by B. K. Leigh
“Fuck Raegan.” He pulls away biting at my bottom lip only to attack once again. I rake my hands down his sculpted abs. All the while marveling in how great they feel. The ripples seem to go on for miles. He presses his lower half between my legs and I let out a breathy mewl. For a fleeting second I have the urge to tell him to stop, but the greater part of me won’t let it happen.
“You can’t keep doing that.” I say breathlessly.
“Doing what?” I could smack the satisfied smirk off his lips.
“Kissing me, it’s not…fair.” I feel defeated. I should have known I’d never be able to go up against Knox.
“If it was fair it wouldn’t be fun.” He chuckles against my tender skin.
He rains feather light kisses up and down my neck as one of his large hands comes up to palm my breast. I let out a breathless moan and open my eyes for just a second catching a glimpse of the microwave clock 6:45.
“Oh fuck!” I say, pushing him away. As soon as his body leaves mine I’m left feeling cold and empty. “Fuck, Fuck, Fuck! I gotta go Knox. Kurt will be home any minute!” I make my way to the door but his arm grabs hold of me one last time.
“Take this!” he thrusts the phone in my hand and pulls me in for one last chaste kiss. “Tonight.” The word is a promise and a threat all wrapped in one. He already knows I’m going to do exactly what he says. It took only one week for Knox Blackburn to become the center of my universe. Only a few days longer than the first time.
“You’re a whole lot of trouble Knox Blackburn.”
I rush across the yard with only one thing on my mind, to make it back inside before Kurt comes home. I slide through the screen door careful not to disturb mom and take the steps two by two. As soon as I’m in my bedroom with the door locked I finally get a minute to breathe. What the hell was that?
Chapter 6
Raegan
“Raegan!” Kurt’s voice bellows throughout the house. It bounces and ricochets off each and every wall, until it finally dives way deep down into my ear drums. My stomach fills with dread. Having to leave the security of my bedroom sends a pit of dread forming in my stomach.
“I’m coming!” I yell from my bedroom door. My feet force me down the hall and to the stairs. They drudge past the kitchen and into the living room where my mom and Kurt sit on the old leather sofa.
My mother seems more with it. The usual fog that clouds her vision seems to have been replaced with the clearest sea blue eyes I’ve ever seen. Her skin seems warmer and her hair falls in a loose braid off the corner of her shoulder. She must be off her meds
. To be honest I like her better when she’s drugged up. At least that way the bite of her harsh words and penetrating stare can’t pierce my already broken heart. Kurt looks just the same as always, mean, drunk and dirty. A lit cigarette rests in each of their hands.
“When I fucking call you, I expect you to come here, not fucking make us wait an hour.” I flinch at his words. The power they hold feels like a physical slap in the face.
“I’m sorry.” I mutter. I glance at my mother’s small form and watch as she drags a lazy hand back and forth across Kurt’s sweaty back. I don’t miss the way Kurt’s eyes seem to roam all over my body. But it makes my skin crawl.
“I want a fucking beer and I want it now. Get your mother some brandy too.” His voice is demanding. My body already starts doing what he asked on command. In the kitchen I get to work. I grab a cool bud out of the fridge and a glass out of the cabinet. As I pour the brandy the strong smell invades my nostrils, stinging the small hairs with every breath I take.
I’m too distracted, to notice Kurt sneak up on me. Too distracted to avoid the sudden collision. As soon as I turn around I’m met with a large pot belly and a snarling stare from Kurt. The brandy in the glass spills out over the edge as I try to avoid colliding with the massive wall of Kurt in front of me. I drop the glass bottle of bud, while trying to gain control of the brandy and my heart smashes into my butt.
I stand frozen in place as soon as I realize just how badly I messed up. I watch as a flurry of emotions rush across Kurt’s red face. As fast as I can I slam the glass tumbler on the counter to grab the nearest washcloth. Once on my knees I try and wipe the liquid while simultaneously picking out the glass shards. As soon as I feel Kurt’s cat like claws grip into my scalp I know I’m screwed. My hand slips and a shard of glass cuts straight through. Then I’m suddenly lifted onto my feet.
