Scandalous Past

by A H S Salt

  I cleared my throat before looking at her.

  “How do you like your coffee?” I asked nervously, the atmosphere was growing thick.

  “Black please,” She smiled over her shoulder. She made her way toward the window. I watched as she took in the city below. Black coffee that’s something they have in common at least. Cillian stood with his back against the counter, one leg in front of the other and his arms crossed as he stood, watching his mom take in the view.

  “She just won’t take no for an answer,” He whispered “Why won’t she just leave me alone”

  “Talk to her and find out” I reached for some biscuits and placed them on a small saucer “See what she has to say,” I said, encouraging him to make the first move. I carried on preparing the coffees adding a splash of cream to mine.

  “Jess-,” Cillian hesitated for a second. Clearly torn apart by the sudden arrival of his mom.

  I cut him off “-Cillian, she’s your mom” I whispered, taking a step closer to him. The fact that she had shown up meant for something.

  I just had to get Cillian to see reason.

  With pleading eyes “Give her a chance to explain” I begged.

  He stood staring at me for a lingering second. His features remained impassive as he cautiously approached his mom. She stood admiring the view only inches from her son who she wanted to reconnect with. Cillian’s hands reached into the pockets of his sweats and shifted uncomfortably.

  The idea of Cillian being vulnerable to anyone else had me unsettled. Here she was willing to unload her burden but had no idea the emotional pain Cillian was harboring.

  His mom glanced up, staring at him, stealing a few seconds, just taking in every inch of his face. He stood, staring vacantly at the Bay, not once looking down at her. I held two mugs of black coffee, walking towards them extending my hand to her, realizing I didn’t even know her name. As she accepted the mug from my hand, I offered it to her again.

  “I’m Jessica.” I politely exchanged, hoping she would tell me her name.

  Shaking my hand gently “Annie,” She replied with a smile.

  “Nice to meet you, Annie.” I smiled back at her. Cillian turned to face me, not once looking at Annie. I held up his mug waiting for him to take it from me.

  He accepted the mug and leaned into my ear.

  “I’ll thank you later” He whispered full of promises.

  I blushed from his words that made me nibble my bottom lip with my teeth. I made my way back into the kitchen. I sat at the kitchen island not wanting to disturb them, sipping my coffee, scrolling through my cell phone, checking out the showbiz pages to see if any new pictures of us had been released. It had become a hobby of mine, to find photos of us. I printed them out from Cillian’s home office, next to the bedroom and stored them in a cardboard box waiting for the albums and frames I had ordered from Etsy.

  “Jessica.” I looked up from my mug to Cillian calling my name. He didn’t have to ask, I knew he needed me by his side for moral support. I placed my phone down, grabbed the small plate of biscuits and my coffee and went to him. They sat on opposite couches, not wanting to get too close.

  They literally were strangers to each other. It was to the point of awkwardness. I put the biscuits on the table then sat down next to him, tugging at my bathrobe being careful not to expose too much skin as I tucked my legs under my bottom.

  “I was hoping to have some time alone with you,” She said, glancing at me before looking down at her mug. I felt uneasy at her wanting privacy, I could only imagine how Cillian felt. She had left him behind and went on to start a new life and she had the nerve to ask him that! I knew that was off the table for Cillian, to grant her a request she had no right asking for. I was sure it would trigger him off to bring up his past. I had come to learn his bluntness towards people, was his way of putting his guard up to prevent getting close to others. Almost as if he was guarding his heart against being broken anymore. Being with me and my family was the only time he was relaxed and warm in manner.

  “You decide, after all these years, you want some alone time with me?” He seethed with anger “Wow, aren’t you mother of the year!” His words caught me off guard. My hand covered my mouth trying to stop the coffee from surging through my nose as I tried to contain my choking.

  I looked at him in shock, I didn’t expect him to be so sharp with his choice of words. Maybe a stern no or even silence but Cillian didn’t flinch, he kept his eyes firmly on Annie.

