by Sherri Hayes
“I’m sorry, Gabby. You can’t know how sorry I am.” He leaned in, his lips beckoning her. It would be so easy to forget—lose herself in him again.
As tempting as it was, she couldn’t do it. “So you made the decision for me.”
That seemed to bring him up short. He looked down at her, confused.
With a little room to breathe, Gabby was able to think more clearly. “You didn’t trust me to make the decision for myself, so you made it for me.”
“That’s not—”
“That’s exactly what you did.” Gabby stepped out of his arms, feeling her anger return. She concentrated on that and not his half-naked body. “You didn’t trust me to decide for myself, to decide what was best for me.”
He seemed stunned by her outburst, but she kept going.
“You had no right to decide for me, Jax. None. It was my decision and you took it away from me.”
Before he could respond, Gabby ducked under his arm and made a beeline for her bedroom. She slammed the door shut and turned the lock, something she rarely ever did, and let her back slide along the wood as she lowered herself to the floor.
Several minutes passed with no sound coming from the hallway. It was like a replay of earlier that night, except she wasn’t crying this time. Of course, as soon as she heard his footsteps retreating down the hall, her anger began to dissipate, leaving her feeling raw and exposed.
She’d heard the saying ‘rip your heart out’ over the years, and she’d thought she understood it after Jax left the first time, but what she was feeling now was much worse. He’d chosen for her, not trusting that she would do what was right for her and her baby. It was as if the wounds from him leaving three years ago, wounds she’d worked desperately to heal, had been ripped open again and had salt poured into them.
Forcing herself up, she went to her desk and turned on her computer. There was no way she was going to be able to sleep, so she might as well do something productive. It was a good thing she was in the middle of writing a shootout between the hero and the bad guys. She needed to get out some of her frustration, and what better way than to kill some fictional characters? It was a better option than breaking something over the head of a certain man who was currently sleeping on her couch, which sounded pretty good at the moment.
Gabby closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and let her fingers dance over the keys. She poured all her anger out, letting it consume her hero as he closed in on one of the bad guys. By the time she finished the scene, her hero was covered in blood with four dead bodies lying at his feet, but Gabby had to admit she felt a little better.
As she sat there staring at the words she’d written, she began to feel the lateness of the hour. She knew she needed to at least try and get a few hours’ sleep.
After saving her work, she powered down her computer and stood, stretching her stiff muscles. She’d been sitting in the same position for hours.
Gabby could barely keep her eyes open as she crossed the room to her bed.
The mattress dipped when she crawled under the covers. She rested her head on her pillow, letting its softness soothe her even more. Within seconds, she was asleep.
***
It was a long night. Jax ended up spending most of it staring at the Christmas tree. The lights weren’t on, but it was better than staring at the ceiling.
He kept replaying what Gabby had said over and over in his mind. Was she right? Had he not trusted her? It hadn’t played out that way in his head at the time, but he did recall his mom saying something along those lines.
Eventually, the first rays of the sun began peeking through the curtains and he decided sleep wasn’t going to come for him. He slipped on his jeans, folded the sheet and blanket Gabby had given him the night before, and placed them on the end of the couch with his pillow. Then he went to the kitchen to see what he could dig up for breakfast.
Gabby’s refrigerator contained everything he needed to make a decent breakfast. He pulled out the eggs, milk, ham, cheese, and found some potatoes and onions in her pantry. Considering how early it was, Jax didn’t figure Gabby would be up for a while but that didn’t mean he couldn’t fix something for both of them. Besides, it might help him get back in her good graces again. That was probably wishful thinking on his part, but it couldn’t hurt.
Jax turned the oven on to preheat and took his time cutting the ham, potatoes, and onions before mixing them together with the eggs, milk, and cheese. By the time he had everything combined, the oven was ready. He poured everything into a glass baking dish, covered it with tinfoil, and popped it in to cook.
Once that was done, he was left wondering how he should pass the time. He wanted to check on Gabby, but something told him that wasn’t such a good idea. She’d been pissed at him last night. The last thing he wanted was to make it worse.
A brief look outside told him that things hadn’t improved much during the night. Icicles hung from the tree branches and car mirrors. A glance at the roads confirmed that the snow plows hadn’t been through and he doubted they’d see them anytime soon. If the rest of the city was like this, the salt crews would have their hands full making sure the main roads were clear.
Jax picked up his phone from where he’d left it on the coffee table and checked his email. He’d gotten eight new messages in the last twelve hours, five of them from clients. If he’d known he was going to be stuck here for any length of time, he would have brought his laptop.
Two hours later, his belly full of the breakfast casserole he’d made, he sat on the couch, flipping through channels on the television, trying to find something decent to watch that wasn’t cartoons. That was where Gabby found him. Or, at least, that’s where he was when she strolled out of her bedroom. She completely ignored him and walked into the kitchen.
He debated for a split second whether or not to give her some space but decided against it. Taking his time, he made his way into the kitchen and rested his elbows on the island. “I made breakfast casserole.”
