“Nice to meet you. I’m Adam Harper. These rude assholes are Abe and Luke. Have a seat. James, my man, it’s good to see you again. We’d be happy to have y’all join us in a game, wouldn’t we?” Adam turned to them and gave them a look I wouldn’t want to be on the other end of.
Abe nodded. “Sure, of course. Nice to meet you.”
His tone indicated the opposite, but I understood. I needed to earn it after a year of biting off people’s heads and being a selfish bastard.
“Hey, I’m going to get another drink. You two want anything?” Luke offered, standing and collecting his empty beer bottle.
“Yeah, whatever you’re drinking would be great. Thanks.” I sat down as James pulled over an extra seat.
Adam reshuffled the deck of cards and began dealing. “The game’s seven card stud, gentleman. Aces high, nothing wild. Have you ever played, Max?”
I picked up the cards he dealt me, noting that I already had a small straight. “Once or twice. It’s been a while though.”
I worked to keep the smirk off my face. Ever since I was an undergrad, cards were always something that came naturally to me. I enjoyed the camaraderie of the game, and I used the extra money to pay for my books and school. I paid for Grace’s wedding ring with my winnings when we were dating.
I took a long swig of my beer while I considered my next bet. “So, Adam, how long have you been a Patronus?”
He placed two cards down and picked up to more from the deck. “Just about twenty years. I was a lieutenant in the Confederate Army. Died in the War of Northern Aggression. Damn Yankees took out my whole unit. Been here ever since. How ‘bout you? How’d you kick the bucket?”
My fingers tightened around the cards, bending them. He had no way of knowing this was a sore spot, and I knew I shouldn’t be irritated. But right now I wanted to hit something. Luckily, James intervened.
“Adam, I hear you’re seeing someone nowadays. The lovely Teresa Cross if I’m not mistaken? How’s that going?”
Abe chuckled, obviously in on this joke already, and Adam shifted nervously in his seat. “We went on a few dates. She’s a great girl and all, but I’m pretty sure her interests lie elsewhere.”
Luke snorted. “That’s one way to put it. What was it that she told you? That she’d rather join a convent than go on another date with you?”
“And what was it that she called you?” Abe added. “A gorilla or something?”
Adam’s face turned bright red at their ribbing, but then he sighed. “A baboon’s ass, I believe.”
I almost spit out my beer laughing so hard. “What did you do to make her so mad?”
A smile edged onto the corner of Adam’s mouth. “I have no idea. I was a perfect gentleman. I opened doors, I held out her chair, I even offered her my arm as we walked. I thought the date went wonderfully.”
“Tell them where you took her,” James cut in, a hint of a smile on his face.
“Well, I asked her to make dinner, and then I took her to the firing range.” Everyone laughed again, and Adam looked perplexed. “What?”
“Dude, you made her cook dinner when you’re the one who asked her out?” He couldn’t be serious. He must have been playing a joke. No one was that stupid.
“Yeah, I heard she’s a great cook. What’s wrong with that?”
“And then you took her to a firing range? To shoot?”
“Well, what else would we do at a firing range?”
I shook my head at him. He’d never get a date again. He was completely oblivious as to why this wasn’t a great idea. I had just met him though, so I didn’t feel comfortable telling him my opinion.
He stood up to refill his now empty mug and shrugged. “It’s okay. She was a little prissy for my tastes anyway. And when I was out training at the obstacle course the other day, I spotted this pretty redhead who kept smiling at me. I think I’m gonna introduce myself next time I see her.”
“Oh, I’m sure she’ll love your romantic weapons training, Adam. You should go for it!” Abe teased, getting a high five from Luke.
“All right. Enough from the peanut gallery already. I don’t see girls lined up to date your sorry asses either, so let’s just get back to the cards.” Adam flipped his cards over. “Full house, read ‘em and weep, boys.”
