Love's Disbelief

by Flynn Eire

  “Neither, but I’ve heard it’s not fun,” I worried, darting a look to Helios. “It’s like he gives you a truth telling potion. I heard it wrecked Gilroy after he was kidnapped and messed up, but—” Several people made unhappy noises I would bring that up or tell an outsider that. “But you’ve not gotten the blood you should for months, I would guess. Maybe longer. I don’t know if I’m okay with it without Sam signing off on this.”

  “Would you agree with that assessment?” Mom asked Helios.

  He scratched his head and let out a sigh. “Yes because it’s not an on/off sort of gift. There are levels, and sometimes it’s like driving in snow and you’re not sure how much is too much gas. I don’t like using it, so it’s not like I’ve practiced in my spare time no matter how old I am. And it’s evolved, as all gifts do. Normally I use it on bad guys and I don’t care if it hurts, but well—”

  “It’s more art than science. I get it,” she grumbled, pulling her hair up as she adjusted her neck. “Fine, I want Dimitri and Matteo in there, as Dimitri’s in charge even if you’re ancient, and Matteo can tell from my aura if it actually hurts in case my brain starts going gooey. And I want to make sure there aren’t any repercussions to Gary for what I say.”

  “We haven’t linked you two officially so far, and Neal is a fairly common name,” Ashton agreed with a nod. “He’s out of it.”

  “Wait, I want to be—” I started to argue, but Mom kissed my cheek.

  “No, darling. Not this time. They’re going to get into specifics, and you might be a massive, hulking man now, but you do not need to hear how many times our coven leader has grabbed my breasts or demanded I took off my shirt while talking to him to make sure I wasn’t wired.”

  “What a jackass,” London hissed.

  I studied my mom’s eyes and gave a slow nod, kissing her cheeks this time. “I don’t need your gift to know you feel shame. The shame is his, not yours.”

  “Yes, darling.”

  I watched her walk off with her party, fear clawing at me in worry. I was a mess at dinner, only eating because Bowie practically shoved it down my throat, as Sam was in the meeting to watch her health, so he sat with me. Even after dinner, I couldn’t seem to leave the spot, glued to that seat until I got word it was okay, she was okay.

  I also didn’t feel silly for being so worried when she was carried back into the cafeteria well after dinner to get some hydration and sugar in her at Sam’s orders. I stumbled to my feet, my legs a bit jelly from having sat so long in the same spot on an uncomfortable chair, racing to get to her. She giggled, actually giggled like a little girl, from London’s arms.

  “Mom? Mom, are you okay?” I demanded as I reached her.

  “Gary, beary, my wittle bunny,” she cooed, pinching my cheek. “It’s okay, darling. I had a bit of a reaction suddenly because of my gift.”

  “It was an accident,” London promised with a sigh. “Mother didn’t know you were the first to transition early and made the connection, asking her about a few things, as all the camps are curious and worried. She shut it down. She shut Helios down, protecting herself with all the emotions in the room or something, wrapping them around her to block him and—”

  “Yeah, it amplified and got her,” I muttered, taking her from him. “Oh, Mom. I’ll answer whatever. I’m not in trouble. No one blames me.”

  “But you blame yourself no matter how silly it is, darling,” she mumbled, snuggling against me. “That to some could be an admission of guilt, not simply feeling guilty. I don’t want you in a witch hunt.”

  I nodded, about to fall over when I saw Matteo and Dimitri dragging Helios in as well. “Mom, I’ve always thought you’re awesome, but you’re totally badass. You took out a Wyrok.”

  “Your mom’s got skills, kid,” she giggled. “It comes with embracing your gift, not being afraid of it. You have to, have to, be willing to play with the fire, as our gifts are always multifaceted.”

  “I promise. There’s no one else I’d come to for help with my gift than you,” I swore, sitting on a chair with her on my lap.

  “What if you don’t have the same gift as her?” Councilwoman Aberdeen asked me.

