by B. K. Leigh
I don’t know what to say or how to respond. By letting Knox back into my life completely it will be just like before. I’ll be crushed even worse now than I was when we’re ten if he were to disappear again. My heart hurts just thinking about it. We’ve grown so close over the past month that it hurts even worse thinking about not continuing whatever this is. Either way it looks like I’m screwed.
“So what does that even mean Knox am I like your girlfriend? Friend? I don’t understand it. You just walk in and turn my life completely upside down…again.”
“You’re so much more than that Raegan. You always have been and always will be. I know it seems fast, but for me it’s always been you Rae.” Ok so not exactly what I was looking for but it’s enough. I don’t need a title to know how Knox feels or always felt. He’s been my best friend and protector from day one, and all along I’ve never questioned his love for me.
“Fine.” I squeak, giving him an inch. His large hands hold my waist against his sealing me completely to his lap. The fluttery feeling in my core comes back full force whenever we’re this close.
“Fine?” he chuckles, brushing a wayward curl out of my face. “I spill my guts to you and all you say is fine? You really are something Rae.” He smiles as his lips descend on mine and I wait in anticipation. Not counting the little pecks here and there this is officially the second time his tongue has invaded the privacy of my mouth. It traces it way along the seam of my lips, demanding entrance and I willingly oblige. This kiss is slow, sensual and soul shattering. I can’t help but feel like our two broken halves come together as one whenever we’re together. I feel his right hand rise along my side until it’s just under my armpit. His thumb slowly traces over the swell of my breast. I let out a small whimper that only seems to egg him on.
“Jesus Raegan.” He says between kisses. “You’re fucking perfect.” My back presses into the steering wheel of the truck as he attacks my lips, neck and face. All the sensations are driving me crazy. The want and need bottled up inside of me is causing my body to do crazy things. My hips shift against his causing a deep sated friction. The way he lets out an audible gasp makes me know he felt how good that was too.
“Knox-.” I can barely get the word out with his teeth currently nipping at my bottom lip. “Knox, stop!” he finally lets it go and pulls away looking like a somber puppy dog. “It’s getting late Knox.” I run my fingers through his hair reassuring him. I want nothing more than to stay here in this moment but I know I’m already in enough trouble as it is. Kurt’s pickup sits only a few feet away and I know in the pit of my stomach he’s going to be a raging bull as soon as make it through the front door.
He lets out a frustrated sigh. His eyes are dark and he looks five different shades of annoyed. Too bad buddy, life’s life.
“Will you be okay?” he nods toward the rugged two story house barley holding itself together and I don’t miss his underlying meaning.
“As good as I’ll ever be.” Unconsciously my hands continue their assault on his hair, basking in the way the silky brown locks feel sliding through my fingers. It seems to calm him, and he seems to relax. Completely opposite of me.
“I don’t like it Rae not one fucking bit.” His words are empty and void of emotion. We both know there’s no getting out of this, at least not yet.
“It’s fine Knox. I’ll be fine, just a few more months.” I plaster on a fake smile and climb off of his lap. His body heat leaves me making the already cold air freezing. “I’ll call you tonight, I promise.” I open the truck door and begrudgingly walk away from the only thing that has me holding on.
∞∞∞
My body is slammed against the kitchen wall the second I make through the door. The rotten stench of body odor mixed with pungent alcohol has my head swimming.
“The fuck you doing Raegan? You whoring yourself out to the neighbor boy again?” Kurt seethes. Spittle coats my face in tiny little flecks.
“No he was just giving me a ride home.” the slap comes quick and sharp. My cheek is instantly on fire, throbbing with a heartbeat of its own. The metallic taste of copper pennies invades my mouth as blood covers my taste buds. His body presses against mine pinning me against the wall even tighter and I have to keep from gagging.
“Oh so you think you can back talk me now Raegan? You think cause’ you’re grown you can back talk me and whore yourself out?” his face becomes darker and filled with another emotion I can’t quite place but don’t like the look of. I feel his hand come up and cup me in my most private of places and panic spreads throughout my whole entire body.