We threw our cards down on the pile as Adam scooped up his winnings. I glanced over at James, who nodded in approval. Maybe I could do this, make friends and have fun every once in a while. I was a little shocked myself that I was still able to smile and laugh. Maybe this was exactly what I needed.
Chapter Two
We continued to play for another hour until Adam stopped suddenly in the middle of dealing a new hand. His mouth was agape and his eyes wide, so we all turned to see what he was staring at. A group of four girls had come into the Commons and were setting up to play darts a few feet away. In the center stood a petite and very pretty girl with strawberry blonde hair that cascaded down her back in shimmering waves. She glanced over in our direction nonchalantly a few times before turning and giggling with her friends. This must be the girl Adam was talking about.
“Hey, Adam,” James whispered. “You might want to pick your jaw up off the floor before you scare that poor girl.”
Adam closed his mouth but didn’t turn away. He was mesmerized by her, and I could see why. She was pretty, but there was playful mischief in her eyes. Where some girls would bat their eyelashes or smile coyly before turning away and blushing at the attention he gave her, this girl winked at him in invitation.
“Do you know her, James?”
“I’ve seen her once or twice. She’s been training with Elizabeth to be a Guide. I think her name is Cassie.”
“She must be pretty tough if she’s doing Guide training with Elizabeth. The dropout rate for that program is over fifty percent. I like her even more now.” Adam stood, running his hands through his hair and smoothing his shirt down before moving. “If y’all excuse me, I’m gonna go introduce myself.”
“Good luck, you’ll need it,” Abe teased.
“No, seriously, don’t bring up guns or military tactics until at least the third date,” Luke added with a wink.
Adam turned his back so the girl wouldn’t see the rude gesture he gave each of the guys and then stepped toward her, letting out a nervous breath as he went. We watched like depraved voyeurs as he approached. The three other girls she was with departed to give them some space and allow them to talk. They were too far to make out the conversation, but she was smiling and at one point, she laughed heartily and placed her hand on his arm.
“Must be going well, she hasn’t slapped him yet,” James noted. I nodded, but didn’t respond, becoming lost in my memories of when I first met Grace. That must not have been good enough for James. He leaned closer toward me and whispered, “Everyone is deserving of second chances, Max. And being happy does not mean you love them any less.”
I stared down at my cards before tossing them on the table. “Sorry, James, but that part of my life is over. I’ll never date again. Or love again. I don’t even want to. I’ll stop looking in the book like I promised. Hell, I’ll even make friends and get out more. But don’t ask me to move on with another woman. It’s never going to happen.”
*****
Six months passed with no news of Nathanial. James promised he was looking into it, but cutting through the red tape was proving to be more of an obstacle than either of us expected. The angels in charge of overseeing our realm believed that if they granted this request, it would set an unwelcomed precedent and all Patroni would request follow-ups about the loved ones they left behind. I understood their hesitation, but still held out hope that they’d see that my situation wasn’t like most others and they’d grant my request.
After another tedious day of standing around watching spirits play shuffleboard while I stood watch on a set of realm doors, I headed to the cafeteria to grab some food to go. I knew I should sit and eat with Adam or the guys, but I h
onestly just wanted to be alone. I didn’t have the energy to put on a happy face tonight.
“There you are.” James sauntered up to me as I piled shrimp fried rice and eggrolls into a to-go container.
“Here I am.” I didn’t bother with small talk. James knew me well enough to not expect it.
“I need to talk to you. I—”
“Have you found him?”
“No, but I—”
“Then, I’d rather be alone tonight. I’m tired. I just want to eat and go to sleep.”
“First, stop cutting me off. Second, I don’t care if you just ran a marathon. I need you to come with me. It’s not optional.”
“But—”
James held his hand up and glared at me. “Quit cutting me off! Now, as I was trying to say, I have to talk to you. Finish your dinner, I’ll meet you back here in thirty minutes. And don’t try to weasel out of this.”