  I blinked up at her a moment, realizing I’d missed a bit of time of everyone else joining us I was so worried about her. “Mom has guided hundreds on how to use their gifts because she is not only smart and open the way most people are, but she can feel when they get scared and work them through it. Our coven has a lot of powerful people because of it. I would guess she’s got a list here she wants to work with and—”

  “London, Matteo, Drake, Nate, Sam, Lance—”

  “Lance got his gift? When?” Matteo demanded.

  “He hasn’t put it together yet,” she defended with a bit of a slur. “He’s just afraid. Things keep happening, and he’s afraid his fear is making him forgetful or losing his mind after his new issues.” I didn’t know what that was, but I was really sure it wasn’t my place.

  “What is his gift?” Dimitri asked, frowning when she shook her head. “We need to know, Marissa.”

  “You do, but privately when I have a clear head. Not everyone needs to know.” She shot the two council members a worried look.

  “Oh, it’s got to be a good gift then,” Sam groaned as he brought her a pop, handing another to Helios. “How bad?”

  “Bad. I felt his fear across the cafeteria at lunch,” she confessed. “He’s also afraid because everyone is talking about London and Nate as spies or weapons, and that’s not what gifts are. They are gifts, not part of an arsenal.”

  “No, that’s exactly what they are for warriors,” Matteo argued.

  “No, they’re not,” she snarled, pushing to sit up more on my lap. “You train them to distance themselves from their gifts. It’s not a gun on your hip. It’s part of you. Another of your senses, and if you people would realize that instead of Helios, who’s so scared to use his gift like I would a bazooka, he wouldn’t have reason to be frightened. You would know how to wrap your gift around you protectively like I can, and it’s another talent.”

  “I agree,” Councilwoman Aberdeen muttered, ignoring the shocked looks we all gave her. “Too many think of their gifts as an item on their resume. Something they can do as a sharpshooter, as London is, lists that. It’s not the same. Working with the facets of it and pushing the range as we do with sight, sound, smell, and other senses is what makes us strong.”

  “I would never have thought we’d agree so strongly and on the same direction from others but, well, life is shocking,” Mom told her with a half chuckle.

  After that the talking was done, as both the injured sugared up and I fussed over my mommy, because she was my mommy and I was terrified for her. Maybe I should have been for myself too because of what she was telling everyone, but honestly, I was too worried about her to have the energy for myself.

  5

  Mom stayed several more days and then left with Tadzio to visit the warrior camp in Mexico. It was fun to get to spend the time with her, and she had a good time working with the warriors, pre-, and post-trans. She always did when she was of help, and she was because the mood at the camp was better. As if she cleansed the very air instead of giving massages.

  Plus, I wasn’t the only one sad to see her go. Always a good sign she helped.

  Dimitri had assigned her a post-trans room for her permanently and some storage space, as this camp would be her home base. He sent people to clean out her shop, not wanting her even in the territory of the New York coven, as her interview was already making the rounds and making waves. They were going to clean out our apartment too and bring it all back to the camp.

  If nothing else, we wouldn’t need all the furniture, but I was sure there was something in the buildings that our nice things could replace. Plus, Dimitri gave her the room for now, but I doubted she would always have a tiny post-trans room. I would guess he was waiting for Alexander to return, and there was a discussion on the table about expanding the dor
ms so we could fit more warriors, which they wanted at the camps.

  It worked out well because there were more warriors being born in past decades than ever before. It also helped that the odds of us surviving were higher too. Part of me worried, like even fate or whoever was in heaven knew what was coming and we’d need more warriors.

  The other part of me told that voice to shut it and remember that modern medicine just rocked.

  That wasn’t the only stuff on my mind though. Since Lynx had acted all weird about us messing around, he hadn’t been himself. Or he hadn’t been the same with me. It was as if he put a wall up between us, and while I crashed with him a few nights until Mom got her room and I could have mine back, we’d only done hand jobs, not progressing forward.

  Even though I was ready for it and I’d given him a blow job before all of that, so it was sort of weird. Right?

  I got my answer the morning after Mom left and I arrived at the cafeteria for breakfast… Only to find Lynx leaning over some post-trans, who had just transitioned and I didn’t really know, whispering something flirty from his body language. Lynx threw back his head and laughed so hard it echoed off the walls of the large cafeteria, getting everyone’s attention.

