Repented

by Sophie Monroe

  "I-I..." I stammered.

  "Baby, what's going on? I can't understand you." He said, sounding concerned. I just sat on the bathroom floor, shaking. "Fuck. Guys we gotta break for an hour, something's wrong." I heard something about taking a different car, a faster car. He stayed on the phone talking, but I didn't hear a word he said. I knew I was going to have to tell him everything. I was going to have to expose my past. What if he didn't want someone as tainted as I was? He thought I was this girl that had all her shit together, when the reality was I was barely holding on when he came along. I felt everything as much as he did. I knew I loved him, but he loved the idea of who I thought I was. The walls felt like they were closing in. I felt the hole where my heart used to be swallowing me whole. "I'm coming, just stay on the phone."

  Finally, he stormed into the bathroom and closed the door. He sat on the floor in front of me and pulled me into his arms. I sat there and sobbed. I sobbed for the love we had. I sobbed for the love that I was most likely going to lose after the truth came out. I hated feeling weak. More than that, I hated feeling vulnerable. It was another reason I knew what we had was the real deal. There was no hesitation with him at all. In a day, I felt like I'd known him for years.

  "It's okay. I'm here. What's going on? You're shaking, princess."

  "M-my office, a box," I cried. "I can't let them see me like this."

  "I'll take care of it. I have Blake's Mustang," he handed me the keys. "Go. I'll grab the box and meet you in the car."

  He helped me to my feet and opened the door. Once seeing it was clear, I took off with my head down. Praying no one saw me, I made it to the door with only one look from the receptionist, Beth. She was the office gossiper, but hopefully she had some empathy and would keep her fucking mouth shut.

  Hitting the key fob, the Mustang unlocked, and I climbed inside the passenger side and started the engine. I didn't have my purse or my jacket. Just as the thought crossed my mind, Kevin appeared with the box, along with my coat and bag. I started crying all over again. His face appeared angrier than I've ever seen anyone.

  Climbing into the driver's side, he slammed the door shut. His hands were the ones trembling now.

  "What the fuck is this? Who took them?" He shouted.

  I couldn't find my voice. Come on, Mads. You can tell him.

  Exhaling a shaky breath, "my ex. I had no idea. Please don't be upset with me."

  "Madison, this is sick. He's been doing this for who knows how long. Jesus, he could even have it streaming on the internet!" He took the photos out of the box and started flipping through them. My empty stomach rolled. "Why do I get the feeling that there's more to this you're not telling me?" He asked.

  "Because there is." I put my head down. "Can we just go somewhere? Anywhere. Just drive. I can't sit here and risk someone coming out to check on me right now. This whole situation is embarrassing enough as it is."

  Shifting into reverse he floored it, tires spinning before taking off. "Talk." He commanded.

  "I met Damon when I was twenty. He quickly integrated himself into my life, for better and worse. At first, he was this guy that I couldn't get enough of. I fell hard for him and by the time I saw the real him, I was in love. I thought I would be the one to save him. Time after time, he broke my heart. He cheated on me. Got me hooked on heroin. Every time I'd hit a breaking point, he'd swear up and down that he was ready to change. Stupid me, I believed him. He'd been out of my life for the past several months until a couple weeks ago. The last time I saw him was the first time I saw you. That day at the grocery store. It was bad, and I never told you, but your face was the one popping into my head that night. Like you were telling me to let go. I haven't seen him since, I swear. He's called a few times, but I didn't answer."

  He slammed on the brakes and pulled off to the side of the road. "Hold on, I need to process all of this." He quietly ran his hands through his hair. He looked murderous. "Did you just say fucking heroin?"

  I nodded.

  "Jesus Christ, Madison. Heroin." It wasn't a question. "Why didn't you tell me? That night that I sat and poured my entire life's story out to you, and you didn't say a fucking word. I felt so unsure about telling you, but I knew you deserved to know. Fuck!"

  "I-I'm sorry," I cried. "I wanted to tell you. I didn't know how. I didn't want you thinking I was damaged goods. I knew when these showed up that I didn't have a choice."

