A Love Like This

by Kahlen Aymes

  He wasn’t going to be happy. Now our plans on Sunday were screwed. We’d planned to do early Christmas shopping and he wanted me to make the cranberry and white chocolate cookies he loved. Then there would have been the hours lying in each other’s arms in front of the fireplace. Ryan had been so happy when I called him yesterday and told him I’d be coming home a few days early. I wanted to surprise him, but I couldn’t keep it to myself. Now it was pretty much ruined.

  My heart dropped into my stomach in a sickening sort of way. Don’t be mad at me, baby, I silently begged him in my mind. But, of course, I knew he’d be livid.

  Mike stormed into my office without knocking, loudly banging through the door and I jumped in my chair. “What the hell, Julia? Andrea called and said I had to get in here immediately, but wouldn’t say why. What’s going on?” he said impatiently. “It’s a good thing I was already in Manhattan having lunch with a friend.”

  “Hmmm… yes.” He was dressed casually, but always trendy. He certainly looked the part of a swank, fashion photographer, his hair in a modern cut that he managed with gel. “Well, the shoot last Wednesday? Did you look at the program I left?”

  His face creased. “What? I did.” He shook his head. “The models were from Ford, I let the make-up people do their thing per your instructions. I didn’t do shit but take pictures. What was wrong with it?”

  “Only the wrong wardrobe, wrong designer.”

  He was incredulous and his surprise showed on his face. “Holy fuck! No way!”

  “Yeah. No big deal, right? This is a hot mess.”

  Mike fell down into one of the leather chairs opposite my desk. “Crap, Julia. I’m… sorry.”

  I shrugged. “Let’s just get it fixed and then we can try to find out how it happened.”

  My phone rang and I could see from the caller ID it was Andrea. “Hey, what’d you find out?” I said the minute I picked up the phone.

  “Bad news. Kent said the cover is printed and already been shipped to bindery to wait for the pages. You know the drill. We’re stuck with the features and the page count now.”

  “Crap.” I leaned forward on my elbows and inhaled until I thought my lungs might burst. “Okay, get on the phone and see if we can get the same models back for the weekend. Whatever day, it doesn’t matter. I’ve got Mike with me so I can deliver the happy news to him, but line up the make-up, set and lighting people for the day you can get the models confirmed.”

  Andrea groaned. “They’re gonna complain because it’s so close to Thanksgiving. I can hear it all now.”

  “It can’t be helped. I’m not happy about it either. It will be expensive, but at least we don’t have to tell the designer. Just get on the phone to Paris and tell the house that we’re having some delays getting the garments back to them, but we will send them on Monday. Apologize profusely for that, but don’t tell them what happened.”

  “Okay, will do,” she answered.

  “Thanks. You rock, girl.” I hung up the phone and looked back at the man sitting across from me. He was running a thumb across his lower lip, his eyes raking over me. I looked very different than he was used to seeing me.

  “Cancel your plans, lover-boy. Your new honey will have to cool her jets this weekend.”

  “I gathered. How was Spain?”

  “Gorgeous. It’s beautiful there. I really want to take Ryan back if I ever get a vacation from this place.”

  “What about the work?” He raised his eyebrows in question.

  “Are you still mad at me because you didn’t get to go? I needed you here.”

  “And look how well that turned out,” Mike stated the obvious with a smirk and incredulous expression.

  Smart ass.

  “Yes,” I answered, sarcasm lacing my tone. “The settings at Gibraltar were amazing, but the photographer wasn’t you. Satisfied?” I bit my lip and tried not to smile.

  “No! But that helped a little. What are you doing here, anyway? Trouble in paradise?” Mike asked sardonically.

  “No.” I shook my head and smiled brightly. “No trouble at all. Bliss, just not enough time. It’s not bad enough that Ryan lives at the hospital, but then I have this type of shit to deal with! Any ideas on what caused it?”

  Mike’s brow dropped slightly as he considered the question and he shook his head. “Ah… nothing. I followed the logs. Who was in charge of them? Andrea?”

