With Love at Christmas

by Carole Matthews

  ‘Do you see him now?’

  ‘That was one of my reasons for moving out of the city. He knew where to find me and often did when he’d had a few bevvies too many.’

  ‘Couldn’t you have gone back home then?’

  ‘My mum’s into her vodka more than she is having a teenage kid with a daughter of her own. She’s not exactly ideal grandmother material.’

  Rick thought about how nurturing his own wife was with Jaden.

  ‘When she was drunk and out of it, my stepdad often got a bit too touchy-feely. If you know what I mean,’ Lisa went on. ‘It might be hard, but Izzy and me, we’re better off on our own.’

  He looked round him. If the girl really thought like that, then things must have been pretty rough before.

  Lisa yawned. ‘I guess we should get some sleep. I’m usually well in the land of nod by now.’

  He guessed that sleep was a blessed escape from such a bleak existence.

  ‘I’ve got blankets for us both,’ she said, and padded across the floor to retrieve them from behind the sofa where the duvet had been stashed. ‘This is a nice one.’

  Lisa handed him a loosely knitted throw. It was nice. But it also felt cold and damp. Christ, this wasn’t good for either of them.

  ‘Going to risk the bathroom?’

  ‘Yeah,’ Rick said.

  ‘It’s at the top of the stairs. I put a clean towel out for you. Good luck. I’ll boil a pan of water for us all in the morning.’

  Rick took a candle and made his way up the stairs. Lisa was right. It was bitterly cold. In the bathroom, he did what he had to, but his resolve to have a good wash evaporated in the chilly air. He quickly rinsed his face in the icy water and rubbed it over with the threadbare towel. Tomorrow would be fine for him too.

  Back in the living room, Lisa was already curled under a blanket on her chair. He did the same.

  ‘It’s a good job it’s bedtime. I think the candles are just about to give up the ghost.’ She blew the remains of hers out. ‘Night, Rick.’

  ‘Goodnight, Lisa.’

  ‘Sleep tight,’ she said. ‘Don’t let the bed bugs bite.’

  He felt like crying. Of course, he’d known that their situation was bad, he just hadn’t realised quite how bad. He thought of his wife, and how much he’d like to be curled up next to her in his nice warm bed in his nice warm house. What he needed to do was talk to Juliet about Lisa and the child. See if there was something they could do to help. He should have done it long before. As soon as he got home tomorrow, he’d sit Juliet down and tell her all about it.

  Chapter Forty-Seven

  It’s the weekend before Christmas, and I’ve still got so much left to do that you wouldn’t believe it.

  Normally, I won’t go near the shopping centre this close to 25 December, but needs must. Chloe and I are going together, which undoubtedly means that my darling daughter is more than likely to swan off shopping by herself and leave me to wrestle Jaden’s pushchair in and out of the shops. Believe me, there’s going to be a serious regime-change round here when the second baby arrives. We’re taking my mother too, which I think is a bad idea, but I’ve left her alone enough with Dad this week, and he needs a break too.

  From the radio, it sounds as if the main roads are cleared now and the snowploughs and gritters have, finally, been out and about. Rick called first thing to say that he was making his way home, but that progress was slow on the country lanes. I’d hoped that he’d be here by now. As usual, there’s no sign of Tom, and I didn’t want to leave Dad by himself.

  ‘Chloe,’ I shout up the stairs. ‘Aren’t you ready yet?’

  ‘Keep your hair on, Mum,’ comes the reply.

  My mother appears at the top of the stairs and gingerly makes her way down. It breaks my heart to see how frail she’s becoming and how quickly. This is not the same woman who just a short time ago was taking on the outback of Australia with a toy-boy lover.

  She stands in front of me now dressed in pink ballet flats that I think must be Chloe’s. Beneath a floral skirt, she’s wearing grey trousers and her jumper is on backwards, the pretty embroidered design gracing her shoulder blades rather than her bosom.

  ‘I don’t think that’s quite right, Mum,’ I say. ‘You look as if you got dressed in the dark.’

  ‘Do I?’ She stares down at the trousers and skirt, seemingly perplexed at how they got there.

  ‘Let me turn your jumper round.’

