Promise Me Always

by B. K. Leigh

  “You too.” I say out of habit. When I saw how sad she looked a small piece of me felt guilty and obligated to say something in return.

  “What was that about?” Knox asks as he shuts the bedroom door behind me.

  “We were supposed to meet after school, when you didn’t answer I let myself in. I didn’t realize your mom would be home, or out of bed.”

  “Yeah well she has her good days and bad days.” He seems annoyed as he shuffles around the room fidgeting.

  “What’s the matter with you?” I ask.

  “I just don’t want you talking to her.”

  “Why not Knox? She’s your mother.”

  “Do you not realize it’s her fault I haven’t been here for the last eight years? She sent me away when you needed me the most and I couldn’t do shit about it.” He puffs out an angry breath as he flops down onto his large bed.

  “That was years ago Knox, you have to get over it.” A small part of me feels the need to defend her. Besides her utterly taking my heart and completely crushing it she was always nice and accommodating towards me.

  “I can’t.” he states.

  “Yeah well you’re going to have to. She’s dying Knox and you’re going to regret not reconciling while you can. Just forgive her Knox.” I know it’s a jab but sometimes I have to say things I don’t mean just to make an impact.

  “If it was your mother would you forgive her?” his eyes pierce mine and I feel them down to my very soul.

  “That’s different.” I turn my head away and avoid his penetrating gaze.

  “How?” Is he serious?

  “Because your mother loves you, at least she’s trying to make things better. My mother watches her husband while he uses my body as a punching bag, a human ash tray, and his very own plaything. That’s how it’s different Knox. We were kids back then, we couldn’t make our own choices but we can now. That’s all that matters. She’s trying and you’re not.” I fold my arms across my chest and force the tears to stay down.

  “His plaything? Raegan what does that mean?” his eyes turn dark and angry as he mills over my each and every word. When I was talking it just sort of slipped out. I didn’t mean to actually tell him that.

  “That’s not the point Knox. The point is you trying to make amends with your mother. If I had the chance and the tables we’re turned I’d forgive my mother for sending me away. That’s a way better deal than the shit I’ve been dealt.”

  “Okay, okay.” He holds his hand sup in an ‘I surrender’ gesture and slowly moves towards me. “I’ll try.” The two words speak volumes and I know I’ve won this battle. I don’t know if I did it more for Knox or myself.

  “You promise?” I say when he wraps his arms around me.

  “I pinkie promise.” His lips come to the shell of my ear and send a shiver down my spine. In one swift move he lowers me onto the bed and covers my body with his. A flurry of passionate kisses begin to erase the current conversation almost immediately and I become completely lost in him.

  ∞∞∞

  Knox

  “Your father called.” My mom says from the living room as I try and sneak past.

  “Oh yeah? Well what did he want?” I spent the last eight years with my father and out of all those years I think I only saw him a total of ten times. He lived his life in a suit. I guess it was better for the both of us that way.

  “He just wanted to know how school was going, how you were settling in. You know having to deal with all of that along with my situation.” I know well enough to know about half of what she said was made up. My father could care less about how my schooling was going. As soon as I turned eighteen it was as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders and any and all parenthood ended then and there. The only thing he ever cared about was my decision to come back here.

  “Everything’s fine ma.” I try to turn away but she stops me once again.

  “He just wants you to call him Knox.” She sounds defeated. Like of all the years I ignored her calls and unannounced visits she can actually understand where my dad is coming from. Although somewhere deep down I know my mother actually cares about me, for my dad it’s more superficial. That’s why I could never understand why I was sent away in the first place. It’s not like he wanted me either.

  “Yeah well maybe I don’t want to speak to him…ever.” I mutter. I know it’s not fair to put her in the middle but that’s how it’s always been. One parent always trying to play the good guy while the other gets pinned as the bad.