  I shoved my chair back from my desk and picked up one of his photos. They really were incredible. Too bad they couldn’t be used. “Not Andrea. I’d trust her with anything. Look how well she did when I had the accident. Nothing went wrong at all during those months, right?”

  “Nothing to this magnitude; but it wasn’t perfect. I’m sure Meredith didn’t want to bog you down with the details.”

  “Hmmm. I guess. I’ll let you know if it’s Saturday or Sunday for the shoot. Thanks for coming in.”

  “Julia, it’s good to have you back.” His eyes roamed over my body suggestively. “You look good.”

  “Happiness will do that for you!” I shot back. “See you this weekend.”

  I decided that I might as well leave the office, so after one last check-in with Andrea and I’d answered all of the pressing emails, I was out the door. The wind was brisk as I hailed a cab that would take me home, hoping that I’d find my luggage waiting for me with the concierge.

  I pulled my phone out and looked at it longingly. No word from my husband yet. He must be incredibly busy or he would have called by now. Ugh.

  I watched the people rush over the crosswalks in droves as the cab stopped at the light. The buildings, cars and people melted into a blur as I lost myself in my thoughts. I missed Ryan and ached to get my arms around him, to feel his body cover mine. I closed my eyes and rested my head against the back of the seat, silently wishing it was the middle of the night and Ryan was finally joining me in our big bed. The hours would drag until then.

  At home, I busied myself with calling my parents and Ellie to check in. My parents still required I call at the end of a journey to let them know I was safe and I wanted to see how Ellie was doing. She seemed a little better, but rattled about a new celebrity client. The woman was a big name, so she should have been ecstatic, but her voice was decidedly flat. My heart was still aching for her, but part of me wanted to yell at her to get her head out of her ass.

  In my heart, I knew Harris was loyal to her. So why didn’t she?

  I’d just spent every non-working moment in Spain trying to convince her. I felt bad for both of them, but they were both so stubborn. There was a real chance that they would break up for good if neither of them were willing to compromise. The situation made me sad and long for Ryan’s arms around me. I could think of nothing more important to me than him. Nothing I wouldn’t sacrifice to be with him.

  I sighed as the doorbell rang. It was the bellman with my luggage and I took it from him gratefully, then went to my purse for a tip.

  “Thank you, Brian.” I smiled at the teenager. He smiled shyly and nodded but didn’t say anything.

  I needed to unpack and do the laundry and then make myself a light dinner. Alone. Again.

  The emptiness of the apartment screamed Ryan’s absence like a banshee. Ryan left the bed unmade and after I toted the bag in and dropped it on the floor, I fell upon it, wrapping my arms around the pillow and filling my lungs with his familiar scent. Yum.

  I was tired and I could fall asleep immersed in the bed he’d vacated pretending he was with me, wound up with my body. My eyes were heavy, as I rolled further into the pillows and let them drift shut, my breathing getting deeper. It was six hours later in Barcelona and so the jet lag was bound to be an issue. If I slept now I would be awake when Ryan finally came home around two in the morning. Yes… this was a good idea.

  I peeled the latex gloves off as I left the examining room. It had been a hellaciously busy day and it was only dinner time. I looked longingly at the clock. I’d been on for almost twelve hours
and still had eight more to go.

  I was excited when Julia told me that she was coming home three days early, but I’d carefully arranged my schedule with the other residents and the attending so that I’d be off on Sunday, the day after she was supposed to arrive.

  “Jane,” I spoke to one of the nurses, “I’m going to take a break for a few minutes. My wife is getting back from Spain and I need to see if she called. I’ll be right back.”

  “Sure, Ryan.” The pretty blonde smiled at me. She was a very good nurse, competent and efficient; two traits extremely important to work in emergency medicine. I could count on her to be steady and focused. She didn’t get rattled like some of the others. A few were so scattered, I wondered how in the hell they ever made it through school.

