Daisy Fay and the Miracle Man

by Fannie Flagg

  I’ll bet Kay Bob Benson is kicking herself. She looked so stupid with a beard. I hope Flicka Hicks reads the “Dashes from Dot” column. Maybe I’ll send it to him anonymously.

  January 2, 1953

  Saturday, Michael and I went up to the Magnolia Springs Theater to see the double feature Superman and the Mole Men with Georges Reeves and Phyllis Coates and Bandit Queen, “EVERY MAN WAS A TARGET FOR HER LASH, HER BULLETS, HER KISSES” with Barbara Britton and Willard Parker. As we were buying our candy, in walked Flicka Hicks in his military school uniform. Guess who he was with! Kay Bob Benson! Going to military school must have made him stupid if he thinks Kay Bob Benson is good-looking. He bought her popcorn and everything. I was so disgusted I left Michael right in the middle of Bandit Queen and went down to the colored quarters to give Peachy Wigham and Ula Sour their presents. Peachy liked hers a lot. Ula was at the mortuary. When I told Peachy I needed a drink, she gave me an Orange Crush. I wanted Wild Turkey, so I had some and chased it with Orange Crush. I sure wouldn’t want to go to the movies with some boy named after a horse.

  January 23, 1953

  Yesterday Daddy and I were watching the Mickey Mouse Club and when we looked up, two FBI men were at the door. I knew they were from the FBI because they dressed just like Mr. Kilgore, real neat, like the men on Gang Busters.

  The short one said, “Mr. Harper, we’d like to know your whereabouts on the night of November fifth.”

  Daddy had an answer right away. He said he had spent the night with Rayette Walker, who lived at 212 Division Avenue, and that Jimmy Snow had been with him.

  The men wrote it down and said, “Well, Mr. Harper, that coincides with Miss Walker and Mr. Snow’s story.” They said they were sorry to have bothered us, but they had to do some routine checking.

  Boy, was I mad. Daddy had told me that Rayette Walker was nobody and now I find out he spent the night with her! I’ll bet all the times he was spending the night with Jimmy Snow, he’s been with her. And Daddy said he never lied to me. Ha!

  Today when I went over to the high school and got my Almond Joy from Marvin Thrasher, I asked him if he had ever heard of a woman named Rayette Walker. He asked me how in the world did I know her. I told him she was not an acquaintance of mine, but of Daddy’s and Jimmy Snow’s. He just laughed and said he didn’t doubt it, because Rayette never met a man she didn’t like. He said for me to stay away from her because she would ruin my reputation. Rayette Walker must be the woman Momma and Daddy were fighting over and the one Kay Bob Benson’s mother saw Daddy with at a beer joint. I am going to call on her tomorrow and tell her she has broken up my mother and daddy.

  January 24, 1953

  I took that picture of Momma she gave me for Christmas and the colored Bible to school today. After school I walked over to Division Avenue and found 212. It is a little white house with a front porch that looks like it is getting ready to fall down. Real low-rent, as Momma would say. I went up on the porch and knocked on the door. Nobody was home but a toy chihuahua that barked its head off.

  I waited there until six o’clock. Finally, some woman came. When she saw me sitting on the porch, she looked scared and said, “Daisy Fay, what are you doing here” She knew my name. I asked could I come inside, and she let me. By that time I remembered I had seen her working up at Nita’s Beauty Box. She looks a lot like Yvonne De Carlo, only a little heavier.

  When we got inside, she asked me if I wanted to sit down, but I wasn’t sitting in anybody’s house that was a home wrecker. I showed her my mother’s picture and told her my daddy was married to this woman and I was their child. I told her I knew she and Daddy had been fooling around. It was all over town and my mother knew it, too. What’s more, my reputation was ruined forever because I was a Jr. Debutante and needed a good reputation. And my school is having a mother-daughter supper, and now I have to go by myself all because of her.

  She looked real sad and said, “Daisy, your daddy has told me everything about you since you were born. I even saw you in the Christmas play.”

  I said, “You did?”

  And she said, “Yes, you were wonderful.”

  I asked if she had noticed that I had forgotten my lines, and she hadn’t noticed it at all.

  To get back on the track, I said, “If you know all about me, how come you stole my daddy away from a perfectly good wife and made her leave?”

