go and have a bath or something
forget him.
Dana stands at the window.
Dana
I tried that
Beat.
Jasmine
you’re the one that is always telling me to move on, flick a switch in your head and let him fall out the back
Dana
and look what good that did you
Jasmine
I bet he didn’t even leave his number.
Dana
he knows where I live, he might come back –
how far is the Adriatic?
Jasmine
the Adriatic?
Dana
that’s where he is headed
Jasmine
Dana, stop this.
Dana
something happened between us
Beat.
I know how silly that sounds.
Beat.
Jasmine
aren’t you supposed to be getting ready?
Dana
why?
Jasmine
hello
Dana
oh god
Jasmine
you hadn’t forgotten?
Dana
what time is it?
Jasmine
ten to
Dana
shit
Jasmine
what has got into you?
Dana
I’ll make it I’ll make it
oh Christ
Jasmine
I’m not going to bring you coffee
I am not a waitress, a hand-maiden, I am not the
fucking mother, you forgot about it, OK. You can deal with it
Dana starts to rush around looking for some clothes.
Dana
I can’t believe this
Jasmine
where do you have to be anyway?
Dana
centre of town
where’s my jacket?
Jasmine
I can’t give you a lift either, I am not a taxi driver, a chauffeur, you need a private secretary you get one I’ll ring you a taxi
my car’s in the garage anyway so even if –
Dana
have you got a shirt I can borrow?
Jasmine
they’re all creased
Dana
what about that one?
Jasmine
this one that I am wearing?
Dana
yes
Jasmine
this one I am wearing right now?
Dana
this is an emergency
Jasmine
it’s a grant interview
let’s be realistic
Dana
for a grant I really want
Jasmine
that you want so much you forgot the interview
Dana
please can I borrow your shirt?
I am your sister and I need some help
Jasmine
a sister yes, but not a dependant unbelievable
Jasmine starts to take her shirt off.
So does Dana.
Jasmine
have my skirt as well, why don’t you?
Dana looks at it.
Dana
no thanks
Jasmine
fucking cheek
I have a job as well you know
Dana
oh heck, I was going to polish my shoes
Jasmine
no time for that. Here.
Jasmine takes her shoes off and passes them to Dana.
Dana
you don’t need them today?
Jasmine
I’m not doing anything that is life-critical, no. anything else?
Dana
my brain to be in gear
Jasmine
you’re on your own there –
Dana takes her shirt off.
Underneath she has a mark.
Dana
I can’t believe after all this work I would nearly forget the damn thing
Jasmine
what’s that?
Dana
where?
Jasmine
under your bra
Dana
nothing
She looks.
nothing
Jasmine
what sort of sex did you have?
Dana
well, what is it –
Jasmine comes over and looks at her.
Jasmine
looks like a hicky
Dana
oh
Jasmine
from a wolf
who was this guy?
Dana goes and looks in the mirror.
Dana
do you think it’s possible to fall in love at first sight?
Jasmine
oh fucking hell
Dana
I didn’t say I loved him, just
She looks at the mark.
just a hicky
Jasmine
exactly
leave it alone then
Dana looks again.
Dana
what time is it?
Jasmine
five to.
Dana
alright
how do I look?
Jasmine
not bad
Dana
I actually think I should get some cream
Jasmine
it’s just a hicky
Dana
I know
Jasmine
please don’t get a thing about a hicky, I know this man spooked you
Dana
it’s just a bit sore.
You know how my skin reacts
Jasmine
it probably wasn’t even him.
Dana
exactly
it probably was there yesterday
Jasmine
well there you are then.
Dana
have you got some cream?
Jasmine
get some on the way home
Dana
what if he has done something to me?
Jasmine
there are no demons, right.
Dana
he said he was a god
Jasmine
there are no gods.
Dana, are you serious? A god. You believe in gods now?
Dana
his semen was black
Jasmine
then fucking wash yourself.
man’s disgusting. Yuk.
Beat.
Dana
I will.
after my interview.
how do I look?
Jasmine
you’ll knock them dead. You know that? You always do.
FOUR
Dana in her interview.
She sits on a chair, bathed in bright light.
The voices of several interviewers seem to come from all around her.
Interviewer 1
Miss Dana Edwards?
Dana
yes
Interviewer 2
thank you for coming, Miss Edwards
Dana
no problem
Interviewer 1
we would like to go over some aspects of your application if you don’t mind
Dana
of course
Interviewer 3
when you said you would like to set up a research group could you expound your area of expertise?
Dana
Customer Dynamics, which sounds rather dry but is actually a new and exciting theory on customer–business relationships that redefines interchange of information and transactions using psychoanalytical modelling and techniques, likening the customer–business contact to other basic human interactions, such as love.
Beat.
sorry, such as lust
such as friendship. I mean friendship, I don’t know why I said that. Such as friendship, and if you were to apply the right i
ndices to a variety of different forms of friendship after all –
Beat.
I’m sorry I seem to have lost my thread.
friendship, mutual outcomes working together, that is the essence of what commerce is trying to persuade the individual,
that the needs are mutual, when in fact of course they are different but –
I meant to say such as found in original bartering-type cultures. We find the roots of all financial transactions in …
She comes to a stop again.
do you mind if I look at my notes?
Interviewer 2
take your time
Dana looks at her notes.
She puts them the right way up.
She feels a bit hot.
Dana
the research I am doing is to try to pinpoint every human interaction into the same framework
Interviewer 3
you already said that.
Dana
I know I said that.
could we turn this light down, only it’s shining right in my eyes
Interviewer 2
we don’t have a lot of time, Miss Edwards, we have quite a few candidates to see today, I am sure you appreciate
Dana
of course
She feels like an idiot.
She goes back to her notes.
