Got It Going On

by Stephanie Perry Moore

  I took in her words. We enjoyed the rest of our time and went to see a great play. She was a little bummed because she couldn’t spend that much time with her guy. We headed on back to our school, but something was different in me. I was now open to facing my fears. Now God and I were going to have to conquer those fears together.

  “What do you mean, we got to go to the President’s office for a big meeting?” I said to Samantha as she delivered the scary news to me the next morning.

  “I don’t know all the details. I just know they’re investigating whether or not they’re going to keep Alpha chapter on campus, and, you know, we’re already on probation, so it does not look good. I think we’re going to lose our chapter forever, for good,” Sam said dramatically and with good reason.

  I rationalized, “Why would he do that? We do so much good for the community. Just the Betas being on campus is a big deal. We’re leaders. We make a difference. Why would Western Smith want to lose us?”

  “Why wouldn’t they? When you break the rules and you think you can decide things on your own, sometimes you have to be broken, dismantled altogether.” Sam sat down on the couch and put her head in her hands.

  “So, what, you agree with this decision?” I plopped down beside her.

  “No, no, it’s not that I agree, but I’m not naive. It’s not like I think we don’t deserve to be called into his office to even entertain this. I wish it wasn’t so, but we have strict rules and guidelines for what we should and shouldn’t do. No parties of any kind for a year. We were supposed to do only public service stuff, and, boy, did we break that. We should have listened to you, Cass.”

  “Yep, and everything we do we’re supposed to have an adviser on campus, and we’ve certainly broken that rule,” I told her, still bitter that they’d let a great lady go who had cared deeply for us. “And we weren’t supposed to cause any strife on campus but only do good, and we had the campus police and the city police called out to break up one of our own from fighting another girl. Do we even know how Meagan is?”

  “She’s on your dance team,” Sam said to me as if I should know.

  “You’re right. I guess after all that stuff with Al Dutch, nobody wants to go dancing. We haven’t had to practice since the competition has been called off. Honestly, I’ve been in my own world.”

  “I’m sure the President knows how Meagan’s doing.”

  “So what are we supposed to do? What are we supposed to say when we’re in there?”

  “I think it’s just a meeting to listen,” Sam said.

  The President wanted to meet with all the active Betas, and he had given us only a twelve-hour notice. Hayden Grant, his niece and our former Chapter President, didn’t live too far away, and we were shocked to see her at the meeting. After all, Hayden was in graduate school, but she spoke to us all as we were in the President’s waiting area. A girl who looked like her twin was standing next to her. We were all waiting on an introduction. Nosey Betas, I guess.

  “Don’t be looking crazy, like, what am I doing here. This is my sister, Hailey—she’s a freshman this year, and my uncle told her about this meeting, so she called me,” Hayden said, with disappointment on her face.

  Malloy took the lead and said, “Hey, Hailey, nice to meet you.”

  Hayden stood in her way. Her body language let us know this wasn’t a social call. The Hailey girl didn’t seem at all shaken with the fact that she’d ratted us out to her big sister. If she wanted to pledge one day, the chances of that now happening were lessened. Shoot, that was if we even still had a chapter on campus to deal with.

  Hayden said, “Forget introductions, we’re here about business. I thought you guys cared about our chapter. I thought you all wanted to make a difference. Now you all are on the verge of losing it. You must think this chapter is a cat with nine lives or something. Well, you’re wrong. This may very well be the last straw. We got kicked off when I was President. My uncle has to abide by what the state says. This is not about blood or family. This is about what’s right and what’s wrong, and knowing him the way I do, he’s going to want to hear more than a sob story. It’s going to take a move of his heart not to immediately kick you guys off campus for good right now. I tried to get in touch with him, but he wouldn’t return my call. But I just wanted to tell you guys, look deep inside your souls, and whatever it is you’re really thinking, let it come out. He’ll see through the phoniness, the sobs. Give him a reason to care.”

  We all hugged her, and she and her sister left. Soon after, the secretary came out and told us to go into the President’s conference room. Most of us had to stand. We let the upperclassmen and officers sit at the table.

  President Webb walked in a few moments later, and he cut right to chase. “Listen, I’ve got a lot of heat on me right now by the board of this school and some upset parents that Beta Gamma Pi does not need to be on this campus. I called this meeting to hear from you and find out what is going on with you young ladies that you can’t understand to stay in compliance. Do you want to still have a presence here?”

  “Sir, if I may,” Malloy said. “As the Chapter President, we know we’ve let the school down, but the circumstances were beyond our control.”

  He looked at her real crazily. She had to be real with him, like his niece had said. Malloy couldn’t blow this for us.

  He said, “I think you girls are very smart. You are in control of everything you do. Please don’t feed me bull.”

  “Love got in the way,” I stood up and said, trying to shoot from the heart. “It made us a little bit crazy. President Webb, a lot of us got mixed up with the wrong crowd, and those crazy emotions made us lose our minds, but, sir, this organization was created for good. If you search deep inside each of our souls, good is all we want to do.”