  “What are you doing right now?” she asks, clearly trying to change the subject. I look down at my phone and Raegan’s beautiful face flashes in the background. Just seeing her beautiful eyes and smile makes my heart happy. And then I look up at my mother’s hopeful expression and am reminded of the conversation I had with Raegan.

  “That’s not the point Knox. The point is you trying to make amends with your mother. If I had the chance and the tables we’re turned I’d forgive my mother for sending me away. That’s a way better deal than the shit I’ve been dealt.”

  “Okay, okay.” I held my hands up in surrender and pressed towards her “I’ll try.”

  “You promise?” she asked, hopefulness taking over each and every word.

  “I pinkie promise.”

  I made a promise to Raegan and If there’s one thing in my life I vow to always do is keep my promises to her. I look to my mother’s small frame sitting on the couch and feel regret. Regret for not giving her the chance to get to know the person I’ve become. The man I have become over the past eight years.

  “Nothing, you want me to make some dinner?” I watch her eyes light up and she quickly agrees. Today’s one of her good days. She’s up and seems to be completely with it. There are somedays where I have to double check if she’s breathing or not. I used to tell myself that it wouldn’t matter when that day came, that I wouldn’t care. But the times I see glimpses of the woman I used to know, I know that’s completely not true.

  I spent the better half of an hour preparing dinner for the both of us. Tonight’s menu spaghetti and meatballs with some pieces of garlic bread.

  “Did you want to invite Raegan over?” Mom asks as she walks into the kitchen and unconsciously starts to stir the pasta sauce. My heart skips a beat at the sound of Raegan’s name and a smile falls across my lips.

  “You sure?” I ask as she sidles up next to me.

  “Of course Knox, and besides it would be nice to finally catch up with her. After all these years.” She adds in. I have to rub out the pang of guilt that seems to pierce my heart as she speaks. It has been years, and that thought alone brings a sick feeling to my stomach.

  “Alright, I’ll send her a text.” I drop the spoon I was mixing everything with and grab my phone from my back packet.

  Knox: Hey babe, my mom wants to know if you’ll come over for dinner.

  Her response is quick and brings a smile to my face.

  Raegan: Yes! I’m on my way over now, P.S you get some serious brownie points Knox Blackburn ;)

  I chuckle when I think about all the naughty ways Raegan will reward me. We’ve been doing a little more exploring lately and I can’t help but love the way it brings her completely out of her shell. I think about all the ways I can make her cheeks flush and feel all the blood starts to migrate to my dick.

  “You alright Knox?” My mother asks, shooting me a knowing smirk. For minute I forgot I wasn’t the only one in the room, and her voice sends me into a coughing fit. It’s like having a bucket of ice water thrown over you unexpectedly. A few minutes later Raegan arrives at the backdoor. Her pale cheeks flushed from the iciness of the winter cold.

  “Hey babe.” I greet her with a chaste kiss as she comes through the door.

  “Knox! Not in front of your mother.” She chides and pulls away from me but I quickly grab her hand.

  A half hour later we’re seated at the small wooden table with heaping platefuls of spaghetti sitting in front of us.
The conversation was strained at first, but after a few moments it slowly began to flow more freely. I watched the interaction between Raegan and my mother and something inside of me seemed to fall into place. Maybe somewhere deep down this is what I wanted all along, someone to love my girl as much as I do. After everything is put away and the dishes are washed and dried my mother announces its time for bed leaving Raegan and I alone...finally.

  “Do you want to go watch a movie?” I ask as I lean in to kiss her plump lips. She smiles against my lips as she gently bites against my bottom one.

  “I don’t know Knox. I have to be home soon.” I can hear the indecision in her voice as I gently place both my hands on her hips. We stay locked together for a quite a while gently nipping and nibbling at each other’s mouths.

  “How can I change your mind?” I ask, slowly backing her up until her back hits the edge of the counter.

  “I’m not sure you can.” Her breath comes out in a whisper as lust begins to cloud her eyes. Her tiny fists clench onto my shirt as mine begin to explore her body. I slide them up and down and all around until finally letting one rest against the soft curve of her breast.

