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by Jenn Alexander

  She saw the photos of her friends’ cats, the colorful macaroons from the new bakeshop that had opened in the city, Hannah’s new tattoo, and photos of nature and green spaces (which Texas desperately lacked).

  Then she saw the photos of her friends at their favorite bar, and her good mood deflated, her heart sinking. Kris, Hannah, and Alycia were all smiling for photos together. Rowan wasn’t there. She was supposed to be in those photos with them.

  If it had been just the three of them, Rowan would still have felt like she was missing out, but there was a fourth woman in the photos— one she didn’t recognize— and as irrational as it may have been, she couldn’t help but look at the pictures and feel as though she had been replaced. The woman stood next to Alycia in one of the photos, with her arm around Alycia’s shoulder, both of them making silly faces for the camera. Rowan didn’t recognize the woman, and yet she had an obvious connection with Alycia.

  A lump formed in the back of Rowan’s throat, and she set her phone down, not wanting to see any more. Except the images still burned the backs of her eyelids.

  She got up and jumped back into the pool, feeling the shock of cold as it hit her sun-heated skin. But the tightness in her chest didn’t loosen, and she no longer felt light and relaxed, floating beneath the oak tree.

  She was in Texas, where the sun was actively trying to murder her, where Jesus billboards lined the interstate, where she might possibly be the only unarmed civilian . . .

  Where she felt trapped.

  ❊ ❊ ❊

  Kate was exhausted. She sat in the cafeteria of the rehabilitation hospital, sipping on coffee and staring out at nothing while she waited to feel energized. Work on the ranch was always busy, physical work, but that morning they’d had a calf birth that she’d had to oversee on top of the everyday work that needed to be done. All of which she had to cram into a shorter time frame than she would have liked, so that she could finish early and drive her dad to his rehab appointment.

  Which he was adamant she take no part in.

  So she sat in the cafeteria until she finished her cup of coffee.

  Once the cup was empty, and Kate was left to just stare into space, she glanced at her watch. Only about fifteen minutes were left in her dad’s appointment, so she figured she could make her way back to the physical therapy room and see how he was doing. She tossed her cardboard cup and then headed down the hall, hating the apprehension she felt.

  She was tired of feeling like a monster for trying to help.

  “I don’t give a damn what this is supposed to do for me.”

  Kate heard her dad’s voice, louder than usual, just before she stepped into the room.

  “Is it going to make my legs work?” Warren continued. “No? Then you can leave me alone.”

  She hung back as she entered the room. Her dad had his back to her, but she could see his arms were folded across his chest.

  As a physiotherapist, Diane must have heard it all because to her credit she did not appear bothered by the scolding. She stood there looking as patient and warm as ever.

  “Mr. Landreth—” Diane began.

  “No. I don’t need this garbage. It’s not doing anything for me. I’m not gonna get better. I want to be left alone.”

  “Daddy.” Kate stepped in and moved over toward her dad. “You know this is not about walking again. It’s about building the strength for you to move around in other ways. Diane is here to help you. Take a few deep breaths and try again in a few minutes.”

  Warren spun his chair to face her, and she saw the combination of anger and hurt in his hard gaze. “Damn it, Katie, I don’t want to take a few deep breaths. I don’t want to try again in a few minutes. I want to go home.”

  She had no idea whether she should back down or push harder. She had been raised to respect authority, but at the same time her dad needed rehabilitation and she wouldn’t be helping him if she didn’t push him at the times when he wasn’t able to push himself.

  “Daddy,” she said softly, kneeling in front of him. “I know you don’t want to do this. I know it’s hard and painful and tiring. But we’re almost done for the day. If we can get through fifteen more minutes of this, then we can go home to a cold beer and dinner. I’ll make your favorite chicken pot pie.”

  “It’s not we.”

  The words were spoken firmly with a hard edge Kate had never heard from her dad before.

  “What?”

  “You keep saying ‘we.’ We’re almost done. If we can get through fifteen more minutes. It’s not we; it’s me. I’m the only one in this chair. I say I’m done.”