I took a bite of eggroll to keep from saying the choice words inching their way forward in my mouth and turned away from him to find a seat. As I shoveled food down, Adam sat down next to me.
“Hey, buddy. What’s goin’ on? Haven’t seen you in a while. You’re not hiding out in your apartment still, are you?”
I took a long sip of iced tea before answering. “No, just been busy. It’s good to see you.” I didn’t provide any follow-up questions; I didn’t have the patience for it right now.
“So… you still living alone? They haven’t assigned you a roommate for that second bedroom yet?” Adam fiddled with his napkin and kept his eyes down. He was nervous, but I wasn’t sure where he was going with this.
“Yeah, I still have my own place. Why?”
He finally looked up at me, and damn if he didn’t look hopeful and nervous at the same time. This couldn’t be good. “You know I room with Abe now, right? Well, he’s getting transferred. He got accepted for a position with the Retrieval team, and I got notice today that they’re going to remodel my whole building and we have thirty days to make new arrangements. It’s not a problem for most, I mean, it’s the oldest Dwelling on the realm and the only one yet to be renovated. Most of the people who lived there have one by one gotten promotions and left. There are only about twelve of us left. Well anyway, I remembered you had an empty room and I was wondering if you’d mind me bunking with you.”
Shit.
Shit. Shit. Shit. How was I going to get out of this? I liked living alone. I savored the quiet and had no desire to get a roommate. But if James heard I turned him down, he’d be on my ass about socializing and living a normal life again. Like that would happen. And Adam was looking at me with such desperation. We’d only hung out a handful of times since I’d met him. He must be pretty hard up if he was coming to me. No doubt he’d already exhausted his other options.
“Fine. All right. I’ll clear the room out this week. You can move in Friday.” I tried to take the bite out of my tone, but I was sure he heard it anyway.
Adam clapped me on the back and stood. “Thanks, man. I promise, I’ll be as quiet as a church mouse. You won’t even know I’m there. You don’t mind if I bring my drum set, right?” My eyes widened with horror. “Kidding!”
He turned and left before I could tell him I’d changed my mind. Great. This day had gone from bad to worse.
*****
James found me a few minutes later. I’d given up on eating; since my appetite had left with Adam, I’d gone outside to sit on a secluded wooden bench on the outskirts of the Dwelling units. I swear, at this rate I’ll never have a moment alone again, I thought, rubbing my eyes.
“Ready to go?” James didn’t even slow down, he simply motioned for me to join him and kept walking.
I stood and hurried my pace to catch up with him. “Where exactly are we going?”
“To see a friend.”
“I don’t have any friends.”
“He’s my friend. Trust me, he won’t like you.”
The corner of my mouth turned up in amusement as we rounded the corner and came to a realm transfer door. “If he won’t like me, why are you taking me to see him?”
“I think it’ll be good for you. And he may be able to help.”
That was all I needed to hear. “Then let’s go.”
I leaned forward and grabbed the handle of the door, ready to jump in, consequences be damned.
“Not so fast,” James warned, grabbing my arm and pulling me back. “There are a few things I should warn you about first.”
“And what’s that?” I didn’t care if he told me we were going to see a one-eyed goat with a speech impediment. If they could help get me the information on Nathanial, I would do what it took.
“Marco can be…how can I put this? Surly. He isn’t a fan of Patroni and thinks we’re beneath him. Not to mention that he can read minds and will use anything and everything against you.”
I narrowed my eyes. “I thought you said this guy was a friend.”
“Let’s just say I’ve grown on him. We’ve done a few missions together, and he no longer wants to wipe me off the bottom of his shoe. That’s the closest he gets to ‘friends.’”
“So what makes you so sure this guy can help? He sounds like a prick. Why would he go out on a limb for me?”
“I think you two have a lot in common, and I have a feeling you’re going to get along smashingly. Just don’t do that.” He pointed at my face.
“Do what?”
“That. Where you think no one realizes you’re cursing us out in your head.”
