Wet N Wild Navy SEALs

by Tawny Weber

  Getting to hold her in her bed while she curled up so trustingly against him had helped. Seeing her up and walking, dressed, eating a bit, sounding a bit tentative and exhausted but fairly normal, helped more.

  But he was still freaked out, like he couldn't quite catch up with all that had happened, couldn't quite believe it. He was so grateful to be here with her.

  For a moment, after Emma had told him what had happened, he hadn't been able to think, to move. It had felt like the whole world blinked a few times and then the power went out. Everything was black, and he couldn't hear anything except silence, and then the roaring in his ears.

  It was like what happened when things blew up.

  Everything was gone. There was no sound, nothing you could see, nothing in your head you could make sense of. It was all just gone.

  He'd felt like his whole world had been blown up. It was gone if she wasn't in it.

  When he finally came back to himself, Mace had been there. He'd cleared the room at some point, not wanting anybody to see Will like that, and he was in Will's face, trying to get him to say something, anything, to do something.

  Will couldn't, except to tell Mace, Get me home.

  Now Will was here, better but still scared.

  One of the back doors to the house opened. He looked up to see Emma and Sam. Will felt like a bit of the weight he'd been carrying eased. He didn't think he'd ever been so happy to see them.

  He grabbed Emma and hugged her tight for a long time. She seemed shocked. He'd never greeted her this way. He was just so grateful to her for all she'd done for Amanda.

  "How is she today?" Emma asked once Will finally let her go.

  "Exhausted, but more like herself. She slept for about six hours straight, took a shower, got dressed, ate a little bit. Fell back to sleep out here about twenty minutes ago."

  Will turned to Sam, grabbed him and gave him the same treatment Emma had received. It felt good, Will realized. He didn't feel so alone with all his fears. Sam seemed surprised, too, but hugged him right back.

  "I'm so glad you were here for her," Will told Emma, then turned to Sam. "You, too."

  "Hey, anything we can do, anytime," Sam said.

  Will thought about hugging Sam again, just for saying it and because he knew he didn't deserve that kind of loyalty and understanding he'd always received from them.

  This was something family did.

  You had a hard time, they were there for you. Someone you... someone you were crazy about had a hard time, your family was there for her, too. The way they felt about Will—what they'd claimed to feel over the years and he hadn't trusted and had pushed away—was still there. It had never been rescinded, and now, because Will cared about Amanda so much, they would, too. They'd treat her as much like family as they did him.

  It was an amazing gift.

  He couldn't believe he'd tried to keep them at arm's length for so long. Something was wrong with him. Something was broken in him, he knew. But on that day, he was humbled by everything they had done and would do in the future for him and Amanda.

  He could ask anything of the whole family, and they would do it.

  How did you thank people for something like that?

  "I think Amanda's awake," Emma said. "I'm going to spend a few minutes with her."

  Leaving the two women alone, he and Sam walked back into the house. In the big family room, Will saw that it was just him and Sam, thankfully no sign of Amanda's father.

  "You okay?" Sam asked.

  Will couldn't even try to be anything but completely honest. "Scared the shit out of me."

  "Me, too. I've never been so up-close-and-personal with what Emma does. I knew she was tough, that it had to be really hard, but I had no idea."

  "I know. I never imagined. I think the only reason I stayed as sane as I was, being so far away when this happened, was knowing Emma was here with Amanda. It was the worst feeling in the world, knowing Amanda was in trouble and how long it was going to take me to get to her."

  Sam nodded. "What are you going to do about that, Will?"

  "I don't know. I don't know what she'll let me do." Jesus, they still had to deal with that. "She told me not to come, Sam. I'd been going crazy, trying to just talk to her. I finally got her on the phone right before I got on a plane in Virginia, and she told me not to come."

  "Did she even know what she was saying? Because when I saw her—"

  "She knew."

  "Well, you came anyway, so—"

  "There was no fucking way I could have not come here. Shit, even her father looked happy to see me. He was that scared."

  "Good. Good for you. If you feel that way, this is where you should be. So, why did she tell you to stay away?"

  "She said she didn't want me to see her like this." Will shook his head. "I do not understand women."

  "Yeah, tell me something I don't know."

  "You must understand women. You and Rachel have been married forever."

  Sam laughed. "You really believe there are men who understand those creatures? Jesus, you really don't know anything about women. I love my wife, Will, but I wouldn't say I always understand her. There isn't a man alive who'd tell you he always understands his wife."

  "That makes no sense. How do you deal with her and keep it together, if you don't understand her?"

  "It doesn't matter. She's my wife, my partner. I love her. Whatever happens, we're going through it together. That's it, the way it is. Nothing else matters."

  Sam went quiet, and Will had a minute to try to take that in. He'd always thought some men just understood, and maybe it was possible to understand a few women here and there among the masses, but he'd certainly never known one of them.

  And now there was Amanda.

  "I've never had this problem before," he said finally. "I can't get her out of my head, can't stop thinking about her, worrying about her, missing her."

