ZINNIE HARRIS
How to Hold Your Breath
Contents
Title Page
Acknowledgements
First performance
Characters
Dedication
How to Hold Your Breath
ONE
TWO
THREE
FOUR
FIVE
SIX
SEVEN
EIGHT
NINE
TEN
ELEVEN
TWELVE
THIRTEEN
FOURTEEN
FIFTEEN
SIXTEEN
SEVENTEEN
EIGHTEEN
NINETEEN
TWENTY
About the Author
By the Same Author
Copyright
Thanks to the following:
Nikki Amuka-Bird, Pippa Bennett-Warner,
Adam Best, Vera Chok, Darrell D’Silva,
Sam Troughton, Debbie Hannan, John Harris,
Mark and Fran Shaw, Frances Poet,
Dinah Wood, Steve King and Mel Kenyon.
Above all thanks to Vicky Featherstone –
collaborator, encourager, inspiration and friend.
How to Hold Your Breath was first performed at the Royal Court Jerwood Theatre Downstairs, London, on 4 February 2015. The cast was as follows:
Dana Maxine Peake
Jarron Michael Shaeffer
Jasmin Christine Bottomley
Interviewer / Doctor / Clara Danusia Samal
Interviewer / Marta / Telephone Operator Siobhán McSweeney
Interviewer / Train Inspector / Punter Neil D’Souza
Librarian Peter Forbes
Ensemble Joshua Campbell, Raghad Chaar, Soledad Delahoz, Marisa Flamino, Michael Jinks, Djordje Jovanovic, Connor Mills, Mark Ota, Aaron Peters, Alison Porter, Ruth Pugh, Javier Rasero, Jessica Simet, Ben Tiramani, Temi Wilkey
Director Vicky Featherstone
Designer Chloe Lamford
Lighting Designer Paule Constable
Composer Stuart Earl
Sound Designer Gareth Fry
Movement Director Ann Yee
Assistant Director Debbie Hannan
Characters
Dana
a woman in her late twenties
Jarron
a man who works for the UN
Jasmine
Dana’s sister
Librarian
a book worm
Train Inspector
Woman
telephone operator
Punter
a man looking for sex
Marta
a woman who used to be on TV
Clara
a woman who used to be a lawyer
Doctor
The Interview Panel
three voices
for my sister
HOW TO HOLD YOUR BREATH
ONE
Dana speaks to the audience.
Dana
I am stand at the back. Don’t look out. Gets shouted at for looking down. I am eyes closed, head bent in every gathering. I am knees bowed, chest to the floor. I am a flower by the wall, grass in the shade. I am back turned, shoulders hunched, face hollowed. I am a scream. A howl. I am a snake on the plane, a hyena, an antelope. I am ant under a stone, beetle scurrying away. I am beaten at birth, blackened. I am sand. I am soil. I am earth. I am less than earth. I am poor. I’m so poor my skin is my clothes. I am uncovered. Ashamed. The land can’t feed me. I am the end. The dead. The carcass by the roadside. I am the abyss into which people dread to fall.
She stops and looks at herself in the mirror.
She takes a deep breath.
TWO
Europe.
In a cosy room two lovers lie under the covers intertwined and heavy with sleep. The woman, Dana, is in her late twenties. The man, Jarron, is a little older.
Dana sits up.
Jarron
don’t do that
Dana
I had such a strange dream
Jarron
it’s not even morning yet
Dana
but the sun’s up
Beat.
hey the sun’s up
Jarron
so the sun’s up, we can sleep a bit longer, can’t we?
Dana
we could
Jarron
then why don’t we?
He pulls her back down.
She laughs.
He covers her with the sheet.
She lets him.
He kisses her.
She kisses him back.
Dana
you’ve got a scar on your chest
Jarron
that was where they ripped my soul out.
Dana
very funny.
They kiss again.
He rolls on top of her.
Dana
actually I’m quite hungry
Jarron
what?
Dana
aren’t you?
I mean don’t you want something to eat?