  She didn’t have an answer for that one. She just said for me not to be mad at Daddy because he loved me very much, and they had never meant to hurt me or Momma. Then she added, “When you grow up, maybe you will understand,” the old famous line that they always give you.

  I told her I was in the sixth grade and read at ninth-grade level and I understood a lot, and I hated her guts for hurting my momma, and I was never going to Nita’s Beauty Box again, and for her to stay away from my daddy and leave him alone and to go out with single men, all in one sentence. She asked me if I wanted a Coca-Cola. When we went in the kitchen, she had Mrs. Dot’s review of the Christmas play stuck on her refrigerator. I’ll bet she wasn’t there at all but just read the review.

  I made her swear on the colored Bible she would leave my daddy alone. She said if I hated her so bad, she would. I said I did. Then I gave her back her Coca-Cola bottle and left.

  January 25, 1953

  Oh, brother, am I in trouble again. When I got home from Rayette’s last night, Daddy wasn’t here, so I just made myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and watched a little television and went to sleep. But today after school, he was home, drunk as a skunk.

  Daddy was so mad at me for going up to Rayette’s and making her swear not to ever see him again I think he would have killed me if Jimmy Snow hadn’t been there. He was crying and carrying on and saying I didn’t know what I had done and why didn’t I just stay out of things I didn’t understand. I told him I had a patriotic duty to protect Momma and he wasn’t going to hurt my mother over any beauty operator. He just sat there and cried in his beer. I sure thought it was funny, him acting like that over somebody he told me was nobody.

  He and Jimmy Snow talked for a while and then Jimmy came in my room and said for me to go for a walk with him on the beach. I told him it wouldn’t do any good because I was mad at him, too, for going up to Rayette’s house with Daddy in the first place when he knew Daddy was a married man. After we got to the beach, Jimmy said, “Daisy, your mother and daddy are going to get a divorce.”

  I said, “They are not!” Even if they said it, it didn’t mean a thing. They have been getting a divorce since before I was born. Momma will get over being mad at Daddy and come home any day now.

  Jimmy said, “I know you want to believe your momma’s coming back, but it’s just not going to happen.”

  I said, “Even if it is true, which it isn’t, Daddy doesn’t have any business running around with some old beauty operator that is trash, and everyone says so, too.”

  Then Jimmy said, “Now, Daisy, Rayette Walker has been a good friend to you, me and your daddy.”

  I almost had a fit on that one. I said, “She isn’t any friend of mine, breaking up my home and making Momma leave home. I hate her and I wish she was dead in the grave with maggots eating her stomach.”

  Jimmy didn’t answer me for a long time. Then he said, “Daisy, sit down. I have something to tell you.” I didn’t want to sit down because of the sand fleas, but he took off his jacket and put it on the beach. It was a bright clear night and I could see his face in the moonlight. He’d been drinking, but I don’t think he was drunk. He looked at me. “Daisy, can I trust you?”

  “Yes, of course, you can. I am capable of keeping life-and-death secrets to the grave. I even have some information about Michael Romeo and a certain exotic dancer that I have kept from his momma.”

  “You’re a pretty smart girl, Daisy, and you’re old enough to understand what I am going to say.”

  I agreed with him about the smart part and told him to get on with it.

&nbs
p; He said, “I hate to see you make a mistake about Rayette you will regret. Now I’m only going to tell you this once, and I want your word of honor that you will never ask me or anybody about it again.”

  I said, “Yes, now tell me.”

  He said, “Are you sure?”

  And I said, “Yes.”

  By this time I was being eaten alive by mosquitoes and sand fleas. I thought if he didn’t say what he had to say, I was going to itch to death. Besides, the suspense was worse than Nancy Drew.

  “Well, Daisy, if the police ever trace some of the bullets they found in Claude Pistal’s liver to a certain woman’s gun, then maybe you’ll understand what a good friend she was to you and your daddy.”

  I just sat there. I forgot about the sand fleas and mosquitoes. I had suspected it, but now I knew for sure what had been in those paper sacks Peachy Wigham gave Daddy the night before Claude was murdered. Rayette, Daddy and Jimmy Snow had killed Claude Pistal trying to protect me! Rayette had lied to the police, a crime in itself, about Daddy being there all night. Not to mention hurting her reputation. I didn’t say a word. Pretty soon we went back in the house and found that Daddy had already passed out. After Jimmy left, I went to bed, but I couldn’t sleep. All these people in trouble, even Peachy, because of me. And Claude hadn’t even been trying to kill me!