  “You sure about that Raegan?” I kiss the soft spot on her neck and I know I have her hooked. I lick and suck until she’s squirming against me, restless and out of breath.

  “Knox, I...” she barely gets the words out when I place my hands back on her hips and lift her up onto the granite counter tops. I slide myself between her thighs and gently rub between her core. I know I shouldn’t be taking things so far, so quickly but it’s as if every time I’m with her a carnal need of lust and desire takes over completely.

  My mouth finds hers once more and we get lost completely. Our tongues dance in unison as they explore every inch of each other. Around and around they go as our hips continue to slide and grind against one another creating a building friction between us. the feeling inside me begins to grow higher and higher and looking into Reagans flushed cheeks and listening to her mewl against my lips tells me she feels the same. Just when I think things couldn’t get any better I feel her hands push against me and throw on the brakes. I’m left reeling and heated and slightly confused.

  “I have to go Knox.” She hops off the counter looking a little sullen.

  “Yeah, okay. Alright then, I’ll see you tomorrow?” I run a hand through my hair and simultaneously try to catch my bearings when I feel her tiny body press against me and wrap in a tight hug. I can’t help but wrap my arms around her just as tight and relish this moment.

  “Thank you Knox.” She speaks into my chest. Her muffled voice almost gets drowned out from the cotton of my thick T-shirt.

  “For what?” I pull back and stare into her beautiful eyes. Her cheeks are still flushed and I’ll no doubt have to go get reunited with my left hand when she leaves.

  “For trying, with your mom. I can tell how happy it’s making her and I’m really glad you guys are trying to mend things.” She places a kiss on my lips one more time and makes her way to the door.

  “I told you I would.” I say just as she steps out into the chilly night air. She sends me a smile over her shoulder and I swear to god my heart fucking stops. I watch her make her way across he two yards and am struck by her angelic sight. Raegan is by far the most beautiful person I know, inside and out.

  Chapter 10

  Raegan

  Ican barely keep my eyes open as Mr. Peters drones on and on at the front of the class room. How many times can someone repeat the phrase linear equation in one sentence? I mean seriously. Every now and again my eyes slip close only to jolt open at the sound of a cough or a pencil being sharpened.

  Last night was rough. I was up most of the night taking care of my mother, until Kurt came home around two in the morning. I took it as my que to leave. My mother’s been sick for a couple of weeks. No amount of meds or alcohol can stop or numb her pain. She looks as though she’s lost another twenty pounds if it’s even possible. Sometimes I feel guilty for wanting to leave her, that if I stay she’ll turn into the mother I need and love. To make matters worse Kurt kept pacing back and forth outside my bedroom door all night, every now and then stopping directly in front. I couldn’t fall asleep without letting my guard down.

  I can feel Knox’s eyes burning holes through my head as the minutes tick by. I was so short with him last night the guilt has been eating at me. I don’t want to ever fight with him, but when I’m at home I have so much more going on. So many things need my attention. God forbid I forget one thing. All I need is another reason to set Kurt off. His moods have been off lately, trading the usual beatings for a simple slap here and there. His eyes follow me around like a predator stalking its prey. His looks have turned daring and dangerous. I can feel him leering at me every time I have to walk past him. Ever since he groped me I feel as if though he’s a ticking time bomb. Sometimes I’d rather have the beating over not knowing what’s next. It makes me uneasy. Anxiety has completely taken over my body.

  When the bell rings I make my way into the hallways, getting swallowed by a sea of students. I mindlessly make my way to my locker, not even hearing Knox call my name until he’s standing directly in front of me. His sudden appearance causes me to flinch.

  “Hey. You didn’t hear me calling your name?” he looks so boyish in this moment. His emerald eyes look so lost and confused.