  "So what's the problem?"

  Will would have laughed if he didn't still remember so clearly that feeling of the whole world blowing up when he'd thought he might never see her again. And yet, the problems between them remained. The problems with him.

  "She thinks she needs me now. A few more months, maybe a year, and she'll be fine. She'll forget all about me."

  "Is that what you want? For her to forget all about you?"

  "I don't think it really matters what I want."

  "Of course it does."

  "Sam, her father's an ambassador. She went to a Swiss boarding school. She has a fucking trust fund."

  "So?"

  "She can do so much better. Someone like me doesn't deserve a woman like her. It's crazy to even think of her that way."

  "Will, if you don't want her, that's one thing. But if you think you can't have her, you're mistaken. If you think you don't deserve her, then I have to tell you, sometimes the world is incredibly kind and sends truly amazing women to men like you and me. You think I deserve a woman like Rachel in my life? No way, but there she is."

  Was Sam crazy? Of course, he deserved her. Sam was one of the best men Will knew. Strong and generous. Hard-working. Honest. Protective. Loved his wife and his kids like crazy. Would do anything for them. Even for someone like Will, who wasn't Sam's.

  "I knew from the first moment I saw Rachel that I didn't deserve her," Sam said. "But I sure wasn't too stupid to reach out and grab her when I had the chance."

  "Stupid? You think I'm stupid?"

  "I don't know. I guess we'll have to wait and see what you do from here."

  Sam didn't get it. Will wasn't the man Sam was. Sam loved Rachel, no question. He knew how to do it. Love was so much more than saying the words. Will's mother, when she was drunk enough, would say she loved him. What the hell did words mean?

  Love was how you treated someone. Love was how you took care of them, their feelings, their needs, their happiness, their dreams.

  Sam knew how to do that. He could take care of a woman and keep her safe, could
do that for his family, too. He wasn't ever going to walk away from any of them.

  Which Will feared he was going to have to do.

  Any day now.

  She'd told him not to come in the first place, and he was pretty sure she was going to tell him to leave before long.

  He'd do it.

  For her.

  So that one day, she could have the kind of man she needed, the kind of man she deserved.

  But it might just kill him to walk away from her.

  Will got three days and nights of watching her come back to herself, to life. He didn't leave her side. He made sure she ate, got her outside in the sun. He let her talk, let her cry. He slept in her bed at night and held her when she was scared, but nothing else.

  He was only now starting to truly calm down, to see and believe that she was going to be okay. But he still remembered her telling him not to come.

  How could she say that?

  She'd needed him. More than ever, and the idea that he wouldn't be there... No. It wasn't right.

  But he knew he had no right to force his way in here. If her father hadn't wanted Will here, he wouldn't be here. But her father had been scared enough to let Will in, to let him stay. And she had, too, once he'd barged in.

  Still, it wouldn't always be like that. He was just a man who'd saved her life once, who she'd let into her life, but she could change her mind about that at any time.

  Will was all caught up in her, his head full of her. He craved something as simple as having her hand in his, so he knew she was safe. If she was scared, he'd take care of her.

  How could he do without that?

  Late on that third day, she asked, "When do you have to leave?"

  "End of the week. At least, I'm supposed to, but I can try to get more time—"

  "No, Will. You always said you'd go eventually."

  Her voice was so calm as she said it, like she was resigned to it.

  "Amanda, I told you, anytime you ever need me, all you have to do is call, and I'll be here, swear to God."

  "No," she said.

  "I will. I know I wasn't here at first this time. I hated that I was so far away and how long it took me to get here." And the thought of leaving her now? He felt something very close to panic.

  "How does that work, Will? If I need you, you're there? If I have some kind of crisis or some little project that I think only you can help me with, you come running? But if I need something more... ordinary is not the word, but... If I want a man who's going to be here, as a part of my life... Not to save me, but to live his life with me... That's not you?"

  "No. I told you—"

  "I know. You did. I'm just trying to understand. I haven't asked before, because you've been so generous, so good to me. But I think this time... if you go this time, and things are the same between us, you have to stay away. I can't keep depending on you. I can't keep loving you the way I do... I love you, Will."

  He felt the word slice through him.

  Love.

  It was like it sliced him open completely, down to his heart, and that was laid open, too, and it went right inside.

  That word, love.

  Amanda loving him.

  She was already in there, he realized. She was in his heart, and now, she thought she wanted to fill his heart with something else, what she thought she felt for him. Something she called love.

  "You have to know I do. I haven't said it, because I knew you didn't want that from me. But I haven't tried to hide it."

  "Amanda, please don't—" He was drowning. His body was so heavy he couldn't move. What was she doing to him?

  "If you're never going to love me, I have to learn to live without you, and it needs to start now."

  "That's why you told me not to come?"