Shit, he knew about that? Did everyone know about that? “Got it. I’ll all be sunshine and lollipops.”
James snorted. “Just let me do the talking. And try not to be an ass.”
I smiled so wide me cheeks hurt. “This better?”
James turned away, shaking his head slowly. “By the end of today, we’ll either have our answers, or Marco will have killed you. Either way, I pray I never see that creepy smile again.”
Chapter Three
I stood next to James, holding out my hand as the awkward little man waltzed toward us. “Nice to meet you, Marco. I’m Max Kensington. James here has told me a lot about you.” I widened my smile and made a conscious effort to keep my thoughts neutral.
Marco didn’t shake my hand. Instead he ignored me completely and turned toward James. “It’s good to see you again, James. Tell me, why have you brought him? I don’t like him. Ahh, I see. Well, I probably could help you, but I don’t want to. No, I won’t ‘just give him a chance.’ I don’t care who he is, I think he needs to learn some manners.”
“Hey!” I tried to defend myself, but it was a little hard to follow the one-sided conversation between Marco and James’ head. I needed to get in front of this before my one shot was blown without me even presenting my case.
“Excuse me, Marco? Listen, I’m sorry if I offended you. It was not intentional.”
“You’re a selfish prick,” he stated matter-of-factly, crossing his arms over his chest.
I took a step back, shocked at his brazen words. Who did this guy think he was? My muscles tightened and hands fisted at my sides. It took a lot of effort not to knock this guy’s teeth out. I easily had a hundred pounds on him and could knock him out with one swift punch. He didn’t even give me a chance before passing judgment like some holier-than-thou asshole. This was pointless. I wasn’t going to stay here and listen to this. I turned on my heel and headed back to the realm door.
“Don’t you at least want to know why I think you’re a selfish prick?” the angel asked again. I could practically hear the smirk on his face.
I didn’t even bother turning around. “I really don’t care what you think.”
“You should.”
He won. I whipped my body around and stood over him. I was almost a foot and a half taller than him, but he showed no sign of being intimidated. I growled as I spoke. “And why is that? Huh? Because you can read my thoughts, that somehow makes you better than me? Or just because you’re an an
gel you’re superior? Screw you, buddy. I didn’t come here to get a lecture.”
“No, you came here to check on the living, which is completely selfish. Do we need to sit you down and have the ‘everybody dies’ talk?”
“Marco…” James admonished.
I kept the scowl on my face, but he didn’t say anything or make another move to leave. “I know everybody dies, it’s just—”
“It’s just that you think you’re somehow special and that your loved ones are more important than everyone else’s.”
“A year is not long enough to turn off the need to protect my child. I don’t think any amount of time would be. Sorry, but I make no apologies for that.”
“Others have lost children. You’re not the first and you won’t be the last. But somehow you think you’re more justified in your behavior.”
“I don’t think that.”
“Yes, you do. Or you wouldn’t be here. Have you ever asked James what happened to his family after he died? Or your friend Adam? Did you know that he had two brothers in the war with him, and they both had to watch him die without being able to bring his body home to their mother to bury? Do you know what that did to her? She died of grief not five months later. When’s the last time you asked anyone else how they were coping? You half-ass your job most of the time because you’re so wrapped up in brooding. Here, look at this.”
Marco touched my forehead, and a flood of scenes flew through my vision. They were scenes of my life as a Patronus, but none from my point of view. They were from others, how they saw me. How I really looked. What I’d really become.
And it horrified me.
Through Marco’s vision, I saw the permanent scowl that resided on my face, the angry look in my eyes that made me unapproachable to so many. One scene in particular stood out, because in my own mind, it happened so much differently. It had happened about a month before. A young Patronus, no more than seventeen when she died, approached me in the commons. In my own recollection, she was being flirty, and I told her I wasn’t interested. The memory from Marco’s perspective wasn’t even close.
Atone (The Patronus: #2.5) Page 2