by Clare Lydon
She glanced out the patio doors. It was raining again. It didn’t seem to have stopped for weeks.
The front door bell signalled her mum’s arrival. 12:55: she was bang-on early. Heidi greeted her with a hug and took her coat, along with her umbrella, opening it and putting it in the bath. Her mum was still an active woman even at the age of 68, and didn’t look her years at all. She barely looked 60. Heidi was glad to have her mum’s blood in her veins.
“You look tired.” She touched Heidi’s cheek as she reappeared in the hallway. “Have you been sleeping?”
Heidi shook her head. “Trying to, but Maya has other ideas.”
“Did I ever tell you that you didn’t sleep for the first two years of your life?”
Heidi followed her mum through to her open-plan lounge-diner-kitchen. “Once or twice,” she said. “It’s payback time, I know.”
“She’s worth it, aren’t you?”
Maya already had her arms in the air, knowing what was coming next. She’d conked out when they’d got home, but was now sat in her high chair, being entertained by a spoon. However, once her grandmother walked in, the spoon was abandoned.
“Who’s Nanny’s gorgeous girl?” Her mum lifted Maya out of her chair and got a half-eaten pepper smudged into her cheek for her troubles. She ignored it like a boss.
“How’s business?”
Heidi nodded. “Good. We’re just approaching the busy season. Once Easter is gone, then boom, wedding overload. Although February and March are more popular than you think. Which means I’m dealing with an awful lot of wet weddings.”
“I can imagine. Like the rainy seasons of my childhood, only far colder and they go on forever.” She paused. “Sarah said you had a good time at the festival at the weekend. I saw her at church on Sunday, and she had a sore head, I could see it behind her eyes. She tried to say otherwise, but she was fooling nobody.” Her mum gave Heidi a smile. “Why you need to drink so much to have a good time is beyond me, but I know, it’s a different generation.” She waved her hand as she spoke, before sitting down with Maya on her lap. “We missed you at church on Sunday, too. It would be nice to see you occasionally.”
Heidi’s muscles tightened. Her mum wasn’t messing around today, was she? Bringing up church within five minutes of her arrival? Wasn’t church off limits until at least food had been served?
“You know my thoughts on that.” Heidi walked over to the kitchen, starting to bring some of the food to the small dining table squashed into the corner of the room. Hummus, falafel, flatbread, olives and roasted peppers; she breathed in the aromas of cinnamon and cumin, olive oil and smoke. She’d added Manchego and a plate of Mediterranean ham from the local Italian deli, too. Her stomach growled.
She was always hungry after Aquababy, even though she never swam a stroke. She’d often thought it was mental muscle memory. Every time Heidi was in a swimming pool, she craved cheese-and-onion crisps and Coke, because that was what her dad used to buy from the vending machine after the Sunday swimming sessions of her childhood. Sundays had always followed the same routine: church in the morning, then a swim at the local pool.
Maya would never have that routine, but Heidi wasn’t sad about that. When it came to church and its lack of inclusivity, she was sticking to her guns.
“But wouldn’t it be good for Maya to have some spiritual guidance in her life? For her to go to the same school as her cousins, where she’ll learn about God? I know you’re stubborn and you have your own views, but even you must see that it’s the right thing for her.”
Heidi sighed. Was her mum hoping she’d suddenly change her mind and begin to take her daughter to a church that didn’t welcome Heidi? She knew parents could sometimes be deluded, but this was a little beyond the norm.
“Mum, you know the score, I’ve told you a million times. When the church welcomes my life, I might consider coming at Christmas. But it doesn’t offer me or my life anything. I’m a lesbian. It doesn’t like lesbians. It doesn’t like much that’s not straight.”
“But you’ve got such a sweet voice.”
Was this about Maya, or about her mum showing Heidi off in the church choir? She could never be sure. “And I use it at karaoke down the local gay bar.” A slight lie. “Rather, I did. Before Maya.” She missed going out. She missed singing.
A thought of Eden flitted through her mind. Did Eden do karaoke? Would she entertain Heidi doing some? Perhaps not on a first date. Maybe on the third. Or the fifth. Heidi had texted her earlier, so she guessed she’d find out soon.