  I may read at a ninth-grade level, but I sure can be dumb sometimes. I was sorry I had been so mean to Rayette. I just pray she keeps her mouth shut and they don’t trace those bullets to her gun. There is such a thing as knowing too much.

  January 26, 1953

  I went into Nita’s Beauty Box this morning and asked Rayette Walker if she would go with me to the mother-and-daughter dinner next week. She started to cry right there in her stall and with her customer’s head half rolled up. Her customer sure was mad because her hair was drying all funny. I’ve got to go and get me a dress to wear to the dinner, but I’m not shopping at Elwood’s Variety Store, you can be sure of that. When I grow up, I hope I don’t bawl at the slightest little thing. It’s embarrassing. I’ve seen enough crying the past two days to last me for a long time.

  When I got home from school this afternoon, Daddy was as happy as he could be. Rayette must have called him up. He asked whatever made me do such a nice thing, but I couldn’t tell him because I promised Jimmy Snow. I will do anything to make Daddy and Jimmy happy after what they did for me. I can never repay them for as long as I live. If Daddy wants to date Rayette, he can. When I get rich, I am going to buy him another outboard motor and the boat, too. The three of them are the only real live heroes I know in person.

  I hope my momma doesn’t find out I am taking a beauty operator to the mother-and-daughter dinner in her place.

  February 2, 1953

  The night didn’t start out very well. The first thing that happened was when we went to pick up Rayette, her toy chihuahua, Trixie, bit Daddy on the ankle and made him bleed. It goes to prove Mrs. Dot’s theory: Toy chihuahuas are dangerous. One time her mother was on her way to a DAR meeting and her toy chihuahua, who she loved better than life, was in the car with her. As she came to a stoplight, that dumb dog ran under her brake looking for its ball, and Mrs. Dot’s mother had to make a life-and-death decision, whether to slam on the brakes to keep from hitting two people that were crossing the street or to mash her dog’s head under the brake. She chose the dog over those two people and knocked them eight feet up in the air, and one of them was in a wheelchair. It cost her mother a fortune in hospital bills. It’s a good thing one of those people was already crippled or it would have cost her more.

  Rayette had on a royal blue wool dress and shoes to match. When we got to the dinner, Kay Bob Benson came right over to us and said, “That’s not your mother, that’s Rayette Walker who works at Nita’s Beauty Box.”

  I said, “I know what my own mother looks like, don’t I? Rayette Walker is just pinch-hitting for my mother, who is a very successful hostess in Virginia.”

  Mrs. Underwood was about the only one who was nice to Rayette. Everybody else ignored us the whole evening. The dinner was Chicken a la King with English peas. I hate the dreaded English pea and wouldn’t eat one if my life depended on it, ever since I found out that Ruby Bates’s last meal had been peas and carrots. Mrs. Dot gave a speech entitled “Mother, The Best Friend a Girl Can Ever Have,” and some old woman named Geneva Corsset sang a song called “Mother.” What a stupid song. I know how to spell “mother.” Then we had to sing the Mississippi state song and Billy Bundy said a prayer, and the dinner was over.

  Daddy was late picking us up. He had been to some beer joint and was half loaded. I hate to be the last one to leave. Rayette said she had a wonderful time, and I guess she did because she ate everything on her plate, plus three of the red Jell-Os.

  Kay Bob Benson and her mother wore mother-and-daughter dresses and acted like they had just come in style. Fashion hits slow down here.

  It sure was funny to see Billy Bundy praying in front of all those mothers and daughters.

  I’m making all my own valentines this year. I am going to make Flicka Hicks one with a horse on it. He still spends all his time with Kay Bob Benson, and if that isn’t bad enough, a man came to school and made us look at an eye chart and I couldn’t see anything but one big E. So I’m going to have to get glasses. A chipped tooth and glasses. I might as well give up!

