, just like Jessica Finch. “String!” Judy called out.

  “Judy? Did you forget to raise your hand?” asked Mr. Todd.

  Oof. Judy stretched her hand in the air.

  “Yes?” asked Mr. Todd.

  “I was going to say Elizabeth Blackwell Women of Science ruler,” said Judy, holding up her favorite ruler. “But somebody said ruler. So, I was thinking, you could measure something with a piece of string.”

  “Very good,” said Mr. Todd. “In ancient times, the length of your foot or the width of your thumb could be used to measure things.”

  Judy stuck her hand in the air again. “Mr. Todd,” she started, with her hand still raised. “Did you know that the longest guitar is thirty-eight feet and two inches? It sa
ys so right here on my Yardstick of Bubble Gum box.”

  “Thank you, Judy. That’s interesting.” He rolled the chalk in his hands. “But let’s try not to interrupt.”

  “I raised my hand!” said Judy.

  “That’s a good start. But please wait to be called on.” Mr. Todd held up a jar of something that looked like rice. He wrote on the board: 1 inch = 3 grains of barley.

  Judy raised her hand again. Mr. Todd peered over his glasses. “Yes, Judy?”

  “The longest grain of rice is eight and a half millimeters, I’m pretty sure.”

  “She’s like the Interrupting Chicken from that book,” said Brody.

  Judy’s face got hot. Her ears turned as red as a turtle. A red-eared slider, that is.

  “Let’s all work on not interrupting, Brody,” said Mr. Todd. He turned back to the board. “In old England, the king made a rule that if you took three grains of barley and put them end to end, that made an inch.”

  Judy could not help thinking about the world’s longest roller coaster and the world’s longest mustache. She could not help thinking about the world’s longest sand castle and the world’s longest banana split. She could not help wondering if the Yardstick of Bubble Gum was the world’s longest piece of bubble gum.

  Judy shivered. She felt a chill. Probably the cold wind blowing in from the back of the room. Antarctica.

  Snotsicles!

  Judy sat on her hands. She did not want to be an Interrupting Chicken. And she did not want to take a zip, a trip, or a skidoo to the Land of Snow and Ice, where her only friends would be nematodes.

  At last, Class 3T got up and out of their seats. They scribbled estimates in their journals. They measured the room in human feet. They measured Mr. Todd’s desk in thumbs. They measured their pencils in grains of barley.

  “My pencil is twenty-two and a half barleys,” said Frank, “counting the eraser.” Class 3T figured out that Frank’s pencil was almost seven and a half inches.

  They measured the length of Peanut the guinea pig, the distance from the pencil sharpener to the window, and the time it took to walk-not-run from Class 3T to the principal’s office and back.