  She strokes the front. ‘This is new. The purple sweater I had before was embroidered with flowers.’

  ‘You’ve got it on the wrong way round. Here, let me help.’

  Without protest, she lifts her arms and I tug it off and then swizzle the jumper round until the embroidery is in its rightful place.

  ‘You could take the skirt off too, Mum. It looks better with just the trousers.’ Again, she doesn’t move while I unbutton the skirt and then I help her step out of it. ‘That’s better.’ But when I look up, I see that my mother is crying. Silent tears roll down her face.

  ‘Oh, Mum. Don’t cry. It doesn’t matter. You look lovely now.’

  She starts to sob. Her small shoulders shake and I take her in my arms. ‘I think your father has another woman,’ she blurts out.

  ‘What?’ Hadn’t seen that one coming.

  ‘He talks about someone called Juliet all the time. I think he’s in love with her.’

  ‘Mum, I’m Juliet,’ I say.

  ‘You’re Juliet?’ She stares at me, aghast. ‘He’s in love with you? But you’re young enough to be his daughter.’

  ‘That’s because I am his daughter!’

  Mum looks at me blankly. It frightens me that there’s no recognition whatsoever in her eyes.

  ‘He’s my dad,’ I explain patiently. ‘I’m your daughter, Juliet.’

  ‘I wanted to look nice for him,’ she continues, sniffing sadly. ‘He doesn’t look at me the way he used to.’

  Wearing all of your wardrobe at once is never going to attract the kind of looks that she wants, but how can I begin to explain that? Instead, I simply hold Mum tightly. It’s no good: I need to take her to see the doctor. Perhaps there’s something he can do for her. If this is Alzheimer’s, then there are tablets you can get to help, aren’t there? Or are they something else that has disappeared with the cutbacks? It’s a nightmare to get an appointment to see our doctor at the best of times, and now I wonder if I’ll even be able to get a slot at the surgery before Christmas.

  ‘We’re going shopping, Mum,’ I remind her. I fish in my pocket and find a slightly crumpled but not much used tissue, and I wipe her eyes and face with it. It takes me back to when she’d do this for me as a child, except my mother would spit on the tissue first and rub much harder. ‘It’ll do you good to go out. I’ll treat us both to a nice cup of tea.’

  Her face brightens. ‘And cake?’

  ‘Yes. Of course we can have cake.’

  Chloe bounces down the stairs, Jaden in her wake. ‘Bloody hell, Gran. Have you been nicking my shoes again?’

  Mum looks down at her feet and, again, seems surprised at how her shoes have got there.

  ‘Chloe,’ I admonish. ‘Leave your gran alone.’

  ‘Yeah? See what you say when she starts pinching stuff out of your wardrobe.’

  ‘She doesn’t know what she’s doing,’ I whisper to her. ‘Be kind.’

  Chloe softens. ‘If you’re going to wear my shoes, Gran, let me pick them with you. I’ve got nicer ones than that.’

  My mother looks pleased by the thought, while I realise that I never imagined there would be a time in my life when shoes would become such an emotive issue.

  ‘Let’s get going,’ I say. ‘Otherwise we’ll never find a parking space.’ We’re just about to bundle out of the front door when I hear the sound of a key in the lock.

  It’s Rick. Home at last.

  ‘Hello, love,’ he says. ‘Made it.’

  He looks exhausted, drawn. I give him a hug
and feel my body tremble as we touch. I knew that I’d missed him overnight, but I hadn’t realised how worried I was about him. ‘I’m glad you’re home.’

  ‘The journey was terrible, and I had to borrow a spade to dig the van out of the snow. Nightmare.’

  ‘It looks like you’ve hardly slept a wink, too,’ I note. ‘Gan-Gan,’ Jaden says, holding out his hands.

  Rick lifts him up and hugs him tightly to him. ‘How’s my little man?’ Rick asks, and I’m surprised to see his eyes filling up with tears. ‘I missed you.’

  ‘Dad’s getting soft in his old age,’ Chloe quips.

  ‘Play trains, Gan-Gan?’

  ‘Later, Jaden,’ I intervene. ‘Grandad will play later.’ Now he looks like he needs a good rest. Then to Rick, ‘We were just on our way out. You can have a bit of peace for a couple of hours.’

