It might explain the outrageous behavior of so many athletes who completely lose control of their emotions during competition. In the 2009, for example, U.S Open, women’s tennis star Serena Williams lost control of her emotions on the way to losing the semi-final match with Kim Clijsters, the eventual overall champion. After the first set, Serena had received a warning and a fine for smashing her racquet. Towards the end of the match, she was called by the line-judge for a foot fault on her serve. This moved her to within one point of losing the match. Although she is a very talented player and might have worked her way out of this desperate situation, she instead stepped toward the official with racquet raised and reportedly screaming, “I swear to God I’m [expletive] going to take this [expletive] ball and shove it down your [expletive] throat, you hear that? I swear to God.” The line-judge was called over to the chair umpire to report what was going on. The line-judge then returned to her seat, and Serena pointed and began walking toward her. The line-judge then headed back towards the chair umpire. Tournament referee Brian Earley walked onto the court at the same time assess the situation. He could be heard asking the line-judge what Serena said. Serena then walked over to join the conference. Towering over the line-judge she said, “Are you scared? Because I said I would hit you? I’m sorry, but there’s a lot of people who’ve said way worse.”
This eventually resulted in her losing an additional point since she had already received a warning for smashing her racquet. “What she did was unacceptable. It’s unacceptable behavior under any circumstances. When you’re on the court, and you are waving your racket toward a lines-person and using profanity, it’s just simply unacceptable,” said Tournament Director Jim Curley, “When you look at the tape, it’s pretty clear that the way she approached the lines-person, with her racket and in that manner, it was a threatening manner. It certainly was.”
Serena did release a statement through a public relations firm, acknowledging that “in the heat of battle I let my passion and emotion get the better of me and as a result handled the situation poorly.” Were passion and emotion some outside force beyond her control? For her they were since she did not apologize for the outburst. When asked about it she said, “An apology from me? How many people yell at lines-people? I see it happening all the time. I don’t know how many times I have seen that happen. I am a professional. I’m not the beggar, like, ‘Please, please, please, let me have another chance.’ ”
It was also interesting to hear more rationalizations from former tennis star John McEnroe who was notorious for his angry outbursts on the court. He said, “In my opinion, you can’t call a foot fault there. Just out of the question. Can’t do it. It was so close. Not as if it was an obvious foot fault—it was minuscule,” John McEnroe said. “I’ve seen Serena come back from that position a dozen times against top-flight opponents. The match was not over.” John justifies her behavior because he believes that the line judge should not have made the call because the point was too important. Really? Me, me, me. It is all about me. It has to be since they are so desperate for a clap on the back. And, apparently, they will do and say whatever it takes to get one.
When it was all over, Serena was fined the maximum on-site penalty of $10,000 for the infraction and later received a record fine of $82,500 from the Grand Slam Tournament Committee. Given her $350,000 U.S. Open prize money and her $6.5 million annual earnings that year, it was not excessive. The one thing a fine could not do, however, was give Kim Clijsters the joy of experiencing the winning point.
Could all of this have been avoided? Yes. If you think not, just imagine behaving like Serena Williams at work or with your family. This type of behavior would ensure that you remain unemployed and probably destroy every relationship in your life. Hopefully this way of responding to challenging situations is unacceptable to you. So why would anyone think that it should be acceptable in sport? In terms of physical performance, anger might enable you to muster enough strength to overcome an assailant in a desperate situation but it rarely works with activities that require precision and control. Players like Williams, McEnroe, and others are so talented that they often win in spite of their anger rather than because of it. For Serena, her behavior was certainly one sign of a tank in need of filling. It seems ironic that the anger exhibited in response to losing facilitated the very thing she hoped to avoid, losing.
When you spend most of your time as an athlete trying to get a clap on the back you get tired, very tired. Day after day, month after month, year after year, feeling driven to perform and not recognizing why. This feeling of being “burned-out” can happen to any of us. We’ll use that phrase, “burned-out”, to describe how we feel when we have nothing left in our tanks or when we can’t go on at the pace required to keep them filled up. Usually about this time we cry out, “I need a vacation.” Funny how the rest we seek is often more full of activity than the life we were supposedly retreating from. Upon returning, we often moan, “I am exhausted. I need a vacation from my vacation.” So how do we get one and what can we do about this life that seems to be rolling along at break-neck speed?
One thing to realize is that getting burned-out is basically caused by two things. First, you can be genuinely physically and mentally exhausted; even if you love what you are doing, you can still get exhausted doing it. Some of the symptoms of overtraining or overworking include an ongoing feeling of perpetual fatigue, getting sick more easily and frequently, loss of appetite, and sometimes difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep even when you feel very tired. The second, however, is more subtle and, like an iceberg that conceals 90 percent of its mass below the surface, it can be a great danger to the unwary. You may experience a strong sense of dissatisfaction or ineffectiveness with what you’ve been doing. It is no longer rewarding. You no longer enjoy doing it and if left unchecked, you may even experience feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, or depression. The symptoms of this second kind of burn-out are like the tip of an iceberg because they do not reveal the true cause of the problem.
