The story came out with more tears and sniffles and Dana got pissed.
“I’ll get Larry to kick his ass.” She said. “What a fucking jerk.”
“No,” Claire insisted. “Just let it go, Dana. Just be my friend, you can’t fix everything.”
They talked until her tears were dry and she felt better. Dana had a way of making her laugh at the absurdity of it all.
James sat in the office chair, stared out the window and mentally beat himself up. He’d been so stupid, so damn dumb about the whole situation. He felt like the world’s biggest idiot. He ground his teeth in self-loathing and remorse. He composed a thousand apologies and rejected them all. Nothing he could say would fix what he had done. Professor Vogt kept a bottle of good Scotch whiskey in the bottom drawer and James pulled it out, poured three fingers in a coffee cup and brooded.
He was such a moron! How could he act like that, she was so open and vulnerable? There were a hundred ways he could have handled the situation. It had required softly spoken words and discussion. He should have been considerate and careful, talked to her and explained, given her a chance to speak, but he’d used a wrecking ball. He still hungered for her but didn’t know how to explain, how to tell her he wasn’t rejecting her. He wasn’t worthy of the gift she’d offered but didn’t have the words so she’d understand.
After the chaos with Isabella he never expected to fall in love again. Especially not so fast, and not for a sweet student that was pure and half his age. The bear blood in him was bold and decisive, it could be vicious and wild but it also made him vulnerable and weak. He loved hard, true and deep when he connected, when that spark of interest blazed into a raging wildfire. It didn’t happen often, only a few times over the years and the last had been disastrous. It had been a rushed kind of love, he knew that now looking back. He’d needed someone to settle down with, he was getting older and wanted to put an end to the bachelor lifestyle. His friends had encouraged the relationship. If her were to sit the throne of Galador, he needed a wife and queen and he should start taking dating more seriously. He thought he’d been in love with Isabella but it was only the sex. It still hurt, what she’d done, but mostly his pride. His heart hurt worse now for Claire than it ever had for her.
Claire deserved a good guy, a boy her own age. Someone she could love and build a life with, not him. Not a half-human prince on the run with secrets to hide.
He should drive to the city and hire a Mistress to make him forget. A dominatrix that could take charge, put the untamed bear part of him in its place. Control it with absolute domination, force it into submission for a time. The way Isabella had done. She never knew who he really was, what he really was, but she had tamed the savage beast inside him, had kept the need to shift into a bear and run wild through the woods at bay. She liked to dish out the pain and humiliation but she never understood that he needed it, it wasn’t just a roleplaying kink he had.
She had turned on him, though. He finally started to realize the relationship wasn’t healthy, that she was using him to gain status. When the cars, the castle, the vacations and the jewelry didn’t satisfy her lust for riches and power, when he tried to distance himself and not give in to her every demand, she showed her true colors.
She used the only weapon she had, their bedroom secrets.
“You are sick and disgusting.” She spat at him.
“Command me.” She mocked his voice, portrayed him as a whimpering, sniveling worm of a man. “I’ll tell everyone and they’ll believe me. I’ll tell them you’re not a real man, that you aren’t fit to take the throne!”
His adviser paid Isabella off, reminded her of the confidentiality contracts she’s signed when she was granted access to the estates and made it clear they would press charges if she ever went public. No matter how much money she was offered for a scandalous, muck raking story, she’d have a hard time spending it in jail. Her twisting of the stories, her half-truths and outright lies would have shamed and discredited the whole family. They were a noble house and salacious scandals were unheard of. The tabloids would have milked the story for a long time. Royal scandal sold papers.
James made an arrangement with his uncle, the king. He would leave the duchy and live a quiet, unassuming life for a year without the trappings of wealth and nobility. He would work abroad where he was unknown and blend in. At the end of the year, he would move back to take his place as King of Galador or step aside to let his cousin sit the throne.
