Memory: Volume 3, How Far We Have Come, A Tale of Pride and Prejudice (Memory: A Tale of Pride and Prejudice)

by Wells, Linda

  “Angel?” Bingley stopped and stared. “Miss Martin? No … I … I have never thought of her as an angel.”

  “How have you thought of her, then?” Darcy asked softly.

  “A woman.” His breathing hitched and he licked his lips. “A beautiful woman.” His eyes grew wide as Elizabeth’s sparkled at him. “I have never spoken of any girl I first met as anything other than an angel before, even you.” His face coloured when he felt the steel of Darcy’s gaze on him. “Darcy you heard my description when I first described her to you, do not glare at me so.” He turned back to Elizabeth. “Please let me say that I meant when I first saw you, that is what I thought, since then I have come to …”

  “Respect me.”

  “Yes.” His face reflected his wonder at that realization. Elizabeth noted it with great appreciation, then watched his face fall. “But I cannot care for her.”

  “Why not?” Darcy watched him struggling. “She was a perfectly lovely young woman, educated, sensible, friendly, undoubtedly well-dowered …”

  “But not a gentlewoman.” He sighed.

  Darcy’s expression instantly reflected his understanding while Elizabeth’s remained confused. “Bingley, please do not allow presumed demands of your father to stop you from making whatever choice you desire in a wife. Remember all that I had to overcome to accept Elizabeth. You were with me, you saw it.” He looked at her sadly. “I was a tortured soul, and it hurt us, love.”

  “Oh Will, this was addressed long ago.” She touched his face and he kissed her hand before turning back to Bingley.

  “She indicated interest in you, did she not?”

  “Yes, before I behaved like an absolute arse.” He kicked himself again. “I do not know that I can go against my father’s desires, Darcy.”

  Darcy thought for a moment. “I am not saying that you should, I only suggest that you keep your mind open, not necessarily for Miss Martin, but for any good woman. I believe that your father was more concerned with you purchasing an estate and becoming a gentleman; you are on the cusp of leasing Netherfield. You will then be a landed gentleman, not just a tradesman’s son with a Cambridge education. After that there will be no reason to worry over the bloodline of your wife. Not for you. You are starting at the bottom, Bingley. There is no history to disgrace. I suggest that you accept that you made an error with Miss Martin, and that instead of berating yourself forever for what may have been, concentrate on this Season making the friendships and associations that will serve you for the rest of your life, and this autumn put your efforts into Netherfield, learning how to be a good host, a good neighbour, and a gentleman. You have learned a valuable lesson by Miss Martin, and you may be grateful for what she has done to make you mature.”

  “I did tell her that I held no animosity towards her.” He said softly.

  “Then the matter is closed.” Darcy looked to Elizabeth who was clearly having other thoughts, but he continued with his line of encouragement. “Your relationship with Mr. Martin will be more formal from now on, but you never really dealt with him in any case. If you give up your interests in the mills, it will not matter.”

  “Yes.” Bingley looked up from the floor. “Thank you for your tolerance. I promise to never take your kindness for granted again.”

  “You never did.”

  Elizabeth stood and walked over to him, and squeezed his hand. “And I promise not to tease you too much.”

  “Oh, please do not give that up.” He laughed and at last relaxed, taking Darcy’s outstretched hand and shaking it with relief. “Thank you for being my friends.”

  “I would not give up your friendship for anything, Charles.” Darcy assured him.

  “Thank you, Fitzwilliam.”

  “Now, I suggest that we return to the ballroom and rescue poor Captain de Bourgh from our sisters.” Elizabeth’s eyes sparkled. “Perhaps you might dance with Kitty? I noticed that she sighed when you entered the room.” She laughed when Bingley groaned.

  “No matchmaking, Elizabeth.” Darcy said pointedly.

  “Of course not.” She drew herself up. “I would not think of it!” Taking Darcy’s arm, he looked at her with raised brows, but she simply smiled. When he leaned his head down to her, she whispered, “Do you think he will take your advice?”

  “I told him to move on.”

  “You told him that she was worth pursuing.” Elizabeth heard his soft laugh. “You wish him to suffer a little?”