  “I’m sure it’s not what it looks like,” Bowie muttered from next to me. I flinched when Lynx’s hand moved to the post-tran’s hip. “There’s gotta be a—”

  “Don’t,” I rasped, my heart breaking. “Neither of us believe it.” He sighed, and I glanced away from the wreck in front of me and looked at him. “How often are people right when they actually have to say something like ‘it’s not what it looks like?’”

  “I don’t know the statistics,” he confessed, shooting me a pitying look. “You want me to bring you some breakfast since they’re doing that right at the trays?”

  “Please. I’ll wait by ops. Thanks.” I glanced at Lynx and the guy laughing together, touching each other, and turned away, my heart completely shattered.

  Guess that answered the awkwardness. He’d found that he liked the ultra-sensitivity some of us had and wanted to find more. Joke was on him, because that guy had gotten the old cocktail, not the one that had done it to us. He hadn’t even transitioned early, which was why I barely knew him.

  “Shane, don’t throw your career away!” Dimitri called from the ops center doorway as I reached it. I looked to the main entrance to see the other warrior storm out. “Shane!”

  “I’m done, Dimitri! With here. With the shit. All of it!”

  “Fuck. Fuck, fuck,” he hissed and finally saw me. “What’s your assignment today?”

  “I don’t have one. Studying while Matteo works with the new post-trans.”

  “Good, you can study up in the tower. I need you to take the shift Shane was supposed to before he just fucking quit.”

  “Can we quit?” I asked, not to be a snot but more out of curiosity.

  “Yes, but not just walk out like I seriously hope he doesn’t. That’s going AWOL. I have to put through his papers, and it takes time, but yes, warriors can quit, not just retire after centuries. We’re born this way, not forced to do what the current leaders tell us.”

  “Yeah, I can take the shift. Bowie’s bringing me breakfast, and if someone grabs me lunch, I can stay there until dark.” I didn’t mean to make demands of the big boss, but I wanted to be honest about my limits.

  He gave me a soft smile. “It’s cool. We’re not even letting younger warriors take the night shifts. Hell, I’m too young. We need old eyes to see way past even our new sensors to be careful. If you could take this day shift and maybe one more this week, I’ll get with Matteo on what I need handled.”

  “Whatever you need. Just work it out with my boss so I don’t get his idea of punishment.”

  His lips twitched. “What’s the current project he’s using?”

  “Restaining and checking every inch of the wood anything on the obstacle course, including climbing trees and cutting back the huge growth from the spring rains.”

  “Shit, he’s mean,” he chuckled, thinking of his best friend who really was but nice too. Everyone had a bit of a mean streak in them after all.

  I had several currently with what I’d just witnessed.

  I thanked Bowie for the food and hurried to the tower, apologizing to Xana and explaining why his replacement was late and what I knew. He didn’t look happy, not about me taking over but the new development with Shane. I knew a lot of the older guys were worried, but I didn’t know Shane, and I hadn’t known Kevin who had died, so I was staying out of it all… I had enough of my own shit.

  And that shit showed up with my lunch several hours into my studying. Sure, I checked the landscape every few minutes with the binoculars, but really I studied, and it was a peaceful, productive study.

  Until Lynx stepped off the elevator.

  “Hey, I saw Bowie bringing you lunch and thought I’d do it and we could take lunch together, away from the crazy,” he greeted.

  “I’m deep in study mode, and I’m sure you’re busy,” I muttered, tapping my book as I kept my eyes on it.

  He moved closer and sat on the chair next to me. “Something wrong? Did Shane quitting right in front of you upset you?”

  “Nope, I’m good, just using the time to get caught up.”

  “You still need a break,” he argued, not getting my hints.

  I sighed and took the bag of food from him. “Thanks for bringing my lunch, but I think you should go. I don’t want to take a lunch break with you or be distracted on shift.”

  “Okay, seriously, what’s going on?” he demanded, reaching for me. I flinched, remembering who else those hands had touched, and he froze. “Gary, what’s going on?”