“You dumb fucking bitch!” he bellows into my face, spittle bites into my skin like little bee stings.
I shrink away from him, but it only seems to add fuel to the fire. His hand whips up and slaps the side of my face. With the amount of force used I thought he was going to take my skin clear off. The burn is instant and throbbing. Dizziness clouds my vison and threatens to knock me over. A bead of blood trickles off my cheek bone. I reach up to wipe my cheek with the back of hand but Kurt catches it midair.
“I don’t understand how you can be so goddamn clumsy.” He’s stalks away with my arm in his grasp until we end up right in front of my mother.
“I’m… I’m sorry.” I repeat, but it falls on deaf ears.
“I’m gonna teach you to never drop a single fucking thing again.” He rips the cigarette right from my mother’s lips and jabs it into my bicep without warning. My mother just sits back and watches. Years of my torment are normal in her eyes.
My eyes sting and burn, all the while trying to hold back the tears that threaten to escape. I scream out in pain as the ash burns an angry hole into my sensitive flesh. Out of a last ditch effort I hear myself utter the one word I never thought I would.
“Mom!” she doesn’t flinch, or try to help. She just leans back and enjoys the show.
“That’ll fucking show you. Now go get me another fucking beer. Don’t let me show you what happens if you drop it a second time.” I do as he says, bringing them a second round of drinks. My body moves at rapid speed. The need to get out of there to tend to my newest wound is overwhelming.
“I swear I don’t know where I went wrong with her babe. I don’t get it.” I hear my mother’s voice, and it stings just as bad as the backside of Kurt’s hand.
Finally in the comfort and security of my bedroom I examine the burnt flesh. I’ve been burned countless of times before. Each time marks a different spot on my body. The hole on my arm is angry and red. I should have grabbed ice.
I don’t know why this time hurt so much more than the others. Maybe it was having my mother’s blue eyes pierce through me while her husband used me as a human ashtray. Or maybe it was the lack of emotion she had the entire time he did it.
I was so distracted by the burn I nearly forgot about the gash on my cheek. The same spot has been through hell over the years, always healing and re-opening over and over again. I’d figure by now there wouldn’t even be any skin left.
∞∞∞
“I don’t fucking get it Rae.” Knox’s voice vibrates off the walls as he yells. “I don’t fucking understand why you stay there, with them! Look at your goddamn face.” His arm swings out towards me and for the first time in a while I shrink away. I’ve never seen him so angry before. When I showed up on his door step with a bloody lip, black and blue face and cigarette ash burned deep into my bicep he completely flipped his lid. His face is red and full of anger. His chest has nearly doubled in size. He looks like a dragon breathing fire.
“I’m mean for fuck sakes Rae, I can’t just sit back and watch you hurt anymore.” He runs a frustrated hand through his wild hair. It’s the first time I’m able to catch his eyes. There the darkest shade of green and filled with so much hatred.
“It’s just a few more months Knox, I’ll live. I’ve lasted this long.” I sit down on his bed and rest my head in my hands. It seems as if this is a never ending conversation. Like this is the only thing we can ever seem to fight and argue about. Lately I’m starting to question my choices. Do I have it all wrong? Could I leave now? It only takes a min
ute for my brain to knock that thought away.
I watch as he slowly walks towards me and kneels directly before me. His large arms come out and his hands cradle my face. “Every single time I watch you walk into that house I can’t help but feel like that’ll be the last time I see you. I sit over here and fucking worry that sick fucker and your brain dead mother have done something horrible to you. It’s all I can think about.” His eyes are shimmering as if he’s holding back a dam of tears.
“I told you Knox, I’m fine.” I lie. A stray tear slips down my cheek and he swipes it away with his large thumb. I place my small hand over his and try to convey the sincerity running through my veins.
“This is not fucking fine Raegan, you walking around beaten and bruised is not okay with me.” he takes a moment to mull things over. “I can’t wait until graduation Raegan. The day you turn eighteen I’m getting you out of there.” his words are burst with conviction.