  “I understand that you are angry. If you just give me a chance, Cilly please,” She asked, pleading with him.

  I had no idea Cillian had a nickname.

  My lip curled as I bit down on my bottom lip, unsure how this was going to turn out. I sat immobile next to Cillian, not once looking in either of their direction. My hands wrapped around my mug a little tighter as the tension intensified.

  Cillian edged closer to the end of his seat “Don’t you dare sit there and call me Cilly, that was my nickname my father had the right to call me” He warned. My stare darted to Cillian. Why did I encourage him to let her in? Well done Jessica.

  Cillian turned, shifting in his seat enough to look Annie in the face, placing his mug on the table.

  “You had your chance!” He tossed out “You decided motherhood wasn’t for you. Now you need me to forgive you, so you don’t need to carry the guilt around with you?” His voice got louder as he tried to contain his anger. I had never seen him this wound up. He looked away, his jaw pulsated as he sought to calm himself down. I placed my hand on him, stroking his back softly.

  She frowned “It wasn’t like that”

  I eyed Cillian for a second. I caused all of this. I was the one that encouraged him to invite her in. I was the reason he was in so much emotional turmoil.

  “No?” He said tightly, staring back at her “Then what was it like, walking out on your husband and your son?” He demanded to know.

  Lost for words, Annie placed her mug on the coffee table, standing quickly “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…” She couldn’t finish her words as she was trying to stop herself from crying. She grabbed her bag and made her way towards the hall.

  “That’s it, run away! That’s what you did when I was younger. Why change now!” Cillian snapped at her bitterly as he pushed up to his feet. I watched as it all unfolded in front of my eyes.

  I had to try and help. He had to let go of the hurt and anger it wasn’t good for either of them if they had any chance of moving forward.

  “Annie, stop!” I yelled, placing my mug on the table with such a rush, some coffee spilled onto the glass as I darted after her.

  She was already halfway down the hall.

  “Let her go, Jess! That’s what she does!” I turned to him throwing my hands up in frustration.

  “Cillian” I sighed. It wasn’t doing him any good holding on to the pain of being abandoned.

  Frustrated, he stood rubbing his hands over his face, he was struggling to come to terms with his mother walking back into his life, I knew it was bound to be hard on them both. I remember the look on his face every time I would walk away from him, and it was only over silly arguments. He looked like he was getting abandoned all over again.

  No more it had to stop now!

  “Please, Annie.” I laid my hand on her arm, she took a deep breath before turning to me. She pulled out a tissue from her jacket pocket and patted dry her tears, she looked emotionally broken, having been rejected by her son.

  She had to realize it wasn’t going to be easy.

  It shouldn’t have, but the rollercoaster of emotions had me close to tears “Please, don’t give up just yet. Give him time, you’re not going to get him overnight. You need to gain his trust. Show him you won’t just walk away when things get tough.” I gave her a sympathetic smile, hoping she would keep fighting to be part of her sons’ life. It was going to be a challenge, but one I knew Cillian was capable of giving a try. His heart was big enough.

  “D
on’t give up,” I repeated “He just needs more time. Try again in a few days… Baby steps.”

  “Your right.” She sighed, agreeing with me.

  Reaching over I opened the door, knowing it had been enough catching up for one day, for all of us.

  “Thank you, Jessica,” She replied. I gave her a hug, smiling to myself, hoping I had started their journey.

  A journey they would both need to take together at some point.

  1

  SCANDALOUS PAST

  CHAPTER 21

  I made my way back towards Cillian, who was still standing by the window. His usual strong and confident shoulders were visibly tense as he stood taking in the city below. He didn’t move as my arms wrapped around him. Instead, my touch had him holding me tighter.

  Our hold of one another had become something we both needed, at times when we felt defenseless. I laid my cheek on his back, breathing in his sweet smell.

