Lost and Found

by Katrina Grillo

  Well Connor, she didn’t talk to you much at that party because she was sneaking around with Lucas behind our backs, but I’m not going to tell you that.

  “Yeah, sorry you had to hear it from me and not her,” I say.

  “No, no, this is good,” he says, cracking his knuckles. “This is like, closure. This means I’m a free agent, and that means we need shots. You in?”

  As a general rule I don’t drink much when I go out. Getting drunk doesn’t really appeal to me anymore. But tonight? Tonight I’m thinking I’ll make an exception. I mean, why not? My best friend isn’t speaking to me, the guy I like even though I shouldn’t isn’t speaking to me, and I’m feeling pretty bad for myself.

  “I’m in!” I tell Connor. He whoops and orders us a round of shots.

  The bar fills up, and despite my best efforts, I find myself cornered by Dex.

  “Gemma, can I talk to you for a sec?” he asks. He seems sober and not like he’s going to attack me with his mouth, so I nod.

  “I want to apologize again for what happened at the party. I was really drunk. You know I’m not usually like that.”

  “Oh,” I say, not surprised he’s apologizing again—Dex really is a nice guy—but wondering where this is heading, “don’t worry about it. It’s not a big deal.”

  He nods, relieved. “I mean, I like you, you know that, but we’re friends. Right?”

  “Yes.” Now it’s my turn to sound relieved. “Definitely friends.”

  “Okay, cool. So you wouldn’t be mad if I told you I was hanging out with someone, right?”

  “Uh, no, not at all,” I tell him. I’m not sure why he would think I would be, since I have literally given him zero indication I wanted anything more than friendship with him, but I guess I appreciate his concern.

  “Great.” He grins. “She’s going to meet up with us tonight, and I want you to meet her.”

  The girl in question arrives a few minutes later. Her name is Jenna, and it doesn’t escape me that her name sounds awfully like mine. It also doesn’t escape me that she almost looks a little like me. She’s short and has blonde hair, anyway. I say a polite hello, and then notice who she came with.

  “Sophie?”

  “Gemma, hi!” Sophie hugs me—one of those I-kind-of-know-you-and-we’ve-both-been-drinking-so-a-hug-feels-appropriate hugs. “Who are you here with?”

  “These guys,” I say, pointing at Connor and Dex. Dex is deep in conversation with Jenna. I wonder if Jenna already knows about his lizard tongue. “Where’s Max?”

  “It’s girl’s night,” she rolls her eyes at Jenna and Dex. “Or it was supposed to be, anyway. What’s the deal with this guy anyway, do you know him?” she whispers.

  “Yeah, we’re friends. Dex is a good guy,” I tell her. She seems satisfied with this answer.

  “Good,” she says, nodding. She looks at me, as if she’s wondering if she should say what she says next. “So, what’s the deal with Lucas and Amanda? Did you know about this?”

  “No!” I say, and I feel guilty about gossiping about my best friend with someone I hardly know, but I’ve had two shots now and it feels so good to be talking to someone after these last few days of solitude I do it anyway.

  Sophie and I are happily chatting away when Jenna and Dex join us. It turns out I actually like Jenna quite a bit, and I’m happy for Dex, when I hear someone call out to me and Sophie.

  “Gemma? And Sophie?” We both turn around and there’s Spence. When my gaze meets his my heart flutters. Like it’s saying, oh, there you are. I try to ignore it.

  “Hey Spence!” Sophie says, and she hugs him, too. Like it’s no big deal. I’ve never wished I were a hugger more than I do at this moment, but if I tried to hug Spence right now I’m sure it would make things between us even weirder.

  “What are you guys doing here together?” he says, a look of confusion on his face.

  Sophie and I both start talking at the same time, gesturing wildly and not making any sense. I realize I’m a lot drunker than I planned on getting tonight. Dex chooses this moment to appear and put his arm around mine and Sophie’s shoulders.

  “Another round?” he asks.