  “Page me if I’m needed.” She nodded and I rushed to the physician’s lounge so I could retrieve my phone from my locker. I rubbed the back of my neck as I walked down the sterile hallway, the white floor shining in the bright florescent light. “Uhhh…” I sighed as I pushed the door open.

  It was a large room with lockers on one wall and a few tables with counters, a refrigerator, cupboards and a microwave on the opposite side. There was a television and a few recliners on one end and a door leading into a couple of small rooms with cots where the residents could rest when we were on call. I sometimes felt like I spent more time in these rooms than in my own apartment.

  Caleb Montgomery, one of the other residents, was coming out of a sleeping room. He was a small kid, almost scrawny with red-rimmed eyes and hunched shoulders, easily six inches shorter than me. He was third year, and even though two years my senior, he seemed younger, somehow. He was a genuinely nice guy and we became fast friends when I offered to share some of Julia’s cheesecake a couple of months back.

  “Hey, Ryan. How long you been on?”

  I continued my walk to my locker. “A little more than twelve hours. You?”

  “Just ten. I have a couple more then I’m outta here. Do you have any of Julia’s deliciousness with you?” Caleb asked with a smirk.

  I smiled as I fumbled with the padlock. “Not today. She’s been in Spain all week. I haven’t seen her.”

  “Spain, huh?”

  I flipped my phone open and saw a text from her. She’d paged me earlier, but I couldn’t get to my phone to call her back.

  I’m back in town. Cluster at the office. AGAIN. Going straight there from JFK. Home later. Can’t wait to see your handsome face. Love you, BB. XXOOXX!

  I sighed and then registered Caleb’s words. “Yeah. She was working on a shoot in Gibraltar and Barcelona.”

  “Sounds like a rough gig.”

  “It can be. Coordinating our schedules can be murder.” He made no move to leave so I decided to go into one of the sleeping rooms to call her. “Hey, man, I need to call Julia. Will you excuse me?”

  He smirked at me. “Sure, I understand. Does she look as good as she cooks?” I laughed and went back to the locker. I pulled out my wallet, flipping it open to the photo just on the inside and handed it to him. It was the close up of her outside of Harvard that Mike had taken of just her face, veil and flowers. Caleb’s appreciation was apparent in the low whistle that came out.

  “Wow. She’s a beauty.”

  I just smiled and took the wallet back when he was finished. “Thanks, I have to agree.” He moved past me to leave the room and I continued toward one of the sleeping rooms to place the call. The light was low, only a small built-in fixture strip at the top of the shortest wall. It was designed to give enough light to get around, but dark enough to sleep easily. The doors were heavy and the space small, only slightly wider than the single cot along one wall. I sat down and hit the speed dial to reach Julia.

  It rang several times and then went to voicemail. I sank down on the cot and leaned back slightly. I was disappointed. I wanted to hear her voice. I missed her and longed to hear more about her trip. It was bad enough when I couldn’t see her, but I absolutely hated it when I couldn’t talk to her. My eyes burned from tiredness and my stomach grumbled. I’d hoped that Julia would be able to pop in for dinner with me, even though I hated when she came down here alone in the evenings. I needed to set eyes on her. I pressed redial and this time when it went to voicemail I left a message.

  “Hey, sweets. I’m sorry I couldn’t call before. It’s been so busy, but hopefully it will settle down now. I’m going to grab some dinner and then I’ll try to call again. I’m beat, but if I can, I’ll try to catch a couple hours of sleep here later so I can be up with you when I get home. I love you, baby.”

  I rubbed my stomach as it grumbled again wondering what delicacies they’d managed to dredge up in the cafeteria tonight. The food at St. Vincent’s wasn’t horrible, but I was sick of it; the same things over and over, week after week. Ugh. When Julia was traveling, I was left at its mercy.

  I couldn’t wait for Sunday. We had the whole day together and I knew she’d spoil me with something delicious. And lots of sex. I grinned to myself as I imagined her warm and soft in my arms, murmuring my name in that enticing, guttural moan I loved. Suddenly I was hungry for more than just food.