  "We need to go to your house and check where the feed is coming from. Fuck."

  He pulled his phone out and called Jake to tell him what was going on. The guys said they'd meet him at my house, and he gave them the address. He put the car in drive and whipped it in the opposite direction.

  I didn't want a conversation or company. I wanted to cry on him. I wanted to find the camera and destroy it, along with Damon. It was obvious that he was growing desperate in his attempts to get me back, or seeking whatever revenge he was seeking. Now that I knew true love, it wasn't going to happen. Never again, I vowed. Wishing I was anywhere but here, I stared blankly out the window feeling embarrassed and numb. How could I have not known? How long was this going on?

  Kevin reached over and took my hand. "I'm sorry if I snapped at you. I've had a lot of bombs dropped on me lately. Everything that happened with Bryn and Kennedy. I was kinda enjoying the smooth ride, but I'm not upset with you. I'm slightly hurt you didn't trust me enough to tell me, but you're the one that told me we all have pasts. They don't define us. You're my little fighter."

  By the time we arrived at my house, there was a black Range Rover sitting by the curb. Taking a deep breath, hoping to calm myself with little avail, I opened the door. I was hoping to have a few minutes alone with Kevin first. But, I knew they were like his brothers, and I trusted them. They all piled out of their SUV and followed us inside. Jake, Blake, and Austin followed us up my sidewalk and into the living room. Heading straight into the kitchen, I poured myself a glass of white wine, wishing I kept stronger stuff in the house.

  "We're going to do a sweep of the place," Kevin said kissing my forehead. I watched as they headed back to my bedroom. My phone chimed.

  Nice to know you got my package. I'm going to miss watching you. I have other ways though. Remember our secret.

  All the air left my lungs. If that got out it would be devastating on so many levels. I couldn't handle living through that truth.

  KEVIN

  "Over here," Blake said. He was standing on a chair by the curtain. He moved the curtain off to the side revealing a small Wi-Fi camera.

  I was feeling in a trans like state. By now, you would think I'd be used to curveballs. I guess I just swing at them like Stevie Wonder using a light saber, missing them constantly. This was different. It didn't change the way I felt about her, but it stung. The first night, I put everything on the table. I was expecting her to feel more cautious, but she wasn't. I was having a hard time wrapping my head around why she wouldn't tell me about Damon. Or the fact that she was a recovering heroin addict. Those were kind of big things.

  I didn't want to live without her. That much I knew without a doubt. If it came down to me not letting her out of my sight, that's what I would do to protect her. The once mellow, free loving Kevin was gone. When it came to something or someone I loved, I could be a ruthless as the worse nightmare you could dream up. This fucking guy just landed on my hit list.

  Snapping back to the present, I looked over at Blake.

  "This guy was fucking sneaky as hell. All the wires were hidden behind the trim. Unless she was really looking, there's no way she would have known. Sick fuck." His tatted muscular arms ripped it out of the wall.

  Jake came and put a hand on my shoulder. "I think there's still more she's not telling you, bro. Just a feeling. I know you love her, just be careful. You're finally getting back to a good place, and this has been happening super fast. If anyone understands, it's me. Aub was it for me from the moment I saw her, but look what we had to go through to get to where we are."
He turned and helped Blake finish searching the room. I felt helpless. I wanted to move. I wanted to help. But I was stuck. "She's hurting. Go sit with her. We've got this."

  Austin was in the spare room that was Bri's tearing it apart. It was evident that he cared about her. They were still in the testing waters stage and building a friendship, but it was obvious he had feelings for her. I moved down the small hallway, into the living room. Madison sat in her gray suit and coffee stained white button up, sipping on a glass of wine. My heart clenched seeing her in so much pain. I knew she wasn't all right. It was an invasion of her privacy, of our privacy. Intimate moments that weren't meant for others eyes.

  "Letting people down is my thing," she cried.