The small but extremely wealthy European kingdom was a jewel in the mountains. It had retained its autonomy after the great wars because it had remained neutral. Its wealth came from international banking, renowned wines and the finest race horses in the world. The summer festivals brought in more tourists than they could accommodate and exclusivity made a stay in the capital all the more alluring. Galador’s citizens prospered under the fair and just monarchy that had ruled over the kingdom since records had been kept. James was the heir apparent but his cousin Stig would gladly take his place if he had a chance. Rumor had it that he’d been behind the whole Isabella fiasco. He, like many others in the family, was also a shifter. He didn’t try to control his passions or his dealings with the Russian mafia. Gambling was legal and Galador had casinos on par with any in Monaco. A lot of money flowed through the capital city and Stig wanted to launder drug and sex trade money from the Russians.
“Think of how much we could make!” he’d argued. “We could add hundreds of millions a year to the budget to help our citizens!”
No one believed his new-found sense of altruism. Most of the money would have wound up in his personal bank accounts.
James considered many things as he sat, brooded and drank. His sexual proclivities and inclinations didn’t harm anyone and helped keep the savage bear at bay. He was loved by the people and most thought he would be a good king. He’d tried vanilla relationships before but it never worked. He had this need to be dominated, to be told he was a really bad boy and put into his place. After each punishment he felt relief. The wild in him was tamped down. When he transformed, he wasn’t a mindless beast, he wasn’t like a werewolf in the legends that butchered everyone in its path but he didn’t have complete control, either. If a hunter tried to kill him, if he couldn’t hide, he would defend himself. He would fight back. The animal mind didn’t fully rule him but he no longer thought and reasoned like a human. A situation could easily get out of hand and people could be hurt. It was better to be controlled in the bedroom, to have a strong woman drive the urge to shift out of him.
He could always hire a professional Mistress, one to satisfy that part of him, but it felt wrong. James wanted the unicorn. A girl that loved him for who he was and shared his appreciation of history and books. A woman to be his Queen, elegant and refined, but with a towering strength that could dominate the bedroom. That was his ideal mate, someone he’d spent twenty years searching for.
Claire wasn’t the one. She couldn’t be. She was too young and too innocent and even though his heart hurt thinking about her, he had to let it go. Stop the impossible fantasy. He wanted to run to her, comfort her, try to explain but he couldn’t. Some things couldn’t be said out loud.
He picked himself up, left the darkened building and walked home. He tried to call but she didn’t answer. He started a dozen different text messages but didn’t send any because he couldn’t find the words.
He would leave her alone, throw himself into his work and try to forget.
.
He entered the building quietly but Dana had been listening and was waiting for him on the landing in front of her door. Her arms were crossed and her face was controlled fury.
“Is she okay?” James asked and she forget the whole scathing speech she’d been working on.
“No, she’s not fine, you hurt her, you bastard.” She retorted “Why did you treat her like that? She’s not good enough for you?”
“No.” James said and met her anger with his own unhappy eyes. “
I’m not good enough for her. I didn’t know she was pure, she deserves someone better.”
Dana was about to tell him he was right, Claire deserved the best, not somebody who would use her and set her aside but the man’s sadness hung around him like a cloud. Every boy she’d ever dated would have taken the offered gift and bragged about it later. She knew a thing or two about passion and lust and how hard it must have been for him to stop in the middle of what they were doing. It had taken a lot of will power to walk away and feel bad instead of using her and feeling remorse afterward when it was all over.
“Tell her I’m sorry.” James said. “I won’t bother her but if she wants to drop out of my class, I understand.”
He turned to walk away but she put a hand on his shoulder to stop him.
“I’ve known her since middle school.” She said. “She’s been my best friend for most of my life. I’ve never seen her so enamored over a boy. Do you like her? Like for real, I mean really, really like her?”
“Yeah. Yeah I do.” James said quietly and climbed the stairs to his apartment.