“But that’s only in a few months, what about school? You live right next door. You don’t think they’d find me here?”
“I don’t care when it is or where it is. I’m done watching you walk around constantly in pain and being able to do nothing about it. Either you move out of that house or in with me when you turn eighteen or I’m going to the police. I should’ve done it a long time ago.” My heart rate speeds up as his words hit me like a brick wall.
“You wouldn’t do that.” I protest.
“I would for the woman I love.” His words come out fast and furious. It takes me a moment to comprehend what he just said. Does it really surprise me though? No… this is Knox Blackburn we’re talking about. I didn’t have to hear those three words to know how he feels. I knew the moment I first saw him, it was going to be me and him against the world. I knew he was my future. Falling in love with him would be inevitable.
“Fine. But only until we graduate though. I want to make it through life on my own.” I say defeated. He blanches at my words and I can see how badly they hurt him. “Not without you. I mean I just want to know I can support myself Knox.”
“I just want what’s best for you Rae.” He huffs out a breath and it skirts across my wet cheeks.
“I know.” I try to turn my head away from him but he holds it in place. His lips press against mine in a tender kiss and it melts away all of my resolve.
“April twelfth, when that day comes pack your shit. I’ll handle the rest. I won’t let them hurt you anymore.” With that my fate was sealed. Once I turn eighteen I’ll be moving in with Knox. Knox isn’t going to let me go back on my word. What’s done is done.
“I want ground rules.” I say sternly. I don’t want to fall off track. I can’t afford it at this point in my life.
“You want it, you got it.” We spend the next hour discussing all of the details. It all just seems so simple coming from Knox. He takes all my fears and crushes them with the promise of a brighter future. I want to believe him when he tells me it will all be alright, but I know Kurt and I know my mother and they are not going to be happy when they see I’m gone. There will be no one there to wait on them hand and foot, and no one there to be a human punching bag.
Chapter 7
Raegan
“What the heck is that?” I say staring at the lump of rusted metal parked before us. It’s been weird between Knox and I since our last conversation. It was heavy and emotional, something I wasn’t exactly used to. We haven’t even discussed our relationship status and yet I’m supposed to be moving in with him? It all just feels like too much weighing down on my mind. Everything just feels incredibly fast.
“You’re ride. Now get in.” I watch Knox head around the cracked blue hood and open the driver’s side door, a serious expression on his face.
“We can’t take this thing we’ll die.” I exclaim, causing a light laugh to flow out of Knox. He looks boyish and manly all wrapped in one with his light scruffle and bright green eyes.
“Yes we can, and we are. Now get in the truck Rae it’s freezing out here!” he jumps up and down and makes an exaggerated shivering noise. Snow is falling in light bursts all around us. It’s cold enough to chill your bones but not cold enough to stick to the ground. It’s slippery and wet. I swear I almost busted ass on my way out.
“Knox, you can’t be serious it’s literally a death trap.” I take in every dent, ding and fracture and imagine a very gruesome death. “Can’t we just walk?” I plead with my eyes, even adding a little pout but it does nothing to sway my stubborn boyfriend. I called him my boyfriend… I’ve been doing that a little too much lately. I can’t tell if it’s too soon or not. We haven’t exactly discussed whatever this is but it feels like more than friendship. Ever since the phone incident we’ve been almost inseparable. We’ve grown closer over the past month and it feels damn good.
“It’s almost an hour walk from here we’ll freeze to death.” he starts back around the hood and makes his way over to me. Every single step taken is like another notch higher on the speed of my beating heart, until he stops dead in front of me and it practically beats out of my chest.
“Come on Rae, I swear I’d never put you in any kind of danger. I’ve driven this truck everywhere and she’s never let me down before.” His hands cup my cheeks as he plants a soft kiss in the center of my forehead. Just a little lower.
“She?” I raise a questioning eyebrow.
