Montana Cowboy Family

by Linda Ford

  Beth nodded slowly. “I think she’d like it.” Beth’s eyes met Logan’s briefly, and in that glance he saw something he had not seen before. He wanted to believe it was gratitude but would settle for it being only acceptance. Anything was better than the outright rejection he’d endured so far.

  He asked the blessing over the food and Sadie passed the sandwiches around.

  Logan did not want to let this sense of peace go to waste. “Beth has made me think of something. Let’s go around the circle and everyone tell of a favorite memory about their mother.” To his right, he heard Sadie’s sudden gasp. He ignored it. Perhaps she would reveal something about her family under these circumstances.

  “I’ll start,” he said. “My ma used to read to us after supper during the winter months. She did it right up until she passed.” He didn’t say that he had missed many of those evenings as he followed his foolish heart, but it was a good reminder to be careful and not repeat his mistakes. He glanced at Sadie. He understood she had not been completely open with him but couldn’t believe it was because of something that would hurt him or his family.

  Sammy sat next to Logan. “Mama let me help make cookies and I liked that.”

  Beth chuckled. “You ate so much cookie dough that Mama used to say she wondered if she should bake you.”

  Brother and sister smiled at the memory.

  Jeannie was next. She nodded. “I ’member Mama rocking me in the chair.”

  Logan’s throat tightened. Sadie cleared her throat.

  Jeannie brightened. “Now Beth rocks me.”

  The air lightened at her happiness and all eyes shifted to Beth. Logan wondered if she would refuse to share. After all, she had talked about her memory of picnics with her mama.

  But Beth smiled at her brother and sister. “I remember what Mama said when each of you was borned. She told me each of us was a gift from God and we should never forget it. Do you remember?”

  Sammy nodded, but Jeannie looked uncertain. “Me, too?”

  Beth hugged her little sister. “Yes, you too.”

  Slowly, guardedly, Logan turned to Sadie. The children looked at her, as well.

  She didn’t say anything. Her expression, if he had to describe it, was shielded. Thoughtful perhaps.

  “Tell us about your mama,” Sammy said. “What’s she look like? Where do your parents live?”

  So she’d told the children her parents were alive.

  “They live in Saint Louis. My mother is pretty, I suppose.”

  “Does she look like you?” Sammy persisted.

  Logan noted that Beth didn’t try to hush him and looked just as interested.

  “Anyone want some biscuits and jam?” Sadie passed around the sweets, but the children weren’t diverted.

  “Does she?” Sammy asked again.

  “I don’t think I look like her. I guess I’m not like either of my parents.”

  Logan wondered if she realized she hadn’t said she didn’t look like them…only that she wasn’t like them.

  “Don’t you like them?” Sammy looked puzzled.

  This time Beth shushed him, but Logan wondered the same thing.

  “I like them fine,” Sadie said quite emphatically. “I just don’t see them a lot.”

  Jeannie went to Sadie and put her arm about her neck. “Did your mama read to you and take you on picnics?”

  Sadie shook her head and pulled the little girl to her lap.

  Logan wanted to pull them both into his arms at the way Sadie’s throat worked. She kept her head down, her cheek pressed to Jeannie’s head.

  Beth reached over and squeezed Sadie’s hand. “You can come on picnics with us,” she said.

  “And you can read to us,” Sammy added.

  Sadie looked up, her eyes glistening with tears. “I can’t think of anything I’d like better.”

  They finished up the food and put away the picnic items and then the children went to play, leaving Logan and Sadie alone. She sat staring toward the creek, but he wondered what she really saw.

  He edged closer and leaned back on one elbow, watching her, wanting to somehow comfort her. He sat up, wrapped an arm about her shoulders and pulled her close, pleased when she offered no resistance. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, felt her shudder and tightened his arm to still her trembling.

  If only he knew what to say, but words were far too inadequate.