Jarron
not particularly
Dana
don’t you eat where you come from?
Jarron
sometimes but not in the middle of –
Dana
have some fruit then, some bread
it’s breakfast time
Jarron
seriously?
Dana
seriously
I’m starving.
Jarron
alright. What do you have?
Dana
what do you want?
Jarron
what have you got?
Dana
there’s a shop downstairs
anything you can imagine
Jarron
they’re open at this time?
Dana
it’s not early. It’s getting late
Jarron
surprise me
Dana
croissants, coffee, juice, cake
Jarron
sounds delicious
He grabs her.
She squeals.
They kiss for a moment.
Jarron
again
They kiss some more.
Dana
you’re greedy
Jarron
of course
Dana
you’d think you’d never been kissed –
Jarron
not by you
Dana
you have to be quiet, I share this flat
Jarron
I don’t care
Dana
actually, seriously
Jarron
you’re quite hungry
Dana
finally he hears!
Jarron
you think I’ve had my time
Dana
shut up
Jarron
you’re bored and want to get rid of me
Dana
never
Jarron
that’s why you looked at the sun
Dana
the day has begun, that’s all
Jarron
I’ll pay you extra
Dana
what?
Jarron
I’ll give you a bit more
Dana
a bit more what?
Jarron
money
you’re a business woman, I know how this works
Dana
you think you are paying?
Jarron
aren’t I?
Dana
what?
Jarron
what?
Dana
what?
Jarron
now wait a minute –
Dana
fucking cheek
Jarron
you came up to me, no introduction
Dana
I liked the look of you
Jarron
you liked the look of me?
Dana
is that so odd?
you said you worked for the UN, I was curious
Jarron
you were wearing practically nothing, underwear
Dana
it was a dress
Beat.
it was a dress
Jarron
that was a dress?
Dana
where do you come from?
Jarron
I’ve seen dresses but really –
I’m sorry. I made a mistake
Dana
too right you did
Christ alive. I can’t believe you thought – Jesus
Jarron
girls don’t come up to me like you did.
Dana
I’m not a girl
my name is Dana
I have a degree. I have a fucking mind which I can make up.
Dana sits up with the sheet about her knees.
Jarron
so? I pay for sex, I thought everyone does
Dana
not around here
Jarron
they do where I come from
Dana
and where the fuck is that
hell?
He laughs.
Dana
don’t laugh
Jarron
well stop making jokes
Dana
I’m serious
sex that you pay for is toxic
an irritant, feels nice for a second but
Jarron
it suits me
Dana
you don’t know any other way, you’ve forgotten any other way
Jarron
yeah, maybe I have
Dana
then someone should show you
Beat.
I would offer but you just offended me. Seriously offended
Jarron
I said I was sorry
Beat.
He is tempted for a second.
Then he pulls away.
you ought to wear more when you go out
you ought to be more careful about the message you send
Dana
everyone wears stuff like that
He starts to put his trousers on.
Dana
where are you going?
Jarron
I’ve got miles to drive today
I have to get down to the Adriatic, over to North Africa
Dana
and that’s it?
Jarron
well, what else is there?
Dana
I made you an offer
Jarron
which you then retracted
Dana
OK, it’s there. The offer.
I’ll make love to you because I want to.
and you can make love to me, knowing that.
Beat.
Jarron
I don’t have time
Dana
oh, it’s scary –?
He looks at her.
Jarron
you don’t know me
Dana
I didn’t know you before
Jarron
we talked for an hour in the bar we got shitfaced we screwed each other
Dana
we were tender we kissed
Jarron
stop it
fucking stop it
Dana
I can’t believe this is so hard for you
it’s two people, two consenting adults
don’t worry you don’t have to fall in love with me –
Jarron
I thought I knew what we were doing here
I thought we both knew what was going on, I thought this was up and down, around and about, both parties agreed all OK
Dana
it is OK
Jarron
no it’s not fucking OK
Dana
of course it’s OK
He reaches for his shirt.