  “Yes!” Sophie sings out, and Dex steers her toward the bar, where Jenna is waiting. I duck out from under Dex’s arm instead of following them. Spence has a murderous look in his eye, but Dex didn’t even notice him talking to us.

  “What are you doing here with him?” Spence asks.

  “I just told you,” I say, annoyed. At least I think I told him. The details of whatever me and Sophie were saying are already a little fuzzy.

  “Ok, well what’s Sophie doing here? Where’s Max?” Spence scans the bar.

  “Not here, obviously. Are you blind?”

  Spence looks at me, narrowing his eyes. “Are you drunk?”

  I roll my eyes and hold up my drink. Some of the liquid sloshes over the edge of the cup.“I’m at a bar with a drink in my hand, aren’t I?”

  “I’ve never seen you drunk before,” he says, amused.

  “You’ve never seen me lots of ways, Spencer Hurley,” I say and poke him in the chest.

  “Oh yeah?” He takes a step closer to me. “You’ll have to show me some of these other ways I haven’t seen you.”

  “Maybe later, if you’re lucky,” I tell him, and his face splits into an amused grin. I know I’m playing a dangerous game, but I can’t stop. The alcohol is doing all the talking.

  “Gemma! Let’s go!” Dex calls over from the bar. He’s holding up another drink for me.

  “Be right back!” I say to Spence, and shove my way over to Dex before I can say anything else I’ll regret.

  “Gemma, wait,” he calls, but I ignore him. When I reach the bar, I take my drink from Dex and turn around to look for Spence, but he’s disappeared into the crowd.

  It’s getting late, an hour left before last call, before I see Spence again.

  Me and Sophie are scream-singing along to “Livin’ on a Prayer”, clutching at each other as we wail “take my hand, we’ll make it I swear”. He taps me on the shoulder and she I turn to see him standing there.

  “I’m heading out,” he says.

  “Okay!” I say, unsure why he is telling me this.

  “Do you want a ride home?” He asks.

  “No, I’m not leaving yet.”

  He doesn’t look pleased with this answer. A part of me wants to say “yes, I do want a ride home,” and see where the night goes from there, but even in my drunken state I manage to hold myself back.

  “How are you getting home?” He asks.

  “Dex and Connor,” I reply. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen Connor, and Dex is definitely too drunk to drive so in actuality I’ll probably end up taking an Uber home, but he doesn’t need to know that.

  “Call me if you need me to come get you, okay?” He says.

  I roll my eyes. “I can take care of myself, Spence, I don’t need you to help me.”

  “Don’t get in a car with anyone that’s drunk, okay?” He pleads.

  “I’m not an idiot!” I huff back.

  Spence stares at me, looking like he wants to say more, but he doesn’t. Dex appears at my shoulder. He whispers something in my ear I can’t quite make out and I cringe away from him.

  “Dex! That tickles! What are you doing!” I say.

  Dex laughs and repeats himself, but I still don’t understand him. He gives up after a third attempt, and when I turn back to look for Spence he’s gone.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Gemma

  I’m exhausted by the time I drag myself back to the apartment. We all ended up taking Ubers home. I face planted into bed the second I got back, not even bothering to change into pajamas. It’s been awhile since I’ve had that much to drink and I sleep like shit. The next morning I’m groggily making my way into the kitchen for some water and coffee when I run into Amanda coming out of her bedroom.

  “Oh,” I say in surprise.

  �
��I’m just getting some stuff,” she says quickly. “I’m not staying.”

  “Okay.” She looks at me, and I can tell she’s taking in my rumpled clothes and exhausted appearance and wants to say something, but she bites her tongue. She goes into the bathroom and rummages around while I stay in the living room. It’s been so long since we’ve been in this apartment together that it feels strange to have her here. But then a part of me feels nostalgic for the small amount of time we had when we were living here together. And an even bigger part of me is nostalgic for all the time we had before that, and I miss my best friend.

  “I almost slept with Spence,” I blurt out when Amanda comes out of the bathroom, at the same time she says, “Lucas and I aren’t really married.”

  “What do you mean almost?”