  *

  Sadie pressed to Logan’s side, clinging to his strength and comfort. If only she could believe both would be offered if he knew the truth about her. It was on the tip of her tongue to confess it all. But she was afraid. Afraid of his reaction, afraid of being abandoned and alone again. No, he wasn’t like her parents. He was strong, protective…and very principled. But she’d thought her parents possessed the same qualities.

  She shifted her thoughts to the children. How sweet that they had opened up. They were beginning to feel safe with her. And Logan. They needed Logan as much as they needed her. For the children’s sake she dared not risk anyone finding out the truth and bringing an end to this partnership.

  Jeannie and Beth wandered hand in hand up the creek bank, examining everything. Sadie smiled, thinking how Jeannie would want to know about every bug, every leaf and every rock, and how gently and patiently Beth would explain.

  Sammy played at the water’s edge, building a little barrier with rocks, diverting water into a puddle.

  Sadie told herself it was time to move, to end this need for Logan’s comfort, but she lacked the strength to do so. She had a four-year hollow of need that ached to be filled.

  Logan shifted without releasing her. “I’m sorry if our talk about mothers made you sad.”

  What could she say? And he hadn’t really asked a question. She simply breathed quietly.

  “It did, didn’t it?”

  And now he had. How was she to answer? With the same words she’d been giving him all along. “Like I’ve said repeatedly, not all families are ideal. We don’t all have the privilege of being born into one like the Marshalls.”

  “There are others ways of finding family besides being born into it.”

  His idea intrigued her and she waited, wondering, hoping he would explain.

  “Take those three out there. You’ve given them the sort of family they deserve.”

  She shook her head. “I’m only temporary. What will happen when you find Mr. Weiss?”

  His frustration was obvious as he told of another fruitless visit to Wolf Hollow. “But I won’t give up until I find the man. The children deserve to know what’s become of him.”

  She sighed wearily. “They will never feel safe until they know.” It was wrong to wish ill for a person, but perhaps the father had died of disease or accident. That would free the children from their fears. But would the authorities take the children from her? She shivered and Logan’s arm tightened again.

  They sat in silence a moment before he again spoke. “There are still other ways to get a family.”

  “I suppose.” All of them were out of her reach, so she hoped he’d drop the subject.

  He leaned back, pulling her along so they both rested on an elbow facing each other.

  He brushed a strand of hair off her cheek and tucked it behind her ear. “Do you ever think about marriage?”

  His question sliced through her, and his gentle touch left her floundering for footing. She wasn’t sure what he meant, but it was another subject she didn’t wish to pursue. “How can I not when Isabelle and Dawson wedded last month.” Everywhere she looked she saw husbands with their wives, children with parents, young people courting. “Of course I think about it.”

  He trailed his finger along her cheek. “I mean for yourself.”

  She swallowed hard. He had no idea how much she longed for the acceptance and security of a husband who would love her through good and bad.

  He didn’t wait for an answer, instead pulling her close and claiming her lips in a kiss so full of pro
mise and possibility that she couldn’t think. If he asked her right there and then to marry him she would say yes and pray that the truth would never come out to destroy them.

  “Sammy.” Beth’s panicked voice jolted them to their feet to look toward the children. Sammy had fallen into the creek.

  Logan was on the run immediately. He waded into the shallow water and plucked up the boy.

  “I want the log,” Sammy protested, trying to catch a floating tree.

  “Forget the log. You’re freezing.” Logan carried the wet boy to the shore and stripped his shirt and pants off him without giving Sammy a chance to protest.

  Sadie wrapped him in the blankets and held him tight, the cold of his little body penetrating through the blankets and turning her insides icy. “We need to get him home.”

  “I’ll carry him.” Logan scooped the boy into his arms. Beth clutched Jeannie’s hands, her face wreathed in worry. Sadie grabbed the picnic basket and they hurried back through the narrow path and up the trail toward town.

  Logan threw open the door of Sadie’s living quarters and paused only to toss Sammy’s wet things over the clothesline. Sadie rushed in on his heels. “I’ll make a hot drink.” She filled a pot with milk and set it to warm while Logan rubbed the boy all over until Sammy giggled. It was good to see that he no longer flinched when touched.

