Walking Away

by Xavier Neal

  “Stop fucking saying you’re fine, Gwenny and answer the goddamn question!”

  Instinct to rip him apart rears his ugly head. “What the fuck do you even care? What the fuck are you doing here? What-”

  “Enough!” Jason roars again. “We can go over that bullshit later! Right now, I wanna hear what the hell happened to our wife!” He rolls himself closer. “Do you hear me? Are you fucking listening?” The harshness in his speech snakes around my lungs and squeezes. “I wanna know how close we were to losing you. To losing a piece of us permanently.”

  I fight past my clogged vocal chords. “I was on my way to meet Willow for a buy when a disgruntled man, whose name I will not mention because the last thing I need is for either of you hunting him down and killing him out of revenge, violently attacked me. He was…upset at the way we last crossed paths. He managed to…get a hold of my wrists. My neck. My…” the word lingers on the tip of my tongue longer than I can stomach, “breast.”

  “He’s a dead man,” Hudson grunts.

  “I was able to get a few kicks in and a solid punch. Storm appeared to do the rest. And before you even bother asking, he originally was escorting me, but forgot his phone at the office, so I told him to go back and that I’d just meet him at the restaurant.”

  Jason shakes his head disapprovingly. “How many fucking times are we gonna go through this, Gwendolyn.”

  “God, I hate when you call me that. It makes me feel like a misbehaving child.”

  “Good,” his tone remains clipped. “That’s exactly what you’re acting like.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You are not indestructible. You’re not the woman of steel. You aren’t fucking bullet proof, baby! Your flesh and blood! You’re our flesh and blood! You’re what makes our goddamn hearts pound in our chest and just the idea of having anything happen to you feels like someone trying to rip it out. Acknowledge the fact you are indeed human and stop traipsing around the fucking city without the hired Seal at your side!”

  “Having him there doesn’t make you look weak, Gwenny,” Hudson takes over the lecturing. “It makes you look strong. It makes you look like you know what the fuck you’re doing. It makes the outside world believe you’re so fucking valuable you can’t be left alone.”

  “And you are,” Jason reiterates. “To your fucking clients. To your fucking staff. To us.”

  I stifle the sobs in my throat and simply nod my agreement.

  “Now let’s see those injuries.” He rolls over, while Hudson continues to linger near the door as if preparing to exit at any minute. As if just waiting for another moment to sneak out of our lives undetected. The accusation is prevented from being spewed thanks to Jason’s command. “Wrist.”

  Shoving both hands out in front of me showcases the bruise to all of us.

  Jason doesn’t hide his growl. Afterward, his eyes lift to my neck. “Wipe away the makeup.”

  My fingers rub away what I managed to cover, and the exposed marks collect another round of growls.

  “Definitely, a dead man,” Hudson grumbles.

  “Hands on the desk. Dress up.”

  I continue allowing Jason to examine the damage done by following his instructions.

  A gust of cool air crosses my bare cheeks at the same time Hudson groans, “Damn it, Gwenny. I don’t know whether to be turned on or pissed off.”

  Turning my face over my shoulder, I snap, “Fucking neither.”

  Jason’s fingers brushing across the scrapes summon my eyes to his. The pain planted in them prompts me to plead, “I’ll be okay, babe. Really.”

  His bottom lip momentarily disappears from sight. He gently grazes the one closest to my hip and whimpers, “Good.”

  Our minor moment of solace is severed by one word. “That.”

  I allow my dress to drop back to my ankles and turn to face him. “What?”

  “That.” His voice is caked in agony. “That is the reason I left and haven’t called.”

  Perplexed at what he’s trying to convey I simply stare on in silence.

  “I told you both I didn’t wanna be an accessory to your marriage.”

  “You’re not!” my voice screeches.

  “Really? Because that’s not how it fucking felt when you two made love last week. When you two were celebrating over the fact Jason could fucking fuck again. When you two held each other and fucking cried without so much as a goddamn glance my direction.” He bitterly looks at Jason. “Congrats on the dick by the way.” His hands are violently shoved into his pockets as he snaps his face back to me. “How the fuck can you stand there and tell me you two still love me and need me when you made it abundantly clear you don’t.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me right now?” Consternation clouds my expression. “How the fuck are you gonna stand there and act like we committed some sort of cardinal sin for having sex with each other?”

  “Because-”

  “No! There’s nothing you can say that will justify the tantrum you’re fucking throwing over this. For some reason you let your pride or your ego bully you into forgetting that this relationship isn’t all about you. That there are always three of us in it. That sometimes two engage in moments without the third! How many mornings have I rushed to work and left you two tangled in the sheets, huh? Or how about the fact the two of you got to support group meetings without me? Or sporting events-”

  “You don’t even fucking like sports!”

