How to Hold Your Breath
Page 8
when, Ms Edwards?
Dana
as soon as I can.
can you help me get to the border?
Interviewer 2
we leave travel arrangements up to the individuals. We understand that this is a difficult time for those coming from the European Union, but –
Dana
they have more or less closed the border into Turkey, and if we go by boat –
Interviewer 3
we are sure you will find a way
Dana
there is no way.
all the borders are shut
Interviewer 1
we’ll leave it open for a week.
Dana
could you give me a piece of paper saying that you have invited me?
Interviewer 1
we aren’t really sure
Interviewer 3
the administrative burden
Dana
if you could give me a piece of paper saying that I have
a position to go to
Interviewer 2
but you don’t have a position. That is just the matter that we are discussing.
Interviewer 3
you might have a position
Dana
there are thousands of people ahead of me
even if they reopen the borders
Interviewer 3
are you saying you want to cancel, Ms Edwards?
Beat.
Interviewer 1
there are plenty of others we could fill this post with.
Dana
no
Interviewer 2
you’ll be here?
Dana
I’ll be there
Interviewer 1
we’ll see you soon then.
The voices seem to go. Dana is left alone in the space.
Dana
devil?
She stands in the bright light.
I can tell you are there.
you are everywhere now. I can feel you. Hear you.
you are in every face. Every carcass that was a person.
You are in the looters and the loan sharks. The racketeers and the lost.
you might as well reveal yourself.
have your victory.
enjoy the last laugh
Beat.
you have had it all. What more is there?
Dana is still having sex with the Punter.
He comes to a noisy climax.
Thank god it is over.
The man zips his trousers back up.
He gets some money out of his wallet, that he carefully puts on the ground next to her.
Punter
thank you. That was nice.
Then he goes.
Dana is left alone.
Dana
oh god.
She is bruised and broken.
She just about manages to sit up.
She cries out once or twice. He really hurt her.
She gathers up the money.
A woman comes along. She is wearing tattered clothes that perhaps once looked smart.
Marta
hello?
Dana
hello.
Marta
you look hurt, are you OK?
Dana
not really
There is a second woman behind her. She is also covered in dirt.
Clara
what’s up with her?
Marta
I’m not sure
Dana
I’ll be alright
Marta
you look bruised
Clara
only this is kind of where we are
Dana
what?
Clara
this whole park
Marta
give her a minute
Clara
why?
Marta
she’s hurt
Clara
we’re all hurt
aren’t you hurt? Fuck, who isn’t hurt?
Dana
I’m sorry I didn’t realise
Marta
it isn’t marked out
Dana
I thought it was just a park
Clara
far as those trees, back to the path. Ours. Past the swings down to the road
Dana
OK
Clara
if you want the bit behind the car park you have to fight one of the girls over there for it, good luck to you
Dana
I don’t want to fight.
Marta
they used to be primary school teachers but you wouldn’t know it now
Dana
I’m going
Clara
how much did you make out of interest?
Marta
let her go
Clara
I’m just asking
Dana
not much really
Dana picks up her bits and pieces and starts to move
Clara
go on let us look
we know how it works, we can help you
see if you could get more next time
Dana
there won’t be a next time
Clara
let me see
Dana isn’t sure whether to trust them.
Marta
we know what this is like
we’re the same as you
She shows them, her hand still shaking.
Marta
not bad
horrible isn’t it?
Clara
it doesn’t matter how it is –
Marta
don’t be brutal
Clara
she has to understand, we’ve got nothing else, only this place and ourselves
Dana
what?
Marta
she used to be a lawyer
Clara
it’s about fairness
Dana
I told you, I didn’t know this place was yours
Clara
thing is, you can’t not know things any more. You can’t stumble.