Dana
you don’t need to run quite so fast
Jarron
this doesn’t happen to me.
I am a really powerful person, people don’t trick me
Dana
I didn’t trick you
Jarron
this is fucked up. This is really fucked up. I organise people for a living, I write reports, I travel miles and miles, people don’t do this to me. I don’t get caught like this
Dana
you aren’t caught
He does his buttons up.
Jarron
I don’t drink with women in bars for real. You get it.
Dana
what is wrong with saying I like you, I think you’re nice
He puts his shoes on.
Jarron
nice? Do you want to know how not nice I am?
what if I tell you I only came with you because I could see you had some goodness, I could see I could break your heart
Dana
get over yourself
I came to you not the other way around
Jarron
I still ended up with my cock up your arse.
Beat.
I thought you would notice my semen is black, my face twisting, my nails ridged, in short it didn’t occur to me you would do anything other than hold me in contempt. I am unloveable, the unloved. Not the sort of person that gets told they are nice. Feared maybe, fucking hated, yes. I am a devil, I told you, a demon, a thunderclap, I am a really fucking powerful person.
People cross the road to get out of my way, I am a nightmare, an underpass in the dark, an alleyway, a bridge that you don’t cross.
Dana
I think I’ve got it.
Jarron
you fucking crazy bitch.
Dana
I didn’t realise you were playing a game.
you should have said
Jarron
that would have ruined it.
fucking nice. You fucking load of shit.
don’t give me nice
He has put his clothes on.
I’ve got to go. I’ve got a thousand miles to drive today.
Dana
you already said that
He starts to go.
He comes back.
Jarron
I really think I should pay you.
I just think this will be cleaner if I give you something
I slept here after all. I’ll give you something for the bed
Dana
I don’t want anything
Jarron
you must want something. There is always something.
a new phone or another dress. Get yourself another dress –
why won’t you take my money?
Dana
why does it bother you?
Jarron
alright. Alright, I get it. You’re not desperate
you are not for sale
you think love can’t be bought, admirable but slightly
outdated, but still. I admire that.
Beat.
I don’t want this to be left messy, like either of us have any reason to even think about last night ever again.
I have important things to think about, I don’t want to think about you
Dana
so don’t think about me then
Jarron
you’ll want money in the end.
Dana
I doubt it
Jarron
I’m a fucking demon I told you. A god. I want to play fucky fucky with your head, it’s done.
Dana
what does that mean?
Jarron
two weeks and you’ll be begging me to pay you.
Dana
I don’t think so
He picks up his jacket.
Jarron
bye bye Dana
Dana
I’m not scared of you, yes you’ve got a trumped-up ego, but you’ve got no power.
what power have you got?
He goes out of the door.
we fucking used a condom.
don’t try and scare me.
Dana is left alone.
fucking cretin.
She kicks out at the sheets.
moron.
oh god.
THREE
Dana goes into a room where her sister is getting dressed.
Dana
I fucked a demon
Jasmine
you what?
Dana
I fucking fucked a demon.
all night long.
Jasmine
all night long?
Dana
yes
several times, lots of different ways. Oh shit, lots of different ways
Her sister looks at her. Takes her in.
Goes back to brushing her hair.
Jasmine
well never mind
Dana
I’m being serious
he said he was from the UN
Jasmine
and was he?
Dana
I don’t know
Jasmine
why do you do these things?
Dana
he looked nice. He stood at the end of the bar by the window, I was carrying stuff past him, he moved out of the way
Jasmine
you fucked him because he moved out of the way?
Dana
not just that, obviously, but it was a kind thing to do, I was carrying all these bags and my laptop, there was only a tiny space
Jasmine
are you completely desperate?
Dana
I thought maybe we would fall in love and live in each other’s arms
that was a joke by the way
I thought he might buy me a drink, light me a cigarette
Jasmine
for goodness sake
Dana
he could have tripped me up
he could have pushed me over, he could have spat in my face
Jasmine
he could have done. Yes.
How to Hold Your Breath Page 1