  “No! I don’t! But did it ever occur to you maybe I would like to be included in what has sparked Jason’s interest in wanting to be a bigger part of the disabled community? That I might want to see what had me buying him books about training for sports involving wheelchairs?”

  Hudson’s expression instantly becomes stunned.

  “And since your hang up seems centered around sex, let me just remind you about the evenings we fucked on the couch when Jason fell asleep early! The afternoons we shared in your apartment where he has never once been!”

  The guilt in his eyes intensifies.

  “What happened between me and Jason was no fucking different than any other time we’ve had sex except instead of having to use a big rubber dick I got to feel him inside of me again. I got to appreciate how far we’ve come. And if you’d stopped acting like a spoiled brat and said something sooner you would’ve got to appreciate it too!”

  Jason quietly adds, “We weren’t excluding you, Hudson. We would never do that. There is no us without you. You said it yourself. Our marriage as we knew it is dead. What we were sharing wasn’t meant to be anything more than another experience, an experience I hadn’t had in years. And instead of being a selfish prick and throwing a pity party because you aren’t the only one who gets to fuck Gwen’s pussy any more, you should’ve joined in! It wasn’t something we planned! It was something that just happened! That I couldn’t wait to have happen with you too!”

  The mixture of emotions on Hudson’s face makes it hard to gage what he’s going to throw out next. “I don’t wanna feel like I’m on the outside looking in. It’s hard enough being excluded during the doctor’s appointments because I’m technically not family or a spouse. It’s hard enough being called the boyfriend and knowing that’s as good as the label can ever fucking get because you’re already…married. Watching the two of you…together…has never bothered me before, but there was something different that night. It was like you had finally fixed what had been broken, resurrected your fucking marriage, and pushed me away without another goddamn thought.” He swallows what I imagine is his pride. “It hurt. And maybe I was wrong-”

  “Dead fucking wrong,” I bite. “In fact, let me show you just how much.”

  His eyebrows furrow.

  Walking over to my vault, I quickly key in the code, and slip inside to grab three tiny ring size velvet boxes. I place the purple and blue ones on my desk and march over to Hudson to shove the gray one against his chest. “Happy fucking birthday, Hudson.”

  There�
��s no vacillation over opening the box.

  As soon as his eyes settle on the object, I announce, “Rings. I got us all rings to wear.”

  He lifts his hazel eyes to me.

  “You see, just like Jason said, you were right a few months ago when you said our marriage was over. When you insisted we treat each other equally. And I don’t know how it feels, but I can imagine it hurts when you’re not thought of as the spouse or even have the opportunity to truly be acknowledge as a significant other at all. So, I talked to Jason about it, and he agreed that you should both be called my husband if that’s what you’re willing to be. I told him I wanted to sell my engagement ring and both our bands to have new rings made for the three of us. Rings that we all would wear on our left hand. Rings that have the word ‘Theirs’ engraved on them. Yours has Blondie and Gwenny engraved on the inside. Jason’s has Gwen and Hudson. And mine has Jason and Hudson. We were each going to ask you to be our husband.”

  “To be the man we could always depend on in our lives,” Jason’s voice trembles.

  “Despite the fact, we already exchanged vows a long time ago, we knew they no longer applied. We knew…,” my voice trails off, “that we wanted- no- needed to make new ones with you.”

  “But then you jumped ship like some fucking pompous coward. Apparently, you could convince me to man the fuck up, but never learned to do it yourself.”

  His voice cracks, “I’m sorry.”

  Jason shakes his head yet it’s me who verbally retorts, “It’s gonna take a helluva lot more than an apology to make this right.”

  Hudson crosses over to both of us, slams the ring down on the desk, and drops to his knees afterwards. “I want to spend the rest of my life with the both of you. And I guess….I guess I let the fear that maybe you two didn’t want that with me blind me from the truth. I guess part of me…a bigger part than I care to admit, still worries one day you’ll realize you don’t fucking need me to make this work anymore.”

  “We need you to make this work because without you there is nothing to make work,” Jason snaps. “We had to wrap our minds around that, now it’s your turn. Get it through your thick skull that there is no two here. Only three. If you leave us, then what would be left, would have to be thrown away and started from scratch.”

  “Our relationship is all three of us, all the time, Hudson. There is never a moment we don’t wanna share with you.”

  The tears in his voice demolish the last of my anger. “I love you both so much it fucking terrifies me.”

  Jason lets the corner of his lip kick up. “Welcome to marriage.”

  I hide my snicker behind my hand.

  “You can’t let your fear-”

  “Or your pride-”

  “Overshadow your faith and love,” Jason finishes. “That’s when relationships fail. You helped teach us that now fucking implement it yourself.”

  He promptly nods. “Let me spend the rest of our lives proving that I can.”

  Joy jumps into my eyes yet I try to play it cool. “You um…wanna be our husband?”

  Hope lingers anxiously on his complexion. “If you’ll both still have me.”