  “Well, someone, if not the whole organization, is going to have to pay. And I understand it from the police that no one wanted to give up the young lady’s name who inflicted all the violence. I’m going to give you guys thirty days to give me a name so that person can be expelled, or Alpha chapter’s gone. You young people think you can do anything you want to do and there are no consequences. I don’t care if love got in the way or a Mack truck struck you and made you lose your mind, there is a correct way to handle any tough situation, and sometimes taking it into your own hands can only lead to trouble. The Betas don’t rule this campus—at the moment, I do. So I’ll see you in thirty days, and we’ll find out what’s going to happen with the Betas.”

  The President got up and walked out. He had spoken, and the chapter was extremely torn. Loyalty or survival—both couldn’t coexist. At the end of the day, what were the Betas of Alpha chapter at Western Smith College going to stand for? The clock was ticking.

  All week we’d been arguing as a chapter. Some wanted one thing, others wanted another. Was it about protecting our sister, or was it about protecting ourselves? Would we even be a sisterhood if we sold Cheryl out? Or how could we be a sisterhood if we weren’t even on campus?

  I felt like I had already let Cheryl down by not telling her what Al Dutch had done to me, by trying not to be embarrassed or by feeling people wouldn’t believe me. Wanting to just keep my business to myself. I hadn’t given my sister all she needed then, and I just could not do that again.

  Torian and Loni, on the other hand, were ready for Cheryl to step forward and say what she did, and if she wasn’t going to do it, they were ready to. It was like Cheryl was AWOL. Sorors said she hadn’t been to class; no one had seen her around campus. My roommate was one of her best friends, and she wasn’t taking Sam’s calls. It was too weird to imagine.

  That next weekend, we went to the Founders’ Day luncheon in Conway, Arkansas. Being at my first Founders’ Day was something exciting. Betas from across the state were dressed in white for the occasion. Every five years we’d honor another founder. This year was the time to honor soror Lizzie Mae Perry.

  They say she had been a maverick on campus who had believe
d in Christ from the start and would not become a part of the organization if He wasn’t a part of it. Though she’d proclaimed the gospel as a collegiate, she hadn’t been holier than thou. She’d been in an abusive relationship and had prayed so much that her husband had turned into a pastor. The motto she’d left on us was “God loves you despite yourself. Don’t give up on yourself, but see Christ in your heart and strive to be like Him.”

  As we lit purple candles that day, symbolizing the royalty we are a part of—because we were children of the King—it was like I was rededicating my life to God all over again. I got a better understanding that Beta Gamma Pi was much larger than the Alpha chapter. Interacting with other Betas in our state let me know the importance of our causes. If we stood as one, we could do anything.

  A little later, after we’d finished the plated meal of Alfredo chicken, assorted spring vegetables, and rice pilaf, the state coordinator came to the mic and made a riveting speech. “There is so much our sorority is supposed to do for this world. We’re supposed to fight for worthwhile causes. We’re supposed to help those who can’t help themselves. We’re supposed to leave our mark and do the best job we can, but, sorors, we can’t do it alone. If we count on just ourselves, we’re going to fall short. We need the Holy Spirit living inside each of us to work, to show us the way, to guide our footsteps, and to keep us out of harm. Sorors, Beta Gamma Pi is bigger than your school, your chapter, and the state. As our founder Lizzie Mae Perry knew deep in her heart, Beta Gamma Pi is successful only if God is in the middle of it. So I ask you to check yourselves today. Are you living for God? Are you being a Beta that He is proud of? Because when He’s walking in you and through you, then and only then are you a Beta with purpose.”

  16

  BEST

  “I really think Konner is the right man for you, girl,” Isha said to me after the luncheon. Isha, Sam, and I were trying to come up with a way to get Cheryl out of her predicament and Sam had just gone to the bathroom.

  I was very caught off guard by the statement. It was kinda ironic, though. I had been thinking about Konner a lot over the past few days. He hadn’t called or come by unexpectedly like he had the last time I’d thrown him out. I couldn’t blame him at all. That day I had told him to leave when he’d been on my case about getting an HIV test; I had treated him so badly if I were him I wouldn’t wanna be bothered with me either, let alone be in a relationship with me. All he did was extend kindness, care, and concern, and all I did was give him the cold shoulder, making him feel like I didn’t need him in my life. And that was far from the truth.

  “Hello? Earth to Cassidy. You here, girl?” Isha said.

  But I wasn’t listening. I was trying to visualize Konner holding me tight, telling me everything was going to be okay, and me kissing him, feeling good inside. But that dream was too far gone and stupid. I could possibly kill him if I had what I was afraid to find out about.

  As I thought of Konner, it became clear that I’d made a mistake. Though he was not college educated, he certainly was intellectual, philosophical, and intelligent. He was a man who loved God more than he loved himself. A man who understood that people had tough backgrounds, imperfections, and drama. A man who saw good in other people and a man who saw good in me. Being around him made me feel better. Thinking about him made me happy. But dumb me had sent him away.

  “You care about him, too. I see it in your face,” Isha said.

  “It doesn’t matter what I want. He deserves better than me,” I said.

  “He doesn’t care about, about ...” Isha looked away, unable to conjure up the words.