  "I don't know. I was just such a mess. I didn't want you to see me like that. I wanted you with me, but I also didn't. And now that I'm better, as much as I've needed you, Will, I know it's only going to get harder, the longer you stay with me. I just wish I understood, because you don't seem to want to leave me. Not now. Not from the very first. I remember now, being in the hospital in Africa with you, and it's hazy in parts, but you didn't want to go, even then, did you?"

  God, no.

  He hadn't.

  Chapter 25

  Djibouti, Africa

  January 17th

  Will laid his forehead on the mattress of her hospital bed, his hands over his head, her hand still in one of his, not wanting to let go of her. Then he closed his eyes and tried to block out all the ugly images in his head of what they'd done to her, how much they'd hurt her and how horrible the world was some days.

  He had to leave her, and he hated that. He should have been gone already. On two continents, people were screaming for him, but he'd ignored them all for her.

  She'd begged him to stay, a man she hadn't even known until a few hours ago, the only familiar thing in her world at the moment. He'd promised to try his best, but that wasn't enough.

  Looking down at her one more time, he wondered what she'd look like without so many bruises, abrasions, a swelling and blackened eye, tear tracks on her cheeks and her hair going every which way.

  What would she look like on a normal day?

  He doubted he'd ever find out.

  Will had seen a small photo of her on the screen of his phone, but that wasn't the same thing as seeing her in person. And he wasn't the kind of man who crossed paths with a woman like her, unless she was being held hostage in a foreign country or something like that.

  Will understood that. He just wanted to make sure she was safe for now. He wanted someone to promise him she'd never be hurt like this again, but he'd seen enough of the ugliness in the world to know that was impossible.

  Still, he wanted a damned guarantee, wanted to put her in some kind of protective bubble, with a nice, soft cushion between her and harsh reality. She deserved it.

  She seemed to be sleeping, mostly peacefully, because of whatever they'd given her. Which meant he wouldn't get to say goodbye to her. He hated that, too.

  Will didn't make promises to women. He never made promises he couldn't keep. But she had him breaking all sorts of his rules.

  She was lying on her side, her hands curled up on the pillow by her chin. He leaned over and let the side of his head rest on her bed so they were nearly nose-to-nose, and then he smoothed her hair back from her poor, bruised face.

  She made a sound like a little purr, so he kept stroking his hands through her hair.

  "Oh, baby. What are we gonna do with you?" he asked. "Someone has to take care of you, make sure you're never in a spot like this again. For a woman like you, that shouldn't be hard. Men would probably line up for the chance."

  He kissed her forehead softly. She did that little purring thing again.

  "I'll tell you a secret. If I could have you by being the toughest, meanest son of a bitch alive, you'd be mine."

  Yeah, right.

  "I'm dreaming, honey. I know it. I just wanted you to know how I hate like hell having to leave you right now. It took a direct order from a general and a full-blown threat from a deputy director of the CIA. That and a bunch more Americans still trapped in Buhkai."

  Nothing else could have done it. Nothing.

  "Your father's on his way. He'll be here as fast as a plane will get him here. Promise. And that nice nurse who's been taking care of you? She promised to stay with you until your father gets here. It's all I could do, Amanda. I'm so sorry. I hate to leave you like this, hate the idea of you waking up and thinking I walked out on you."

  He let the back of his hand, his thumb, stroke down the side of her face. Was it his imagination, or did she lean into that touch?

  "So, listen, I know this was an awful thing that happened to you, but you can put it behind you. I know you can. You're brave and strong, and you can do anything. Forget me, too. Forget all of this. Go back and live your life, be happy. You deserve that."

  He stood up then,
feeling a jumble of emotions he did not understand. This time with her seemed to have done something to him, something he didn't like, that didn't feel normal or comfortable.

  But he was about to do what he always did.

  Walk away.

  Especially from women. He'd never met a woman he couldn't walk away from, and it wasn't like Amanda was even remotely his. She was just a woman in trouble, one who had just lived through the worst day of her life, and he would forever be a man who reminded her of that day.

  So, yes. She had to forget him.

  He touched her cheek one more time. "I'll never forget you."

  And then he turned and walked away.

  Baxter, Ohio

  No, Will had never wanted to leave her.

  Who would ever want to leave a woman like her?

  "So, help me out, Will," she said. "Help me understand. If it's your work, all the time away, I wouldn't like it. I always want you here. But I get how important what you do is. I wouldn't be alive without you and what you do, so I'm not about to say you have to give that up for me. I'd take whatever time we had together, whatever you're willing to give me—"

  "It's not enough," he said.

  "And that's something you get to decide? I don't get a say in it at all? I think I should be able to say what I want. If all I get is a little time with you here and there, for as long as you're in the SEAL teams—"

  "No, I mean it's not just time," he admitted.

  "Okay. What is it? Tell me that. Because I think I remember waking up in the hospital in Germany, too, and I know my father was there. But sometimes I think you were there, that you came to find me in Germany. Did you do that?"

  "Yes. I did."

  Djibouti, Africa

  It was a hard four days before Will got back to the base hospital in Djibouti, but the last of the Americans were out and safe, and the embassy was closed.