  “Just go,” I muttered, scooting away from him. Then I thought better and jumped to my feet, pressing the button for the elevator for him. “I’m asking you to go.”

  “No, not until you tell me what’s wrong. You weren’t at breakfast and—”

  “I was, but you were too busy flirting with new post-trans guy to notice I was standing right there.”

  “That’s what this is about?” he snarled, getting to his feet. “We’re together and I can’t even talk with people, goof around? You’re one of those possessive and—”

  “I cannot leave, and I’m asking you to,” I cut in, my eyes burning with tears I didn’t want him to see. “Flirting is one thing, but you were touching him in a way even Bowie couldn’t defend.”

  “I didn’t…”

  “Yeah, can’t finish that, can you? It’s fine, go touch him, go touch anyone you want, but not me. You’ve been all weird lately, and now this? I’m done. It’s not jealousy, it’s wise to jump off the ship before I drown. So thanks for the food, but yeah, you’re like the last person I want to spend time with.”

  “Wait, you’re ending this?” he hissed, narrowing his eyes at me. “I lean into someone, goofing around, and fine, he was flirting, but I was laughing, not hitting on him, and you just—”

  “Are you going to cover this guard shift?”

  “No, I have vehicles up on the racks and—”

  “Then get out,” I blew, wiping the tears I didn’t want him to see. His face fell, and I darted around him back to my post and picked up the binoculars.

  “I’ll leave to give you time to cool off, and you’re right, we shouldn’t have this argument here, but this conversation isn’t finished, Gary.”

  “I’m surprised you remembered it’s not Glenn now that you’ve found someone new,” I grumbled as he got on the elevator. “Never-ending, awkward hand jobs with Glenn that you don’t even seem into until you found someone else.”

  I heard cursing as the doors closed and knew he’d heard me. Whatever, we were over. There wasn’t even a conversation to finish.

  I stress ate the whole bag of food that had been meant for both of us and somehow got my brain to focus. I was happy to see Helios to replace me now that he and others were taking one overnight shift a week be
cause they had the best eyes. Those eyes saw something was wrong, though, but kindly didn’t comment, which I truly appreciated.

  Somehow I was still hungry for dinner and loaded up my tray, but the problem became where to sit. I glanced around the cafeteria and saw landmines everywhere. For instance, if I sat with Bowie, that included Sam, who was friends with Lynx.

  London liked my mom, and we got along okay now, bonding over how awesome she was. But he was practically engaged to Drake… Who was friends with Lynx.

  Gilroy was fine, but he was mated to Xana, and guess what? Yeah, friends with Lynx.

  I would have gone with Rune since I had extra training with him and drones after dinner, but he rarely ate in the cafeteria without Helios. After debating too long and risking Lynx himself coming to intercept me, I ended up going for Dimitri and Matteo’s table that Nate was also at.

  “You need something, Gary?” Dimitri asked with a raised eyebrow as I plopped down.

  “No, not really,” I confessed, not having thought my actions through on this next part. “You guys just seem safe right now, so just ignore me. I didn’t want to avoid meals or do something stupid like skip them when I’m still recovering from being stupid before. And apparently I’m stress eating, so that’s new but—”

  “So something happened with Lynx, and you’re avoiding anywhere he might sit down next to you,” Matteo surmised, studying me carefully. “Talking to him out?”

  “Yeah, it’s out and so am I,” I muttered.

  “Wait, so you’re all upset and crashing our table because you hooked up with a player and you’re shocked he kept playing?” Nate asked, giving me a look like I was stupid.

  His attitude and putting salt on my gaping wound was the only excuse I had for what came out of my mouth.

  “Yeah, my mom’s right that you’re a bit big for britches. Matteo is a legendary warrior, and he’s friends with Dimitri who’s a young warrior and number two at one of the best camps. They totally have reasons for the awesome air around them. You’re a brand new warrior that has no notable accomplishments, and yet you act like you’re Alexander, sitting here with the big dogs like you belong at the table instead of mated into it.”