  She took a step back, feeling the words hit her like a blow. The past couple of months had been hell for her dad, but they hadn’t exactly been easy for her.

  “I’m trying to help you,” she said. “I know you’re the only one in a wheelchair, but you’re not alone in this. We’re in this together.”

  “We’re not,” he snapped. “You have no idea what this is like. We’re not a team. This is not your burden. It’s mine, and only mine.”

  “It’s been a hard day.” Diane stepped forward, her voice thick with empathy. “We can call it here. You did a lot today, Mr. Landreth. I know sometimes progress doesn’t feel like progress, but you did good today.”

  Warren scoffed.

  Diane met Kate’s eyes as she continued. “This is a bad day. That’s all. Bad days happen.”

  Kate nodded and tried to believe her. The words didn’t make her dad’s anger any less hurtful. She was trying to be strong for the both of them, but that only seemed to make things worse.

  “We’ll see you in a few days,” she said to Diane and headed for her truck, her dad following behind her.

  The drive home was made in silence. She felt the tension in her jaw as she bit down to keep from verbalizing her anger. All of the extra work she’d done . . . her exhausting morning trying to run the ranch essentially on her own.

  “I oversaw the birth of a calf today,” she said, as they pulled up into the drive, unable to contain the words any longer. “I cleaned the horse stalls and rotated cattle. I booked an appointment for the farrier to change the shoes on the horses. I’m trying to keep everything together for us, but I need you to meet me halfway. I can’t do this all on my own. I need your help.”

  “I didn’t ask you to do this at all,” he said. “I don’t need your help. I didn’t want you to come here and keep the ranch running. I told you we should sell the livestock. Hell, even the ranch itself. We’d pay off all of my medical bills and I could move somewhere accessible, where I wouldn’t have to spend all day looking out at the life I used to have. It’s gone for me, Katie. If you want to keep it running, then that’s your choice, but don’t pretend you’re doin’ it for me.”

  Kate shook her head. He’s just hurt. She was certain he didn’t want to lose the ranch any more than she did. This place was their home. It was his dream. He’d never be able to do all the things he used to, but the wheelchair wasn’t a death sentence. Dean and Owen were helping to make the ranch more accessible, and he’d be able to start helping with the day-to-day operations. She could see it all so clearly. Why couldn’t he?

  She parked the truck and got her dad’s wheelchair out of the back.

  “Come on,” she said. “I’ll make dinner.”

  “Don’t,” he said. “I’m not hungry.”

  She swallowed the hurt and watched as her dad slid down into the wheelchair and wheeled himself toward the house.

  “Fine,” she said after him, too softly for him to hear.

  She didn’t go inside. She sat on the porch, trying to fight the tears that burned behind her eyelids.

  Eventually, she found herself pulling out her phone and hitting the call button.

  “Hey stranger.”

  At the sound of Rowan’s warm, friendly voice, she felt the tension melt away. “Hi you,” she said. “I know it’s a little last minute, but I was wondering if you wanted to grab some dinner
with me? I know a great taco place.”

  Kate could make her chicken pot pie another day. She didn’t feel like cooking, and she didn’t really want to stay in alone. She wanted to get out, be away from the ranch, and forget about all of it for one night.

  She waited for Rowan to answer, hope building within her, and when Rowan finally spoke, Kate heard the smile in her voice.

  “Tacos sound perfect.”

  Chapter Eight

  Rowan could tell she was going to like the place as soon as they parked next to the taqueria. Indie rock music played over the speakers, carrying out into the alley— a refreshing change from the country music that she had been hearing everywhere. The rich scent of grilled meats clung to the air, making her stomach water before she even stepped inside.

  “I used to come here when I was in school,” Kate said. “It was my go-to, post-class dinner spot. The food is fast, cheap, and delicious.”

  A winning combination if Rowan had ever heard one.

  They stepped inside, and she looked over the yellow menu board above the cashier. The place was hardly a traditional taqueria, offering a combination of Mexican- and Texan-inspired tacos: everything from tacos al pastor to fried chicken and beef brisket tacos, all at $2 apiece.