  I longed for the days when I could just walk across campus to her dorm or the few blocks between our apartments in the last two years at Stanford. I took her presence for granted then, never realizing how much I would miss it. I huffed in self-annoyance. I was married to the woman of my dreams and I was whining like a baby. “Stupid ass,” I muttered.

  I pushed off of the cot to head back to the ER. It wasn’t busy. The nurses were hanging out at the nurse’s station and Caleb was leaning against it with his hip, leisurely sipping coffee, listening to them with interest. He had a crush on Jane. I recognized the way he looked at her as the same way I used to drool over Julia before she knew how I really felt about her.

  I didn’t wait to be invited into their conversation. I was tired and I really wanted the time alone. “Do we have anything inbound that we know about?”

  “Nope.” Beth, a young nursing assistant, piped up. “Thank goodness.”

  The ambulance dispatch or the public services, police and fire departments, usually alerted the hospital if they had any critical issues on the way in. “Okay then. Since it’s slow right now, I’m going to run down to the cafeteria. I haven’t eaten all day.”

  “Sure, Ryan,” Caleb nodded in acknowledgement.

  I made eye contact so he knew that I heard him and then turned around and walked out the double doors that separated the emergency department from the rest of the hospital.

  The cafeteria was several floors down and in the opposite wing of the hospital. It took a good ten minutes to walk there. The hospital halls were quiet and the lobbies empty with only one or two visitors roaming the halls. Visiting hours were over and only the more critical care patients or emergency patients were allowed to have visitors. The administration staff was gone and only one admissions clerk remained in the department for emergencies to be admitted as needed.

  “Ryan…” I heard some footsteps behind me and Jane’s voice calling after me. I stopped and glanced over my shoulder.

  “Yes? Do they need me in ER?” I asked anxiously as I paused in the hallway.

  “No. But I haven’t eaten either. Want some company?” She was half running down the long corridor toward me, her long ponytail wagging behind her.

  “Sure, that’s fine.”

  Jane smiled and I resumed walking when she reached me, but truthfully, I didn’t feel much like conversation or company. I could tell she wanted to talk. We knew each other a little bit, talked a little over coffee or hanging out in the ER between patients, but it had been pretty impersonal. Except for the day I lost my first patient. Jane was working on the little girl with me and had been the one to call time of death, practically pulling me off as I continued to work on her. It still hurt to think about it. Especially after what happened later when Julia remembered losing our baby.

  “Rough day, huh?” she ask
ed, and it was clear that I wasn’t the only one who felt uncomfortable. She’d arrived at work several hours after I did. The nurses worked three twelve-hour days, but the residents practically lived at the damn hospital. Someday you’ll make the big bucks, I reminded myself.

  “Not terrible. Surprisingly, no trauma. Usually we have three or four really bad cases a day.” I ran my hand through my hair as we entered the cafeteria. It smelled good, even if the flavor of it was less than appetizing. I smiled weakly. “Of course, you know that right? You’ve been here longer than I have.”

  “Yes. Almost five years.”

  I looked at the menu for the day. Standard hospital fare: Meatloaf, hot turkey sandwiches, lasagna, some sort of Mexican glop that was supposed to be enchiladas, burgers, chicken sandwiches and then the sandwich and salad bar. I ordered a grilled chicken sandwich, and to my surprise, Jane got the glop.

  I didn’t realize it, but my face must have reflected my horror because she laughed. “You don’t like enchiladas?”

  “Is that what that is?” I joked lightly. “It looks like barf.”

  “I’ll let you know in a minute.” She chuckled lightly.

  We each paid for our own meals and then found a table near one of the windows. I pulled my pager off of my belt and sat it on the table next to my tray. No word from Julia yet. This was weird and I was starting to worry slightly. I sighed loudly as I picked up the top half of the bun and opened one of those little packets of mayonnaise.

  “What’s the matter?”

  “I’m expecting a call. Julia was out of town all week and got back today. She has some issue at her job and so I’m not sure if she’s home yet.”

  “Julia’s your wife?” She glanced at the platinum and diamond band on my left hand.