  “What, the disease?” I said. “Sure, he doesn’t care about that now, but what if I have it? Would he want a girlfriend who’s HIV positive?”

  “He’s a good man, Cassidy. He’s trying to go about doing things the right way.”

  “I’ve never really had a boyfriend I could share my life’s story with, but Konner was so caring. I didn’t know what to do with his love. I was trying to push things a little too far, messing up his walk with God. Maybe all this turmoil I’m dealing with is because I didn’t respect that.”

  “You should let him be the judge of what he wants to put up with or deserves to be around. I see him all the time, walking around our church youth group, and he asks me if you’re okay.”

  “He deserves much better than me, though, Isha,” I said to her.

  “Well, the heart loves who the heart loves,” Isha responded, clutching her chest. “And you ain’t as bad as you think.”

  “Who loves who? That preacher man?” Sam asked as she walked back from the bathroom. “If that’s who you two are gabbing about, then, girl, that man does love you. That day you kicked him out, he was a lost soul. I saw him sitting outside our place when I stepped out to get some milk, and he was pretty much in tears. I saw him quickly wipe his eyes when he saw me.”

  “He was probably sad from the news I told him. He wasn’t upset because we were over.” I tried convincing my girls. “That was it, right?”

  “Maybe,” Sam said. “But I don’t think so.”

  “It was probably both. You know, just his emotions mixed together. He is a sensitive and emotional man who preaches and speaks the Word passionately. But all I’m saying is give him a call,” Isha said.

  “Okay. Well, the waiters are waiting to clear the room. Plus, enough about me. What are we going to do about Cheryl? I feel like I’m being so hypocritical, trying to lift her spirits and get her to quit being so isolated when I know exactly how she feels. This is some scary stuff,” I said as the three of us walked out of the grand hotel.

  When we got in Sam’s car, she said, “We’re still a family, and we’re not gonna back away from what scares any of us. You’re not going to have to be strong by yourself. Cheryl’s not going to have to be strong by herself.”

  “Yep,” Isha said, leaning up from the backseat and soothing my shoulder with her touch. “We are all in this together. You and Cheryl are not going to go through this alone.”

  It wasn’t a good day for Beta Gamma Pi. The thirty days weren’t even up, and the Regional Coordinator had paid us an unexpected visit to speak to us. I guess I was supposed to care and be on my best behavior, listening and being attentive, but my attention was elsewhere. I was at my wit’s end trying to figure out how I was gonna get through to Cheryl. No matter how much of an effort Sam, Isha, and I tried to put through, she wanted nothing to do with us.

  Konner was kinda in the same leave me alone category. I had taken Isha’s advice and called him twice but had gotten no answer or returned calls. I texted him repeatedly one whole day while I was in class, and still no response. I hoped he wouldn’t leave me hanging, but yet he was. I had even gone by the church, but he wasn’t there. I left a message with his secretary telling him to call me, but that effort didn’t bring the results I wanted either.

  So now I was in the mindset of just leaving it alone. I had done everything I could to try to apologize and let him know, if nothing more, that I wanted him in my life as a friend, a minister, or a personal counselor. I didn’t have to be a rocket scientist, astronaut, or scientific engineer to realize he clearly wanted to be left alone.

  Realizing Konner was out the picture, I focused back on what the Regional Coordinator was saying. “Some of you are looking around and not taking this seriously, but let me be real with you. The school has contacted the sorority, and you ladies are under major investigation. Not only are you in trouble with the school, but the sorority has to look at how we’re gonna take action from all this. You know you are not supposed to conduct an activity without an adviser present. Worse than that, no one gave approval to dismiss her. After your vote to dismiss her, the state director and I contacted her to understand why you all removed her, and she’s been vague—meaning I recognize there is a good chance she caught you all doing something illegal. You all did not go through the proper procedures. I was not advised, and the National President didn’t know. You c
an’t just remove someone because you feel she’s not capable. Then you guys are playing maverick by standing up for one of you who possibly needs some serious help, if she beat up a young lady like that. We got word that the other girl is pressing charges, and if you guys don’t understand what probation means and that you were to have a squeaky-clean year, y’all might have to be the first to go down in history for destroying this Alpha chapter because of your foolishness.”

  The room was more silent than a graveyard. All my chapter sorors looked uneasy. They weren’t having to deal with the possibility of losing their lives to AIDS, but it was highly probable they were losing their letters. Now they felt like I did—scared to death.

  The stern Regional Coordinator continued. “It seems your chapter is more about hazing, boasting, and partying. Actually, Grand Chapter is not about any of those things at all. We wear our letters with pride, but we don’t have to boast and brag about who we are. People see our work based on our deeds, not on our words. But when you conduct horrific actions, like break what our policies say by getting rid of someone because she’s holding you accountable for being the best collegiate you can be, some things have to change. If the whole chapter isn’t suspended, quite a lot of you will be. From this moment on, you guys will not have any activities. And the only way I will consider a recommendation to the National President for this chapter not to be removed is if you comply with the school to come clean and make the girl who fought come forward. You must also get your adviser, Dr. Garnes, to serve with you all again. She is not your ex-adviser, because we did not grant your request to terminate her service.”