  I pulled her to my side, resting her head on my chest. "You're my angel. So you've broken your wings a few times; you're human. This doesn't change how I feel. I felt you before I knew you, Mads. You've given me back my faith, and I just want to protect you from this creep. I can't do that unless I know everything. No matter if it's going to hurt me, I need to know. You can trust me." I vowed.

  Her green eyes were red and puffy from crying. She stared up at me hurting. "He used me. It was almost like fishing. He'd cast me out to the point where I started not to care, only to reel me back in. It was like that for years. He used the drugs and my vulnerability to keep me close to him. That night, he came here high and begging for money. Bri was here and told him to fuck off. He started acting exceptionally desperate. I ran into my bedroom to get away from him. He kicked the door in and held me down. He kept trying to kiss me, telling me how much he loved me. Telling me he couldn't live without me. I should have known something like this was going to happen." She wiped the tears away with the back of her hand. "I was highly functioning on it, without it not so much. I only snorted it. He used to shoot up. He'd leave for days at a time without saying anything. Then, when he was out of money or something would happen he'd show up. He made me feel so worthless like no one would love me because I was fucked up. I was damaged goods. Over the past year, I started fighting back. I knew if I didn't end it, it would ultimately end me. I felt so helpless. There was no way I could tell my parents."

  I held her while she cried. I knew how hard it was, to be honest. "I'd die to save you. I love you." It wasn't going to make everything go away, but love was a powerful thing.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  FIGHT INSIDE

  Waking up from a dead sleep, my heart was racing. I begged Madison to come stay with me. She refused. I asked her to let me stay; she told me to go. I tried arguing with her, but she said she wanted to be alone. While debating strong arming her into letting me stay, Jake came in and gave me a knowing look. I had to leave, and it was breaking me.

  "If you need me, just call and I'll be right over." I kissed her and held the side of her face. She meant the world to me.

  It had been four days. Enough was enough. She didn't leave the house. She didn't go to the office. I had finally gone and picked up her car and brought it to her. She had dark circles under her eyes. She was in ratty sweatpants, her hair was disheveled. She thanked me and gave me a smile that didn't meet her eyes. When I leaned to kiss her, she pulled away. I couldn't believe she was letting this affect her as much as it was. I tried my hardest to let her go through the motions, but this was extreme, for anyone.

  She was spending all her time alone. She was holding onto all her pain. I was growing increasingly concerned as the days passed. I knew she was hurting while I was sleeping; it killed me. I wanted to make it better. I wanted to fix it all and make it go away. Her pain was my pain. That was the thing about our connection. I usually knew without talking to her. The days since have felt like years. Emotionally, she had shut down. Not knowing what else to do, I had to take a drastic measure. One I wasn't sure she'd forgive me for, but I didn't see any other option.

  I sat in bed, contemplating until four-thirty. Throwing on some clothes, I headed to my truck. I couldn't wait any longer. There was no way I was involving police just yet. I didn't know what exactly this Damon guy was holding over her. There were still secrets she wasn't telling me; I wasn't stupid. Over the years, I held onto my fair share of secrets. They eventually either come out or eat you alive. I wasn't letting that happen to her.

  From memory, I drove through the still dark streets. I stopped in front of her house. Her bedroom light was the only one illuminating the house. I wanted to knock on her door. I wanted to beg her to let me hold her. Was this going to be it for us? My heart began to break at the thought. Could it end before it ever really began? Would I survive it? Even though, it had only been a short amount of time, something in me changed when I met her. I was forever altered by her touch alone.

  Taking a deep breath, I put the truck back in drive and headed to my intended destination. It was coming up on five in the morning, and Mike was most likely up by now. Dinner was rough at first, but he started coming around toward the end of the night. He was my only hope at this point.

  Pulling up into the driveway, I hesitated. Showing up at people's doors this early wasn't always the best idea, but I was out of options. Cutting the engine, I walked up the stairs and rang the doorbell. Seconds later, he opened the door in a navy robe, pajama pants and slippers. His face was concerned.

  "Kevin, everything okay?"