  ‘Do you really need to? The roads are still pretty bad.’

  ‘We’re only going as far as the shopping centre. It’s my last chance before Christmas.’ We’re not closing the office until the day before Christmas Eve, and I’ll be too busy cooking on the 24th to contemplate doing anything else. ‘I won’t stay long. Dad’s still here. Can you keep an eye on him for me? I’ve given him his breakfast and he’s watching Saturday Kitchen.’

  Rick nods. ‘Perhaps I’ll take him out and get a Christmas light for the front of the house for Samuel. If he’s feeling up to it.’

  ‘That’d be nice. But don’t overdo it.’

  ‘Let’s get going,’ Chloe says. ‘We’re missing valuable retailtherapy time hanging about here.’

  I kiss Rick. ‘See you later, love.’

  Then, as Chloe takes Jaden outside, Rick pulls me to one side. ‘Juliet, can we grab five minutes to have a chat later?’

  ‘Of course we can. Is everything all right?’

  ‘It’s fine. Just something on my mind.’

  ‘You look so tired,’ I say, stroking his cheek. ‘Why don’t you go and have a nice hot bath and a lie-down? Did you not sleep well at the pub?’

  Rick shrugs. ‘So-so.’

  I touch his arm. ‘Take it easy today. You’ve had a busy week, and next week’s not looking much better.’

  ‘I might do that.’

  He looks teary and emotional. Not like Rick at all. ‘Are you sure everything’s OK?’

  ‘Yeah. Nothing to worry about.’ But, despite his reassurance, I still feel unsettled. ‘Was everything OK here?’ he says.

  ‘Yes, yes. Fine.’ I decide that now’s not the best time to tell him that we had another night-time intruder around his beloved shed.

  Then Rick’s phone beeps that he has a text message and we both stand and look at each other, but he makes no move to answer it. That’s the point when my stomach goes cold and I wonder whether he was really snowed in at Cublington Parslow, and if he spent the night at the pub at all.

  Chapter Forty-Eight

  Rick did as instructed and had a long hot bath. As he lay in there, among the bubbles, he thought about Lisa and Izzy, who didn’t have this luxury. When he got out, he rang Lisa’s landlord again. This time the man made the mistake of answering his phone and Rick gave him both barrels on her behalf. Despite his being a customer too, Rick threatened the guy with Environmental Health, Trading Standards and Watchdog. He felt a lot better for doing so. Hopefully, that should motivate him to go and fix Lisa’s boiler. He promised that he would. If not, he might well send Merak round there in his leather jacket and mean sunglasses. See if the threat of the ‘Russian mafia’ could motivate him to some compassion. He might take pleasure in going round to see the bloke himself.

  Rick grabbed a quick half-hour kip while Frank was engrossed in his television programme. Again, spending a night in an armchair was all right every now and then – particularly when the alternative was sleeping in a cold van – but it made him fuming mad to think that Lisa and her child were forced to do that when they were paying bloody good rent for somewhere to live and they were just being abused.

  When he finally went downstairs again, Frank was still sitting watching television with a cup of tea and a plate of biscuits by his side.

  ‘Fancy going out to look for a Christmas light for Samuel, Frank?’

  Juliet’s dad looked up. ‘In this weather?’

  ‘We’ll not go far. Just to B&Q. It’ll give you a breath of fresh air.’

  ‘I’ll put my coat on then.’ Frank ambled into the hall and Rick waited while he slowly shrugged on his smart black coat and placed his trilby at just the right angle. Even when Frank mowed the lawn, he always wore a shirt and tie.

  In the van, they headed into the city centre and to the retail park, where a number of the big outlets were situated. The snow had stopped for the time being and the roads, while not great, were more readily passable.

  Frank had to be the easiest company in the world. He just sat quietly in the passenger seat and watched the world go by. Rick had always got on well with Juliet’s dad. He was no trouble at all. Her mother – well, she was a different kettle of fish altogether.