  Jason and I exchange a warm look.

  While this is not at all how we wanted this to go, it almost makes more sense. Nothing with Hudson ever seems to go according to plan. That’s one of the things we love most about him. Hell, it’s one of the things we need from him. He keeps us on our toes and we remind him how to stand steady on his.

  “Get up,” Jason quietly commands. Once he’s back on his feet he continues, “Get Gwen’s ring and put it half way on her.”

  Hudson reaches for the purple box to the side of me and pulls it out. Our eyes lock yet he seems unsure of how to proceed.

  “Try to avoid the word fuck and say something semi romantic,” Jason teases.

  He shoots him daggers then takes my left hand into his. Hudson doesn’t stall this time when it comes to speaking, “Gwendolyn Kincaid, my Gwenny…”

  It’s impossible to not swoon at the combination of the tone and nickname.

  “I’m an asshole. I’ve been an asshole from the moment we met face to face, yet you always manage to see me for more. To see my potential. To see past my flaws and love me anyway. I love you for that and so much more. You are half of my heart and soul and with this ring, I swear to make sure you never forget that.” He guides it to the middle of my finger, drops a soft kiss on my lips, and then places my hand in Jason’s.

  “Gwendolyn Kincaid,” he sighs heavily yet happily. “I almost lost you once, but I swear with this ring, I will never do anything that may cause me to lose you again. You are worth fighting for. You are worth living for. I love you, baby. You are half of my heart and soul.” As soon as the object is locked in place, he presses his lips softly to mine.

  When I pull back, I wipe away a fallen tear and reach for Jason’s ring box. I take the ring and slide it half way on his finger. “Jason Kincaid….It is my job to find things that have been lost or stolen yet I never managed to find our love when it went missing. And for that I’m glad. Because what we have now is more remarkable than anything we could’ve ever had before. Because what we have now is stronger, more passionate, and worth going to the ends of the earth every day of the week to recover. With this ring, I swear I will never let our love be lost. I love you, babe. You are half of my heart and soul.”

  Jason’s green eyes water but the rest of his face remains completely content. Our lips gravitate to one another’s again and a slight wetness brushes against my cheek.

  He didn’t cry at our first ceremony….And now I know why. Our marriage was incomplete then. But it’s not now.

  Hudson steps to my side, and I pass our husband’s hand to his. “Jason Kincaid…my Blondie. The man that proved to me who you fall for has nothing to do with what’s on the outside and everything to do with who they are. I never once pictured being with a man and now I can never picture my life without one. But not just any one. You. The man who makes me laugh. The man who gives my own stubbornness a run for its fucking money. The man who I watch prove to the entire world miracles are possible, especially when you don’t give up. With this ring, I swear to never give up on us again. I love you. You are half of my heart and soul.” The ring finds it’s home and mere seconds later so do their lips. Like the others that have been shared it is brief but intimate.

  I grab Hudson’s ring box and offer Jason the opportunity to go first. He removes the object, reaches for Hudson’s trembling hand, and looks up at him with mirth in his eyes. “Nervous?”

  He gives his tie an adjustment. “A little. Never expected to get married.”

  The question leaves my lips with sadness dripping from it. “Changing your mind?”

  “Fuck no.” He states proudly. “It’s all just…surreal.”

  “Perfect word for you, Hudson Wheeler. From the moment you crashed into my life that’s all it’s been. Every push, every argument, every laugh, every…kiss feels like I’m stuck in a dream state I never wanna wake up from. You are walking and cursing proof that sometimes you don’t even realize something important is missing in your life until it is literally knocking on your door. I love you. And with this ring, I swear to you that I will do everything I can to make our life together a walking dream come true. You are half of my heart and soul.” The ring reaches its half way point and their lips lock again. They both let out a soft grumble that sends chills down my spine. Jason passes our husband’s hand to me with a wide grin.

  He can’t resist from smirking. “Gwenny….”

  “Oh, Hudson Wheeler. You know exactly all the buttons to push all the time. You know when I need to smile and when I need to cry. You know when it’s time to take me and time to let me do the taking. You stood your ground in my life and reminded me how important it is to stand my own. With this ring, I swear I’m not going anywhere. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not in this life time. I love you. You are half of my heart and soul.” The jewelry is barel
y in position before his mouth is on top of mine.

  While the kiss is shorter than I like it is a good reminder we should probably head home and away from my assistant’s ear that I’m sure is pressed to the door.

  “We are officially married,” Jason announces on a chuckle.

  Well official as it’s gonna get. Marrying multiple people is still technically illegal, but it doesn’t mean what we just did is some sort of crime. I like to believe that law is to keep people from ripping off the government not to keep from tying themselves to those they love.

  “Does this mean I need to change my last name?” Hudson jokes, but the hint of seriousness isn’t missed.

  Jason lifts his eyebrows. “Do you want to?”