Sitting there in her flat, with her mum quizzing her on why she wasn’t going to church, Eden seemed very far away. Saturday seemed very far away. Removed from reality. Because this was far more her reality than sitting in a bar at a music festival. What would Eden make of that?
Her phone beeped and she walked over to the kitchen, picking it up off the counter. Her heart picked up speed when she saw who the message was from: Eden. She was asking if she was free the following Tuesday to go out for dinner.
Heidi did a quick calculation in her head. She thought she was. She just needed a babysitter. Someone who wouldn’t mind keeping Maya overnight, perhaps. She glanced over at her mum, currently with her head in Maya’s stomach, blowing a raspberry into it. She put the phone down, making a mental note to answer it as soon as her mum had gone.
Heidi sat down at the table and her mum followed, putting Maya back in her chair. Heidi put some food in Maya’s bowl and gave it to her daughter, fully prepared for the mess that always followed.
“Lovely spread.” Her mum helped herself, clearly attempting to get the conversation back on less rocky ground. “Sarah said you might have met someone at the festival on Saturday.”
Heidi was going to kill her sister next time she saw her. Possibly with her bare hands. Sarah must have been hungover if she told Mum that. Yes, Sarah was closer to their mum than Heidi was, but she wouldn’t normally blab that sort of information. Perhaps she’d still been drunk. A distinct possibility.
“Was that a message from the new woman?” Her mum dropped it into conversation so casually, it was almost a throwaway comment.
“It was. How did you know?”
Her mum finished chewing before she replied, her eyes narrowing as she spoke. “Mother’s intuition.” She paused. “Well, that and the grin that spread across your face when you opened the message.” She smiled now, too. “You know what I think about you meeting someone. It’s a good thing, so there’s no need to hide it from me. I’m not the church, you know that. I’m supportive of whoever you want to love, I’ve always made that perfectly clear.”
“I know.” Heidi knew she was lucky in that way. Her parents had reacted well when she came out.
“But you know as well as I do it’s best for Maya to have two parents. Two points of view. Two pairs of hands to guide her.”
Heidi sighed. This was where her mum stuttered. She just couldn’t understand why Heidi had voluntarily become a single parent. She couldn’t comprehend a tiny bit of it. That Heidi had wanted a child, that her biological clock had been ticking, that she didn’t have time to wait until she met someone.
“Could this woman be a good second parent for Maya?”
Heidi’s mind blanked. She had no idea, and she knew it was hardly the first question she was likely to ask any prospective partners. She’d find out soon enough when she saw Eden again.
“I need to find out if she’s a match for me first, don’t you think? She’s asked me out for a drink next week.”
“And you’re going?”
Heidi nodded. “I am.” The thought of going on a date with Eden midweek seemed naughty and dangerous. Precisely the reason she felt something move at her core. She shifted in her seat.
“Good. Because I don’t want you bringing up Maya on her own, and I don’t want you being alone, either.” She reached across the table and covered Heidi’s hand with hers. “You’ve got so much love to give to someone, so I hope this
woman knows that.”
Heidi took a deep breath, about to tell her mum not to put so much on this. Even though in the back of her mind, she was already filling out the betting slip herself.
Her mum squeezed her hand. “I know it, and God knows it. You’re a beautiful creation, just like Maya. God’s creation.”
Heidi ground her teeth together. Her mother was a mix of sweet, well meaning and bloody infuriating all at the same time. But this time, she decided not to bite.
“Can you babysit on Tuesday if I go on this date?”
Her mum nodded, spooning a mound of hummus onto her plate. “Of course we can.”
Chapter 10
Eden’s day at work had been full-on, with back-to-back meetings with clients and a final one with her boss to get up to speed on next steps for Stable Foods. She’d also had an email from India’s assistant asking if Eden was free to meet for lunch next week. She assumed India had meant to include Johan, too, but she didn’t want to be presumptuous. Whatever, she had a lot on her plate at the moment, and that wasn’t even taking Heidi into account.