  “You can stop now. I’m okay.”

  Beth found dry clothes and he slipped into the bedroom to get dressed.

  A sober bunch sat around the table drinking warm milk.

  Beth set down her cup with a thud. She shuddered.

  Sadie sent Logan a concerned look. Would this set back the progress they had made with the girl?

  Beth lifted her head and directed her gaze at Logan. “Thank you for rescuing him.”

  “You’re welcome, but he was never in any real danger. The water is only a few inches deep.”

  “I know, but he would have drowned before he’d given up trying to bring that log to shore.” She rolled her head at her brother’s stubbornness. “Ma used to say she was grateful he wasn’t born twins.”

  “Aw, she did not.” Sammy stuck out his bottom lip.

  Beth chuckled. “’Fraid she did, but only when you were getting into more trouble than usual.”

  “I never get into trouble.”

  Beth grinned widely. “I doubt if you’d find anyone here agreeing with that.”

  Sammy turned to Logan, his eyes wide with appeal. “Do I get into trouble?”

  Sadie winked at Beth. Let’s see how Logan handles this one.

  “You might get into mischief once in a while.” He held up his hand to stop Sammy’s protests. “Grandfather always says that a mischievous boy is simply looking for something useful to do. Guess that’s what you need. What do you say? Should we go make some teeter-totters?”

  Sammy was instantly on his feet. “That will keep me out of trouble.”

  Chuckling, Logan followed the boy outside.

  Sadie stared after them. Logan understood little boys in a way she never could. Sammy needed his influence. She had to be grateful that Logan had left off talking to her about marriage to rescue the boy.

  Only she couldn’t deny a hint of regret.

  Chapter Twelve

  Logan prepared for church with particular care. Sadie had agreed to bring the children out to the ranch after church. He wouldn’t admit that she had hesitated. Wouldn’t let himself believe it was because he had asked too many questions yesterday—and gotten few answers. Today he hoped to get some of those questions answered and a whole lot more that he hadn’t asked and fully intended to.

  He paused as he brushed his hair and stared into his own eyes. Yesterday he’d asked if she would ever consider marriage, and in the back of his mind he had wondered if she would ever consider marrying him. It would provide a permanent home for the children.

  But what if the father returned and claimed them? Did he want to be in a marriage that no longer had the children as a reason? Or was there another reason that he wasn’t willing to admit?

  He sighed and finished with his hair. Thankfully Sammy’s fall into the creek had stalled Logan’s wayward thoughts.

  There were too many unknowns concerning Sadie for him to even think of such things.

  He smiled. But so many pleasing knowns. She loved children. She enjoyed fun times. She had a strong faith. Plus a sweet smile that turned his insides upside down.

  “Logan, I’m ready to go,” Grandfather called. “What’s taking you so long?”

  Logan chuckled. Grandfather was as anxious to see Sadie and the children as he. He clattered down the stairs and out the door, helped Grandfather into the wagon, and they were on their way.

  The children waited outside the church as he drove up. He helped Grandfather down and the two of them joined the children. Jeannie reached up and put her hand over Grandfather’s, bringing a chortle of joy from the old man. Sammy would have dragged Logan forward, but moderated his enthusiasm out of concern for Grandfather’s slowness.

  Beth hung back and, behind her, Sadie watched and waited.

  Logan’s gaze met hers and for all his awareness of the others, he and Sadie might have been alone on a desert island.

  She stood in the shadow of the doorway, making it difficult for him to read her gaze, but her lips curved ever so slightly, as if she found the situation to her liking. As if she found his presence to her liking. Was she thinking of yesterday and the kiss they had shared? Was she anticipating time and opportunity for more of the same this afternoon? Somehow, he would make sure there was such.

  Grandfather jabbed his elbow against Logan’s. “Boy, are we going to stand out in the sun all morning?”