The solution to the first cause is fairly straight forward. Just like an athlete, changing some aspect of your work such as the type, intensity, frequency, or duration, as well as ensuring a good diet, will often resolve the feeling of fatigue fairly quickly.
The solution to the second kind of burn-out comes with understanding what is driving you to work and perform. If almost everything you do is for a clap on the back then you will eventually burn-out.
For example, look at a relationship where one person is constantly giving and the other is constantly taking. At first blush this looks like it might work. Isn’t everyone happy doing what they like to do best, giving and taking? If the person who is giving is doing so because they choose to do so, no problem. However, if the giver is consciously or unconsciously doing it to get a clap on the back, some love, then there will be a big problem sooner or later. At some point, a day from now or several years from now, the giver is going to say, “Just a little bit.” The taker will look with a blank stare and say, “A little what?” “Just a little love, not much, just a touch,” says the giver. The taker then says, “Whoa, wait a minute. The deal was you were going to love me and I was going to let you.” At this point the giver is shocked to find that the person being asked for a little love is incapable of giving any. The symptoms of burn-out, if not already present, are well on their way.
A young NBA player that I had begun working with called me one afternoon and said he wanted to get together to discuss something of importance with me. For anonymity sake I will call him Chris. I asked if he wanted to discuss it over the phone but he felt it was important enough that it needed to be in-person. I asked him what it was about so that I could prepare for our meeting but he said he would rather wait until we were together to talk about it. Although I had only just started working with Chris a couple of weeks earlier, I thought it must be something personal because we had already discussed important issues and decisions related to his game performance b
y phone.
However, as we sat down in his home the next day, I was surprised to hear him say, “I think I want to quit.” I could see it in his eyes, he was feeling down. He wanted to discuss this with someone who he thought would be objective and direct him in how to make the right decision. Chris thought he wanted to quit but he was worried about how it would effect everyone in his life. He was tired, injured, didn’t like his coach, and no longer enjoyed the game. He especially did not like the off-court attention that he described as, “Smothering me.” How could he tell his family and the world that he hated playing basketball? Only twenty-five years old and on his way to being burned-out.
Chris had a strong need for claps on the back but as a pro he found they were not enough. No matter how hard he tried to prove himself, no one in the organization seemed to pay him much attention. There were requests for interviews and sponsorship offers but it was clear to him that he was just an interchangeable cog in the money making machine of sport. No one really cared about him one way or the other. He was smart enough to see through the hype and realized that the guaranteed money, fame and access he enjoyed never seemed to fill him up.
I told him about an insight I had while staying in Las Vegas of all places.
As I was preparing for a presentation that I would be making I looked out the hotel room window. Not being a high roller my room overlooked the decaying top of the casino below. The roof was old, dirty and falling apart and the backs of the electrical signs were filthy and rusted. My unique vantage point allowed me to simultaneously see both the bright flashing lights on one side of the strip and the ugliness of the casino roof and rust on the other. It seemed so clear to me that all the glitter and gold on the surface was in reality a shallow veneer covering the dirt and decay within. He lit up and said, “Yeah, that’s it. That’s my life!”
He was a quick study and after about three hours of discussing the source of his need for claps on the back, he came to the conclusion that he still really enjoyed basketball but he had stopped playing the game. Over the next few months, I continued to challenge Chris to think about why he was doing the things that he did and how, if at all, they affected those he worked with and loved. With some time off he rehabbed, worked on his relationships, and returned the next season with a different attitude and perspective, and best of all, he was excited to play.
Unfortunately, more often than not, athletes do not recognize the trap they have fallen into and, despite their “brand” image, they will often struggle either on or off the court, or sometimes both. Most of the athletes that I have worked with over the years avoided these problems because they were able to keep everything that was happening to them in proper perspective. They weren’t looking for a clap on the back and they certainly didn’t need one.
How you see things and interpret what they mean has a lot to do with your happiness and success in life. The physical, mental, and spiritual formation you received growing up prepares you to respond well to the challenges of life. This formation is not the kind that can be administered in small doses. It demands a full and continuous immersion in order to create the enduring character that makes you, you. Sometimes through no fault of your own, you may have had a difficult home life while growing up and not received the kind of love and formation that would have better prepared you for your life today, but it’s not too late. More challenging perhaps, but definitely not too late. The individuals you will soon read about, as well as each ensuing chapter, will provide the insights and answers that will help you fill your tank and keep it full.