The festival seemed a long time ago now, and Eden’s palms were itchy as she sat in the restaurant she’d booked for the evening in Fitzrovia. An ode to Mexican cuisine, Casa Martinez had started out life as a food truck but quickly gained a cult following. Now the chef had expanded her team and opened a space in central London, and Eden had been keen to try it for a while. She hoped Heidi liked Mexican, otherwise they were in for a long evening.
She was fidgeting with her phone when someone nearby cleared their throat. When Eden looked up, she gulped. Heidi was standing there, and she looked stunning.
She’d captured Eden’s attention from the word go. However, now, away from a damp field, and with the memory of their kiss seared into Eden’s brain, Heidi had taken on a very different meaning. Heidi oozed style, but also, she oozed attitude. Plus, it didn’t hurt that her wavy dark brown hair matched her almond eyes with its shine. Whatever Heidi had on her side, Eden was on board.
She stood, a tingle of anticipation running down her spine as Heidi leaned in and kissed her cheek.
“It’s good to see you again,” she said as she drew back.
“You, too.” And it was. Eden had spent last night in bed wondering how this moment would be. Because the festival had been like a mirage in her week. A floating, wet mirage. She hadn’t been sure to trust everything that happened, everything she’d felt. It had been otherworldly. But now, seeing Heidi again, all the feelings came flooding back to her body. Lightness. Happiness. Air. And luckily, today was a clear day in London. One of the first for what seemed like weeks. “I didn’t recognise you without water stuck to your body,” Eden added as they both sat.
“I know. No umbrellas. Unheard of.” Heidi shook out her napkin and spread it over her knees.
Eden was transfixed. “I hope you like Mexican.”
Heidi nodded. “Love it. I went to Cancun with some friends a while ago. We had an awesome time.” She tapped the table with her index finger. “I’ve heard about this place and been wanting to try it, so it’s a good call.”
“Glad you think so.” Another tick in Heidi’s column. Eden’s muscles relaxed one by one as the tension she’d been housing ebbed away. Heidi was just as she remembered her, if not better. It was a good start. “So how have you been since the festival?”
“Busy,” Heidi replied. “I’m doing four weddings this month, but thankfully I had the foresight not to book myself the Sunday after the festival. A good plan. My mum was round for lunch last week and told me my sister rocked up at church the next day still reeking of booze.” She paused. “Apparently, the Lord is very forgiving, though.”
Eden sat up. “Church? Wow, that’s something that doesn’t cross my radar very often.” She couldn’t decide if she was agnostic or atheist. Whatever, she knew she didn’t much like what went on in most churches across the world.
Heidi shook her head. “Mine either, much to my mother’s distaste.” She perused the menu. “But that’s what life’s about, disappointing your mother, isn’t it? I make sure to do it on a regular basis.”
Eden tensed up again. “I wouldn’t know. My mum and I… Let’s just say our relationship isn’t the norm.” It was too early in their fledging relationship — if that’s what this turned out to be — to reveal the truth. Eden steered the conversation onto safer topics. “What were you up to the next day, if you weren’t at church?”
Heidi’s face flickered for a moment, an emotion crossing it Eden couldn’t quite pin down. Heidi settled on a hesitant smile. “Oh, you know, the usual. Sunday brunch, PJs, coffee, bacon.”
Eden nodded. “That sounds exactly like our day. I was with Lib, who you met. My flatmate.” She held up her hands. “We had a lazy day, before going to the pub for a late lunch. The perfect birthday. Unlike Issy and Kath, who went home to their kids. They were up at seven, after only four hours’ sleep.” Eden shuddered, making a face like she’d just eaten something hideous. “Makes me glad I don’t have kids.”
Heidi cast her gaze down to the table, back up to Eden, then hid behind her menu.
Had Eden said something wrong? She pulled the menu down so she could see Heidi’s face. It was still scrunched. “Everything okay?”
Her date shook her head. “I’m fine. Just deciding on food. I think I might go for the tacos. They’re meant to be good, I read the reviews before I came here.”