Dana
I’m going
Marta
if we had any choice
Clara
it’s a jungle now, the girls over there, the ones that way
Dana
my sister has just lost a baby, and she needs to be treated
Clara
she needs, you need. Who is talking about need anyway? It’s a useless term. Everyone needs
I’ve got a mother who’s dying, she’s got three daughters
Marta
hand it over, make it easy
Dana
I know you
Marta
don’t be stupid
Dana
you used to be on the telly –
you used to read the news
Marta
hey – there’s no problem here
Dana
what happened to you?
Clara takes the money. She passes it to Marta.
Clara
you want to save your sister? Grow some teeth
Dana
what did say?
Dana finds the strength of a warrior.
She rushes at Clara, savage for a second.
Clara
oi
Clara is savage back.
give that here –
Dana
it’s mine
Marta is savage too.
Dana
fuck you, I earned it
Marta
does it matter?
Dana attacks them. She gets the money back.
They turn on her.
They are more brutal and there are two of them.
Marta speaks aloud as she thumps her.
Marta
this is not personal. We told you. We need it, that’s all.
Dana loses and is kicked repeatedly.
The women take her money.
They
kick her again, just to make sure.
Dana is left beaten up like a piece of meat.
Clara
it’s OK, she’s got a fanny hasn’t she? She can use it again
NINETEEN
The boat.
Jasmine and Dana are on a boat. With them on the boat are hundreds of other people. They are jammed in like sardines.
Jasmine
do you think we should ring our local politician?
Dana
what?
Jasmine
well, someone must still be trying to make things a bit better
Dana
I don’t think the politicians are still working
Jasmine
of course they are
they always say on the telly you can ring them only there are so many people we have to ring them before everyone else does, everybody is grabbing, you get there first
Dana
where?
Jasmine
to the telephone.
ooh god
Dana
it’s alright, just a wave
Jasmine
the politicians will be getting aid from other countries, we can tell them how to spend it, they will thank us probably
Dana
what aid?
Jasmine
from all those countries that we used to give aid to. African countries
Dana
we gave a bit to
we didn’t give very much
Jasmine
it’s their turn to help us now, they can’t just watch was that another wave?
Dana
yes I think so
Jasmine
do I even like boats?
Dana
try to like them
Jasmine
there should be a roof. Tell the politician that when you get to the phone. A boat with this number of people –
they said they would only take eighty, this must be over three hundred
Dana
they do this run every night, it’ll be fine
Jasmine
oh god
Dana
another wave, a bit of swell
Jasmine
they should sail in the day, if you could see the waves coming you could get ready for them
Dana
I think it has to be at night
so no one sees
Jasmine
did we have to pay for this?
Dana
don’t worry about the money
Jasmine
I do worry about the money.
Beat.
it’s an outrage, this should be a free service. People like us need to be saved. And crammed in like this. Treated like sardines.
it hasn’t even got seats for us all
we would need a seat for the baby if we still had it.
Tell the politician that, there aren’t even baby seats.
Don’t worry, I am remembering that we lost the baby, but even still –
Dana
I guess it is what makes it worth their while. They are taking a risk after all
Jasmine
we are taking a risk
this boat should have been rebuilt years ago
maybe we should try and get near an edge, then if anything happens we can try and grab one of the life rings.
Dana
we can’t move
I don’t think we should try and move now
Jasmine
did you say if I liked boats?
Dana
I said you loved them
Jasmine
I feel quite sick
Dana
you’ll be fine
hang on to my hand.
Jasmine hangs on to Dana’s hand.
Jasmine
if the baby was here we would have to hang on to it very tight. make sure it didn’t go near the edge. This would be a terrible journey with a baby
Dana
you remember that we lost the baby?
Jasmine
of course I do.
I was just telling the baby we lost it. It’s a naughty baby, keeps forgetting.
there is nothing wrong with me
Dana
I know
Jasmine
will they be glad to see us when we get to Alexandria?
Dana
maybe
Jasmine
I hope so. All this way.
I want a clean bed with clean sheets
Dana
granted
Jasmine
a house with a back yard, maybe a swing
Dana
OK
Jasmine
fresh water out of a tap, bread
just like at home
shoes that don’t make my feet bleed
Dana
once I get the job, it will all be sorted
Jasmine
we won’t ever be going back home, will we?