  I had to try and let him know it was okay to express his feelings when it came to his mother.

  “She’s not going to go away Cillian. I know she hurt you, but she’s trying to make amends.” I whispered, not wanting an argument.

  We were due to go for a late lunch, the last thing I wanted was an awkward atmosphere. My grip loosened from around him, he hadn’t said anything. I was prepared to give him the space he needed from the situation.

  I turned to make my way back to the bedroom, to get ready.

  Simple and casual was what I had in mind.

  “Jessica.” His voice was soft. I turned to face him.

  “Yeah?” I answered back. He turned his head to glance at me from his side view for a second, before looking back to stare out of the window again.

  I eyed him for a moment “You okay, baby?” I asked. I wanted to go to him, hold him and tell him everything was going to be okay. But I knew that Cillian would come to me when he was ready to open up. He was caught up and tangled in his emotions that I had inflicted upon him. If I didn’t push him to allow his mother a moment of his time, he wouldn’t be standing before me looking lost and broken.

  “I love you” He murmured.

  I smiled “I love you too,” I told him “You sure you are okay?” Even though I knew he wasn’t, I thought maybe asking the question would coax him to open up and talk.

  He never answered my question instead he changed the subject “I didn’t get a chance before Annie interrupted us.” He said, not in the least bit amused that she had shown up. I was sure Annie had a lot more work cut out for her, more than I had realized. He wasn’t going to let her into his life or heart so easily.

  “A chance for what?” I asked, my brows creased at his words. I made my way slowly towards him. He turned around to face me. The dark hatred gaze he had held for Annie changed to love and compassion as he locked eyes with me. The tension evaporated from his face. His lips tweaked at the edges into the faintest smile.

  “Marry me,” He said, releasing his hand from his pocket to present me with a Black leather square box. My eyes dropped to the glossy box with a Gold swirl design, a loud gasp escaped me as I tried desperately to control my breathing that had become rapid.

  How I never noticed something so bulky from his pocket I will never know, apart from his cock I was used to seeing that growing to my touch, to my voice. He caught me off guard with his proposal.

  The box alone was stunning, I could only imagine what was hidden inside.

  “Cillian” I managed to croak out, unable to get anything else from my words. My eyes glazed over, as I just stood in awe of the man who wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.

  “I’ve wanted to do this for a while. I would have asked you to marry me the first night you came home with me,” He declared, with the biggest grin that exposed his pearly whites. He stood watching my every move. He has always loved me, and I had no clue.

  “I…I” I was a stuttering mess as I watched Cillian open the box gently. My hands moved over my mouth in shock, as I stared at the Orbital Diamond Engagement Ring that was on view.

  “Jess?” His interruption jolted me out my stunned mind, realizing I hadn’t yet given him an answer. “Yes…yes, I’ll marry you” I squealed, throwing my hands around him. He held me close, the hand he held the box in, wrapped around my waist, as his other hand reached under my arms to touch my face. I couldn’t help but smile so wide that my cheeks began to hurt.

  “I love you so much, Jessica. You have no idea just how much I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” His eyes studied me, his luminous Sapphire eyes, taking in every inch of me. He truly would do anything for me. I had no doubt about it.

  “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you,” I whispered reaching up to have his lips against mine.

  I closed my eyes, as our tongues glided over one another’s. I could have gone on longer, but he pulled from our kiss, allowing the box he still held onto, to be in view again. His hand tugged at the elegant ring. I held my hand out waiting, excited to be engaged to Cillian. He held the ring in-between his fingers, slowly slipping it onto mine.

  I tilted my hand up to appreciate the ring he had chosen. I wondered if he had chosen it himself or had a helping hand, his selection was perfect either way.

  “Now you’re mine forever.” He smiled, staring down at me. His words didn’t have me pulling away from him, he loved me and needed to let me know just how much.

  Our love was worth every second.

