Scandalous Past

by A H S Salt

  I pushed my worries off to the side.

  Deciding to take Macey’s go for it attitude.

  “You’re right! I’m old enough to know what I want. So what if I end up falling for him, everyone will just have to deal with it. We’re two grown adults that can decide for ourselves.” I said, feeling reassured everything would work itself out.

  “It could be worse. I could walk in on my brother having sex with my best friend again.” I sarcastically added in, before taking another sip of my coffee.

  “Ouch, low blow!” Macey replied, her hand reached for her chest pretending to be hurt by my smart mouth comment.

  “I have to admit your brother is so hot!” Macey said, resting her head against the cushions getting lost in thought.

  Scrunching my face up “Oh, my God. You’re imagining having sex with my brother again. Stop!” I begged, unable to get the image of them having sex out of my head.

  “Obviously!” She added, “Your brother has many talents in and out the bedroom-”

  “-Macey… stop!” I scolded. She laughed louder at the fact that she knew it was awkward for me.

  Laying her mug down on the table, my best friend pushed to her feet, going from having fun, to an expression that alerted me to something was wrong.

  “I need to show you something” She muttered suddenly.

  Noticing the sudden change in her body language.

  “Show me what?” I asked. She took a few seconds before answering me.

  “I’m not trying to burst your bubble or upset you,” She said more softly, as she walked towards the kitchen.

  I sat up and placed my mug alongside hers, suddenly on edge.

  I frowned “Macey, just tell me already!”

  Within seconds she appeared with fresh lilies perfectly gift-wrapped with cello, pink ribbon, and a small white card.

  My eyes flickered to the fresh bouquet.

  My heart started palpitating, uneasiness rose in the pit of my stomach. I felt the sense of dread truly sinking in. She didn’t pass them to me. She dropped them down, disregarding them on the table. I tore my gaze away from the flowers and looked at my best friend.

  “Is this a joke?” I choked out. She knew I hated flowers.

  She shook her head “I swear I didn’t order these” Macey said, staring back down at the lilies. Most women would no doubt love flowers being delivered, but not me.

  I don’t like flowers, I never have. For me personally, they symbolize a sign of guilt. I also knew that if Macey didn’t buy them then the sudden arrival of such flowers meant someone from my past had found me. Macey reached over and grabbed the card, holding it toward me. I swallowed hard when my gaze lowered to the note.

  You are, and always will be mine x

  I took the card from her.

  “It’s him?” I exclaimed, confirming my own suspicions. I threw the small card down next to the flowers and wrapped my arms around myself holding tight, feeling vulnerable.

  “How do you know?”

  I glanced at the note “He used to say those words to me after an argument” I answered, my voice barely a whisper.

  I looked at Macey.

  “He’s found me,” I said. My eyes filled with tears, I was trying my best not to let them fall.

  I will not be a victim again.

  Feeling like the room was losing oxygen, I stood and paced the living room.

  My chest rose and fell with rapid breaths.

  “This can’t be happening” I ran a hand through my hair, “I thought all of that was in my past. I haven’t seen Elijah in six months!” Feeling a migraine coming on, from the stress of what was unfolding, I stopped, unsure of where to go or what to do.

  I glanced around feeling like a caged animal. Panting. Panicking. My sight blurred.

  Macey rushed at me, grabbing my hands, guiding me to the couch “Sit down, before you fall down” She ordered “Everything is going to be okay…. Okay?” She waited for a response. I nodded silently. She turned, lifting the card and her smartphone from the coffee table.

  She swiped at her screen, tapping away with a frown that caused a deep line between her brows.

  “What are you doing?” I questioned.

  She held her smartphone to her ear “They were delivered, so they must have a record of who ordered them”

  I sat, biting my bottom lip, watching my best friend.