  I ran my hands through my hair. Did I just fuck up by coming here? He stood to the side in invitation. I stepped into the entryway and collected my thoughts. "I don't know. No. Fuck. Sorry. I don't know what else to do." I paced the floor, nervously.

  "Come on. I was just making some coffee. Mary won't be up for a bit yet."

  Following him into the kitchen, I took a seat at the island. He poured us each a cup and took a seat on the stool next to me.

  His face turned serious. "What's going on? Showing up unannounced at the break of dawn isn't exactly normal behavior." He eyed me suspiciously.

  I ran my sweaty palms on my jeans. There was no turning back now. "I didn't know who else to turn to. Something happened last week with Mads. She's not herself, and I'm worried. She's completely shut down."

  "Son, she's just busy at the office. Mary talked to her on Wednesday."

  "She hasn't been to work all week."

  Surprise shocked his face. "What do you mean? "

  "I mean she hasn't been to work since Monday. It's now Friday. The incident happened on Monday. I begged her to come stay with me or let me stay there, but she refused. It's that Damon guy." His blue eyes widened; fury crossed his features. He obviously wasn't a Damon fan either. "She's going to hate me for telling you, but I love her. If hurting myself is the only way to keep her safe, then that's what I'm going to have to do."

  He let out a deep breath and placed his hand on my back. "What exactly happened, son?"

  "Monday we were in the studio doing press when she called. She was upset about something. She could barely talk. When I showed up at her office, there was a box sitting on her desk. It contained photos, intimate ones." Bile rose in my throat.

  "Son of a bitch." His hand slammed on the granite. "Continue."

  "Anyway, I took her home. My band mates, who are also my best friends, met us there. We found a webcam by her curtain. He'd been secretly taping her. He tapped us. He tapped them. He sent her the photos, and she's barely spoken to me since. I went to pick her up for the office the next day since she didn't have her car. She said she was using a personal day. I did my best to convince her to let me stay or come with me. She pretty much told me she loved me and closed the door in my face. The next day, the same thing. I finally got her to give me her keys, so I could at least bring her car home. Every day it's been the same thing. She tells me she loves me and closes the door in my face. Her responses are vague if anything at all. I know it's hard to believe, but I do love your daughter, Sir. It seems very fast, but she's all I want. I'd do anything to protect her and make her happy. This is killing me, and I don't know where else to turn."A lump formed in my throat.
I felt close to tears.

  He stood. "Let's go." I followed him out the door off the kitchen and into the three car garage. He clicked the fob for an Aston Martin. "Get in."

  Not feeling like I had a choice, and even if I did I was going anyway. I climbed into the passenger side. The engine roared to life. He backed out and floored it. The houses whipped by in a blur as we started heading to the outskirts of town. We left Smithville and entered the town of Abel. Abel was run down. I'd only ever come here once. It was by accident during the day right after we moved here. It was filled with vacant warehouses and high rise apartments. Homeless people slept on benches and bus stops. The streets were littered with trash and debris. My gut told me that we were going to be paying Damon a visit.

  We pulled up to a rundown, two family house. Mike climbed out. Still in his robe, flannel pants, and slippers. He motioned to me to come with him. I had no idea what the plan was, but followed him to find out. He walked up the raggedy, falling apart wooden steps and started banging on the door to the right.

  Finally, the door opened. So this was Damon. I couldn't get a good visual from the pictures. He was probably just under six foot, not overly muscular, but not lean either. His dark, shaggy hair was in disarray and his almost black eyes stared holes into us. He only wore a pair of athletic shorts. Mike grabbed him by the throat and pushed him inside the house. I glanced around to make sure no one had seen us, and closed the door prepared to follow his lead.

  The room had one gross, maroon colored couch, a lamp, and a dated television. The walls were a dingy, off white from smoke and dirt. The brown shag carpet was filthy, stained and completely gone in other spots. I stood behind Mike and watched to see if I needed to intervene. Though I didn't get in as many bar brawls as the other guys, I could still hold my own. Especially right now. Under these circumstances, my only problem would be knowing when to stop before I killed him.