It should have been a great day but now it was awful. It hurt more than what happened with Isabella. Clair was sweet and genuine, there was nothing fake about her. Now that he was seeing clearly, when he compared the two everything Isabella did was staged and calculated. She had meant to seduce him, take advantage and have her way. She wanted the money and the prestige.
He tuned into the local radio station, sat in the darkness, sipped on bourbon and contemplated all things.
At one o’clock, he heard a soft knock on his door.
Claire stood in her bathrobe, hair curled around her shoulders and every bit of his resolve to leave her alone fled.
“Did you mean what you told Dana?” she asked quietly. “That you really liked me and you didn’t think you were good enough to be my first lover?”
James was taken aback by her straight forward honesty and could only answer with the truth.
“Yes.” he said as they stared at each other in the darkness.
“Don’t you think it’s my choice to decide who I lose my virginity to?”
“Yes.” he whispered “But…”
She placed a finger across his lips.
“My choice.” She said firmly and crossed the threshold.
She forced him backward, closed the door behind her then clicked the lock. Her breath was sweet with wine and it gave her the courage to do what she wanted to do. She lowered her voice into a guttural growl.
“Just the thought of making you do what I wanted, making you please me the way I wanted to be pleased has me hungry in anticipation. I may not be experienced but I know what I want. I’m not fifteen and clueless. I read, James. I watch things on the internet. Just because I haven’t done something doesn’t mean I don’t know what I like. What do you think about that, Professor?”
The way she said professor made him shiver, the hairs on the back of his neck stood up. He’d never met anyone like her, anyone so forthright and honest and wanted to drop to his knees before her but it was late. They’d both been through a lot that day. Things might look different in the morning.
“Maybe we should wait.” James tried. “We’ve been drinking, I don’t want to corrupt you, lead you down the wrong path.”
“How can it be wrong if it feels so right?” Claire asked and pulled the tie on her bathrobe.
“Claire, I think we need to talk more about this and see if we come to a…”
“You talk too much.” She cut him off mid-sentence. “Now take off your shirt before I tear it off.”
The teasing voice was gone, she had just given him a command and she expected it to be obeyed. He hesitated, fighting the urge inside him but she didn’t.
“I said now!” she hissed and ripped it open, sent buttons clattering across the floor.
Claire saw his chest for the first time and paused. A beautiful image of strong muscles covered with a pattern of intricate tattoos greeted her. She couldn’t make out the details in the dim light but they danced across his chest, around to his back and wove down his upper arms.
“Professor, I never suspected. You’ve been a bad boy.” she said in a teasing voice.
They stood in the foyer, both of them a little shocked, both of them wanting more. He was gorgeous and muscular, his upper body covered in intricate ink and she wanted to study every inch of it. She was in control, something had started, the dice had been cast and she wouldn’t stop now. Wouldn’t stop unless he shoved her out the door. Claire pushed past him, trailed a hand across his stomach and said “Come.”
She moved to the couch and sat.
“Kneel.” She said, pointed to a place in front of her and waited for him to do her bidding.
He rushed to obey and she felt equal waves of pleasure and control roll through her. It was incredibly sexy to have this strong, intelligent, gorgeous man offer himself to her. It was her first taste of the dominance lifestyle and she knew why she had waited so long. No one she had dated had made her feel like this, like she could do anything and nothing was wrong. She was in control; she didn’t feel rushed or pressured. She wasn’t pushing away pawing hands trying to grab her breasts or shove between her legs. She touched his wonderful body with fingers and palms, explored at her leisure and watched his reactions.
She leaned into him, kissed his neck and chest. Her tongue explored his nipples, pressed lightly, sucked and nibbled. Each of those created a new response and she felt the shiver of pleasure race through him. He reached up to touch her knees and she pushed his hands away.
“I didn’t give you permission to touch me.” She said and was afraid she’d overstepped the boundaries. If she told that to anyone else, they would gotten mad, probably stomped away in a huff.
“I’m sorry Mistress.” James said and let his hands fall to his sides. “Forgive me.”