  “This place is legit,” Rowan said. “Chicken and nopales. I definitely haven’t seen tacos featuring cacti in Portland.” She’d seen cactus cooked on cooking shows before, but she’d never had the chance to try it for herself.

  “You might never eat tacos from a kit again after this.”

  Rowan nearly choked, and immediately began defending herself. “I haven’t had a taco from a kit since childhood. There’s no way I would eat anything so full of sodium. Why eat packaged crap like that when it is so easy to make tacos from scratch?”

  Kate answered with a bright, teasing smile that said her comment had hit its mark. Rowan felt her cheeks redden.

  “You were teasing me.”

  “I was teasing you.” The playfulness that creased the corners of Kate’s eyes tied Rowan’s stomach in knots.

  She had to break the gaze before she leaned in to kiss Kate right in the middle of the food line.

  “So what should I get?” she asked, looking back at the menu and forcing herself to focus on the task at hand.

  “Really, anything,” Kate said. “You can’t go wrong with any of the dishes.”

  “Helpful,” she said, rolling her eyes in Kate’s direction.

  Kate laughed. “I am, aren’t I?”

  Rowan settled on the fried chicken taco, the chicken and nopales taco, the ancho chile-marinated pork taco, and the grilled Baja shrimp taco: a diverse selection to get acquainted with the place.

  Graffiti-style wall art advertised that the place made the best margaritas in Fort Worth— “made with real tequila.”

  “I think I need to be the judge of this,” Rowan decided, and she ordered a prickly pear margarita to accompany her dinner.

  Kate laughed and ordered her food and margarita as well. They took a seat on the patio while they waited.

  The restaurant had a young, industrial feel to it. The patio was shaded with sheets of corrugated metal, and large overhead cage fans kept the area pleasantly cool. Garage doors served as windows, separating the patio and the main restaurant, and the concrete walls of the patio were adorned with bright monster murals.

  Rowan took a slow sip of her prickly pear margarita, closing her eyes and nodding. The sweetness of the prickly pear balanced perfectly against the tang of the lime and the salt rim. It was cold and refreshing, and without a doubt the best margarita she’d tried.

  Kate sat across from her and took a sip of her margarita as well; however, she stared out at the restaurant with a pensive gaze. Her brows were pulled ever so slightly together, leaving a faint crease across her forehead, and her eyes lacked their usual sparkle. She hadn’t sounded like her usual bright and happy self on the phone earlier either, and had seemed distracted on the drive over.

  “So,” Rowan began, trying to find a way to gently broach the subject, “what’s going on?”

  Kate looked back over at her with a small shrug and a smile. “Not too much.”

  Rowan, wasn’t convinced. She reached across the table and placed her hand on Kate’s to convey her genuine interest in whatever was bothering her. “Try again.”

  Kate let out a breath and met her eyes. Rowan could see her warring over what to say. Rowan got the impression Kate wasn’t used to opening up to others. She was strong and stoic, and usually the one that other people turned to. Rowan didn’t want to push her, but she gave Kate’s hand a squeeze and held her gaze.

  “It was a long day,” Kate said at last. “Therapy was rough. Daddy, I know it’s hard for him, but he’s kinda awful to be around right now. I know he doesn’t mean the things he says, it’s his anger talking, but he’s been mean to the people trying to help him. Nurses, home care . . .”

  “You,” Rowan finished.

  Kate let out a breath, as though happy to finally have that fact articulated, and she nodded. “He was snappy with me tonight when I tried to motivate him to get through his therapy session. He’s been short with people, myself included, since the accident, but tonight was the harshest he’s been. I’m trying to be optimistic and encourage him to keep going, but my optimism only frustrates him. What am I supposed to do? Just give up with him? He makes it sound like things have been great for me, and I don’t understand what he’s going through, but it hasn’t exactly been the easiest time for me, either. I spent nearly two months driving back and forth almost constantly between the ranch and the rehabilitation hospital. They’re a good hour’s drive apart. We don’t have to make the drive as often now, but I still have to drive him a few times a week for his therapy. I dropped out of school, I dropped everything to help him, to help us keep the ranch.”