“You want to be a goddamn whore I’ll show you exactly how they get treated.” His hand comes up and grips my mouth, smearing blood all over my lips and cheeks. His fingers burn and sting as they grip into my sensitive flesh. I’m frozen in place as his large hips pry my tight thighs apart. My stomach dips as his other hands starts to explore my body. The hairs on my skin curl under the touch of his raunchy skin against mine.
“Raegan? Is that you?” by the grace of god my mother’s quiet voice is enough to break Kurt out of the sudden trance he was in. He takes a tentative step back. It’s like he went from abuser to rapist in a millisecond. “Can you bring me a drink honey?” her voice is raspy and sleep filled. She just so happened to wake up at the perfect moment.
“Be a good girl and get your mother a goddamn drink.” Kurt snaps back irritated. I watch his back as he retreats down the hall and my stomach literally falls through my butt. I walk on shaky legs as I go over to the liquor cabinet and get to pouring my mom a drink.
It feels as if I’m on auto pilot as I set the glass down on the end table and make my way up the steps. I sit on my bed, replaying everything Kurt said and did and get physically ill I have to run to the trash can. Everything I ate today comes up in chunks and spit as I heave over and over again. Three more months, three more months and then I can get the fuck out of this place. I used to worry about Kurt crossing the line and beating me to death, but now I have to worry about him groping me also. I know one thing is for sure, Knox can never know. He’d kill him, and then I’d be all alone once again.
Chapter 8
Knox
My stomach churns as I watch her retreat through the front door of her house. From the moment she enters to the moment she’s next to me again it’s as if my hearts in my ass. Reluctantly I put Betty in reverse and head around the block to my house. Since our houses are back to back, we technically live on different roads.
Before heading upstairs I check on my mother. As much as I dislike her, I still care for her. I knock on the door twice before entering.
“You need anything ma?” her head turn towards me in an agonizingly slow pace. When her eyes land on mine I can see the gray glaze vanish and become crystal clear.
“Knox?” she speaks my name but it sounds completely foreign coming from her. The doctors gave her six months to a year to live. The diagnosis was harsh. By the time they found the colon cancer she was already too far gone. Now it’s just a waiting game.
“Yeah ma it’s me, you need anything before I head up?” I take in her stringy gray hair and dark baggy under eyes and try to remember the woman she used to be, but come up empty. Raegan’s been hounding me to spend more time with her, blah, blah, blah. I think its bullshit.
“You been hanging around the neighbor girl again Knox?” her question throws me off. I didn’t even think she knew what day it was let alone remember Raegan from all those years ago. The doctors did say she’d be in and out of it, have her good days and bad. Guess todays one of the in betweens.
“Yeah ma I have.” I guess it doesn’t matter if I tell her the truth or not, it’s not like she’ll remember much of this conversation anyway… hopefully
“I always liked Raegan. From the moment I met her I just knew you two were meant for each other.” Her head rolls to the side and her eyes shut as she falls asleep, leaving me stunned. I guess I won’t be telling her about our future house
guest today.
When I was a kid Raegan was over almost every day. My house was like a sanctuary for her, a safe haven. The first time ma found her hiding in my bedroom she was angry and threw my ass in the corner for a good hour. The second, third and fourth time was when she realized Raegan wasn’t going anywhere. After that it was normal for her to be wherever I was or the other way around. We stuck together like glue. We forged a bond that can never be severed.
I drudge my way upstairs and into my bedroom. I can’t shake the guilty feeling I have after my conversation with my mom. Is she really that bad? Can I even blame her for what happened?
Instantly my eyes drift to the house across the way, already searching for Raegan. The girl is like a goddamn drug. I can never seem to have enough of her. Five minutes to a lifetime would never be enough. Like a magnet I’m constantly attracted to her.