  Elijah, my ex-boyfriend was the only person that sent me Lillie’s when he would pretend to apologize, whenever he had done something wrong, only to turn the argument around and have me apologizing to him in the end. He always knew I would forgive him, promising me he would never do it again, until the next time. He was manipulating me and I couldn’t see through it. Everyone kept telling me, but I wouldn’t listen. Friendships ended as I was sure they just wanted to sleep with him. I was consumed with jealousy all through our relationship.

  It had taken me months to get out of that negative way of thinking. I believed every word he would say. He made me believe it was my fault. He blamed me for everything that went wrong in his life. I had to pack up and move to a different part of the city after he humiliated me.

  Never again, will I ever be used like that.

  I was foolish to think he loved me; it was all about being in control.

  “Hello?” Macey chirped, she put on her sweet calm voice “I got a lovely set of Lillie’s today, but there’s no name on the card. So, I don’t know who to thank. I was wondering if you could tell me who sent them.” My eyes followed Macey as she paced the Living room, determined to find out information.

  “Jessica Kelling. Apartment five, 23rd street” Macey said confidently, pretending to be me. She covered her hand over her phone slightly.

  “They were paid by cash” She whispered to me. She listened briefly, lowering her gaze to the floor.

  “Do you know if it was a male or female who sent them?” She added “That’s great. Thank you” She said nicely “No, no that’s everything.” Macey ended the call, then put her phone down on the table before making her way toward me.

  “Was it Elijah?” A part of me held a flicker of hope it was just a coincidence.

  She shrugged “Whoever it was left no name” Macey answered “But the flowers were paid for in cash and it was a male who had bought them” She informed, sitting back down to join me on the couch.

  “Mace, it’s him. It’s Elijah”

  I leaned forward with my elbows on my knees and my hands through my hair.

  “I can’t do this. Not again!” I muttered, more to myself than to her.

  Macey scooted closer to me “Jess, you don’t know for certain if it’s Elijah” She said softly, rubbing a gentle hand over my back.

  I stared at her “It’s him!” I stressed.

  Feeling the panic rising within me, I burst out crying.

  “Jess! Jessica” My best friend demanded my attention “Look at me!” She dropped to her knees and grabbed my wrists firmly in her hands, enticing me to look at her.

  I glanced up at the ceiling willing the tears to stop.

  “Jessica May Kelling!” The chastising tone in Macey’s voice had me staring at her and blinking through the tears that were refusing to stop.

  “You’re stronger now,” She said firmly “You’ve come too far, to let him break you down again! Don’t you let him get into your head. Do you hear me?”

  I nodded through my sniffles.

  “That’s my girl” Macey plonked herself back down, flopping against the cushions.

  “If he wants to play mind games, we’ll make sure we’re one step ahead!” She assured. Somehow her words calmed me down.

  “I don’t know what I would do without you Mace” I admitted.

  “Lucky for you, you’ll never find out” She scoffed, reaching for her coffee.

  I rubbed my hands over my face, feeling rather foolish that I was allowing my ex to torment me all over again.

  “I thought your dad put a different name on t
he lease?” Macey said, settling back next to me, and cradling her mug.

  I pulled my knees closer to my chin.

  “He did.” I declared, my thoughts drifted to my dad, and how I turned to him when I needed him the most. Having always been close to my dad, I knew he could make it go away.

  “He got his lawyers, to make sure Elijah couldn’t come within two feet of me!” I added.

  “Say for argument sake, it is Elijah. How did he find you?”

  My lungs expanded on a deep breath.

  “I don’t know” I admitted.

  I cut ties from all his circle of friends. I stopped going to the coffee shops we both ventured to. I was living on the opposite of the city, nothing should have tied me to this building.

  I laid down and rested my head on Macey’s knee.

  “Jess, you have to tell your dad,” She said softly, as she gently stroked my hair, sipping her coffee.

  “He will know what to do.” She added, desperately trying to reassure me.