  February 6, 1953

  Today Rayette and I went to the glasses store and got me a pair. I wanted some brown ones like Grace Kelly’s, but Rayette picked out a pair of blue plastic wing tips I’m not too crazy about. She says they go with my eyes and the shape of my face. I put them on and I can see for miles and read every sign they have in Magnolia Springs. I think I have the same kind of vision that Superman has. I went by and showed Peachy Wigham and Ula Sour my glasses. They thought they were great.

  Poor Jimmy Snow is in the Magnolia Springs Clinic because he crashed his plane on some telephone wires and broke his arm and his shoulder in two places. Daddy said he was going to be up there in traction for a long time. I am going to visit him and tell him he better have his eyes checked because he might need glasses like I did and that may be why he is crashing his plane so much.

  I got a letter from Momma and she wants to know if Daddy is taking good care of me and all that stuff. She wrote she would feel better if I came to Virginia to live with her, but I can’t leave Daddy because he needs me.

  Even though Rayette and Daddy are fussing over something, she is still friendly to me.

  I told Daddy he’d better make up with Rayette real soon. I didn’t say why I thought so, but if she gets mad enough at him, she’s liable to blow the whistle. It’s real brave of Daddy to even have a fight with her. If it was me, I sure wouldn’t. I’m wearing these ugly blue glasses, aren’t I?

  Kay Bob Benson said I look like a hoot owl.

  February 14, 1953

  Mrs. Underwood loved the valentine I made her. It has a Shell Beach, Mississippi, gold decal on it. I made twenty-six valentines. I had two left over, so I sent one to the little girl in South America that the Jr. Debutantes adopted and one to Van Johnson. I only got three, from Michael Romeo, Vernon Mooseburger and Patsy Ruth Coggins. Daddy forgot it was Valentine’s Day and Momma’s hasn’t come yet.

  February 16, 1953

  This morning about six-thirty, Mrs. Hammer, who owns Hammer’s Christian Motel, looked out her window and saw a woman naked as a jaybird skipping up and down the beach picking up seashells. She grabbed a blanket and ran out to cover her up and that woman was Mrs. Dot! She had reversed herself back in time and thought she was a little girl again. Mrs. Hammer called Mr. Dot and he said that last night she had gone crazy and stabbed him eighteen times with a penknife and run out the front door naked. He wasn’t killed because the knife was so little. They called an ambulance and took her to the crazy ward in Meridian. I told Daddy for us to go get her and bring her here to live with us, but Mr. Dot had already signed the papers and
there was nothing we could do. To tell you the truth, everyone here is disappointed that she didn’t use a bigger knife on him.

  February 18, 1953

  I hate all those rotten shrimpers’ daughters and Kay Bob Benson so bad I could throw up. Michael’s mother got us all together and said we should buy Mrs. Dot a gift for her to take when she went to see her. Those girls said they didn’t want to spend any money because she was crazy and wouldn’t appreciate the present. Can you believe that? Kay Bob Benson claimed she knew Mrs. Dot was crazy all along. I asked Michael’s mother if I could go too. I can ride with her, but I can’t go in because they don’t let children visit. I had gotten Mrs. Dot a box of Whitman’s candy. Maybe after she eats the candy, she can use the box for a purse. I had seen Olive de Havilland do that in a movie called The Snake Pit, where she was in a crazy ward.

  When we got there, I was surprised to see that the building looked just like a real hospital anybody would be in. Mrs. Romeo went in, and about an hour later she came back and was very upset. She was shaking so bad she had to have five cigarettes before she could drive home. She was still holding the box of Whitman’s candy. They wouldn’t let Mrs. Dot have anything at all. Mrs. Romeo said they walked her down this long hall that had doors with bars on them. People out of their minds were screaming their heads off. Mrs. Dot was in a room with five or six other women. She was sitting on her bed in an old gray dress and her hair had not been combed for days. She kept trying to fix her hair the whole time and thought Mrs. Romeo was her sister or something and started to serve her tea with lemon and cream and sugar. She handed Mrs. Romeo an invisible cup and didn’t even know where she was. She thought she was at her home in Memphis and those other people in the room were visiting her. When she left, Mrs. Dot was trying to give all those crazy people a cup of tea and one of them took it. The nurse said Mrs. Dot was in a bad way, and she didn’t think she would ever get out of there, but not to worry because she was perfectly happy and was not suffering. There was nothing we could do but eat the candy ourselves.