  “What do you mean aren’t really married?”

  We both stop and look at each other and in that moment I know the fight is over. There was never any doubt in my mind we’d make up, but I’m glad it’s happening now, because I could really use my best friend.

  “I’m so sorry,” Amanda says, collapsing on the couch. I sit down with her, so we’re on opposite ends of the couch facing each other. “I was so horrible to you.”

  “Well, I was just as horrible back. I don’t like fighting with you.”

  “Me either!” she says. “These last few weeks have been a nightmare.”

  “Oh really? Married life not all it’s cracked up to be?”

  She laughs derisively. “Well it’s not exactly how I’d pictured it.”

  “How the hell did that even happen?” I ask, and Amanda tells me the whole story.

  Apparently, her and Lucas started hooking up almost immediately after we’d moved in here, and no one noticed. When they both disappeared after Losing Streak played their first show at Kincaid’s they were together. Amanda has been sneaking Lucas in here while I’ve been at class or at work ever since. She’d been keeping it from me for months, which is why she kept bickering with me. The secret was too much for her to handle.

  “You haven’t had sex on this couch, have you?” I ask, cringing and trying not to touch the cushions.

  “No!” Amanda exclaims, horrified. “This couch is too uncomfortable to even sit on, let alone have sex on. The boy’s couch, on the other hand…” She gives me a knowing look and we both laugh. I make a mental note not to sit on the couch in the boy’s apartment ever again. I’ve suspected that thing was full of questionable body fluids, but now that I have confirmation I’m staying far away.

  “But why didn’t you tell me?” I ask her. “About you and Lucas?”

  She shrugs. “I don’t know. I guess I was embarrassed? And Lucas didn’t tell anyone either. We got into the habit of sneaking around. Then one night we went out drinking, and you know how I get, and Lucas was drunk too, and we decided we were sick of sneaking around. So somehow we thought it was a good idea to go big or go home and go to Vegas and get married, then we wouldn’t have to sneak around anymore.”

  “Because that’s super logical,” I say.

  “We were very drunk. But being very drunk doesn’t stop you from buying cheap plane tickets online and getting an Uber to the airport. By the time we sobered up and realized what we’d done we were already on the plane.”

  “But still,” I say, horrified, “you didn’t have to get married! You could have gone to Vegas and not done that.”

  “Well, once we got to Vegas we started drinking again.” She shrugs. “Next thing I know I’m wearing a veil and Elvis is telling Lucas to kiss the bride.”

  “Oh my god.”

  “And it was kind of fun at first, calling each other husband and wife. It was almost a relief. Like, phew, don’t have to worry about dating anymore. Until the reality set in. That I had married a guy I barely knew in a chapel with a drive through window.”

  “Okay, did you get married or not? Because you said you weren’t really married but it kind of sounds like you are.”

  She shakes her head. “No, we never got a marriage license. You can have them perform the ceremony for fun. We figured we’d make it official when we got home, but ever since we got back we keep making excuses and not doing it.”

  “So what are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know.” She looks down at her hands and I realize the giant cubic zirconia is missing.

  “I should have known something was up when you confessed that wasn’t a real diamond,” I say, pointing at her empty ring finger. “The Amanda I know would never allow such a thing.”

  She laughs. “Right? What was I thinking?” She pauses before saying, “I like Lucas, I do, but I don’t want to be married to him. And I definitely don’t want to be living with him. That apartment is disgusting.”

  It’s my turn to laugh now. “Well it’s a good thing you’re not really married, and it’s a good thing you still have a room available here.”

  “So you’ll let me move back?” she asks, sheepish. “I promise I will be cleaner. After living in squalor for the last week I swear I’ve changed my ways.”

  “Of course,” I tell her. “It’s been so lonely here without you.”

  “Has it?” she says, giving me a skeptical look. “What exactly is going on with you and Spence? You almost slept with him?”

  I cover my face with my hands. “Things have been weird.”