Dana
I don’t think there is anything left for us there.
Beat.
Jasmine
I don’t like the idea of not existing.
of being a person but not a person. Like the baby
Dana
the baby –
Jasmine
is dead I know, whereas we –
we’ll just be illegal. I understand.
Dana
when we get there, it will get better.
it will all feel better
There is a sudden jolt.
Jasmine
what was that?
Dana
what?
Jasmine
that bump
Dana
we’re out on the open sea, there are bound to be some bumps
Jasmine
I wish I could swim
Dana
if anything goes wrong, you grab a life ring
Jasmine
what about the baby?
Dana
we don’t have the baby remember
Jasmine
oh yes, I forgot again. Silly baby made me forget.
they’re greedy the people who run this ship. There’s no cover, not enough life-jackets, nowhere to sit
Dana
it doesn’t matter how we get there, we just get there OK?
Jasmine
OK.
The Librarian comes and taps Dana on the shoulder.
Dana
not now
Librarian
you’ll need a book
Dana
I don’t want a book
I am getting out of this. When we are there
Librarian
Rough Crossings for the Weak in Spirit
Dana
we aren’t weak in spirit
I need to hold my sister’s hand
Librarian
OK, How to Spot Danger and Do Something about It
Dana
we aren’t in danger
the sea is alright, it’s a short crossing, we go via Crete
Librarian
How to Spot Rocks in the Dark
Dana
there aren’t any rocks
Librarian
How to Spot Rocks You Can’t See, though technically this is a guide to navigational techniques and this boat doesn’t have any, so –
Dana
this boat doesn’t have any?
Librarian
they have a compass and some other stuff
I might have a book on that.
oh, people are puking, do you want something on how to stop getting covered in vomit in an open-aired vessel?
Dana
not really.
Librarian
OK.
How to Hold Your Breath for a Very Long Time
Dana
I don’t need to hold my breath, why would I need to hold my breath?
Librarian
you need to hold your breath for a very long time, Dana
<
br /> Dana
I am out in the air, I don’t need to hold my breath see, I am breathing
Librarian
hold your breath now, Dana
hold your breath for a very long time
The interview lights come back on.
Dana is drenched, and standing there sopping wet.
Interviewer 1
Ms Edwards
Dana
yes
Interviewer 1
you seem not to be breathing.
Dana
I am breathing.
I’m holding my breath
Interviewer 1
you seem to be going under
Dana
I’m not going under
Interviewer 2
if this means you can’t give your presentation, this will cause us no end of headache
Dana
I’ll give my presentation
Interviewer 2
you seem to be still, Ms Edwards
Dana
I’m not still
Interviewer 1
you seem to be being pulled under, there are others screaming but you don’t seem to be one of them
Dana
I’m screaming but it’s hard when you are holding your breath
Interviewer 1
no words are coming.
Interviewer 3
Ms Edwards
Dana
I’m holding my breath, how can words be coming out of my mouth
Interviewer 2
you needed to hold your breath earlier
Dana
I’m holding it now
Interviewer 1
the water as you hit it caused you shock
Interviewer 3
you got swept away, you hit your head
Dana
no that is not right
I’m holding my breath
I’m holding my breath
I’m holding my breath.
TWENTY
The demon is behind Dana.
He picks her up and carries her like a small child.
She is inert.
And soaking wet. Hair bedraggled.
He is dressed in uniform. He works for the UN.
As he carries her forward a trolley is brought. A rough-and-ready hospital is created.
The demon puts Dana on the hospital trolley.
A woman Doctor comes and checks her over.
Jarron
she was a migrant
Doctor
we don’t have her name?
Jarron
I don’t think so, no
Doctor
well I doubt anyone will bother with dental records.
We’ll just put ‘unknown woman’ on the death certificate. Cause of death?