The following story describes an athlete whose formation prepared him to respond well. He was free to perform at his best in any given situation and, as you will see, he did. The decision he made in a split second, under pressure, was the result of years of training in virtue that had prepared him to make the right choices in the blink of an eye. He was not self absorbed and he did not need a clap on the back or the world’s approval to feel good. His actions, in the heat of battle, had a lasting impact on his life well beyond anything that he could have ever thought or imagined at the time. You are no different. You are faced with challenges and difficult decisions every day of your life. The question is, “How will you respond?”
Perhaps one of the finest athletes who ever competed in any sport was Australian miler, John Landy. He ran for the pure joy and challenge of trying to be the first man to break the four minute mile barrier. If there was ever an athlete who embodied the spirit of excellence and virtue in all that he did, it was John. There were two other men on the same quest but they were running for less inspired reasons. Roger Bannister of Great Britain ran for the glory of being the first man to cover the mile in a time that experts thought impossible and Wes Santi of the United States ran to escape an abusive home life. The three traded world records back and forth in rapid succession, each inching ever closer to the four minute citadel. People from every nation were riveted to their radios and newspapers hoping to learn that the walls had been breached. At that time, there were no 24/7 news outlets or sports programs like ESPN beaming their signals around the globe. So it is not surprising that the incredible performances of these three young men had captivated the world’s attention. And they did not disappoint. The first sub-four minute mile was finally achieved by Roger Bannister on May 6, 1954 in a time of 3:59.4. Remarkably, the four minute barrier, which had seemed for so long beyond human reach, was broken for the second time just forty-six days later on June 21st in Turku, Finland by John Landy with a time of 3:57.9, which the IAAF ratified as 3:58.0 due to the rounding rules then in effect. Although Roger Bannister was the first to run under four minutes for the mile, there was something exceptional about John Landy the man.
Volumes could be written to describe the extraordinary character of John Landy but the following story and letter captures all you need to know about him. The 1956 Australian National Championships served as the venue for one the most memorable acts of sportsmanship in Track and Field history and perhaps in all of sport. At the time, John Landy was the world record holder in the mile run and a favorite to win at the Australian National Championships. The Melbourne Olympic Park was filled to capacity. The crowd was electrified as they awaited the much anticipated mile run. They wanted to be part of something special, history in the making. They knew the record could be broken and that John Landy, a son of Melbourne, was the man to do it. At the start of the race, there was a lot of jostling for position. The first lap went well and was run in 59.0 seconds, just under world record pace. Robbie Morgan-Morris was in first followed by Ron Clarke, Alec Henderson, John Plummer, and then John Landy. An eyewitness of the race, the Rev. Dr. Gordon Moyes, wrote:
Then occurred an event which is etched into my mind so clearly that I can see it being replayed as if in slow motion. I can never think of the event without my eyes filling with tears. Clarke was moving to the lead as they came into the corner on the third lap. John Landy was on his shoulder. Alec Henderson tried to squeeze between the two runners and the inside edge of the curb. In doing so Clarke, with his spikes, clipped his heel. Clarke sprawled forward onto the cinder track while Henderson was knocked onto the infield. Landy leaped over the falling body of Clarke in front of him and as he did his sharp spikes tore into the flesh of Clarke’s shoulder. The whole field either jumped over Clarke or ran round him. The crowd which had been chanting “Landy, Landy, Landy, Landy” with every stride suddenly responded with an enormous gasp. Landy then did the most incredibly stupid, beautiful, foolish, gentlemanly act I have ever seen. He stopped, ran back to the fallen young Ron Clarke and helped him up to his feet, brushed cinders from knees and checking his bloodied shoulder said “Sorry.” Clarke was all right. He said to Landy “Keep going, I’m all right. Run! Run!” Landy had forgotten everything. The Australian mile title, his bid for a world record, even the approaching Olympic Games, in a spontaneous gesture of sportsmanship.
Landy was now forty or fifty yards behind the leader. After having come to a
complete stop it was remarkable to see how quickly he was able to accelerate up the home straightaway. One-by-one he picked them off. The roar of the crowd was deafening as he passed the race leader off the final turn and, with winged feet, flew down the home stretch breaking the tape in a time of 4:04.2. Rather than immediately celebrating his remarkable come from behind win, he turned to welcome Clarke across the finish line and to check on his injury. It is difficult to know exactly how much time was lost in Landy’s spontaneous act of selflessness but some say as much as fifteen seconds, others no more than seven. What is universally agreed upon is that had he not stopped and gone back to help Clarke up, he would have broken the world record. After much urging, Landy reluctantly began a victory lap. As he circled the track the applause would not die. It seemed to go on forever and, in a certain sense, it did. To this day many people believe that it was the greatest mile ever run.
In June of 2002 a bronze sculpture, immortalizing John Landy’s act of sportsmanship during the 1956 Australian National Championships and a letter by sports journalist Harry Gordon, was placed outside of Melbourne’s Olympic Park.
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