Claire rejoiced in the feeling of being something special, doing something special and let her hands resume their exploration. Hard muscles and tight skin quivered under her touch. She unbuckled his pants, bold in her actions, sure in her control. She slid her hand down inside his boxers and felt a man for the first time. She had no idea what she was supposed to do or what the rules were, she did what he wanted and didn’t feel pressure to do more or do it differently. She had enough wine in her to let go, to take control and be the woman he wanted. The woman she wanted to be. In charge and in command.
Her first time was pleasure and pain and she climaxed with an intense orgasm that came in waves, kept building and left her weak when it was over. For her, it had been perfect. It was slow when she needed it to be, fast when she felt the urgency, hard when she demanded and gentle when she commanded. She never felt pressured or rushed. She did what she wanted to him and made him do what she wanted to her.
They moved to the bedroom and slept for a time and when he felt her moving against him, they made love again, slow and sensual.
Claire woke before dawn and slipped back to her apartment. She smelled like sex, had the bedroom hair and couldn’t keep the smile off her face. The shower was long and hot and as she relived the night, she was tempted to run back upstairs for round three.
Chapter Nine
The Office
The day drifted by in a pleasant haze with random unaccounted smiles and as both remembered a magical night. Yesterday had been filled with sorrow and joy, anger and love, anxiety and contentment. Claire had discovered something in herself she hadn’t known existed and it felt natural. She relished the control and the domination but when they made love the second time, he had taken the lead. He had wrapped her in his arms and did what he wanted, the way he wanted and it had been perfect, too. She radiated with an inner glow, an undefinable something that had boys staring at her, trying to figure out what had changed. She was the same girl, a little overweight, a little wind tossed, a little jaunty with a red scarf around her neck but she was different. Words like chubby didn’t fit anymore. She was an auburn-haired
Venus with ample hips and full breasts that made the rail thin girls seem like skinny stick figures.
It was hard to concentrate in her classes and she wasn’t sure what to expect when she slipped into the back of his, her last class of the day. She bit back a smile when he stumbled over his words and lost his train of thought when they made eye contact halfway through his lecture. She had subtlety pointed up and cut her eyes in the direction of his office. He recovered but avoided looking at her for the rest of the class. She watched as he elaborated on intricate points, entertained questions from the group and kept the lesson interesting with stories and obscure trivia that wasn’t in the textbooks.
She slipped out the back as soon as class was over and almost felt sorry for the blonde squad asking him silly questions and trying to flirt as he packed up his papers. If they only knew the man with the crow’s feet at the corners of his melted chocolate eyes was not only twice their age but twice the lover of anyone they’d ever encountered they might try harder.
It wouldn’t have done them any good, James only had thoughts of her. The girl who became a woman, hadn’t shied away from his desires and had taken control like she’d been born into the role. He’d been looking for many years, had known many women and she was the first whose animal magnetism had been so strong. From first laying eyes on her, he’d had to control his thoughts, his emotions. There was something intangible pulling them together and he knew she felt the same. It wasn’t a puppy love school girl crush that would fade in a week, it was real. It was rare and it was genuine.
Dusk was settling in and there was a cold nip outside as Claire climbed the stairs and made her way down the deserted hallways to his office. They were going to finish unfinished business that started yesterday. She lit the decorative, scented candles and sat behind his desk as she waited. They hadn’t talked all day. They hadn’t texted or acknowledged each other aside from the one little exchange in his class. It didn’t even occur to her that he wouldn’t show, that he may be having morning after regrets. It just wasn’t possible. She didn’t consider what she would do when he arrived, she didn’t have to think about it. She’d looked at a few BDSM sites, saw what others were doing, and put them out of her mind. She didn’t need weird rubber costumes or whips and chains. He would pleasure her in any way she wanted. At the moment, she didn’t know what that was exactly but whatever she decided, he would comply. She would tell him what to do, he would obey and it was what they both wanted.
Heart of the Guardians: Meeting Destiny Page 6