She opened the dishwasher and began putting dishes away. Once she’d finished with that, she went to the refrigerator, took out the orange juice, and poured herself a glass.
“Are you not talking to me this morning?” he asked.
“There’s nothing to say.”
Gabby didn’t even bother to look at him. She did, however, lift up the foil on the casserole. He wondered for a moment if she was going to pass on it, but she got a plate out of the cabinet and scooped out a healthy portion for herself.
After heating her food up in the microwave, she brought her plate to the table and sat down, bypassing Jax.
He went to take the seat across from her. While he wanted to continue their conversation from last night, he thought he’d start out with something a little safer. “The roads are still covered with ice. I’m honestly surprised we didn’t lose power.”
She glanced up at him, and then went back to her food.
“It looks like I’m going to be stuck here for a little while longer.”
Nothing.
“Are you planning to ignore me all day?”
Gabby finished swallowing and took a drink of her orange juice before she spoke. “I haven’t decided yet.”
“I think we need to talk.”
Again, she remained silent.
He waited until her plate was empty. “I was wrong.”
That seemed to get her attention. Or at least he thought it did until she stood and took her plate to the sink without saying a word.
Jax pushed away from the table and followed her into the kitchen. “I thought about what you said and you were right. I should have talked to you . . . told you what the doctor said. It was wrong of me to take that choice away from you.”
She stilled, her gaze never leaving her hands.
It was now or never. Jax knew he needed to put it all out there because if he didn’t, he might never get another chance. “I was scared. Terrified. When I found out, I didn’t know what to do. The
doctor wanted to see me again to discuss my options. I almost didn’t go. I might not have if not for my dad.”
“You told your dad, but not me.” It was the first sign she was actually listening to him.
“I don’t know why, but yes. As soon as I got the call I drove to his work and waited for him.”
Gabby pressed her lips together and gripped the sink in front of her. He knew he’d hurt her again.
“We sat in the parking lot until sunset and he convinced me to keep the appointment.” Jax shook his head and took a step closer, longing to reach out for her but knowing he shouldn’t. “The doctor said my best chance was to go to a hospital in Chicago. They were doing some cutting-edge stuff with lasers and he said it was my best chance at getting the mass removed without causing permanent damage.”
He saw her blink and hoped she wasn’t going to start crying. There was no way he’d be able to stop himself from trying to comfort her if he saw tears.
“It took me three days to decide to do as the doctor suggested and go to Chicago.” He didn’t hold anything back. “I told you I had to go see a client.”
“I don’t want to hear any more.” She spun on her heels and practically ran to her bedroom.
Jax hightailed it right after her. He’d run away three years ago and look where it had gotten them.
The door to her room began closing in his face and he thrust his hand out to stop it.
“Leave me alone, Jax. I don’t want to talk,” she yelled through the semi-closed door.
“That’s too bad because I’m not going anywhere. We need to talk about this.”
“No, we don’t. It doesn’t matter anymore. You left. What more is there to say?” He could have sworn he heard some of the same shakiness in her voice from the night before, and suddenly her running away made sense. She didn’t want him to see her cry again.
“I’m coming in.” It was all the notice he gave before pushing the door open and walking inside.
Gabby stood near the center of the room, her face flushed and her eyes full of moisture. “Why are you doing this?”
“Because I need to tell you. It’s been hanging between us and we can’t keep dancing around it.” It was killing him to keep his hands to himself, but he managed it somehow. “Taylor deserves better than two parents who avoid each other whenever possible.”
“I don’t—”
“Yes. You do,” he said in the gentlest tone possible.
Sitting down on the edge of her bed, she crossed her arms and fixed him with a hard stare. “Fine. Let’s talk. Did you even think about telling me the truth back then?”
“Yes.”
“So why didn’t you?”
He saw the fire in her eyes again and knew he needed to tread lightly. “I didn’t want to scare you if it was nothing, so I wanted to wait and see what the other doctor in Chicago said. I was hoping the specialist I’d seen here in St. Louis was wrong.”
She waited.
“While I was waiting to see the new doctor, I couldn’t help but look around. Almost everyone there was with someone—a husband, a wife, a parent. They varied in age to not much older than me to my parents’ age. But the one thing they had in common was how worn out they looked. They all looked exhausted. I knew if the doctor didn’t have good news for me that this would be my fate, too. Our fate.”
Unable to handle being so far away from her any longer, Jax took a seat beside her on the bed. She stiffened. He didn’t know if she was bracing herself for whatever came next, or if she feared what would happen if he touched her. Especially considering where they were.
“The doctor laid it all out for me. Best case scenario would more than likely include months of physical therapy.” He sighed. “I couldn’t do that to you. Or Taylor. So I chose to leave you both, hoping that if I made it I could come back to you.”
Chapter 7
Gabby was trying her best to hold on to her temper. “And what if things didn’t go well? Huh? You could have died and we never would have known.”