Heidi’s words sounded anything but fine, but Eden let it slide for now. “You’re booked for four weddings. No funeral mixed in, like the movie?”
That raised a smile. “No. I think that would be a whole other photography speciality, wouldn’t it? I don’t think I’d be up for it, either. Weddings and funerals do share the fact that everyone’s stressed, but at least the overriding feeling at a wedding, once the formalities are out the way, is happiness. Funerals are the opposite.”
“They certainly are.” She wanted to move the topic onto brighter things, seeing as she was still picking up a weird vibe from Heidi. The mood had changed suddenly, and she was at a loss to know why. “How’s your week been otherwise? I’m guessing you don’t have as many weddings during the weekdays?”
Heidi shook her head. “Not as many, but they’re getting more popular. Saturdays and Sundays are still the busiest days, but Thursdays and Fridays are catching up. The rest of the week is when I meet the clients, curate the photos I’ve done and do all my admin. If I take a day off, it’s normally a Monday or Tuesday.”
Eden nodded. “I’ve been to a couple on a Thursday and one on a Friday. I didn’t mind, but some people got very upset.” She paused. “What do you do on Mondays and Tuesdays?”
“Just hang out with Maya, meet my friends, take her to Aquababy. I did that this week.”
And then Heidi froze, her features stilling and something crossing over her face — the same emotion Eden had struggled to work out earlier. It looked like fear, but why would Heidi be fearful of her? This was a date they both wanted to be on.
“Who’s Maya? Is she one of Sarah’s children? I assume she has them, seeing as she has a secret husband?”
Heidi screwed up her face, her mouth scooting to one side of her face as she shook her head. “Actually, no.” She winced. “Maya is my daughter. I might have forgotten to say the other night that I have a daughter.” She paused. “She’s nearly two. And pretty gorgeous.”
Eden’s mouth went to drop open, but she forced it to shut, then swallowed. Fuck. Heidi had a kid. And she’d just said what she’d said about kids. No wonder the atmosphere had turned a little chilly.
“Maya’s your daughter? Wow.” Eden paused. “You kept that quiet on our first night.” Her stomach lurched. “You are single, right? If your daughter’s still so young, I assume there’s someone else in the picture, whether you’re together or not?”
But Heidi was shaking her head even before Eden had finished. “There’s nobody else. I had Maya on my own. I’d been
single a while and wanted a child, so I decided to investigate sperm donation solo.” She sighed. “Sorry, you didn’t ask for the full details. It’s just I’m a little embarrassed I didn’t tell you the other night. Blame Sarah. She was going on about wanting to be someone different. To get rid of her responsibilities for one night. I don’t want to get rid of Maya — she’s the most wanted child on the planet — but for one night, it felt nice to just be me again. It hasn’t happened for a while. And it hasn’t happened that a gorgeous woman has hit on me. Kissed me. Just me, nobody else involved.”
Eden wasn’t sure what to say. This was still Heidi, and she was still attracted to her. That hadn’t changed. But this wasn’t what she’d expected. Heidi had a child. Children were non-negotiable.
Eden didn’t want kids. Kids were fragile and impressionable. Eden didn’t want to scar them with her experience. Plus, kids were chaotic. Eden didn’t do chaos. She’d had enough of that in her childhood. In her adult life, control was key.
At that moment, a waiter walked up to their table, white pad in hand, a perky smile on his face. “Ladies! Can I get you some drinks?”
Eden shot him a look she hoped spoke a thousand words. She was sure he could at least pick up the tension hovering over the table. She was scared to move in case she was pulled in to its force field further. “Can you give us a few more minutes?”
The man nodded. “Sure thing. Just give me a shout when you’re ready.”
Eden turned back to Heidi, blowing out a breath. She still had no words that could smooth this over.
“Should I leave?” Heidi took the napkin she’d arranged so perfectly off her lap and put it on the table in front of her.
Eden’s stomach lurched. She shook her head. “No! Stay, let’s eat, have a drink. It’s just… a shock, that’s all. We were talking about things that had changed in the past decade of our lives at the festival. You’ve had a child. On your own. That’s quite a big change.”