  “Always” I shot back, allowing him to hear the words he needed comfort from. We both stood admiring the ring together.

  “We should get ready.” He encouraged “I’m sure they all want to see the ring fit for a Princess along with the woman who managed to steal Cillian Claremont’s heart.” He said with a chuckle, referring to himself as a third person. I moved my engagement ring gently around my finger, staring at every little diamond that sat within the bands.

  I stepped back “Wait, who wants to see my ring?” I asked, raising my eyebrow in question.

  He shrugged “I might have released a tell-tale sign I was about to propose to you to the media.” His words had me caught off guard.

  “You leaked the news yourself?” I questioned.

  “Yeah,” He said evenly.

  Confused but not wanting to stir up an argument I kept my feelings to myself.

  “I suspect the media will be waiting for us to leave the apartment, to get their money shot,” He replied. He never liked the paparazzi having any angle on our relationship. Why now. I could only assume he wanted to play them, how he thought was best, instead of giving them the opportunity to spread their bullshit.

  An hour or so later, we were ready and good to go, we stood waiting for the elevator, having still gone casual even after Cillian proposed. I wore my Skinny Jeans, fitted white blouse, and my Converse for comfort.

  Cillian placed a protective arm around my waist. There was plenty of time for fancy frocks. I wanted to bask in some alone time with Cillian. For I knew my mom and Macey would be sure to start wedding planning as soon as they saw the pictures that are no doubt going to be plastered all over the internet within hours. My mother has always been one for extravagant. It was only going to be a matter of time before she is hounding me about the itty-bitty details that no one would notice.

  The doors slid open allowing us to enter.

  “I was thinking the sooner, the better,” Cillian said.

  “For the wedding?” I questioned “I don’t want anything big. Just you, me and close family,”

  “You don’t want a big over the show wedding? Or a fuss made over you,” He asked. The thought of a big wedding filled me with anxiety. I had no desire for a big white wedding or the need to invite lots of guests. I even doubted we had that many friends and family between us to fill a venue.

  “No!” I assured him, “I’m not concerned about a party - I only need you” Answering his question.

  “It’s your big day,” he said softly “You can have whatev
er your heart desires” There was an overwhelming surge of love deep within his voice. I turned and laid my hand on his chest, admiring my engagement ring yet again.

  I smiled. What girl wouldn’t want to hear those words? Only I had every intention of including Cillian in every aspect of the wedding.

  “Our big day” I reminded him “I’m not going to become a bridezilla. I want a simple wedding. One that reflects our love, not what designer dress I walk down the aisle in”. I declared as the elevator came to a halt on the ground floor.

  Cillian stepped out first, leading the way “Maybe we should look at wedding planners?”

  I made a face “I think my mom would have something to say about, don’t you?”

  He stopped, held my hands in his and kissed my forehead and said “We will figure something out”

  Nodding, I smiled and gave his hands a gentle squeeze. I was surprisingly calm at the thought of getting married. I already knew what I wanted - plain and simple.

  We both walked hand in hand and made our way through the foyer. I wasn’t sure it was the appropriate time, but I knew he would need to face up to his problem soon enough.

  “Maybe your mom could have an invite?” I looked up at Cillian to see he was already staring down at me.

  His jaw clenched “Let's concentrate on one thing at a time” He said tightly.

  I exhaled harshly “Cillian, I don’t know much about your family. But I do know your mom is looking to reconnect. All I’m saying is don’t push her away” My voice lowered. I was sorry I even brought it up. It was still too raw for him.

  “She pushed me away, remember?” He interjected bitterly. His voice was cold and dead.

  He cleared his throat “And as for family” He added, reclaiming calmness “I have a few cousins who live in Vegas on my dad's side of the family. You will meet them and my uncle when we leave for Vegas in about a months time”

  I yanked my hand free and rushed in front of Cillian, taking a few quick steps back before putting my hands on his chest, stopping him in his tracks.