  Rowan set down her drink and reached across the table to take Kate’s hands in hers.

  “Veterinary school was my dream,” Kate said. “It was impossibly hard to get in, and I had to drop out. I was able to withdraw from my classes without academic penalty, but I can’t imagine being able to go back. Not if I have to run the ranch at the same time. It may have been my dream, but I don’t want it at the cost of the ranch.”

  Kate sighed, the tension falling from her face, replaced with sadness. Then she shook her head, visibly pulling her armor back into place. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to complain. Today, well, today was a hard day. I just wish he’d appreciate the fact that he’s not the only one this is hard on.”

  Rowan squeezed Kate’s hands. “You don’t have to apologize for anything. I’m sorry that today was rough.”

  Kate met her gaze, and her armor fell away again. “Today has been the worst, sure, but it’s all been rough. I feel like I’m alone in this.”

  “For what it’s worth,” Rowan said, “I’m here. Anytime you need to talk.”

  “Thank you.” Gratitude filled Kate’s eyes. Then she surprised Rowan by adding, “I’m trying to keep it all together. But it’s a lot.”

  Rowan nodded, though she could only imagine how hard Kate’s situation was, trying to take care of her dad and the ranch all at the same time.

  “Rowan,” the voice boomed over the loudspeaker. “Your tacos are ready.”

  She got up and went inside to the counter, where she picked up the metal tray with tacos for both her and Kate. They looked and smelled amazing. Rowan eyed Kate’s order, not entirely sure she wanted to share the tacos.

  “These tacos will make things a little better,” she said, setting the tray on the middle of the table. “I can almost guarantee it.”

  “Thank you,” Kate said. “I really needed this.”

  “I think I should be thanking you. This was your idea. And a brilliant one at that.”

  This time, Kate’s smile brightened, and Rowan was relieved to see the warmth return to the summer green of her eyes.

  Rowan looked down at her food, debating
for a minute about where to start before picking up her ancho-marinated pork taco. A lime wedge sat next to each taco. Rowan squeezed the lime over the top and then took a bite and moaned. The ancho chile offered a kick of heat, but it was balanced perfectly with the sweetness of the pineapple salsa and the tang of the lime.

  “This is heaven.”

  “Right?” Kate asked around a mouthful of brisket taco.

  “I will defer to you for all of my dining choices from now on. It seems you’re a bit of an expert.”

  Kate laughed. “Hardly. I just hate cooking and ate out a lot when I was living in the city for school.”

  “Wait a minute.” Rowan held up a hand. “You hate cooking?”

  Kate looked up at Rowan from under her eyelashes. “Guilty.”

  Rowan shook her head. “We’re going to need to fix that.”

  “Oh, we are, are we?” Kate raised an eyebrow in a decidedly sexy look.

  Rowan nodded. “You made me get on a horse, so yeah, now you get to try cooking with me.”

  Kate scrunched up her nose. “Fine.”

  “I promise, I’ll make it worth your while,” Rowan said.

  Kate held her gaze. “Is that so?”

  She nodded. “Definitely. I’ll make sure it’s a very enjoyable cooking experience.”

  Color rose to Kate’s cheeks, and she took a long drink of her margarita.

  Rowan picked up her fried chicken taco and was as impressed with it as she had been with her pork taco. Fried chicken and coleslaw in a taco. She’d never considered the combination before, but as she bit in she wondered why not. It made perfect sense.

  “This is the kind of place my friends back home would love,” Rowan said. “Alycia and Kris and Hannah. Going out and trying new foods is our Friday night thing. This would be the type of place that would become a regular in the rotation. In fact, there’s a taco truck we go to pretty regularly. It doesn’t have quite as many options as here, and they’re definitely not choices as diverse, but they do an amazing steak and poblano taco.”