  “I can’t Mace,” I said, my voice catching “You should have seen his face. I’ve never seen my dad so heartbroken at not being able to protect me from Elijah.” Having raised his concerns several times over the course of our two-year relationship, I kept telling him that I was okay. If only I could have seen the signs earlier. I would have told him I wasn’t happy. Instead, I lied to him and Riley. My brother didn’t like Elijah from the moment he met him.

  “Jessica, he made him go away once. He can do it again!”

  “Macey, I can’t” I murmured.

  I sat up. My eyes locked on the lilies.

  Forcing myself to get up and deal with it the only way I knew how, I reached down grabbing the flowers, then made my way into the kitchen, rage simmering within me. I threw them into the trash and just stood staring vacantly at them - knowing that this is only the beginning of Elijah playing mind games with me. Something that he was very good at, and I was too naive to notice, but I was ready to take the battle to him.

  “Feel better?” I turned to see Macey standing, leaning against the fridge having just witnessed my outburst.

  “No, not till I confront him!” I replied.

  She abandoned her mug on the counter.

  “Jessica, you can’t be serious!” Macey screwed up her face in confusion “That’s what he wants, you know that.”

  I made my way past her, reaching for my jacket and pulling my phone out my pocket to switch it on. I laid it down on the couch, leaving it to load, as I made my way to the bathroom.

  “I have to,” I told her “Elijah needs to know once and for all that he has to leave me alone!”

  “Jessica!” Macey was quick to follow me.

  I cut her off.

  “Mace, I need to confront him. Maybe if he sees how strong and less vulnerable I am now. Maybe he will leave me alone and never bother me again. I won’t take his bullshit, I promise. You know, I’m more than ready to confront him. I knew it was only going to be a matter of time before I had to.” Macey grabbed my arm just as we entered the bathroom halting me to a stop, forcing me to face her.

  Her eyes took on a sad gleam.

  “I watched you struggle through those two years. You begged me not to tell anyone. I did that for you. Do you know how hard it was for me to sit back and to know how he was treating you?” She choked back tears, trying her best to keep strong. I knew the guilt had been eating at her. I told her to back off and leave my relationship alone. I hated myself for forcing her to keep something so twisted between us.

  “I’m stronger now” I raised my brows. I went to step around her but she intercepted me.

  “I see how strong you’ve become, but Jess! Its Elijah” She empathized “If you let your guard down for a split-second, he will worm his way back.”

  I cocked my head at her “Mace” I sighed “I’ll be fine. I’m not in love with him anymore. It’s different now.” I reassured her, reaching for the brass taps.

  I stripped out of my clothes waiting for the water to heat up. I had always been confident with my body and had been naked around Macey before. We didn’t even take notice anymore.

  “I still don’t like the idea of you going to see him” She added.

  “I know,” I said.

  “Elijah is nothing but trouble”

  “I know!” I shot back, growing irritated.

  Macey pulled herself up on the sink area, with her back against the mirror when I stepped into the shower. Something we often did to keep each other company. Closing my eyes, I embraced the water beating down on my head.

  “When do you plan on going?” She asked.

  I roamed my hands over my slick hair.

  “Tomorrow, after hot yoga,” Bikram yoga was my go-to whenever I needed to free myself from day to day stress.

  “That soon?”

  “Yeah” I answered, rubbing my hands over my face. The sooner the better in my eyes.

  Grabbing my favorite chocolate scented body wash, my hands roamed freely, cleaning all of Cillian off me. Of course, making myself clean for the next round.

  “You’re not going alone, I’ll come with you. I’m off work for a few days” Macey’s words caught me off guard. I stepped back from the water, slathering my body until it was foamy.

  I tossed her a questionable stare.

  “You’re going to come to hot yoga?” The only exercise Macey does is the sexercise she frequently has.

  She shot me a look.

  “Hell no! The confronting Elijah part,” She said, as she went through all my beauty products, opening them and applying different lotions to her hands.