  “Tell me everything,” she insists, so I do. Turns out she’s missed a lot. I tell her about Dex kissing me and leaving the party with Spence. How Spence insists every time we spend any time together is a date. How he took me to meet his parents and everything we talked about. The dinner I made for her and ended up sharing with him. How her and Lucas had interrupted something when they barged in with their Vegas news, and how I drunkenly flirted with him last night.

  “Holy shit,” Amanda says when I’m done.

  “Yeah, I know,” I sigh.

  “I was not expecting all that.”

  “Neither was I.”

  “I mean, we’ve all heard the stories about Spence. He must be going out of his mind that you haven’t slept with him.”

  I roll my eyes. “He’s probably given up on me.”

  “I don’t think so,” Amanda says, shaking her head. “He came by here last night.”

  “What? He did?” Then I remember he’d wanted to drive me home last night. He must have been worried about me. Not worried enough to call me, though. Something dawns on me. “Wait, what were you doing here last night?”

  Amanda looks down at her hands again. “Lucas and I got in a fight. About the marriage license thing. He wanted to go get one this week, and I said we should wait. He got mad, so I threw my cubic zirconia at him and came here. I was lying in bed crying and feeling stupid and sorry for myself when there was a knock on the door. Since it was the middle of the night I thought it would be Lucas, and Spence clearly thought it would be you, so needless to say we were both pretty startled.”

  “What did he say?” I ask her.

  “He said, ‘oh, I was looking for Gemma’,” Amanda says, trying to copy Spence’s voice. “So I told him you weren’t home. And he seemed surprised, and a little mad, honestly.”

  “Well he has no right to be mad,” I say.

  “Where were you last night, anyway?” Amanda asks, suspicious.

  “I went out with Dex and Connor,” I tell her.

  “You did? Even after the kissing incident with Dex?”

  I nod. “Yeah, he’s actually seeing someone now. She seems nice, and it turns out she’s friends with Sophie, so I ended up hanging out with her most of the night.”

  Amanda shakes her head at me in wonder. “We don’t speak for a few weeks and I come back and you’re a whole new person. What is happening?”

  I cover my face with my hands, laughing. “I don’t know!” I pull my hands away. “I think I’m going to sleep with him.”

  “Who, Spence? Like, for real?”

  I groan. “I don’t know. He’s exactly the type
of guy I always go for, and he’s exactly the type of guy I promised myself I would avoid. But I really, really want to fuck him.”

  Amanda laughs. “Well, would it be so bad? Sleeping with Spence doesn’t make you a bad person. It doesn’t mean you’re going to go back to being Old Gemma.”

  “Yeah.” I sigh. “Maybe you’re right.”

  “It’s just…” Amanda bites her lip. “Be careful. I don’t want you to get attached and then end up broken hearted.”

  “I won’t,” I assure her, even though I’m not feeling very sure myself.

  Amanda gives me a skeptical look.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Spence

  She went home with him. She actually went home with him. The kid who I had to peel off her at that party. The kid who was draping himself all over her last night. I’ve never been the jealous type. Not like that. But seeing him touching her so easily, and whispering in her ear, I wanted to punch him right in the face. I wanted it to be me touching her whenever I felt like it, me whispering in her ear.

  Lucas can immediately tell something is up with me the next morning. Probably because I’m slamming every cabinet in the kitchen while I make coffee.

  “Dude, what’s your problem?” he grumbles, coming out of his room. I don’t see Amanda anywhere. She must have spent the night at her own place last night. She didn’t look too great when she opened the door for me. She looked like she’d been crying. But from the way her and Lucas have been fighting all week, I’m not surprised.

  “I don’t have a problem,” I say, slamming a mug down on the counter. “Do you want coffee?”

  “Yeah,” Lucas says, slumping down at the kitchen table.

  “What’s your problem?” I ask him.

  “If you don’t have a problem, neither do I,” Lucas huffs.

  “Fair enough,” I allow, and hand him a mug.

  I sit down with him at the kitchen table and we both sit there, looking miserable and drinking our coffee. Lucas breaks first.

  “Me and Amanda got in a fight,” he sighs. “A bad one.”