  “Perhaps. A touch of revenge for taking your attention away from me.” Darcy saw her expression change and laughed. “You see, I do have a sense of humour, just a more mature one than our friend.” He glanced behind them to see Bingley lost in thought. “Besides that, I want him to make his own decisions.”

  They arrived in the ballroom to see Mary and de Bourgh moving smoothly together. “They have improved.” Elizabeth observed, and meeting his gaze, whispered, “So have we.”

  “WHERE ARE YOU OFF to Mrs. Lucas?” Lucas called and came galloping across the field to catch up with Jane.

  “Longbourn, Mr. Lucas.” She smiled at him and squealed when he reached down and pulled her up to sit before him. The horse moved unsteadily and she held on tightly to his waist. Lucas laughed and looked down to check on her. “Comfortable?”

  “No!” Jane cried and held on tighter. “Oh I need a saddle to do this!”

  “I will not gallop, my dear.” He nudged his pony and they began a gentle walk along the well-trod path to Longbourn. “How could I let you walk? This is an opportunity that should not be missed.”

  Jane sat up and made herself as comfortable as she could. “You just like to have your waist grasped firmly.”

  “That is not the only thing that I like you to grasp firmly, Mrs. Lucas.” He smiled to see her blushing and laughed. “Ah the warmer weather is approaching, and that means that we will be free of that house again.”

  “You speak of it as if it were a prison!”

  “So it is.” He growled. “We enjoy more privacy at Longbourn. Perhaps we might visit your old rooms?” He said hopefully.

  “Robert!”

  “Oh Jane, my brothers are driving me mad! It is terrible and a mark against my character, but I will be glad to see them apprenticed this autumn. In the meantime, the weather will warm, and you and I will take advantage of many long walks.” He smiled when she kissed his ear. “I knew that you would agree.”

  “I do.” She said softly and hugged him. “Longbourn will not be so quiet in a few days. Lydia will be home for Easter.”

  “So she will.” Lucas said softly. “What do you think of that letter she sent?”

  “I am not sure, it was very emotional for her.” Jane rested her head on his back. “That is why I wished to visit Longbourn, to speak to Papa about it. Perhaps he received one as well.”

  “What of Elizabeth? Or your other sisters?”

  “Lizzy sent me a note by Fitzwilliam’s messenger this morning. She did not have time to write too much, they were leaving for Rosings, but in yesterday’s post she received a letter from Lydia that said she was sorry for not responding to her numerous notes, and that it was almost too late to respond to them now, but from this point on she would set a goal of doing so. She also told her that she was sorry for ever treating her or Fitzwilliam without respect. Lizzy asked if I knew what had happened and if anyone had slipped some sort of happy herb in her tea.”

  Lucas chuckled and then outright laughed. “I can well-imagine that statement being spoken by Elizabeth, and I admit, I would not have objected to finding just such an appropriate concoction.” He felt an ineffective pinch to his waist and laughed again. “Do not deny your desire for the same.”

  “No.” Jane sighed and closed her eyes. “My letter was much more forthcoming.”

  “Oh?” He looked at Longbourn looming in the distance and stopped the horse. “What did she say?”

  “You know that she wrote of her friend running off with a soldier and disappearing, and meetin
g her sisters.” He nodded and Jane sighed. “Since then, she has begun to think of the consequences that our family might have faced in the light of such an action on her part. She admits to having contemplated such a thing. Oh Robert, what a horrible thought!”

  “So this girl’s mistake has opened Lydia’s eyes to her own behaviour?”

  “I suppose. Something made her pick up her pen. I sense though that she has been ostracized by the other girls and is feeling very alone. In a roundabout way she seems to ask me for advice.”

  “Why you? Because you are the oldest?”

  “No.” Jane sighed. “Because I am beautiful.” Lucas said nothing. “Because Mama praised me as she did Lydia.”

  “And ignored the other girls.” He murmured.

  “So we are the most alike.”

  “And she sees the damage that your mother caused?”

  “No, I do not believe that she sees that yet, nor does she understand our father’s neglect, but I think that she is beginning to put some pieces together and I am to be the one who explains it all to her.” Jane sighed. “It means that I must tell her of my own bad behaviour towards Lizzy, and my subsequent apologies, as well as the difficult road to reconciliation.”