  I stepped under the hot water, to rinse the body wash off “You can come if you wait in the car.” I bluntly told her. I reached up and turned the taps off. Macey was quick to toss me a towel. I wrapped it around myself, before stepping out towards the large mirror that covered most of the wall. I moved my hands in circular motions rubbing off the steam. Both of us stood for a moment, admiring ourselves in the mirror. I spritzed my favorite Chanel perfume over my wet skin, applied my mascara and eyeliner then wrapped my hair up and into a clip.

  My best friend followed me through to the bedroom.

  “Fine, I’ll stay in the car. But if he gets too hands-on. I’ll be in there in a heartbeat. Beating his sorry ass!”

  I rummaged around in my underwear drawer.

  “The scary thing about that - is I believe you. I’ve seen you fight, I would not like to be on the receiving end of your wrath.”

  Macey sprawled over my already messy bed.

  “When?” She asked curiously.

  I looked at her in my smaller vanity mirror that was sitting on my chest of drawers and raised my brow at her.

  “Months back, at that house party, your pick of the night took us to.” I reminded her.

  Lifting her hands up defensively.

  “Hey, that was not my fault!” She said, knowing exactly what I was talking about “The girl called me a slut. Just because I slept with her boyfriend”

  “Her boyfriend” I pointed out.

  “I did nothing wrong. Wasn’t my fault she wasn’t up for a threesome” She shrugged.

  “Mace. You punched her in the face!” I held her gaze in the mirror “You broke her nose”

  She lifted her shoulders in a dismissive shrug.

  “Personally I like to think that I saved her money on surgery,” She remarked.

  “Come on” She coaxed “Less about me,”

  She quickly changed the subject.

  “Did I hear right. Are you seeing Cillian tonight?” She asked. I looked over my shoulder. She was kicking her legs up and down with her chin perched on her hands.

  I knew damn well she would have been listening to me and Cillian.

  I rolled my eyes “Fine” I sighed “We can add that on to the list of things you refuse to talk about”

  Typical.

  “Whatever!” She countered “We can both sit here and talk about how fucked up I a
m when it comes to emotions or you can tell me more about you and Cillian” She replied, with a smile teasing her lips.

  Damn it! She knows I would rather talk than argue.

  I was surprised Macey was keen to know more, especially having got off on the wrong note with Cillian earlier. I turned and rummaged around in my top drawers, trying to decide which panties.

  White lace, black lace or red lace.

  I was in desperate need of new underwear, everything seemed to be practically the same.

  “Okay, then let’s talk about me and Cillian,” I said. More than happy to turn the conversation around.

  I turned to face Macey showing off my choice of panties, having chosen the white lace. I held the panties up, and twirled them around my finger, with a smirk on my face.

  “Yes, I’m seeing him tonight and I plan on wearing just these and my Mac.”

  “Oh… naughty” She said with a teasing brow. I grabbed my Scarlet Red nail polish from the chest of drawers and sat on the bed, bringing my knee up closer to paint my toes.

  Macey insisted on telling me every sex position she had mastered the night before.

  The next few hours passed in a blur.

  Both of us lazed around watching the last season of Person of Interest. I was unable to concentrate much, from the unsettling feeling that had me near enough sick to my stomach. I was unsure if it was giddy nerves from spending the morning with Cillian, or the thought of having to see Elijah for the first time in months.

  Trying my best to focus on the TV show, I sprawled out on the couch, trying to keep Elijah from entering my thoughts.

  1

  SCANDALOUS PAST

  CHAPTER 8

  I scrunched my hair between my hands, hoping it would give me a bit of volume.

  “Maybe, I should just get you to blow dry my hair,” I stressed, turning to Macey for her advice, as she lay on the corner couch, flipping through the TV channels.

  She stared at me.

  “Jess, you look fine. Why are you nervous? You’ve known Cillian… like forever!”

  “I know… I don’t know!” I groaned, trying to answer her question, shaking my head having just confused myself.