  “I’m sorry I’m just spacing out.” I throw my math book into the small metal locker and take out my books for the next few classes. I feel Knox’s large hand wrap around my elbow, slowly turning my body to face him. His thumb comes up to my cheek, where an inch of cover up hides a mean purple bruise underneath. His eyes become stormy, just a shade away from being black.

  “He hit you again?” it’s not a question it’s a statement. I can’t even find it in me to try to lie.

  “It’s not a big deal Knox.” I break eye contact only to have his thumb and forefinger latch on to my chin forcing my eyes back on his.

  “As soon as you’re eighteen I’m getting you the fuck out of there.” I want to believe him. His words are filled with conviction and promise. They make me long for when that day comes. But deep down I know it’s just not that easy.

  “It’s only a few months away.” I say quietly. His eyes move over my face once again. Our eyes make the promise our mouths can’t seem to find words for. I know as soon as the time comes Knox is the future I have waiting for me. I’ll be running away from hell and into the arms of my own piece of heaven… hopefully.

  In an instant his lips come down on mine and steal my breath away. When we were kids we made a pact and to seal it we shook hands, this time it comes in the form of a soul shattering kiss. I don’t pull away or try to hide when whispers and whistles call from all over the packed hallway.

  “Will you come over today? I have work at Mr. Dugal’s until four.” I know my answer before he even finishes talking.

  “Okay but I have to be home by seven.” The warning bell overhead rings and we break apart.

  “Okay Rae, I’ll see you later.” He gives me one last chaste kiss and we turn in separate directions. This school day can’t end soon enough.

  ∞∞∞

  We’ve been spending more and more time together lately. Basically any free time I can manage to get I find myself at his house. We can talk for hours, or sit in a comfortable silence, but lately things have been getting heated. The soft and gentle kisses have turned into hot and heavy make out sessions. When we’re alone in his bedroom it’s as if the primal need within comes out full force. He adds fuel to my fire and together we can burn the world down. He’s constantly at the forefront of my mind.

  “Here mom.” I drape a blanket over her frail form and stick the back of my hand to her hot and tender forehead. “You’re still burning up.” I state. All she can do in return is whimper. I go to the kitchen and grab a washcloth running cold water over it. I’ve been trying to break her fever for weeks now and it only seems to be getting w
orse. I find it ironic how I’m the one taking care of her, when she never once took care of me.

  Once she’s settled and comfortable I check my phone and feel relief wash over me when I realize it’s time to go see Knox. My heart flutters in anticipation with every step I take. The closer and closer I get the faster and faster it beats.

  I raise my hand to knock on the door and it whips open in unison. “About time!” Knox grabs my hand and leads me through the house and up the stairs to his bedroom, crushing my back against his bedroom door once it’s finally closed.

  His lips ravage mine like an animal that hasn’t eaten in years. His hands are everywhere at once and ignite a thousand different sensations flowing throughout my entire body. I’m on fire. Every single piece of my skin is heated and needy.

  “Fuck Rae, I’ve been waiting all day for you.” His voice is sultry and seductive. It causes a flood of wetness to leave my core. Every single sexual experience I’ve had has been with Knox, but we haven’t been past second base yet. At this point the speed we’re moving I wouldn’t be surprised if we pass that very soon.

  His hand slides up my shirt and latches onto my nipple causing a moan to escape my lips. “Knox… that feels amazing.” I arch my back pushing my breast further into his palm and bask in the pleasure it creates.

  His hands grab at my ass and lift me up. I feel his fingers need into my flesh causing me to let out a breathy moan. I wrap my legs around his waist as he leads me to his large bed. His large body falls on top of mine and presses me into the mattress encompassing me completely. His large member lays perfectly against my slick wet floods and I can’t help but want to create more friction between us. I start to rub against him as he tugs on the bottom of my cotton shirt and pulls it off in one swift motion. I feel vulnerable and exposed. A decade worth of bruises and scars litter my pale skin. His eyes take in my torso and breasts no doubt taking in all my imperfections. I’m morbidly embarrassed. But the heat and lust in his gaze only seems to intensify.