  “That humanizes you, my dear.” Lucas bent his head to look at her. “If she knows nothing of your mistakes, then she would idolize you as perfect, as she did with this girl who ran away and then shattered her image of what was good or exciting. Your mother praised you as she did Lydia, to have you tell her your faults will allow her to hopefully admit and overcome her own.” She pulled up on his shoulders to kiss him and he smiled. “I love you imperfect and impure. That is so much better to admire than some goddess on a pedestal.”

  “A slightly tarnished angel.” She laughed.

  “Hmm, well we agreed that you are no angel, my dear Jane.” He kicked the horse and they rode on into Longbourn’s garden.

  “That is true. Angels do not have babies do they?”

  Lucas chuckled. “No, I recall no stories of …” He stopped the horse and stared. “What did you say?” Jane simply smiled and Lucas’s eyes grew wide. “Jane?”

  She pressed her fingers to his lips. “Shhh. No, I am not with child.”

  “Then what …”

  “It seems that the carriage is gone. Perhaps the house is empty.” She watched as a slow smile crept across his face. “Perhaps we will need to pass some time while we wait for my parents to return from their business.” Lucas laughed. “It was a thought.”

  He jumped down from the horse and helped her to slide down its flank and into his arms. A boy ran up to take the animal and he lifted his chin. “Are the Bennets home?”

  “Mrs. Bennet is out, sir, but Mr. Bennet is home.” He walked off with the horse and they turned to sigh at each other.

  “It was an excellent thought, my dear.” He kissed her softly. “Keep having them.”

  10 APRIL 1811

  One year ago today our dear Rosalie was born. I can hardly believe it is true, she is such a part of our lives that I can only think now of time as that before and after she entered our world. It is a demarcation point, not one that marks the day that my heart started beating; that was and will always be the day that I saw my love. Rosalie’s birth instead marks the day when my heart grew, full of love and pride. My flesh barely contained the joy that I felt to hold that tiny screaming being in my hands. She fit there so perfectly, blinking at me, dependent on me. The awesome responsibility that I barely comprehended moments before my dearest love was freed from the torment of birthing her, hit me like a cannon ball fired straight at my chest. I am grateful for my dear daughter’s life, her health, her joyous babbling and infinite curiosity. Through her I will see my Elizabeth as she grew. They are so much alike already. I love you my darling little girl.

  Elizabeth smiled and wiped her eyes. From the sitting room she could hear Darcy and Rosalie laughing, some game was afoot and she wished to hurry her entry so she could join them.

  10 April 1811

  One year ago today, our dear Rosalie was born. I remember distinctly begging my Fitzwilliam to take me to the tree. I needed to be there, I needed to feel the surety that special place gives me. I needed to see the evidence that my memory would live on for countless years in the precious tree that he planted in my honour. I knew that she was coming, love. I knew that she was to be born that day. I had known it for hours but did not say a word. Perhaps I was denying it because we were both so frightened. Perhaps if I did not say anything, the fear that I would die and you would be left alone would not surface. Oh Fitzwilliam, how many months did I spend alone worrying over you? I know that you do not wish to speak of it, I know that you have no desire to revisit that fear and that you prefer to focus on the glorious little girl who has invaded our hearts and souls. I understand, but today I not only wish to celebrate this first year of our dear baby’s life, but also the year of joy you have given to me.

  From the depths of our fears was born an even deeper love than any around us can comprehend. Our facing and surviving Rosalie’s birth that day one year ago gave us the strength and determination that has helped us to survive so many experiences since. We were alone, by our tree, bringing our child into the world. It was nobody but us. Our friends and family are unquestionably precious to us, but at that moment it was you and I, the centre of our family, our home, our love. You and I became that day so very strong. Do I make sense, my Fitzwilliam? I am often nonsensical when I am trying to be serious, it is not in my nature, I suppose. Just know that I love you, and I love our baby girl. And I love that you were the one who lifted her up to my eyes and showed me who we had created together.