She re-starts.
customer exchanges occur over a wide range of communication channels, and there is no distinction in these channels between other communications that the customer might receive. You might in the same second get a text from your partner, and then from your bank. To maximise the feeling of mutuality, should the text from your bank feel more on your team than from your partner? It is your bank, there to listen to you. It may take a role and a flavour, a character if you like. I think with the right modelling Customer Dynamics could go beyond the transactional nature of the interaction to look at emotions, intent and desires. If we start to view each interaction as a chain of events with a narrative –
Beat.
She has come to a full stop.
oh, I see you are writing, I was wondering if you were still listening.
Interviewer 2
we are just making some notes.
Dana
I wondered if I had bored you
Interviewer 1
sorry?
Dana
I just meant –
well it doesn’t sound, I know it doesn’t sound – the people out there are here to study Milton. And Dante and Goethe. They were telling me all this stuff about poetry, about our understanding of – well they can explain I didn’t really get it but … I wish you would turn these lights down I can’t really see you.
Interviewer 3
have you any other questions, Miss Edwards?
Beat.
Dana
sorry I didn’t mean it is dull. I just meant, next to poetry. It’s important to our understanding though, of course, crucial and could add so much to the sales of an emerging business
Interviewer 1
thank you so much, Miss Edwards
Dana
I should have said that perhaps at the start. I think it’s important.
Interviewer 2
thank you
Dana
what about the rest of my presentation?
Silence.
She gets off the chair.
OK
OK I see
shit.
FIVE
The library on the way home.
A Librarian, a tall gangly and deeply precise man, is stacking books on some shelves.
Dana
sorry. Can I speak to you?
Librarian
if you would like
Dana
I mean I won’t disturb anyone
Librarian
this is a library, you have to be quiet
Dana
OK but I can talk?
Librarian
you can talk to me, you can’t talk to your friends
Dana
that’s OK, my friends aren’t here. Just me.
She has tried to make a joke, it hasn’t worked.
Beat.
I am looking for a book about demons
Librarian
we are about to close, I should warn you.
Dana
oh. Should I come back?
Librarian
what sort of demons?
Dana
I am not sure. I was wondering if there are pictures of demons in literature
Librarian
pictures in literature?
Dana
well pictures, obviously not pictures. Descriptions
Librarian
plenty.
where shall we start, Shakespeare, Proust?
Dana
Milton
Librarian
Milton?
Dana
does he have anything interesting to say about demons?
Librarian
Lots. Where do you want to start?
Dana
you tell me
Librarian
maybe you want to see our Milton specialist, they are in on a Wednesday, I can make you an appointment
Dana
I’m really only browsing.
Librarian
browsing for demon literature?
Dana
yes.
Librarian
you don’t have time to browse, we are about to close
Dana
OK, what about Dante? Goethe?
Librarian
you can’t just say Dante / Goethe.
Literature is like the universe, a solar system. Dante and Goethe are different planets. You can’t dot about like this, picking names from anywhere. We have to start at the beginning. Era, context, meaning.
Dana
do you have any books that might help me?
Beat.
Librarian
what is your specific question?
Dana
my specific question?
Librarian
yes
Dana
alright
what happens if you piss one off?
Librarian
a demon?
Dana
yes
it’s a hypothetical question
Librarian
I realise it is hypothetical, I am a librarian.
Dana
of course you are
Librarian
this is a library, the home of the hypothetical question
Dana
exactly
Librarian
have you pissed one off?
Dana
of course not.
Dana laughs.
The Librarian laughs.
Dana laughs again.
Dana
yes
Librarian
very funny
Dana
what would happen?
Librarian
a god or a demon?
Dana
both, either
Librarian
so something powerful?
Dana
yes
Librarian
that you pissed off?
Dana
yes
Librarian
lightning would strike I guess
Dana
in literature?
Librarian
in literature
Dana
can you be a bit more specific?
Librarian
can you?
Dana
alright, say the demon thinks he owes you a debt, but you didn’t let him pay
Librarian
a demon wouldn’t get into debt
Dana
well, say he did
Librarian
how could he?
Dana
just hypothetically say it had happened
Librarian
but we are talking about literature here, right?
we are taking our examples from literature, so we only have the examples that other people have written. It isn’t like a phrase book
Dana
OK, I just thought there might be some guidance. don’t you think they are out there, they might be an owner of a business or someone who robs you in the street, or a father who is abusing someone
Librarian
it’s a bit different
Dana
every age must have their equivalents.
Librarian
I only really know about literature and –
Dana
the library is about to close
Librarian
exactly
Dana
I was just asking what literature said of pissing off someone like that –
Librarian
in literature someone who classed himself as a demon wouldn’t like to have a debt. He will work really hard to make sure he doesn’t owe anyone anything. That is the basis of selling your soul. Devil or demon, they are the original transactional creature.
Dana
so if he did think he owed you something?
Librarian
he wouldn’t
he would find a way to pay it
Dana
you seem very absolute about that?
Librarian
I don’t know all of literature, I am mainly a classicist
Dana
I understand but what about a mark? Might they leave some sort of IOU on you?
Librarian
like what?
Dana
I am talking hypothetically
Librarian
of course you are
Dana
because we’re in a library
what if a demon were to leave a sort of a sore –
Librarian
on your body?
Dana
yes.
Librarian
I would have to look that up.
Dana
well could you look it up?
Librarian
now?
Dana
yes please
Librarian
I could but we are about to close.
Beat.
I could look it up in the morning but tomorrow is my day off. I could look it up on Tuesday if you like.
Dana
OK
Librarian
but if a demon left a sore on my body, I wouldn’t like it. The mark of the devil, well it’s not going to be good, is it?
Dana
isn’t it?
Librarian
I wouldn’t have thought so, no.
Dana
hypothetically
How to Hold Your Breath Page 2