  The two men toddled round B&Q together and looked at Christmas lights. Now that there was less than a week to go before the big day, the store looked like a plague of locusts had been through it. All the shelves had been picked clean of Christmas products but, thankfully, there was still a reasonable choice of lights left and – even better – they were now half price. There was nothing to compare with the audacious display that Neil Harrison had assembled, but Rick wasn’t going to go down without a fight.

  ‘See anything you think Samuel would have liked, Frank?’

  Together they pored over the boxes. Rick favoured a rope light to thread through the hedge. The multicoloured one with variable programmes was especially nice. Frank was leaning more towards the illuminated silhouettes, and kept coming back to a flashing HO-HO-HO in shocking pink.

  ‘That, I feel,’ Frank said, stroking his chin, ‘would be very Samuel.’

  ‘Why don’t we do up the shed in Samuel’s honour?’ Rick suggested. Why hadn’t he thought of it before? ‘We could really go to town then.’

  He realised that Neil Harrison wouldn’t be able to see it from his house, but that was hardly the point.

  Frank smiled and his eyes filled with tears. ‘That’d be lovely.’

  So they did indeed go to town, buying silhouettes, rope lights, a white sparkling star and even a stylised Christmas tree with a star to fix on the top. When they’d filled a trolley with their purchases, Rick pushed it towards the small café in the centre of the store.

  ‘Fancy a coffee here, Frank, while I just run off for five minutes and do a few chores?’

  ‘Oh, yes,’ Frank said. ‘Have they got any biscuits?’

  Rick bought him a cappuccino and chocolate-chip cookie and left his father-in-law looking after the trolley and flicking through a home furnishings catalogue that someone had left behind on the chair. Now that Frank was gay, Rick assumed that he’d be more interested in cushions than he’d previously been. He could also be completely wrong. Still, he needed a few minutes to himself, and Frank was always more than happy to entertain himself.

  Across the road from B&Q there was a big Matalan store. Rick bolted over there, weaving in and out of the queues of traffic waiting to go into the car park. There was a lot of honking of horns. The store was hot and crowded, and he felt panic sweep over him. Present-buying had never been his strong suit. He had no idea what Lisa and Izzy might like for Christmas, but he felt that he should get them both a little something. A token. He suspected there wouldn’t be much Christmas cheer in their household this year.

  Not really knowing what he was buying, he picked up what looked like a good thick jumper for Lisa. He was sure it was the sort of thing that Chloe would wear, so he hoped that meant it was trendy. For Izzy, he picked out a little outfit with matching trousers, sweater and hat. He avoided the obvious pink and went for something a little more serviceable in navy with yellow trim.

&nb
sp; There was a monster queue snaking halfway round the store, but it moved quickly and minutes later he was heading back to find Frank and pay for the Christmas lights. Merak collecting that money from his customers had helped to take a weight off his shoulders, and there was certainly less pressure on his finances than there had been. It gave him a lightness in his heart that he hadn’t previously realised was missing. He was only glad that he’d been able to give the lad a bit of a Christmas bonus too. Help him out. It was only right. He certainly deserved it.

  Frank was still sitting there waiting patiently when Rick returned. They paid for the lights – another queue – and were just heading for the car when Rick’s phone rang. It was Juliet.

  ‘Rick,’ she said, sounding totally stressed. ‘I need you to come quickly.’

  Cold dread gripped him. ‘What’s wrong?’

  ‘I’m in the shopping centre. John Lewis’s. Just get down here as fast as you can. You won’t believe what’s happened.’

  Chapter Forty-Nine

  I’m still frantically searching John Lewis’s when Rick arrives. I grab hold of him. ‘I’ve looked everywhere,’ I say. ‘Not a trace of her.’

  Mum has gone missing again.

  ‘They’re putting out announcements for her, but nothing yet.’

  ‘How long has she been gone?’ Rick wants to know.

  ‘Nearly half an hour now.’ It’s packed up at the shopping centre. Everyone is shuffling along cheek by jowl. Chloe had stopped to look at one of the make-up counters, and I was so worried about losing Jaden that I took my eye off Mum for one second and she’d gone.

  ‘I’ve tried her mobile, but that was a dead loss. It’s not switched on.’ I’ve told her a thousand times about that, but she doesn’t listen. If I’m honest, I don’t even know if she’s got her phone with her.