I decide to throw my phone on the charger and head for the shower, knowing I have about an hour to kill until Raegan calls. She was pissed when I bought her the phone and demanded I bring it back. It only took a little persuasion to convince her otherwise. One scorching hot kiss turned my stubborn girl into complete mush. She came in on a mission and thought she left defeated, unknowing she took my goddamn heart with her.
The cold stream of water does nothing to stop my sordid thoughts. Just a little bit ago I had Raegan pressed tight against me. My tongue caressed hers in a sinful dance, as my hands explored her luscious curves. Her breath came out in pants as I attacked her neck and thumbed her breasts. I was hard as a rock when she rocked against me, sending a wave of pleasure through my dick and throughout my heated body. Just the thought of her has me hard as a goddamn rock. I feel like a damn pre-teen stroking my dick to the thought of her perfect little body.
I see all things Raegan as I close my eyes and reacquaint my dick with my left hand. Everything from her supple round breasts to her perfectly plump ass flows through my mind. Her long brown hair is always wayward and curly, framing her heart shaped face to a perfect T. Her pouty lips are what set me off, especially when I picture them wrapped tightly around my aching shaft. Cum shoots out in stringy ropes, coating the bottom of the shower and washing away in the stream of cold water leaving me feel physically and emotionally drained.
Turning off the water I dry myself off and make my way back into my bedroom. Its ten minutes past call time. I guess I took longer than expected, but still no call from Raegan. I decide to shoot her a quick text.
Knox: No call?
It’s not like her to not call or even text. Ever since that night I gave her the phone she’s used it to call me every night at eight sharp. Sometimes we talk for hours, sometimes it’s just a few minutes, but every time it’s all I need to get my final dose of Raegan for the day. The wait for her to text back seems like forever so I send a second one.
Knox: Raegan?
Raegan: Knox, I need you. Come over?
I don’t even respond. I throw on my shoes and am crossing through our yards in seconds. The Old oak outside her window is easy to climb and only takes a minute to get up. Her bedroom window is already opened, waiting for me to climb through. I tumble through the small frame and find her lying on her bed with her head in the pillows, sniffling.
“Raegan what’s wrong?” My voice comes out in a panic. The worst case scenario has been playing through my head the second her text came through. When she looks up at me her eyes are red and puffy as if she’s been crying. “Baby what happened?” there’s anger in laced in my words as I start to picture that sick son of a bitch laying a goddamn finger on her.
“I don’t want to talk about it, will you just lay with me?” her voice is frail and full of hurt.
“Of course baby.” I take my shoes off and climb on the bed behind her, my front to her back. I drape a protective arm over her belly and stroke her hair with the other.
“I’m just so tired Knox, I don’t know how long I can do it anymore.” She sounds utterly broken and it breaks my goddamn heart. I know what she means. I can see it in her being. She wasn’t cut out for the life she was dealt and yet is trudging through it any way. That alone could wear down even the strongest person.
“Shh, just go to sleep Rae. I got you. just go to sleep.” I pat her hair as she nuzzles closer. I hold her until her eyes flutter closed and her breathing evens out. I keep holding her even when I know I should be going home. Staying the night would be a dangerous move, but god knows I’d walk through hell and back for this girl. Three more months, and I won’t ever have to worry about this shit again.
Chapter 9
Raegan
“Knox?” I call out as I step through the opened door. The house is eerily quiet, but unlike my house I’m not expecting a monster to lash out around the corner.
“Raegan?” I hear the pitter patter of soft feet float across the hardwood floors . I stop dead in my tracks when I come face to face with Mrs. Blackburn. I haven’t seen her in years. The last time being when she told me Knox went to live with his dad and was never coming back. Just thinking about it brings back the heartache I felt in that very moment.
“Can Knox come out and play?” I ask Knox’s mom. I knocked on the door for almost five minutes. Knox was supposed to meet me by the tree and I waited and waited.