  Wiping her eyes again, she tried to calm herself and failed, finally succumbing to her tears. Stop this, Lizzy! Adams came into the room and stopped dead.

  “Mrs. Darcy?” He said softly.

  She sat up and found that he was offering her a dry handkerchief, one she had embroidered with Darcy’s initials. “Thank you.”

  “May I get you …”

  “No, thank you, I am well.” She drew a breath and smiled. “Is everything prepared?”

  “Yes, madam, I was just going to let you know that all is in order, and we may leave at any time.”

  “Good.” She stood and he stepped back. “How do I look?”

  He looked her over critically and nodded. “Perhaps a little tired, that is all. Your eyes are not too red.”

  He bowed and left, and she went to the doorway just in time to see Darcy covering Rosalie with a cloth and whipping it off of her with a laugh as she clapped and squealed. “More?” He grinned and covered her again. This time Rosalie was so overcome with giggles that she tipped over. Darcy looked up to see Elizabeth standing in the doorway with her arms folded. He picked up Rosalie and whispered. “Oh dear, what will we do? Your mama is displeased.”

  “Who said that I was displeased?” Elizabeth smiled and walked into the room.

  “Mama!” Rosalie struggled out of Darcy’s grasp and reached for her.

  “I love you, too dear.” She sat beside him and held Rosalie. When she looked up to him his brow creased. “I can hide nothing from you.”

  “No, so why even try?” He kissed her and kissed Rosalie’s head, then wrapped his arm around her. “Happy tears?”

  “Yes.”

  “I was thinking of how scared we were at this time a year ago.” He whispered in her ear. “And how much we have grown.” Darcy kissed Elizabeth gently. “I wish that I could put it into words, but I am afraid that I would fail terribly. Just know that I love our baby, but without loving you I would be a lost soul.” Seeing her eyes well up he chuckled. “A sentimental day, I think. Perhaps I should read your journal?” Elizabeth nodded and he kissed her again. “I will do that, and thank you.”

  “You do not know what is written.” She laughed and wiped her eyes.

  “I think that I do.” He closed his eyes and felt Elizabeth stroking his hair while Rosalie settl
ed her face on her shoulder. “I am not looking forward to this trip.”

  “I know.” She continued to caress his hair. “Your last visit to Rosings was very painful.”

  “I am hoping that the atmosphere has changed significantly with the new occupants, but I do not anticipate seeing my aunt again. I am willing to tolerate, but reconciliation is not desired.” His eyes opened to find her loving gaze. “Does that make sense?”

  “Of course it does. Look at me and my mother.” She smiled when he sighed. “I am unquestionably curious to meet Lady Catherine.”

  “If she says one word against you I will not hesitate to express my displeasure. That is if she acknowledges you at all.” He smiled when her brows rose. “You are going to make her acknowledge you.”

  “I will be myself, and I will not change to suit her.” She looked at her daughter and smiled. “Such a gift you have for your first birthday! A trip to visit your namesake!”

  “Rosalie was not named after Rosings.” Darcy laughed and rubbed her back.

  “No, but shall we lay a friendly wager that Lady Catherine draws that conclusion at some point during our visit?” Elizabeth tilted her head and offered playfully, “You name the stakes.”

  “Ohhhhh.” His smile grew and he studied her. “I say that she will not be that ridiculous, and if I win … you will indulge a fond dream of mine at the earliest convenience.”

  “What dream?” Elizabeth demanded and he shook his head. “Well in that case I demand the same.”

  “What is your dream?” Darcy leaned forward and tenderly licked her lips before kissing her. “May we indulge it even if I win?”

  “You may not like it.” Elizabeth whispered against his mouth as she kissed him in return. “It may be something terribly embarrassing.”

  “It may be something wickedly sensual, too.” Darcy caressed her mouth and drew her into his arms. Nibbling his way up her throat, he murmured in her ear, “If there was no sleeping babe in your arms, I would be far more persuasive in my inquiry.”

  Elizabeth slipped a hand off of Rosalie, onto his thigh, and up between his legs. “If there was no sleeping babe in my arms, I would undoubtedly know your dream by now.” Darcy looked down and closed his eyes. “Or am I holding your dream in the palm of my hand?”