“Yeah her names Betty, Mr. Dugal has it stuck in his head she’s a real person. Tough as nails he says. It’s kind of rubbed off.” He laughs and awkward laugh, and drags me to the passenger side. “I swear, you’ll be fine.” His lips touch mine briefly but there gone in an instant. And I’m watching his back once again retreat back to the driver side.
“Fine.” Huffing I slam the rusty door and fasten my seat belt as tight as it can go. When Knox turns the key, the engine literally sounds like it’s about to blow. Its screaming and screeching like a fisher cat out on the prowl. Out of everything I I’ve been through who knew death by truck was going to be my fate? I must have the worse expression on my face right now because Knox is literally bellied over laughing.
“Drive the goddamn truck Knox.” I snap, causing him to turn serious and put the death trap in drive. A smirk still lies painted on his lips.
“Wow Rae you’re feisty today… I like it.” His comment makes me smile. Knox makes me smile. He’s always been the light in my never ending darkness. There are these little insignificant moments we share that make me long for more. More of him and more of us.
“Yeah sure you do.” I watch out the window as snowflakes slam into the windshield and slowly melt away. Over and over again they swarm the truck like a massive beehive. The trees are bald and empty except for the few ever greens scattered here and there, and even they fill slowly with snow. As the hours get later the temperature drops and finally the snow starts to stick to the ground like a thick comforter. Much to my surprise Betty as Knox called it, is still running and flying down the road at a fair speed. I breathe in a deep sigh of relief.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?” I see Knox glance at me from the corner of his eye. I turn in my seat and study him for a moment. If I look closely I can still see the boy I met all those years ago. He still has the chocolate brown hair, and bright emerald eyes, but he’s changed, mind, body and soul. A week’s worth of stubble coats his jaw causing him to have a more rugged look about him. The way he holds himself has changed also. He’s not the little boy who used to be unsure of his every move. He’s confident and assertive…calculating. My eyes slowly rake up his body from his tree trunk thighs, along his broad chest, past his eyes all the way to his shaggy brown hair. A slow burning heat coats my cheeks when I realize he caught me checking him out.
“Honestly? What are we doing Knox? What is this? We sit here and kiss, and touch and you freakin’ asked me to live with you and I’m just left with so many freakin’ questions.” I blurt. I feel my cheeks heat with embarrassment. One of his hands comes down and lands on
my thigh, slowly rubbing little circles into my jeans and the other runs through his thick brown hair causing it to stick out in an unruly manner. His touch is electrifying and calming all at the same time. Its as if little tiny currents flow from his finger tips and directly into my veins. As if he’s the match and my blood the kerosene it needs to ignite the fire deep within me.
The truck slows down and a second later pulls into my gravel driveway. “Seriously Raegan? You don’t know what this is?” he gestures between us and continues on.
“I’ve been in love with you since you were a scrawny ten year old girl pushing me in the mud and beating my ass at cards.” I laugh at this because honestly I always won. “I’m so fucking obsessed it’s scary, and consumes me, you consume me completely. I won’t lie and tell you that I’m not happy as fuck at the thought of you moving in with me but the bottom line is that I want you safe and I know the only way I can keep you safe from your sick fucking parents is if you’re with me, or at least out of that fucking house. ” He unbuckles my seat belt and pulls me onto his lap. “If you don’t want to move in with me or be in this relationship, then I’ll help you get away anyways. I love you enough to let you go, even though it nearly killed me the first time.”
“I have so many problems Knox I don’t get it. I don’t understand why you want me. I’m nothing, a no body.” I stare over his shoulder, desperately trying to avoid his prying eyes. “Why me?”
“Why you Rae? You’ve been the center of my universe for years. When my mom sent me away it literally killed me inside. I couldn’t stand not being with you for all those years. All I know now is that I’m not letting you go this time. I can make my own decisions now, and absolutely no one is going to keep me from you.” His tone is dark, grim and deadly serious. His words worm there way through my heart and wrap around the beating organ like a vice grip, slowly squeezing until all the walls I built around it crumble to the ground.