“No Raegan, Knox isn’t home.” I stare up at Mrs. Blackburn’s red face and puffy eyes. She’s been this way ever since Knox told me his big brother Josh died. When Knox first told me we both cried for two weeks straight. I felt like I knew Josh. Even though he was thousands of miles away Knox always spoke of him as if he just went to the grocery store, like he’d be back any second. All of the stories Knox told me made me wish I had a sibling to play with and talk to like Knox had Josh.
“You know when he’ll be back?” I ask. Mrs. Blackburn’s pretty blue dress does nothing to counter act the sour look on her face. I know that look well. It’s a look my mother always gives me when I do something bad, like forget to take out the trash, or put my shoes away.
“Knox isn’t coming home Raegan, He went to go live with his father. He left this morning.” As if my brain can’t contemplate her harsh words I start to shake my head.
“What do you mean? We’re supposed to go fishing today! He’s supposed to teach me how to fish!” I throw my hands in the air and stomp my foot.
“Knox is not coming back Raegan. I suggest you go back home and play.” She steps back through the thresh hold of the door and starts to close the door.
“Can you please just go get him? Is he sick or something? It’s ok I’ve seen him puke before he doesn’t have to be embarrassed.” I plead with her to go get my best friend but it only seems to make her angrier.
“Raegan I told you, Knox is not here. Knox is not coming back. Please go home.” She raises her sharp voice just before the door shuts in my face tears flood my eyes. He’s leaving me? He left me?
“Liar!” I yell, as I begin to pound my tiny fists against the door. “Knox! Come on Knox, we have to go fishing!” My rational mind is completely gone as I yell for my best friend. “Mrs. Blackburn! Please can you just go and tell him I’m here?” I feel the first tear fall as her words slowly sink into my brain. Knox isn’t coming back. He’s gone. The pain in my heart is over bearing as I crumple to the ground.
“Knox!” I cry out. I cry for him, I cry for me and I cry for us. What am I supposed to do now? As if the gods up above feel my pain also a blanket of rain covers me from head to toe. With the water slowly washing away my tears I pick myself up and manage to make my way home. I’m completely alone now. He’s gone and I have no one. This must be how it felt when Knox lost his brother. I didn’t understand it before, but I do now. I never thought I’d see the day my heart shattered in pieces. I thought I was above that. But that was before Knox left me.
“Mrs. Blackburn?” I whisper as the memory washes away. It comes out as more of a question. She’s aged over the years. Her skin is pale and it seems as if she lost a foot or two. Her long black h
air is littered with salt and pepper strands almost making her look like Cruella Deville. Her face is white. Almost pale like a complete contrast to the red faced mess she was all those years ago. When she sent Knox away it was as if she became a hermit. I’ve never seen her enter or leave the house since. Seeing her now is like seeing a ghost.
“I thought that was you Raegan.” She pulls me in for a hug and I’m a bit taken back. “Knox isn’t home yet, he’s still at the shop.” She pulls back with a smile on her face. I can’t tell if it’s forced or not.
“Do you know when he’ll be back?” I ask her. Making sure to keep a safe distance between us.
She shakes her head no. “You’re so grown up.” She waves an awkward hand between us and the tension grows. I’m not used to small talk with anyone let alone Knox’s mother. “It’s so nice having you around again, Knox is just ecstatic.” Her mood seems oddly chipper. She seems as if she’s completely oblivious to the awkward tension threatening to drown me. Just as I’m about to head back home I hear the front door open. Knox comes into the kitchen with a questioning look on his face.
“Raegan, Ma? What are you guys doing?” Knox’s shoulders tense as he sees us.
“Just chit chatting honey, I haven’t seen Raegan in ages.” Mrs. Blackburn chimes in.
“Yeah well whose fault is that?” Knox throws back at her. I don’t miss the painful look that flashes in her eyes once his words hit, seemingly knocking me off balance.. Knox steps towards me and takes my hand and practically dragging me up the stairs.
“It was nice seeing you again Raegan.” Mrs. Blackburn recovers from the blow staring after our retreating forms.