  Logan jerked his gaze away and took a step forward, then his eyes returned to Sadie. She still watched him, her expression thoughtful. If only she’d tell him what those thoughts were.

  They found a pew to accommodate all of them, and he ended up with Grandfather on one side and Jeannie on his other. Next to Jeannie sat Sadie. He couldn’t keep from smiling his pleasure.

  Grandfather leaned close. “You’re looking a mite lovesick.”

  A frown quickly replaced Logan’s smile. He leaned over to whisper to the old man. “It’s getting so a man can’t even enjoy a Sunday-morning service without being misjudged.”

  Grandfather chuckled. “If that’s what you want to call it.”

  Logan faced straightforward as Preacher Arness stood to open the service. He shared the hymnal with Grandfather. He forced his complete attention to the delivery of the sermon. He tried to pretend Sadie wasn’t so close he could hear her singing and enjoy it. Could breathe in the scent of her—something akin to a mixture of wild roses and fresh laundry with a hint of chocolate cake. He might have succeeded if not for Jeannie, who, halfway through the service, patted his leg and drew his attention to her.

  She knew better than to whisper in church, but as soon as she had his attention, she pulled herself to his lap and leaned her head on his shoulder.

  He shifted so his elbow didn’t drive into Grandfather’s side.

  The movement brought his other elbow in contact with Sadie’s. She didn’t move away. In fact, he allowed himself to think she might have leaned just the slightest bit toward him.

  After that he missed most of what the preacher said as his mind whirled with her nearness.

  Annie had said she’d make dinner, so after church he led his little group out to the wagon. He’d put up another bench, so Sadie and Beth sat behind him, Jeannie between them. Grandfather sat at Logan’s side and Sammy sat in the back.

  “’Twas a good sermon, I thought,” Grandfather said as they turned down the Mineral Avenue on their way out of town. “What did you think, Sadie?”

  “Pastor Arness is a forceful speaker.”

  Grandfather grunted and Logan grinned. She had answered the question without saying anything to indicate she heard the sermon. Perhaps she had been as distracted as he had bee
n.

  “What about you, Logan?” The old man watched Logan, a knowing smile on his face. “What did you think of the sermon?”

  “It was good. I wonder if the preacher has had any success in locating his family.” Hugh Arness had taken the preaching position in town in order to allow him to search for his missing wife and little boy.

  “Dreadful thing.” Grandfather shook his head. “Brings to mind the time you were away.”

  “I wasn’t lost and I wasn’t a child.”

  “Where was you?” Sammy asked.

  “I was in Wolf Hollow.” He could feel the children considering his words.

  “I don’t remember ever seeing you,” Sammy added.

  “I expect it would be before you were there.” He could be grateful they hadn’t seen him at his worst. He shifted so he could glimpse Sadie, wanting to know if she recalled what he’d told her about that time in his life.

  She smiled and nodded.

  He turned forward again, satisfied with her acknowledgment.

  Grandfather chortled. “You’re looking a mite—”

  He had no intention of letting the old man finish, knowing he would use the same word as he had in church. Lovesick. “Oh, look.” He pointed upward. “A hawk.”

  Grandfather didn’t even bother looking. “Ain’t fooling me, boy.”

  Logan kept his thoughts to himself. He wasn’t trying to fool anyone. Except maybe himself.

  The children had never been to the ranch, so Logan pulled to a halt as they topped the last rise before the ranch. The buildings lay spread out before them.

  “You live here?” Sammy’s voice brimmed with awe. “Which house is yours?”

  “I live in the big house. The smaller one to the right is where my brother Dawson and his wife, Isabelle, live with little Mattie. You know her? She’s in school.”

  “Yeah. She’s a girl.”

  He shifted so he could watch Sadie and the children as he pointed out the various buildings. “And past the barn is the same creek that flows by the town.”

  Sadie turned from studying the view to meet his eyes. “It looks like home.” Her voice was round with what could be any number of things, but her eyes told him that she longed for a place that felt like home to her. For a heartbeat and then a second, he thought of offering her a permanent place here.