“Yes, you would have. And you would have been taken care of. I’d made sure of that. Even before I went to Chicago, I updated my will to make you and Taylor my sole beneficiaries. The life insurance would have—”
She stood abruptly. “Do you think I care about that? That somehow money would have made it better if we had lost you?” Tears were streaming down her face again and there was nothing she could do to stop them.
“I didn’t mean—”
“Of course you didn’t. You didn’t mean anything.”
Jax eased himself into a standing position, almost as if he were afraid if he moved too fast he would spook her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. That was the opposite of what I wanted. But I thought a little hurt now would save you from a bigger hurt later. I see now that I was wrong.” Stepping forward, he placed his hands on her forearms and waited until she looked at him. “If I could go back and do it over, I would do things differently, but I can’t. All I can do is say I’m sorry and try to make it up to you if I can.”
“How?” She sniffed, hating that she was such an emotional mess. “How are you going to make it up to us?”
“I want to be a good dad to Taylor. To be there for her when she needs me. To see her grow up, and even to help chase the boys away when she’s old enough to start dating.”
Gabby couldn’t help but chuckle at that.
He slid his hands up her arms and cupped her face between his palms. “I promise I won’t take off again.”
“I don’t know if I can trust you.” She whispered the words because that was all she could manage at the moment. The pull she always felt toward him was there, even though seconds ago she was ready to throttle him.
A small step forward closed the gap between them until their chests were touching. “Give me time. I’ll prove it to you.”
She closed her eyes, trying to steady herself—an almost impossible task when he was standing so close to her. “I don’t know . . .”
“Please, Gabby. Give me one more chance. I promise you won’t regret it.”
His mouth was a breath away from hers. It would be so easy to give in—to let her hormones take control again. But she’d done that before. Twice. And it had gotten them nowhere.
Before she could talk herself out of it, Gabby pulled away.
He didn’t reach for her again, letting his arms fall to his sides.
She took a deep breath, trying to clear her head. Every time he was near her entire body went into hyperdrive. “I need some time to think.”
Jax looked disappointed but nodded anyway. “I understand.”
They stood there for several minutes, the air between them becoming charged again. She knew they needed to get out of her bedroom. “Have you checked the weather this morning?”
“Not much change from last night. They’re asking people to stay off the streets so the plows can salt the roads.”
Gabby moved to her dresser. “I’m going to shower and then see if I can get some writing done.”
“I’ll try to stay out of your way.” With that, he turned and walked out of the room, leaving her alone.
Grabbing a clean pair of underwear, bra, and a change of clothes, Gabby headed for the bathroom. Once the door was closed behind her, she felt as if she could breathe again. Or at least, better. Knowing they were both stuck there for the time being wasn’t helping. She didn’t like feeling trapped in general, but with all the emotions flooding through her she felt as if she’d been thrown into the deep end of a pool without knowing how to swim to the other side.
Warm steam filled the room as she removed her pajamas and threw them into the hamper that was almost overflowing. She’d need to do laundry today. It would give her something to do to take her mind off Jax. As much as she wanted to write, she wasn’t sure she would be able to focus. She’d written the big fight scene the night before and all that was left was the final reunion of the two main characters. Given the intensity of the story�
��s climax, and its tone, it needed to be both sweet and sexy and Gabby wasn’t feeling either of those at the moment.
Okay, she was feeling somewhat sexy. It was impossible not to when Jax looked at her the way he did—like he wanted to rip her clothes off right then and there.
Gabby groaned when she realized the direction her thoughts were taking. It was always like this. All she had to do was think about him and she began remembering all the things he could do to her body.
Grabbing her shower gel, Gabby added a large dollop to her loofah. She kneaded the gel into the fibers with a little water until it was covered in suds and ran it over her skin. Even though her loofah felt nothing like Jax’s hands, the sensation lit up the nerve endings in her arms, stomach, and breasts. She was a hot ball of arousal by the time she rinsed herself off.
There was only a moment’s hesitation before she reached for the removable showerhead. She’d invested in one not long after Jax left. With a baby in the house, the shower was one of the few times she had to herself and she’d made the most of it.
She turned the dial on the showerhead from the gentle spray she used to wash to something with a little more pressure behind it. Then she rested her back against the side of the shower and spread her legs. The moment the water hit her already sensitive clit, she had to bite her lip to keep from moaning.
Closing her eyes, she let her mind go where it wanted. She could feel his hands ghosting over her body, coaxing her closer and closer to orgasm.
Her body heated at memories of him between her legs, running his tongue over her sex, circling her clit. It had been so long since she’d felt his mouth on her like that.
Gabby gasped as her grip on the showerhead slipped a little and the water hit a new spot. She blindly searched for something to hold on to as she climbed higher toward her goal. Oh.
Every muscle in her body clenched and she yelled out as she reached her climax. All of the want and need she’d been feeling finally found release. She lowered the showerhead and sagged against the wall as her breathing slowly returned to normal.